How much $ is given at weddings these days?

[iheartscience]

The idea of covering your plate seems weird to me, too, but I know it's the norm in some areas. I agree with others-it's a wedding, not a fundraiser! We wanted to throw a fun party to celebrate our marriage, and the gifts were great, but I would have still done it even if we didn't get a single gift!

Oh and I would NEVER put a note about registry information or about wanting cash only on an invitation.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Found a website that does the calculations for you...fyi.

theweddingenvelope.com
http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/calculator.php

It calculated that my dh and I should give $330. Interesting number LOL.



FPS-it depends on many factors so there is no black and white answer. I was just looking for opinions. Demographics really plays an important part. Thanks for your input.

A couple years ago, we were going to a relative's wedding. It was the first in a few years, and in a new, more expensive location. I happened to find that same gift calculator, or one like it. It gave me a very similar response. I just did it again, a few times for different locations and income levels, out of curiosity, and was interested to see that the suggested gift amounts were different by just $35.

I hadn't seen one of these calculators before. Do people actually think guests are going to go by these when planning a wedding? Just curious as I was suppose to give $395 on the last big wedding we went to. Ooops, I think I spent $25-30 at the shower and then $25ish for the wedding present. (lol) I also played around with the numbers - not enough income to live off of still said the gift should have been $295! I guess I am a bit stingy with weddings & adult gifts. I normally spend more on my kids' friends b-day presents than I do at adult weddings.

 

[partgypsy]

I would say around here cash gifts would be from $25 to $100 depending on how well you know the couple.

I don't understand where these 200 or 400 cash gifts to a wedding are coming from. Am I in the dark.

Like Marcy for our circle we average around $50 a couple for weddings. Sometimes my husband throws in a small painting as well.
I guess I didn't realize how off we were! But we are in the south, and I cannot imagine any other of the guests, except for the parents giving cash gifts anything over $100? Let alone $400 for a couple.

After I got married my father threw a small reception for us with the immediate family on both sides. The only people giving us a cash gift at that time (we said no gifts) was my aunt and uncle, who gave I believe 200 or 250. And I thought THAT was generous.

 

[PintoBean]

I would say around here cash gifts would be from $25 to $100 depending on how well you know the couple.

I don't understand where these 200 or 400 cash gifts to a wedding are coming from. Am I in the dark.

Like Marcy for our circle we average around $50 a couple for weddings. Sometimes my husband throws in a small painting as well.
I guess I didn't realize how off we were! But we are in the south, and I cannot imagine any other of the guests, except for the parents giving cash gifts anything over $100? Let alone $400 for a couple.

After I got married my father threw a small reception for us with the immediate family on both sides. The only people giving us a cash gift at that time (we said no gifts) was my aunt and uncle, who gave I believe 200 or 250. And I thought THAT was generous.

I think giving $$ and the amount of $$ is a regional thing. Also, for DH and I, people probably wanted to give us cash moreso because he had bought his co-op 2 years prior, and I had just graduated law school and had loans, so they probably figured that cash would be the most useful for us and could be put towards our honeymoon.

Also, I believe people will use the cash collected in gifts towards tipping. (We had prepared envelopes in advance so we didn't have to do much "math" after an evening with an open bar!)

 

[rubyshoes]

Wow, it really sounds like many people think of the cash 'gift' as the admission ticket price to a show, especially how the term 'per plate' came up.
I'm floored.
I had no idea since I haven't been to a wedding for around 40 years.

Maybe wedding budgets have gotten out of hand if guests feel obligated to help finance the event.

I'm not American, but I've lived here for 13 years. The whole wedding culture here leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Gifts at Bachelorette, gifts at Wedding, the expectation that guests travel to X place to attend and spend X amount on bridal party outfits. And then the animated discussions over who gave what and why they gave so little. Here's a novel idea - focus on the MARRIAGE, not the wedding. And it's not even just weddings. It's housewarmings and baby showers and the holidays. Spend, spend, spend.

Apologies in advance to anyone offended by my statements but the excessive materialism gets my goat. Also, sorry to OP, I didn't give any suggestion but felt the need to just second Kenny's thoughts. Meh, I'll get flamed for this, but surely I'm not the only one who feels this way?

