How much $ is given at weddings these days?

[Missy]

Kenny's thread about weddings is very timely as it has been a long while since my dh and I have had a wedding to go and I am not sure what the going rate is these days. Ofc I know it varies depending on many factors but just want to get a feel for what is the norm in the tristate area in 2013.

Last time we had a wedding to go to (2006) we gave $300 but now my dh says that we shouldn't give less than $400 for a wedding we have coming up in May. It will be at a fancy country club and it's a black tie affair on a Saturday night.

So can you guys help me out and give me an idea what is the cash gift for weddings these days?

Thanks!!

 

[CharmyPoo]

We usually give $400 but we had some pretty cheap guests (along with very generous ones) at our wedding. Our wedding was really expensive per head and we didn't even make back half of what we spent.

It's actually interesting .. with the older crowd, the richer the people were the less they gave. With our friends, it was pretty much standard - get what you gave.

 

[amc80]

Wow, $400??? I have the wrong friends. It's rare for an gift to be over $100 in my circle.

 

[marymm]

I have never given money as a wedding gift - and the only money gifts DH and I received at the time of our marriage were from older relatives.

 

[kenny]

I didn't know people gave cash to the couple either.
I do know it's customary at a Chinese wedding.

Is this $400 in addition to the gift you gave, or does $400 mean, say, $200 cash plus a $200 gift?

Also the idea of expecting guests to give you cash to pay for their 'share' of the wedding expenses seems goofy.
I thought paying for a wedding means paying for it, not loaning money to the guests till they pay you back.

If I'm a guest and getting billed, then let me have a vote on how lavish the wedding is.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Wow, $400??? I have the wrong friends. It's rare for an gift to be over $100 in my circle.

yup,be sure to invite missy and Charmy to my next wedding.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Wow, $400??? I have the wrong friends. It's rare for an gift to be over $100 in my circle.

Yeah, $400 seems like a lot to give. I don't give cash at weddings...just buy stuff from their registry. How much I spend is based on how well I know the couple and how generous they've been in the past.

 

[HopeDream]

We didn't recieve more than $50 or $100 from guests at our wedding, but our families don't really have a tradition of giving expensive wedding gifts.

 

[anne_h]

Last year, I was unceremoniously informed by one of my fellow executive MBA students (whom I had asked what he wanted for his upcoming wedding) that ONLY cash was acceptable and that it needed to *at least* cover what they were spending per guest. He left me to figure out how much that might be. lol

I guess this is now normal? It had been awhile since I'd been to a wedding outside of my own family.

This year, one of my sisters is getting married and the invite does say "cash only please" but not how much. LOL!!!!

Anne

 

[distracts]

We usually give $400 but we had some pretty cheap guests (along with very generous ones) at our wedding. Our wedding was really expensive per head and we didn't even make back half of what we spent.

It's actually interesting .. with the older crowd, the richer the people were the less they gave. With our friends, it was pretty much standard - get what you gave.

This appears to be how it's going for our wedding too! A lot of older wealthy people are giving $25 gifts. We haven't gotten any wedding gifts from our friends but their shower gifts were in the $150-$250 range, and I know they're getting separate wedding gifts because they've mentioned it. Family has been hovering in the $200 range for wedding gifts.

 

[Enerchi]

We don't go to many weddings and it depends on who it is, if we give cash or a gift from their registry In general, we give about $100/ person.

 

[vc10um]

DH and I wed at 27. Aside from my mother, the largest single gift we received was $300, and that was from my godfather who didn't even attend.

Most of our gifts from couples were in the $50 range, though there were some more and some distinctly less, and a few who didn't give gifts or even cards.

Our wedding was not expensive and DH's extended family is not all that wealthy, so this wasn't really a surprise to us...and most of those who travelled to our wedding were also mid-twenties and just starting out, so we didn't expect much.

 

[kenny]

We don't go to many weddings and it depends on who it is, if we give cash or a gift from their registry In general, we give about $100/ person.

What does per person mean?
$100 for the bride and $100 for the groom? - So, that would be $200 per wedding since it's always two, so far at least.
Or $100 for you, $100 for your hubby, and $100 for each of your kids who will be guests?

 

[stargurl78]

At our wedding (almost 2 years ago) we probably averaged around $120 per couple. Our lowest gift was $25 and the highest was $1K. I feel like $400 is a lot but maybe it depends on where you live and how wealthy you are. DH and I usually give between $125 - 200 depending on how close we are to the couple.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I don't think you have to give what the hosts spend per person. The host has a choice on how much to spend and that shouldn't obligate the guests to spend a certain amount to meet that. That would give the guest no choice at all. That seems in very bad taste to me.

