How much is enough for a engagement ring?

[flyguy]

Here is the scoop, some say there is some formula of 2*monthly salary. So it ,means if you get 3-4K in hand, the ring will easily goto 6-8K, wow We are spending 8 freaky thousand dollars on a just a small diamond. So it worth the effort?
Well I like to know the realitym how many guys spent it and how many girls are worth it, do they repent or were they feel cheated after few years or ?
We had a brief discussion among guy friends,
Lot of guys bluntly agreed that it shouldn''t go more than 2000 bucks, if anyone spends more than that, its crazy unless you are a millionare or nut.
Well but then she is love of ur life, hmmm, lets think, you earned that money in hard manner and in one shot its gone on a marketing gimmick ,a harsh truth. Whats in a piece if diamond! who created the market, how much money is involved, and who knows how many emotions...
Ok this site is excellent piece on this diamond thing, you learned so much about a stone, the way it is cut and shines, so much efforts for a small piece of stone..hmmm, and yah, does it reeally proves you LUV her if you spent so much time & $$$..
So if we can get something which can NOT be proved as a fake diamond, will all guys start proposing in a split of a second!!!!

Take it easy guy, peace

 

[dimonbob]

Flyguy

Here is the deal.

Last week I attended the AGS Conclave in Austin, TX. One of the talks was put on by the Diamond Promotion Service like in "A Diamond is Forever". The one hour talk was about men and diamonds. To boil in down to a couple of lines the message was that Men generally don't know anything about diamonds or why women love them. It is like women generally don't know anything about golf clubs but men that golf know everything about them. Men don't need to be given choices about jewelry, they need to be told what to get, when and how much to spend. Most men need lots of guidance when it comes to jewelry and especially diamonds. So if your brother, friend, boyfriend, whatever is near that engagement diamond buying time, guide him here to DiamondTalk so he can get some kind of education and good advice.
So, you and you buddies think you future wife is only worth $2000? Bad mistake! If you are a student, that may be all you have but if you are makeing $30000 a year, you should be spending about $5000 for that diamond. How much are you going to spend on the photographs and the reception? How long is your future wife going to wear your little $2000 diamond and start to think about what she means to you? I am not saying go into hock up to your ears but come on SHE IS THE ONE YOU LOVE! You may not understand what a diamond means to your lady but she and all her lady friends do and if you give her a speck, she might think you don't care. Your buddies don't know squat about diamonds, so don't listen to them. Listen to your heart! YOUR HEART! The more you give, the bigger the return. What does return translate to?
Since my wife is married to someone who loves diamonds, pearls, sapphires, etc. she does not have the same problem that most ladies have. But then I don't know anything about golf.
dimonbob

 

[pqcollectibles]

Boy, Diamond Bob, did you nail that one!!

Broke when we got married, I got a simple gold band. Couple years later, hubby wants to buy me a diamond ring. I say, "OK, but I want something you will see." A gal I worked with was engaged with a 1.5 ct rock on her hand. We looked at a 2 ct solitaire that cost more than the new car I'd just bought. So I passed,... then.

But, I've upgraded twice since then. Once to a real, smaller wedding set in yellow gold. And second to a massive platinum set that weighs an ounce, with over 2 cts total in diamonds and a .85 ct pear emerald solitaire. That set catches eyes and get's comments every time I wear it, and my husband just soaks up the compliments! He does luv to bask in the Oooohhh Aaaahhh glow. What people don't know is, I told him what I wanted and he got it for me.

Ask me about his fishing gear and his boat, and I know squat! When he points me toward the latest, greatest reel, bait, GPS system, depth finder, or other new toy, I get him what he wants.

 

[Mara]

Not being a guy..I have no idea how they think (does anyone?). But that said...our experience was that I had one expectation in my mind being a girl. I was thinking...'ooooh 2 months salary means a big honkin' rock! I can't wait!' He was thinking...'well I don't want to waste all my hard-earned money on a piece of clear carbon but I want her to be happy.' Okay sure. Both sides make sense.