Not at all ruby. I feel the same way. It has gotten a bit nuts. But since we can afford it I don't want to make a point and/or stand on principle and give less than what is standard and customary in our area if you kwim. I really like this young couple and am happy to share their day and give a generous gift. If we couldn't afford it though I certainly would not be giving that much. So while I think it is a lot of money I am just going to suck it up and give. Would I rather give that amount to charity? Hell yes but we give lots to charity every year anyway so this isn't going to affect that in any way. That's how I can rationalize that.
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Oh, I wasn't suggesting you should give less or give to charity or something like that. I totally get your perspective, my response was more of a thinking-out-loud / general commentary. If I was in your place, I'd give cash too or pick something from a registry. I've been appalled recently because I've been invited to a ton of baby showers recently by completely random acquaintances (it took me 5 minutes to put a face to the name of one girl whose Evite I received) and their registries have $500 items in there, minimum item usually costing $150. If that's not a gift grab right there, what is? Back home, people would come, wish you, give you a hand-knit blanket or a set of baby clothes and that's it. I miss that simplicity and so when I saw this post, I vented. Sorry...

 

[Missy]

Wow, it really sounds like many people think of the cash 'gift' as the admission ticket price to a show, especially how the term 'per plate' came up.
I'm floored.
I had no idea since I haven't been to a wedding for around 40 years.

Maybe wedding budgets have gotten out of hand if guests feel obligated to help finance the event.

I'm not American, but I've lived here for 13 years. The whole wedding culture here leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Gifts at Bachelorette, gifts at Wedding, the expectation that guests travel to X place to attend and spend X amount on bridal party outfits. And then the animated discussions over who gave what and why they gave so little. Here's a novel idea - focus on the MARRIAGE, not the wedding. And it's not even just weddings. It's housewarmings and baby showers and the holidays. Spend, spend, spend.

Apologies in advance to anyone offended by my statements but the excessive materialism gets my goat. Also, sorry to OP, I didn't give any suggestion but felt the need to just second Kenny's thoughts. Meh, I'll get flamed for this, but surely I'm not the only one who feels this way?

Not at all ruby. I feel the same way. It has gotten a bit nuts. But since we can afford it I don't want to make a point and/or stand on principle and give less than what is standard and customary in our area if you kwim. I really like this young couple and am happy to share their day and give a generous gift. If we couldn't afford it though I certainly would not be giving that much. So while I think it is a lot of money I am just going to suck it up and give. Would I rather give that amount to charity? Hell yes but we give lots to charity every year anyway so this isn't going to affect that in any way. That's how I can rationalize that.
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Oh, I wasn't suggesting you should give less or give to charity or something like that. I totally get your perspective, my response was more of a thinking-out-loud / general commentary. If I was in your place, I'd give cash too or pick something from a registry. I've been appalled recently because I've been invited to a ton of baby showers recently by completely random acquaintances (it took me 5 minutes to put a face to the name of one girl whose Evite I received) and their registries have $500 items in there, minimum item usually costing $150. If that's not a gift grab right there, what is? Back home, people would come, wish you, give you a hand-knit blanket or a set of baby clothes and that's it. I miss that simplicity and so when I saw this post, I vented. Sorry...

It's that kind of invite where I most definitely would not feel obligated to give any gift and where a card with a nice note would suffice. I posted that thought in Sarah's wedding thread and many disagreed but I stand by it. If I have no connection to you (family that I don't have a relationship with is not a connection IMO) I don't feel obligated to send a gift. Period. I think you need to do what you feel is right to you. It's crazy to receive all those random invites and yes, that does sound like a "gift grab" and that's not OK. Fortunately I have never experienced this and I am appalled at how many PSers have dealt with this.

 

[distracts]

The flaw with this formula is that it only has one NY box and doesn't differentiate where in NY. And that makes a big difference IMO.

I think that would make a big difference anywhere - I was expecting there to be a box to ask if the wedding was in a big city or a more rural area or the suburbs. I know plenty of people who will have their weddings in the suburbs to save on costs.

I also don't think the "cover your plate" rule is because you need to make the money back, but because imo it's nice to appreciate how much they are spending on you in your gift. If I am going to a dinner party/barbecue at a friend's house, I'll usually bring beer, a bottle of wine, and a dish we cooked for the event, while they usually provide the main dish and their house. If it's just watching a movie, I'll just bring drinks. If it's a party where they specified that everything was provided, I'll help set things out and clean up. If I don't want to do any of that, I turn down the invitation. So, idk, I think giving a gift appropriate with the fanciness/expense/effort of the event, or whatever, just seems more polite. Idk, I guess going to a party without bringing something commensurate with the effort it took to throw the party seems like taking advantage of the hosts' goodwill to me.