I guess it depends on the income or luxury level of your guests. I have never spent that much. If we are very close to the bride or groom we have give 250-300 on occasion but that is it. I usually spend about 100-150 on a shower gift as well.

When my daughter got married my brother in law didn't give her even a card! Plus we paid for everything for them and their children. I found that extremely rude but I would have been happy if he got her just a very small gift. It wouldn't have to be even $50.

I would consider myself pretty generous but I have never heard of anyone I know giving 300-400 for a wedding gift.

 

[charleston1]

Last wedding we went to was about 6 years ago for a work friend and we gave $300. If It was a closer friend / family member, I would give more. The wedding invitation had printing in the bottom corner "Cash only please". This was an Indian Wedding with over 500 guests. I have also been (in years past) to alot of Italian weddings and they expect cash so it is not only Chinese weddings.

Years ago I gave actual presents but now I find it is much easier to give cash.

Alot of people now have the registry for the shower gifts only and expect cash for the wedding.

Yes, people expect the cash gift at MINIMUM to cover the cost of the reception "per plate per person charge" and talk about it years later how someone did not give even give enought $ to cover their per plate charge for their family. People seem to let it be known before the wedding "how much it is per plate per person" for the wedding.

Weddings have become a total cash grab. They spend a fortune and expect to recoup alot of the money via the cash wedding presents. Sadly, I think it has became all about the show.

 

[heididdl]

Funny I ran across this thread. I am going solo (hubby working) to my good friends second wedding. I saw that someone mentioned that $400 is going gift suggestion and several couples cheaped out and didn't give this. This is a good friend and I can barely afford to go much less give $400 (or $200 for me alone). I know the option would be to not go at all but we are close.

I have three kids in college and I lost my job. That being said. I am working with her party planner to make sure everything goes off smoothly i am coordinating and making the center pieces and will be there for the set up. (the planner is actually my friend) she is getting paid and I will assist.

I feel this is my part of the gift. I am also planning to frame and decorate her invitation and purchase several trees in Israel for her and her husband (they are religious "Jewish") I think this is my way of making up for the $200 cash that i can't give.

Will this be okay

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Hmm... I guess I am lucky. All the weddings I've been to, the bride and groom just wanted us to donate to a charity of our choice.

 

[Enerchi]

We don't go to many weddings and it depends on who it is, if we give cash or a gift from their registry In general, we give about $100/ person.

What does per person mean?
$100 for the bride and $100 for the groom? - So, that would be $200 per wedding since it's always two, so far at least.
Or $100 for you, $100 for your hubby, and $100 for each of your kids who will be guests?

Yup, that's what I meant - sorry, I should have explained that better! Maybe "$100/plate" would have made more sense!! (But it was totally clear in my head... )

 

[webdiva]

We didn't expect any gifts and set up a registry because hubby's coworkers asked for one, which we added modest items to. We also told everyone that their presence is enough, especially because many traveled to see us. No one should have to "cover" the cost of their plate - that's so incredibly tacky. We invited as many people as hubby and I could afford and didn't expect the gifts to cover the wedding cost. It's a celebration, not a fundraiser. It's fine for people to want to give more but requesting money and putting people on notice that it's expected is ridiculous.

As Kenny says, people vary - but IMHO weddings have gotten out of control. It should be a celebration of those two people and their closest friends and family, with no social or societal pressures.

 

[Missy]

Thanks for everyone's input-I really appreciate it.

Heidi-you absolutely are fine giving what you can afford. Do not go into any debt over a wedding gift. Your friends wouldn't want you to do this and what you are planning sounds lovely! And very thoughtful helping out! More valuable than cash IMO.

anne-in my social circles cash was and I guess still is the gift of choice for weddings. I think it depends on where you live and your group of friends etc.

Charmy and distracts-that's interesting and strange. I would think the people who can more afford it wouldn't give less generous gifts but I guess that's such a personal decision. When we got married there was definitely a general trend of the average cash gift but we had some people who gave less and some who gave more. I was very overwhelmed because 2 of our friends very incredibly generous to the point that I was uncomfortable. One of my gf's gave us 1K and we had only given her $300 when we attended her wedding (in the 90's). And when I found out and called her and said it was too much she said she wanted to give that to us so I really had no choice but accept because doing otherwise would have been rude. It was a lovely generous gift but I was a bit uncomfortable.
Charmy, thanks for sharing that-I guess my dh is right in guessing that $400 cash is the norm in gifts these days to couples marrying in our area.