We started looking at stones without really discussing budgets or anything which I think was best. Because as soon as he started seeing the stones and pricing we were confronted with, his idea of $5000 or similar changed rapidly to double that amount. Guys have no idea in general how much the average stone is, and you have no idea how many guys before you have gotten hooked on the fun of the search and gone bigger than they expected or spent 'just a little bit more' to get that stone or ring they really fell for.

We looked at HOF stones, $10k for a 1c...that really set us straight on the initial budgeting. We knew that was too much for a 1c but I also knew there was NO WAY I wanted anything less than 1c. So he knew I wanted more than 1c...I knew I didn't want him spending $10k on a 1c etc. In the end we did okay. We got a 1.23c G VS1 for $7200. The diameter though...is the same as a 1.35c stone..so it looks bigger. Yay! The setting was pricey on top of that, but its not a solitaire. It has an additional .72c of stones set all the way around.

So in the end, we were well under the 2mo salary, but that's fine with me!! Anything more than what I have would have borderlined on too much. I am jazzed with my ring, jazzed enough to be fine with it for a long time (I hope!).

If you start out with a too small stone, trust me...shrinkage syndrome happens faster than you think. That .50c she thought was amazing on year one, by year 5 looks darn small. Also compare to what her friends have. If they all have 1c stones or larger, she may feel a little slighted on the .50c. Not that she WILL, but these are just scenarios. I'm a girl and we aren't always rational but I do know that chatting with the guys and agreeing that $2k on a stone is more than enough is foolish. Start shopping around and seeing what you like and you will be shocked. Don't go into the shopping experience being bitter that you have to shell out the $$ for a diamond that you don't even really like. That's no way to shop and research such a big purchase. Think about it more from the perspective that it is what she really would love.

Funny stupid story. My guy is from Jersey (but we live in CA) and loves tacky gold jewelry. He used to tease me that when I got him a gold nugget diamond pinky ring he'd get me an e-ring. So last year for his bday I surprised him with a gold nugget pinky ring with .03 of diamonds, SO incredibly mafia tacky. HE LOVES IT. He wears it all the time! I can't stop him from wearing it. He shows it to everyone. It's embarassing. But I bought it knowing it was something I wasn't into, but he loves it. And I have to let him wear it.

I guess the diamond thing is a little similar. You may not be into the purchase, but she will adore the end result and the happiness my guy has when he wears his little ring is so touching. So shop with that in mind.

Good luck!!

BTW PQ..my guy loves the compliments he gets on my ring too! One of our guy friends told him he'd have to rough him up a bit for 'raising the bar' for the rest of the men! Haaa....

 

[pqcollectibles]

Just saw you posted, Mara, as I was about to get off for the night. > LOL

Isn't it soooooo true. They (men) hate going through the e-ring/jewelry shopping process, but love the showers of attention after it's all said and done. And, of course they get it from other hubbys and intendeds too. But, we do too when the neighbor down the street get's the newest power doohickey-ma-bobber that does whatever and makes the neatest little widgets we'll never have any need for. LOL

 

[JustLooking]

Flyguy...

I don't think you should go with the 2 month salary thing because sometimes it isn't practical. I would just go by what you can afford at the time. I just started my company over a year ago and it's doing pretty good right now. I make over $10K a month but I'm also indept over $100K so I wasn't about to spend $20K on a ring.

I started my search for a diamond with a budget of $5000 but I ended up spending around $11K which was fine because I'm a very anal person and I really research big purchases. The more I read and learned about diamonds, I knew I would need to spend a lot more than $5K on a ring because I want my GF to have the best that I can afford. I have a bad habbit of only wanting the best in things so the more educated I was about diamonds, I knew I had to spend some $$$. Which I was ok with because I didn't know it really cost so much.

So if you are anything like me, wanting only the best, don't read too much because you will end up spending alot more than $2000.

Well good luck on your decision. I have to go sleep now because tomorrow morning I'm off to Hawaii to propose my to my GF.

Mara... you are right about your husband setting the bar. A few of my friends got engaged last year and their wifes got some pretty nice rocks so myself and other friends said the same comments about raising the bar. I wasn't about to be out done by them.