I've been appalled recently because I've been invited to a ton of baby showers recently by completely random acquaintances (it took me 5 minutes to put a face to the name of one girl whose Evite I received) and their registries have $500 items in there, minimum item usually costing $150. If that's not a gift grab right there, what is? Back home, people would come, wish you, give you a hand-knit blanket or a set of baby clothes and that's it. I miss that simplicity and so when I saw this post, I vented. Sorry...

For more expensive items, guests are expected to go in together on them. I know my cousin had some $500 items on her registry, but 4-6 guests would band together to purchase and give it together. Lots of people banded together to give baskets of smaller items too. idk, that's what's normal in my circle anyway. (With that said, I've never seen a shower registry where $150 was the min!)

 

[Missy]

And another thing I don't get is all these parties leading up to the wedding where one is expected to give a gift. When my dh and I married this was not standard practice as it is today. I mean sure, people would have engagement parties when we were in our 20's/30's but not engagement parties, bachelorette parties, wedding showers etc. All for the same person. Really? We threw a beach engagement party but specifically said NO gifts PLEASE! Because we didn't want our friends giving us gift after gift. I mean there is a point when it gets to be disgusting IMO.

Nowadays, I see young couples throwing engagement parties with gift registries and also bachelorette parties with gift registries and wedding showers with gift registries. I don't even know what the difference is b/w a lot of these parties LOL. The wedding we are going to in May thankfully is just a wedding invite. I know she is going to Las Vegas in April with her good friends for her bachelorette party and I think she is having something else (didn't focus on the details when she was telling me) but thankfully my dh and I were invited only to the wedding. But even if I was invited to the other things I wouldn't be giving a million different gifts. Even for a good friend. I might attend more than one event (might) depending on the friendship but many gifts? Nope. I would give one generous cash gift. You cannot control what other people do but you can control what you do. And my advice is always do what feels right to you. After getting all the info you need to make that decision. And that's all folks!


Distracts-I totally agree. I would never show up empty handed to someone's house when invited for a meal or party and yes, what we bring depends on what the occasion is. If it's just cocktails we might bring a bottle of wine but if it's dinner we might bake and bring some liquor. It is just respectful to show you appreciate all that has gone into having you over.

 

[kenny]

If I got invited to 3 events with gift registries I'd buy one gift and saw it in thirds.

 

[Missy]

If I got invited to 3 events with gift registries I'd buy one gift and saw it in thirds.

LOLOL. Good one Kenny. But that's sort of what I mean. If I plan on giving $400 that's all I'm giving. And I'm not even going to bother dividing it up amongst events. I'm just giving it at the wedding. Cause to me that feels right.

 

[rubyshoes]

For more expensive items, guests are expected to go in together on them. I know my cousin had some $500 items on her registry, but 4-6 guests would band together to purchase and give it together. Lots of people banded together to give baskets of smaller items too. idk, that's what's normal in my circle anyway. (With that said, I've never seen a shower registry where $150 was the min!)

Yes, that's what I did for close friends (contributing money with others towards the crib etc) but when you have an invite from a person you have met once or twice, you often don't even know the other invitees so how would you split the cost? Also, technically the cheapest things are not for $150, but the cheap stuff are some real odd things like tubes of diaper rash cream or a pack of spare nipples for bottles (I was told at one shower those things were put in for the mom as a checklist). But who would buy that, esp with the big "rip open all the presents" extravaganza at showers.

"Oooooooooooooo it's a.... RECTAL THERMOMETER... from... Rubyshoes!!!"

Missy, yes, the endless stream of parties for the weddings! And I can't differentiate between them either!

 

[Lady_Disdain]

From this thread, my conclusion is that I could not attend a wedding in the US! I am surprised at the cost of both presents and parties.

I don't understand the mentality of covering your plate. It is a gift - something meant to show your love and support - not a cover charge.

 

[distracts]

Nowadays, I see young couples throwing engagement parties with gift registries and also bachelorette parties with gift registries and wedding showers with gift registries.