Chareleston that is similar to my experience re the gift. Our last wedding was 2006 and we gave $300 to the couple. They are pretty good friends though and we couldn't have given less than that. The wedding before that was my sister's and we gave 1K. But that was my sister. Weddings are expensive! To make and to attend!

Personally, I don't think weddings are "cash grabs" for everyone but I hear what you are saying. They are very expensive and I can understand couples just starting out needing money. I like to give what they will get the most use of and that is why cash always rules IMO. And since it is the gift of choice with my friends it's what we give. Why not give what they can get the most use out of? Just as long as you give what you are comfortable/can afford giving. I would never want someone to give more than they can easily afford just because they were trying to cover their plate or keeping up with others. That is a ludicrous thing to do and I hope guests have more common sense than that.


Enerchi-thanks for your input. I guess it really varies depending on location. I remember some of our friends from the shore gave significantly less than our NYC friends. There really is no right or wrong. I just felt out of touch since our last wedding was so long ago!

YT That's so cool! I think that is a fabulous gift, especially for older couples who are marrying and who are more established in their careers and don't need the help in starting out in their lives together. Really great idea!

luv2sparkle I totally agree with you. I think it was rude of your BIL not to even send a card wishing them well and a small gift. Rude if he has a good relationship with them and all. And weird. One of my dh's aunts came to our wedding and also didn't send a card or gift. We laughed about it. It was kooky and it didn't upset me at all cause I know it was just kooky. I also agree it is in very bad taste to expect guests to cover their plate. As a guest you should give what you are comfortable giving and what you want to give-it has to come from the heart. Or it should at least. I was just trying to gauge what the "norm" was these days. I am seeing there is no such thing LOL.


Stargurl, HopeDream, amc and marymm Thanks for your input. It definitely varies quite a bit depending on region. I'm seeing that now.

vc10um Thanks. I definitely think traveling is such a big expense in addition. I can see people not being able to afford to give as much if that is added to the mix. And while it may not be right more expensive affairs usually seem to get bigger gifts.

MC Yes, I agree. It does depend on these things as well. However, there appears to be a general consensus on what the average $$$ is to give and unfortunately that appears to be a lot more than it used to be! Why is everything but our salaries going up LOL!

webdiva- I agree!

Kenny It means $400 in cash and that is the gift. I don't think you are expected to cover your plate cause how do you know how much it is per person? But there seems to be an accepted amount to give and that varies depending on region, social circles and yes, how expensive you are guessing the affair is. Meaning if you get married at the courthouse and then invite everyone back to your house for barbecue you aren't going to get as much $ as a wedding gift as if you are having it at a fancy shmancy place. Right or wrong that is how it is. I guess I am a little bit in sticker shock cause I agree with many here that $400 is a lot of money but that's what it is. Now I see that. When I started the thread I didn't know because my dh tends to be very very generous. But this time I guess he was right. Though he did say no less than $400 and I know he said he would be comfortable giving $500. But I wouldn't LOL. Mainly because I haven't known her that long- we work together and while I adore her I am surprised she invited me as she only invited 2 other people (much closer to her age) from work. I know she isn't "gift grabbing"-that's not her style and her family is very wealthy. She doesn't need our money that's for sure. I just don't want to commit any faux pas so needed to check in with other PSers.

DF Send us the invite-we'll be sure to be there! I love weddings and I know my dh would love getting to know another watch enthusiast!

 

[gemtastic]

I must run in vastly different circles.....I have never received an invitation to a wedding that requested "cash only". Max I would give would be $150. I have really only been to a few >$50K weddings, and they were not close friends.
None of my friends would ever discuss the cost of a plate or if the wedding cost was covered.
I went to one of my best friends weddings in Dec. We made a trip across the country for it. I still haven't given her a gift because she is hoarder and her husband a "collector"......they don't need any more "stuff" and it would be weird if I gave her cash. We discussed it, I asked her what she wanted, she said nothing.....and it honestly won't be an issue.
We had a planned elopement and a wedding party months later which we invited people to attend. We purposely didn't register. My 2 closest friends made a donation to Operation Smile for us......best gift.