So a guess my girl got lucky.

I am addicted to this forum. Night before I leave and I still have to sign on and read these post.


Jimmy

 

[Caratz]

Try to picture yourself 20 years from now. You don't want to have regrets. Is it more likely you will regret spending too much? Or too little?

 

[optimized]

Hey all,

Well, I feel compelled to chime in here with a slight counterpoint. While I agree that the engagement ring should be an important consideration, I would also point out that so much of this depends on the woman's expectations. I mention this because this thread almost reads like a marketing campaign directly from the diamond industry, but it fails to note that it's not exactly written in stone that every woman needs/desires a large diamond in order to feel "complete."

I happen to be engaged to a beautifully non-materialistic woman who truly didn't want a massive rock. We talked about it several times. I've been with her for eight years and know her pretty darned well, and I know that she would have been unconditionally happy and satisfied with whatever I had given her (within reason). The sentiment and symbolism of just having an engagement ring was the important part; the ring itself was inconsequential. I don't think she'll ever suffer from "shrinking rock syndrome" or ever even remotely consider that her less-than-a-carat diamond is somehow a testament to some misguided belief that I am less than fully in love with her. I fully realize that the size of the stone is an important consideration for a lot of folks and I'm not knocking that at all, but not everyone has that need.

I especially disagree with some of Dimonbob's assertions that seem to ardently try to equate diamond size/price with a quantification of love. The idea that the size of the diamond somehow equates to "what she means to you" or saying that "you and you buddies think you future wife is only worth $2000," to me sounds like stuff straight out of Diamond Marketing 101. Or, worse yet, just like a line from a maul jeweler trying to sell-up. No, while this may be something that your girl thinks about, it's also entirely possible that she doesn't put that much emphasis on it. I know this is a contentious idea on a diamond message board, but I think it's worth keeping in mind. The size/price of the diamond very possibly has little or no relation to what you "think your future wife is worth," and many women will understand that. Granted, our society (with an awful lot of help from the diamond marketers at DeBeers and elsewhere) seems to be quite enthralled with large diamonds, but the little chunk of carbon is but one tiny piece of the puzzle. Sorry, but "the more you give, the bigger the return" is certainly not an accurate representation of the reality that some of us live in.

I don't pretend to fully understand the underlying motivations behind a woman's desire for large diamonds, but I can fully relate to the analogy to "guy things" that women don't appreciate the elusive "testosterone value" of. But, to extend Dimonbob's example, the inclusion of the phrase "men that golf" into his astute example of a "guy thing" is telling. It indicates that there are men who don't care about having great/expensive golf clubs, just as there are woman who don't care about having huge/expensive diamonds.

Anyway, I don't mean to make it sound like you should skimp on the diamond, but I just thought it was important to have an opposing view here to give some perspective, and I hope it's taken in that vein. Not everybody subscribes to the "diamonds are super-important symbols of your love" school of thought. I think you should think about what her expectations are, and act accordingly....

-Tim

 

[mattinSD]

I certainly don't think that a guy who makes $30k a year should feel obligated to spend $5k on an e-ring.... At $30k / year you’re probably taking home around $23k, or less than $2/ mth. Assuming you can put away 15% for your e-ring every month, it would take you a year and a half of diligent saving for the ring… Most people can’t save 10% for their retirements, never mind frivolous items like diamonds.

If only we could all get together like sports team owners and set a "engagement ring cap" like a salary cap! It's really not how big or sparkly the ring is, it is how it compares to everyone else’s!

Saying how much you spend is in any way correlated to how much you care / love your wife is TOTAL CRAP! I'd lean toward the comments that men spend the money because they like the complements on the ring as much as the women do.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Yes, I agree that the woman's expectations are important. Not every woman wants something big or even a diamond ring.