Yeah idek about all the gift parties. YES, we had an engagement party and bachelor/bachelorette parties, but they were not gifting events. I had never heard of gifts being brought to engagement/bach parties until I joined wedding forums. Registering for them seems insane. Isn't that what the SHOWER is for? If you're registering for all the events, why even have a shower? I don't get it. (We did have ALL the pre-wedding events because we like to have parties, and it's nice to give a big chunk of the guests chances to meet each other before the big day. But the only one at which there were gifts was the shower.)

If I got invited to 3 events with gift registries I'd buy one gift and saw it in thirds.

Creative!

 

[kgizo]

The cover your plate seems odd to me too. You should invite people you *want* to celebrate with. Guests give you what they can afford and want you to have. It could be a $10 frame or $400 cash. There shouldn't be any judgement about what your guests can afford. I have never received an invitation that specifies a gift other than a theme party. It would offend me if an invite told me what I was expected to give. It would be like a guest being offended if a host DIYd some things and "cheaped" out as a host. There is nothing more tacky than someone being ungracious about a gift or an invite they have received.

 

[PintoBean]

Cultural differences too. My parents came to the US as adults and were not happy about the registry because to them, thats asking for gifts. Isn't that funny? We fought about having the wedding shower, which was just relatives and close friends who are like family e.g., god parents. The only people who knew about the registry were those invited to the shower, and those who asked if we were registered anywherE.

For wedding gifts, My parents give red envelopes. Part cultural background, partly BC my mom can't be bothered with picking a gift out and she thinks that its a waste of everyone's time if the recipient needs to return the gift, and that money is universal. I was trying to explain that the point of the registry is to avoid returns.

 

[LJL]

We tend to go about $75-$100 (in gifts) as a couple - but we are both early-mid 20s, still in school (like most of our friends), almost always have to travel a long distance, and we live in the Midwest. I think it is unusual for our other friends to even give that much. If we are invited to the shower, we give another gift at about $50. For a wedding we are going to this weekend (traveling 400ish miles), we spent $75 on gifts from their registry. I think depending on where you live, putting "cash only" on the invite can be considered quite rude. Some people might it like it though bc then they know what you want? We don't expect our friends to give more than we do, though I am sure many relatives will give more, ranging from probably $50-$500 or more. At the end of the day, it really doesnt matter HOW MUCH you give, but that you remembered to try IMHO. We are not trying to money-grab.

However, what I will say that I have seen and thought was SO RUDE and so oblivious - a few groomsmen at a wedding I attended gave gifts for the shower (at about $20-$30/ea) and did not even get the couple wedding gifts. They didn't have to travel for the wedding and they did not even realize that they hadn't technically given a wedding gift. Blew my mind.

 

[DNB]

We give $100 to friends, a bit more ($150 to family). I refuse to "pay" for the reception. That's not what a wedding gift is for. My DS is getting married on 13 April and we're giving them 1K. We've already given them about $1500 towards the wedding. They do not expect anything from anyone. That's why it's a "gift".

The expectation of anything is what's rude.

 

[luv2sparkle]

LJL, I am amazed that you are in your mid twenties and give $100. All the people I know your age, (mostly my kids and their friends) would have a hard time coming up with that much for a gift.

I am flat out amazed at this thread. I really can't get a handle if I am just not giving enough or weddings are just flat out of hand, or maybe it is just a cultural thing. I read in the Costco magazine this month that if you are a bridesmaid you can expect to spend $1400 from beginning to end and I thought that was just ridiculous. My daughter has been in a few weddings and although she didn't spend that much she did find it difficult financially, but she is struggling. Maybe it is regional too. Just last week, my son's job coach (for a handicap rehabilitation program) was getting married. We were not invited to the wedding but we gave her a card with $100 in it. She was so excited by that it was a little embarrassing but so very sweet. I wonder if the people that are giving these large gifts are too very close friends..I guess I am going to have to ask my friends about this since most of the weddings we go to are our friends kids.....

 

[PintoBean]

I have really enjoyed reading people's reactions in this thread. And i can see where everyone is coming from when they react and state their opinions. This is why i love the www.

It is just funny sitting here thinking about this thread....we just have always given $ gifts this way without question. What else do DH and i do just because? Lol...