Heididi--what you are doing is more than adequate. When my roommate in school was married, it was a big expense for myself and the other roommate to buy the bridesmaids dresses/shoes/etc (with our student loan money). We threw her engagement party replete with keg, Costco frozen appetizers, and day old flower arrangements that we were able to pick up from a hotel after a function. It was a ton more fun than the stuffy, catered, prim and proper shower they had thrown by their older sisters who had jobs and $$. If your friends are going to judge you on the price of the gift, they are not worth having as friends

 

[Missy]

Gem I have never received an invitation that said "cash only"- that would be in such bad taste. If I ever received an invite like that I probably wouldn't even want to go to that wedding because people I like wouldn't do that. At least I hope they wouldn't!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Whew! No wonder northerners love to move to the South! They come here and can buy a house at least twice as big as the one they left for the same money, and our cost of living is just so much lower. I'd say typical wedding gifts range from $50-100 here on average. Obviously there are exceptions for close family or best friends, but I also have never heard of a wedding gift of $400 from a typical wedding guest. My daughter got married 2 years ago and their largest cash gift was $200 and most others were $100 or less. Of course, we also have lower reception costs with dinner and wine/beer under $50 a person (not including facility rental, etc.) at a decent country club.

 

[Missy]

Whew! No wonder northerners love to move to the South! They come here and can buy a house at least twice as big as the one they left for the same money, and our cost of living is just so much lower. I'd say typical wedding gifts range from $50-100 here on average. Obviously there are exceptions for close family or best friends, but I also have never heard of a wedding gift of $400 from a typical wedding guest. My daughter got married 2 years ago and their largest cash gift was $200 and most others were $100 or less. Of course, we also have lower reception costs with dinner and wine/beer under $50 a person (not including facility rental, etc.) at a decent country club.

Plus, those southern accents drive me wild! Love them!

But seriously, I think some of the wedding gift difference does have to do with what you pointed out. The cost of the reception is lower. You also have way better winters! I do love the south!!

 

[kenny]

Wow, it really sounds like many people think of the cash 'gift' as the admission ticket price to a show, especially how the term 'per plate' came up.
I'm floored.
I had no idea since I haven't been to a wedding for around 40 years.

Maybe wedding budgets have gotten out of hand if guests feel obligated to help finance the event.

 

[heididdl]

Thanks you guys I feel better just ordered 7 trees for $72 and they send the couple a beautiful plaque

 

[Missy]

Thanks you guys I feel better just ordered 7 trees for $72 and they send the couple a beautiful plaque

Such a thoughtful and wonderful gift! How can they not be touched by it? And the fact that you are helping planning the wedding, well, your gifts are truly special Heidi and your friends are lucky to have you in their lives!

 

[rosetta]

Wow, it really sounds like many people think of the cash 'gift' as the admission ticket price to a show, especially how the term 'per plate' came up.
I'm floored.
I had no idea since I haven't been to a wedding for around 40 years.

Maybe wedding budgets have gotten out of hand if guests feel obligated to help finance the event.

This isnt the case in the UK. No one "covers the plate" here AFAIK. I certainly didnt expect them to finance my wedding!

My wedding gifts ranged from $20 to $500, with the most expensive gifts being from our guests with the least money. Yeah, go figure. Some of our richest guests gave seriously laughable gifts,that frankly I'd be embarrased to give. Guess the reason they're rich is coz they're super stingy!

 

[Missy]

Wow, it really sounds like many people think of the cash 'gift' as the admission ticket price to a show, especially how the term 'per plate' came up.
I'm floored.
I had no idea since I haven't been to a wedding for around 40 years.

Maybe wedding budgets have gotten out of hand if guests feel obligated to help finance the event.

Yeah, I don't know why things have gotten so crazy but they have. We were with friends today who were talking about a Bat Mitzvah they were invited to that was costing well over 100K. WTH!! When have these things become so out of control? I watch Say Yes To The Dress sometimes and these girls are spending 10K on a wedding dress! Are you kidding me? For a dress you wear once! But I'm trying hard to remember not to judge because people vary as someone very wise once told me and different people value different things. Personally I would never spend that much money on a party, a dress, etc. But I know many people would never spend as much as I do on jewelry so hey, who am I to judge? It's a big party and hopefully it will be lots of fun and lots of happy tears and love all around. That's what I'm looking forward to. And trying not to think of the money. Oh the jewels they could have bought with the cost of that reception and dress. Sigh.