My mother and sister both didn't want engagement rings. In fact, my dad claims that there was no proposal; one minute they were talking about getting engaged, the next minute they were making wedding plans. After losing her original plain gold band and getting a rash from the replacement, my mom now wears a dainty family heirloom with an OEC diamond. My sister is very religious, so her husband had a 1/4ct family diamond set in a platinum cross that he designed to propose to her with. I think she thinks it is too big and flashy, so she doesn't wear it very often. She wore his grandmother's eternity band for a few years, but just recently she said it bothered her finger, so I gave her our grandmother's very dainty white gold band set with five or six miniscule diamonds. Luckily, I saved her from buying a tanzanite and diamond band from Macy's that had caught her eye.

My sister in law has a big oval solitaire in platinum with a matching band with five 0.2ct diamonds in it. It is very striking. Her comments: "Oh, it isn't even 2 carats," meaning just the solitaire. I know my brother didn't even do his diamond homework, so I am a little worried that he spent $ he didn't have to, but it is very pretty.

I, on the other hand, would like a 1.3-1.5ct round H&A H-I VS2-SI1 solitaire set in a vatche x prong (like, for example, http://www.goodoldgold.com/1_40ct_i_vs2_h&a.htm; it's been sold, but this is all pretend anyway). However, my boyfriend of five years is flat broke. Luckily, given my mom and sister's lack of interest in diamonds, I have collected all the good diamond heirlooms in our family. I have an engagement ring of my grandmother's -- about half a carat round, eye clean and white (never appraised) in a very stunning platinum fish tail setting with six 0.1ct diamonds on the sides. I also have a dinner ring of my grandma's with a 1.1ct J-K SI1 diamond. If/when we get engaged, I will probably set that diamond in a x prong for now. While I have an inexplicable interest in diamonds, I also am interested in spending my $ on other things. I know that if he were to buy what I really wanted, he would either go into serious debt for it or I would have to pay for it for now. This isn't the kind of gift I want. If we ever have a big surplus of $, then I would feel differently.

My boyfriend loves his toys -- golf clubs, guitars, guitar accessories, CDs, mountain bikes, cars, etc. These are not necessities in life either. Whatever makes us happy, I want us to have if it is within our means. Since the diamond I want right now isn't, oh well. But since I know my boyfriend only has to buy the setting, I also know that we'll get engaged when we feel ready and not a minute sooner. It's not that we're not engaged just because he's waiting the save up the $.

 

[tiggerlgh]

I definitely think the "2 Months" salary is not usually attainable. It was made up by debeers to get higher sales. So saying that I say spend what you comfortably can. People on these boards come from all different areas and back grounds. I have a 1 carat solitare which seems huge to most my family and friends. I on on the other hand work at a place where its not uncommon to see 2+ carat diamonds. Do I care....No. I know that my Fiance spent what he reasonably could. Had he spent more I would have been mad.... mad enough I would have probably traded it in for a smaller one, one that he could afford.

I do agree with some of the other posts shrinkage does occur but, I am very happy with mine now and if I really want to in a few years when we have more $$ we can upgrade then.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 4/12/2003 10

6

8 AM mattinSD wrote:

I certainly don't think that a guy who makes $30k a year should feel obligated to spend $5k on an e-ring.... At $30k / year you’re probably taking home around $23k, or less than $2/ mth. ----------------

I'm with you - that 2 months salary notion is just plain marketing garbage.

Simply put, buy what one can afford - be responsible and at the same time generous.

But, playing the devil's advocate here - say you (the man) are established, little debt & decent secure job. You spend thousands on "toys" & cars. Then you go and only spend 2k on an engagement ring (knowing that your to be desires and covets a nice ring). *That* would be telling on the sacrifice one is willing to make for a marriage. So, in this case, I could say this particular person may not think to highly of his to be. At least, not as much as he thinks of himself.

 

[mattinSD]

Fire & Ice,



You bring up an excellent point - nowadays the first thing young people do when they finish college is buy a SUV they can't afford, spend half their paychecks for rent in a luxury condo, and eat out six nights a weeks... makes you wonder why they would go cheap on a ring that should be on your loved one fingers for the rest of her life. BUT, the whole notion of "the more you spend, the more you love" is the worst type of sales tatic.