And lucky brat that I am, when I was in college or in my 20s and my family was invited to a wedding, my parents took care of the gift. I have to admit, as two grown-a$$ married "adults", secretly, being able to give a $ gift on our own makes us feel like " adults" now. I know I'm corny.

A friend of mine loved to tell us about a family member who dug such a hole financially that the wedding debt out lasted the marriage.

 

[distracts]

I read in the Costco magazine this month that if you are a bridesmaid you can expect to spend $1400 from beginning to end and I thought that was just ridiculous.

Uh, yeah, that's ridiculous. Mine are spending $200 for the dress (that includes alterations) + travel expenses if there are any (this is what could potentially get pricey) + whatever gifts they choose to get (none expected from the wedding party because, like, $200 on clothing, you know) + everyone paid for their own dinner at the bachelorette party (so like $25 there). But then I specifically asked what people would be comfortable spending and tried to stick under it... and I'd have been happy to pay for their dresses but they insisted that they were supposed to do that. I picked a color shoe that everyone already owns (though some are buying new ones just because, but they wouldn't HAVE to) and am paying for manis/pedis the day before and hair/makeup the day of. I actually think my girls would have insisted on paying for those things if they knew about them before I'd already paid for them, lol.

HOWEVER I've seen brides pick $500 dresses ($300 is actually standard in my circle before alterations, but one of my girls is in grad school so we basically stuck under her limit, which was much lower than everyone else's) with $200 shoes PLUS make the girls pay for their own hair and makeup ($150-$200 in most big cities) and nails (and as far as I've seen, making the bridesmaids pay for these things is pretty common), plus require expensive showers/bach parties. Which all seems a little ridiculous to me.

And as someone going through the wedding process right now, it's easy to say "oh, have a less expensive wedding, it's all gotten so out of control" but it is REALLY HARD to figure out ways to do that that people won't think are tacky/cheap and that don't require tons of timeconsuming DIY effort. I know ONE person irl who has had an inexpensive wedding (that wasn't an elopement) and she was unemployed and DIYed everything (and she was also an artist so much of that stuff went straight into her portfolio, plus she had mad skillz).

 

[Missy]

I read in the Costco magazine this month that if you are a bridesmaid you can expect to spend $1400 from beginning to end and I thought that was just ridiculous.

Uh, yeah, that's ridiculous. Mine are spending $200 for the dress (that includes alterations) + travel expenses if there are any (this is what could potentially get pricey) + whatever gifts they choose to get (none expected from the wedding party because, like, $200 on clothing, you know) + everyone paid for their own dinner at the bachelorette party (so like $25 there). But then I specifically asked what people would be comfortable spending and tried to stick under it... and I'd have been happy to pay for their dresses but they insisted that they were supposed to do that. I picked a color shoe that everyone already owns (though some are buying new ones just because, but they wouldn't HAVE to) and am paying for manis/pedis the day before and hair/makeup the day of. I actually think my girls would have insisted on paying for those things if they knew about them before I'd already paid for them, lol.

HOWEVER I've seen brides pick $500 dresses ($300 is actually standard in my circle before alterations, but one of my girls is in grad school so we basically stuck under her limit, which was much lower than everyone else's) with $200 shoes PLUS make the girls pay for their own hair and makeup ($150-$200 in most big cities) and nails (and as far as I've seen, making the bridesmaids pay for these things is pretty common), plus require expensive showers/bach parties. Which all seems a little ridiculous to me.

And as someone going through the wedding process right now, it's easy to say "oh, have a less expensive wedding, it's all gotten so out of control" but it is REALLY HARD to figure out ways to do that that people won't think are tacky/cheap and that don't require tons of timeconsuming DIY effort. I know ONE person irl who has had an inexpensive wedding (that wasn't an elopement) and she was unemployed and DIYed everything (and she was also an artist so much of that stuff went straight into her portfolio, plus she had mad skillz).

Now that seems crazy high to me...granted it's been a long while since I've been in a bridal party (last time was 2005-and I got to pick the dress-the bride just told me the color) but no way would I have spent $500 on a dress and $200 on shoes! You can get a beautiful dress for under $200 and shoes for much much less! When I was in my twenties I was asked to be in a lot of wedding parties. I only accepted the offers from very close/good friends. I declined a number of offers. Mainly because it's a lot to do for someone you are not close to. And the expense. But OMG the cost of these things today. Nuts! I don't know how people in their twenties can afford $500 for clothes for a one time affair and then contribute a gift? That seems exorbitant.