 

[flyguy]

----- *That* would be telling on the sacrifice one is willing to make for a marriage. So, in this case, I could say this particular person may not think to highly of his to be.----

Let me play devil's role now, I think this is pretty judgemental, marriage and life has more important things if you are talking about sacrifice but again it depends on person to person, some (shall I say many?) girls do give more importance to how much a guy spends on her..but then again its just my opinion.

Looks like we are heading in right direction in terms of how we are discussing this carbon gimmick.
Tim(Optimized), I am always amazed at you strategic assessment , I like all of your posts. You hit on the right words, Cheers.

Some girls really understand the situation, As Phoenixgirl said, you know how much ur guy can spend and that should do the deal. Thats the bottomline.

Learning more about a diamond certianly makes you knowledgable but make sure you seperate marketing from reality.

Life is full of moments, make each other happy without going in Debt

, get married, have pretty babies and when you get 70, look back and say what was your moment!
Have a great weekend !

 

[rockabuy]

i think the amount you spend is dependent on a few factors.(not limited to the ones listed below)
1) what does your girlfriedn wants. Most of my friends girlfriends diamonds are below a carat. She wanted something at least 1 carat.
2) Your personel finances. ie are you saving to buy a house? (my girlfriend and I are trying to save money for a house and we have a lot of saving to do unforunately with the housing market in the area in which I live) also current debt.
3) after researching on pricescope do you start to want a highr quality diamond than you would have bought. Im sure I could have spent a lot less on a stone that wasnt ideal cut, and most people wouldnt have know the difference, but I would.

I planed on spending apx 60 percent of my two month gross salary from both my day job and my night job. Including appraisal and shipping costs I spent 90% and I still feel I probably should have went a little bigger then 1.07

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 4/12/2003 1:19

9 PM flyguy wrote:

-----
I think this is pretty judgemental, marriage and life has more important things if you are talking about sacrifice but again it depends on person to person, some (shall I say many?) girls do give more importance to how much a guy spends on her..but then again its just my opinion.

----------------

No, I am not being judgemental. If you re-read my post (or perhaps I did not make myself clear):

1. Guy has disposable income to spend on girl.

2. Guy has no problem spending money on himself.

3. Girl desires/covets nice engagement ring. Guy knows this fact.

4. Instead of wanting to please future *wife* to be, guy scrimps on ring budget & purchases something for himself instead.

I've seen this happen. This couple was divorced a few years later. Girl cites selfishness & basic unhappiness. Living with someone who thinks more highly of themselves than you can erode self-esteem. The ring was an example (in this case should have been a red flag) of one of three things. Guy had very little interest in pleasing girl. Guy did not acknowledge *her* desires as vaild. Or, guy is just plain selfish. This is a recipe for disaster in a marriage

All that said, I would be equally offended w/ a women who demanded an expensive ring boy clearly could not afford.

Life & marriage indeed have more important things than a diamond. But, willingness to please your to be & generousity are traits that I covet.

Keep in mind, I am not focusing on *the diamond* - just the bigger issue in a marriage of:

1. recognizing & accepting what may be important to the other partner.

2. wanting to please & basically make your partner happy.

I'm not judging. I am making the observation of a women who has been happily married for 20 years. I've seen alot of marriages come & go.

As I stated in another post. How much to spend is simple. How much do *you* have to spend. No one needs to start life out in debt.

 

[Hest88]

A woman should only marry a man who wants to give her the diamond of her wildest dreams; a man should only marry a woman who truly wants only what he can afford.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 4/12/2003 2:33:19 PM Hest88 wrote:

A woman should only marry a man who wants to give her the diamond of her wildest dreams; a man should only marry a woman who truly wants only what he can afford.
----------------

Succinctly put what I was trying to say. Bravo!

 

[kaylagee]

I just read this @ http://www.diamondcuttersintl.com/diamond_education/faqs.html


"8. I don’t want to be a cheapskate but I also don’t want to go overboard; what is a fair amount to spend on an engagement ring?