 

[rosetta]

I read in the Costco magazine this month that if you are a bridesmaid you can expect to spend $1400 from beginning to end and I thought that was just ridiculous.

Uh, yeah, that's ridiculous. Mine are spending $200 for the dress (that includes alterations) + travel expenses if there are any (this is what could potentially get pricey) + whatever gifts they choose to get (none expected from the wedding party because, like, $200 on clothing, you know) + everyone paid for their own dinner at the bachelorette party (so like $25 there). But then I specifically asked what people would be comfortable spending and tried to stick under it... and I'd have been happy to pay for their dresses but they insisted that they were supposed to do that. I picked a color shoe that everyone already owns (though some are buying new ones just because, but they wouldn't HAVE to) and am paying for manis/pedis the day before and hair/makeup the day of. I actually think my girls would have insisted on paying for those things if they knew about them before I'd already paid for them, lol.

HOWEVER I've seen brides pick $500 dresses ($300 is actually standard in my circle before alterations, but one of my girls is in grad school so we basically stuck under her limit, which was much lower than everyone else's) with $200 shoes PLUS make the girls pay for their own hair and makeup ($150-$200 in most big cities) and nails (and as far as I've seen, making the bridesmaids pay for these things is pretty common), plus require expensive showers/bach parties. Which all seems a little ridiculous to me.

And as someone going through the wedding process right now, it's easy to say "oh, have a less expensive wedding, it's all gotten so out of control" but it is REALLY HARD to figure out ways to do that that people won't think are tacky/cheap and that don't require tons of timeconsuming DIY effort. I know ONE person irl who has had an inexpensive wedding (that wasn't an elopement) and she was unemployed and DIYed everything (and she was also an artist so much of that stuff went straight into her portfolio, plus she had mad skillz).

Now that seems crazy high to me...granted it's been a long while since I've been in a bridal party (last time was 2005-and I got to pick the dress-the bride just told me the color) but no way would I have spent $500 on a dress and $200 on shoes! You can get a beautiful dress for under $200 and shoes for much much less! When I was in my twenties I was asked to be in a lot of wedding parties. I only accepted the offers from very close/good friends. I declined a number of offers. Mainly because it's a lot to do for someone you are not close to. And the expense. But OMG the cost of these things today. Nuts! I don't know how people in their twenties can afford $500 for clothes for a one time affair and then contribute a gift? That seems exorbitant.

Again, this is different in the UK. Here, usually the bride/brides family pays for everything for the bridesmaids: dress, shoes, hair and make up definitely. Bridal showers are not that common either.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Again, this is different in the UK. Here, usually the bride/brides family pays for everything for the bridesmaids: dress, shoes, hair and make up definitely. Bridal showers are not that common either.

I think it makes a lot of sense - if someone wants to choose the dress, shoes, etc, then they should pay for them. I am sure this has the lovely effect of cutting back on cost as well.

Here, fortunately, the idea of matching bridesmaids never caught on. Bridesmaids choose and buy their own outfits.

 

[Missy]

Again, this is different in the UK. Here, usually the bride/brides family pays for everything for the bridesmaids: dress, shoes, hair and make up definitely. Bridal showers are not that common either.

I think it makes a lot of sense - if someone wants to choose the dress, shoes, etc, then they should pay for them. I am sure this has the lovely effect of cutting back on cost as well.

Here, fortunately, the idea of matching bridesmaids never caught on. Bridesmaids choose and buy their own outfits.

Fortunately most of the weddings I've been part of we got to choose our own dresses. The bride chose the color and length. It was a good arrangement. I don't care for matchy dresses personally.

 

[kenny]

It is just funny sitting here thinking about this thread....we just have always given $ gifts this way without question. What else do DH and i do just because? Lol...

Don't get me started on this pet peeve of mine.
I'd say the cellphone is the best example of a product/service that is priced a zillion times higher than it should be considering the economy of scale ...
... and paying to RECIEVE a call?

People, without questioning, spend hundreds even thousands of dollars a year on something humans didn't have for zillions of years.