I’ll leave “fair” up to you but let me give you some averages. Out of all the women who will get engaged this year 76% will get a ring. Sixty-six percent of those will get a brand new ring and approximately 6-10% will wear an inherited ring. The average size of a new engagement ring is .38ct (less than a carat) and the average spent is $1,500 to $1,700. I find a good rule of thumb to be about one month’s gross salary."

what do you think? true?

 

[slukster]

"Men don't need to be given choices about jewelry, they need to be told what to get, when and how much to spend."

While I agree that "2 months salary" is a load of crap, I do have to say that I agree that most men don't know much about diamond purchasing and need to be guided as to what size diamond to get and how much to spend. Without this "2 months salary" guide ringing in my head, I wouldn't even know where to begin as far as budgeting. In my head (call me crazy if necessary) I figured if I got a larger diamond than her 2 best friends who are married, then I will be ok (luckily for me, I think the largest stone to beat was only .80 carats ). I know this isn't right but like it or not, your manhood will be judged by how much you spend and the size of the diamond. Your girlfriend might love it and be quite happy with it but when her friends put their rings side by side with hers, it better out shine theirs or else she will have a "That is a nice ring" rather than "Wow, what a rock!". First question out of everyone's mouth seems to be "How big is it?"

I originally had in mind to spend $5000 for a ring, don't ask me where I came up with that number. But after doing my research, I ended up spending that for the diamond alone. Having all of this great info on diamond buying is both good and bad. Without it, I would have ended up getting a mall store crap diamond (and I can say crap diamond because I have been in many mall jewelers and most of the diamonds I have seen were really low quality. The few good quality diamonds were way overpriced). The bad (if I can consider this bad) is that because I refuse to buy crap, I am going to end up spending a total of about $6,200, $1,200 more than I had originally planned. I am not complaining about the extra cash because I will be getting a ring that I would want to wear (and I just might for a while, have to enjoy it while it is still MINE. LOL )

-Bill

 

[PoopEater]

Originally Posted by Mara:
"but I also knew there was NO WAY I wanted anything less than 1c."

This is the kind of talk that dwindles what little hope I have left for humanity. If my girl ever gave me ultimatums like that, I would be running in the other direction. Good riddance to her and to her materialism.

I'm a 24yo guy, and I make a decent amount of money. There is NO WAY I could afford to spend 2 months of gross salary, or even 2 months of take home salary on the ring. Where is the money going to come from? After I pay my mortgage, car payment, insurance, utilities, food, etc., I have exactly $125 a month that is unbudgeted. I hardly ever eat out, my car loan was $18k when I bought it, so it's not like I have expensive tastes. Where is this 2 months salary supposed to come from? When I first started shopping, the first jeweler I went to had the gall to tell me that the average spent on a ring was 3 MONTHS SALARY. Is this woman insane? I just bought a house and this woman wants me to plunk over $15k on a friggin' RING?!?! IN THIS ECONOMY?!?! Maybe it's because I'm still young and haven't had much time to 'save up' money, but I honestly don't know where people get the dough to plunk $10k on a ring.

 

[frizzy_dt]

I agree with PoopEater!!!

When I got engaged I was 23. I had a .25+ ct solitaire ring (about $200-300 at the time). We had it placed in a setting with about a 1/3 ct or so channel diamonds around it a year later. Now we've been married almost 9 years and upgraded to a $4000 ring. I wanted a larger stone, but with kids and cars and a house there is no way we could justify spending $10,000 on a piece of jewelry. We decided to get a champagne diamond three stone ring (1.51ct SI center C5-C6 and .27ct VS2 G side stones). An all white diamond ring would have been 3 times what we paid for the same quality. Can't justify it.

Your girl should love you for who you are, not what you give her.

Then again if you have nothing better do do with your money, get a 5ct stone and please pay off my house for me.

If you can afford 2 months salary without going into debt... great. If you can't it's the love that counts... not the size.

Hope I didn't offend anyone.... Just my opinion.
(I would love a huge rock, but not to sacrifice for it.)

 

[frizzy_dt]

--------------------------------How much is enough for a engagement ring?


To answer the original question....

Love is enough!!!!!!!!!
My parents have been married 40 years and my Mom never had an official engagement ring.

 

[Mara]

Not as though it's required to explain myself to anyone, but let me clarify. There was absolutely NO ultimatum issued. I don't work like that.

I already have other items of jewelry from my guy so this was not a first purchase from him to me meaning that we both understood what we both liked in the way of jewelry...and we are well above the early twenties age range. We both make very good money...and I know what he can afford. That said...I didn't want him to overspend and be foolish, but I knew he could afford at least a 1c and most likely more. Since that is what I really wanted, I wasn't going to settle--and I wouldn't have had to. He wouldn't have gotten me a ring until he could get me what I wanted. No big deal. Then again as I noted, we aren't young with no savings or funds to speak of, we both are doing pretty well. So buying a ring was not a huge deal. We stayed well under the 2mo range which is perfectly fine as that is just a huge marketing ploy setup by De Beers to sucker poor guys into their idea of what you should spend if you love the person. Bah. I buy what I want, when I want it, because I want it. He does that too. We do it for each other. We can. End of story.

The whole..'how much to spend' is such a hot political topic. If you want a nice ring or a size over a specified amount, you are material and should be shown the door. If you don't want a diamond, or don't want a ring, or have a girl who wants a smaller ring, etc....you call others material. Rather in my mind, it is a preference purchase. Do you like a certain brand of clothing? We all have our preferences and some will not settle for less. A diamond is a luxury purchase, you don't need it to survive nor does your love. But in my mind, if you are going to do it, do it right. Don't begrudge the person you love (be it woman or man or WHATEVER type purchase, not just a ring) what they would really want if it will make them happy.

Chances are also that we are all matched well with the person who understands us and our wants. It is all about priorities...I wear jeans and flip flops alot. Sometimes my ring looks totally out of place when combined with my casual clothing style. I don't care, I think it's cool! My priority was to have a ring that I really loved and skimp on other things if necessary--like the wedding! Thank goodness my guy agreed with what I was thinking. He also is a little bit odd in that he LOVES buying jewelry so I am a lucky girl!

Material maybe...but still lucky.

 

[fire&ice]

Poopeater, Hubby was 24ish when he proposed. There was *NO WAY* he could have afforded 10k for a ring. I would have loved to have a 10k ring; but, it was not feasible or practical. At the time I could not even fathom spending 10k on anything. Hubby was in grad school & I had an entry level position (i.e. low salary). He paid about 2400.00 for my ring (F VS .70ish). We both worked summers & part time in school. We are both savers; and, we were fortunate that our education was paid for. So, he had a nice but modest savings account with little to no debt (he was doing "renderings" on the side). He knew I loved big diamonds. He spent what he could afford. He always fondly refered to my diamond as my starter stone. That may sound materialistic - but it really was a commitment to give me a life style he wanted *me* & *us* to have.

Mara's "to be" is significantly older than you. If one is smart, one accumulates wealth over time. There is a *huge* difference between what one can accumulate at 24 vs 30+. And..a *huge* difference between 30 vs 40+. I did not interpret Mara's 1 carat comment the same way you did. She simply expressed her desire w/ her pratical nature showing through. She knows what he can afford.

All that said, one should buy what one can afford keeping in mind the desires of your to be. PERIOD.

*Materialism* is a two way street. My hubby does not care about material things except to be comfortable. *He* knew I wanted a big rock. It was unimportant to him EXCEPT that it was something I desired. We are fortunate to be able to purchase such luxury item. It was no big deal to him. Both of us think it's beautiful. What he did not expect is the reaction that others have had. All of a sudden, we are rich (in the eyes of others). Neither one of us thought people would be so materialistic to see this as a sign of wealth. Actually, we had less money the day after we bought the ring than the day before

Of course, now we are thinking.......geez.......did everyone think we were poor before? Shrug.

 

[frizzy_dt]

Mara---

I hope you didn't take what I said the wrong way.

If you can afford it, great!! Go for it.

I just wouldn't want my love to go into hock just to prove something.

 

[pqcollectibles]

YES! YES! YES! Frizzy, LOVE is enough. Rings can come later, if needed and/or wanted.