My cellphone cost $19.99 and the monthly averages out to $8.33 - prepaid with no data.
I have an internet connection at home that meets my needs, and is actually a luxury imho.

No problem if you need it and can afford it, but it is the automaticness of everyone, even children, needing the Internet in their face 24/7 that I question.

 

[LJL]

In my "circle", about $150 is standard for a bridesmaid dress. I have chosen $99 dresses and my girls are thrilled. They can wear whatever shoes they want and I am paying for hair/makeup. Their biggest expense will be travel - and they will probably all come for the Bachelorette which means 2 roundtrip flights for most of them, which I DO feel guilty about.


luv2sparkle - We try. We already had one friend have a kid and buying that d@mn baby bouncer at like $80 SUCKED. but these are people we care about. My FI and I live very frugally and it makes us feel good (or more like adults?) to give actual gifts where we can. I am 24, FI is 25, but we have been very "grown up" for a very long time....it would be very confusing to us if our parents bought the wedding gifts even if they also attended

 

[Smith1942]

I've been to two weddings of close friends in America, both relatively fancy although not mega-bucks. The first, we had to travel and pay for flights/hotel, and I gave the couple a gift from their registry costing about $180, as far as I remember, in 2007. We also went to a wedding a few months ago, so five years later, and this couple were younger and had never lived together. The wedding was local. They were setting up home from scratch, the bride was religious and so they really were starting out at their actual wedding, Fifties-style. So I pushed the boat out for her and I think the gift was around $400.

 

[Missy]

I've been to two weddings of close friends in America, both relatively fancy although not mega-bucks. The first, we had to travel and pay for flights/hotel, and I gave the couple a gift from their registry costing about $180, as far as I remember, in 2007. We also went to a wedding a few months ago, so five years later, and this couple were younger and had never lived together. The wedding was local. They were setting up home from scratch, the bride was religious and so they really were starting out at their actual wedding, Fifties-style. So I pushed the boat out for her and I think the gift was around $400.

That seems totally fair. If you have to travel then it is understandable to give a gift based on that because you are spending money to get there and support the couple and share in their day. Part of their gift is that you are attending with no small effort on your part. A local wedding is much cheaper to attend so you are able to afford to give more. If you want to that is and it seems that a couple just starting out would be very appreciative of that. Makes sense.

 

[Smith1942]

I thought it was really, really sweet that they were so old-fashioned, so I wanted to help them on their way! They were around 27, but quite young for the age - the bride had never lived away from home except for college, so she really had no household stuff at all. Seeing their sweet earnest faces and their blissful ignorance of the hard work involved in living with someone in marriage made me go all gooey and paternalistic, and made me want to help give them a good start.

ETA: When my older sister got married in 1996 I was a poor student, and I spent 130 pounds (about $210) on a tea set from their list.

When I got married, I was embarrassed to ask for anything. I'd lived independently for six years and we could afford our own stuff. I wanted a charity list only, but the older generation made a huge fuss so we had to have a traditional registry and the charity registry too. The charity one raised about $1500 I think - could have been more, I can't quite remember and it was in the UK too. Most people bought from the traditional list. This means that we got some nice stuff including china and glass just valued for home insurance at 12k. I will never, ever have to buy a dish again as long as I live. But I made a point of not putting the registry card in with the invitations. Seemed a bit bad-mannered. I only sent the registry info - including the charity info - to the people who responded that they were coming. The charity list was amazing - you could buy a desk for a local school for 15 pounds, clean water for an African village for a year for 100 pounds, a goat, medical supplies, and loads of other stuff. Fabulous.

My dress was on sale, cost 600 pounds and was the first one I tried on. Full disclosure: I'm not a fan of big white weddings, not for myself although happy to attend others', if that's what makes them happy. So ours was relatively low-key. We had no master of ceremonies, no receiving line, no "Please be upstanding for the bride and groom" to walk into the reception, none of that. I did my own make-up. The conservative parents wanted all that stuff but it's not really "us".

 

[Missy]

Smith, I 'm with you on that one. I'm sort of wistful for the old days when people didn't live together before marriage (if marriage was on their wish list that is-not saying it's for everyone!). I understand why so many people live together before marriage but I think it's a bit sad. But I don't want to threadjack even though I started the thread lol. But just wanted to say I think it's sweet too when a couple is old fashioned in that way. And romantic. IMO.