My parents didn't have the money for rings when they got married. Post WWII era. After my older brother was born, my dad finally landed a decent job where he got a $50 Christmas bonus. Dad promptly took that bonus and bought Mom's rings. It wasn't right to him that a woman with a baby not wear wedding rings. Even in those days, $50 didn't buy much. The solitaire (diamond chip, ah hum) and band (more diamond chips) were illusion set to give the appearance of a much larger set.

Hubby and I got married with a borrowed set of rings. We were college students with no money, and my girlfriend had a wedding set from a broken engagement. I later got a plain gold band. In no time, we were both working great jobs, pulling down good money, and I passed when my husband offered to buy me a 2 carat diamond solitaire. Great vacations and other life experiences were more important to me than something I couldn't cook on 2 years later. We only bought a new jeweled band after I thought I lost my original, simple gold band. Later we added a solitaire emerald (not emerald shape, but an emerald) in a diamond semi-mount to the jeweled band. Ten years after that, I started getting a terrible rash my ring finger every time I wore my yellow gold set. I tried several things recommended by my doctor to fix the contact dermatitis situation. That's when I upgraded to the platinum set I have now. I didn't get a new emerald either. We just had the emerald reset in a new semi-mount. My current platinum set didn't approach being worth 2 months gross salary at the time I got it. And since it was a building process, the money was spent in smaller increments.

Some women are born loving and wanting fine jewelry. I pity the young man that gets one of my daughters. That girl has an eye for fine things. Not just jewelry, but clothes, cars, etc., etc., etc. Some women aren't. And some women are just sensible and only want the best that her guy can afford to give. Whether it's a soda can pull tab, a cigar band, a diamond chip, the colored gemstone she adores, or the over the top, huge diamond ring.

Fly Guy, there are no hard and fast rules regarding the e-ring. It's what you are comfortable with and can afford to spend in relation to your gal's tastes.

 

[PoopEater]

Mara, fire&ice, the way that Mara had made the comment, it sounded like she made her acceptance of the proposal contingent on the man buying her *at least* a 1ct. stone. I see now that it isn't the case, so I apologize if I offended anyone. I know that some women do lay down the rule that if boyfriend doesn't buy me an X carat stone, then I won't marry him, and that mindset makes me sick.

 

[Mara]

Definitely not the case. I've been with him for 3 years, waiting for him to decide that marriage was a GO for the last year before proposal. So by the time he was ready to buy *anything* for me in the way of a ring, I would have been happy with a diamond chip. And to be honest, when we started to look, I didn't have a clear idea of what I wanted. I thought maybe a 1c as that seemed to be the norm around here from rings I'd seen, but once we started trying on rings with stones in them, I rapidly realized that I at least wanted a 1c, as anything else on my finger seemed too small. I'm a tall girl and I have large hands (no dainty fingers for me!!), so anything under 1c seemed lost. Thank goodness he agreed!

So that is where the 1c+ rule came from...after the initial visits I realized I at least wanted a 1c or we'd wait until we could get it. But thankfully that was not the scenario.

Funny thing too. I asked him yesterday...'so if I had not been involved AT ALL in this purchase what do you think you would have gotten me?' I sometimes wonder if I actually influenced him all that much--as he really does know me pretty well. He said...'well you wouldn't have gotten the ring with stones all the way around, because I wouldn't have known you'd like that. But if I had just called up Jeff (our jeweler offline) and said..bring in some stuff, here is the budget, you probably would have ended up with that same stone.' SO, I would have had a solitaire with this exact same stone (he really loved this stone from the ones we were shown)...but he would have paid more! We got the deal we got because I'd done my research online and knew online pricing. Jeff matched the online price of a similar stone, and therefore gave us the stone for around $2k less than he normally would have sold it to a regular retail customer. So I essentially saved him $2k on a purchase he would have made regardless, and got a cooler setting! Hee!

 

[PoopEater]

Mara, could you please humor me by posting pics of your ring on your hand? My gf also has pretty large hands. How tall are you, btw?