How do you survive

[movie zombie]

time. for some lots of time.
yes, it can be worse. everytime i thought it couldn't get worse and it did, well, i ran into someone and their story was even worse than mine. i was thankful for my problems and glad i didn't have theirs. there are some really ugly divorce stories. dangerous divorces. don't let the "tapes" run in your head. don't beat yourself up for making a "collosal" mistake. i don't mean to belittle your feelings or experience but TIME will help. distance from the situation. and don't beat yourself up for feeling depressed or down. denying those feelings just makes it deep seated and worse in the long run. keep busy. do things with people that appreciate you. know that there is a better future for you. eta: no contact is an absolute must for moving on.

 

[walkinfaith]

Haven't chimed in yet but wanted to just say that I'm glad that you're wise enough to have gotten out before having children, etc. that tie you to that other person forever.

In your case, I would say that your ex will stop slapping you in the face with these things only once YOU have the mental fortitude to stop letting him do it. Seriously, why bother? You don't have to speak to him - at all. If you are represented by an attorney, do not take your ex's calls. Make it very clear that you have zero tolerance for verbal abuse, and you will press charges if he does anything unlawful to you. Don't play the game. If your ex is anything like mine (who hey, wouldn't brush his teeth either and had awful breath - SO GROSS!), he'll quickly give up once he realizes he's lost.

If you want an inspirational story, pop over to the ladies in waiting forum and read Audball's LONG thread (I think her screen name was "adviceplease" or something like that) about her breakup from a long term relationship...and her recent one about buying a diamond w/her FF! Seriously, it gets better much quicker than you think it will. You won't be feeling reverberations for a year unless YOU don't let go and it sounds like that isn't going to be a problem for you.

YES to thanking the heavens we don't have kids. To everyone who has to continue dealing with the ex for the children - I simply bow down to you and send you all the dust in the world, because I cannot even imagine how difficult that would be.

No attorneys, and we're trying to get a summary dissolution since - no kids, no assets, etc. The only reason I need to deal with him at all is that we need to get certain things squared away before we can even file. I would cut my losses and just run if I had any other choice. What I'm asking for is simply what I'm owed, but more than that, I need it to live. But I'm thinking of other ways to approach this to make it as quick as possible. One of which is improving my situation so I can manage without what he owes me. If that happens, I'd be so happy to forget he ever existed, and he can take the fruits of his asshattery and stuff it!

 

[walkinfaith]

time. for some lots of time.
yes, it can be worse. everytime i thought it couldn't get worse and it did, well, i ran into someone and their story was even worse than mine. i was thankful for my problems and glad i didn't have theirs. there are some really ugly divorce stories. dangerous divorces. don't let the "tapes" run in your head. don't beat yourself up for making a "collosal" mistake. i don't mean to belittle your feelings or experience but TIME will help. distance from the situation. and don't beat yourself up for feeling depressed or down. denying those feelings just makes it deep seated and worse in the long run. keep busy. do things with people that appreciate you. know that there is a better future for you. eta: no contact is an absolute must for moving on.

Yes, absolutely there are worse divorces, and I by no means am saying this is even close to the worst experience I've had in my life. I just meant can it get worse in terms of this person's delusion and straight up stupidity Thanks for the advice, I'm pretty much there but it's always nice to hear reminders to keep myself in check

 

[walkinfaith]

ETA: When I divorced my husband after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids, I thought that it would be healthy for us to remain close friends. I was dead wrong. All that did was allow him to continue to frustrate the hell out of me. He's angry, you're angry. You're not going to be married and you don't have to be friends. I'm sure it works for some people, and it might even work for you once the dust has settled but right now that's not your concern.

Do you have a lot of joint debt? If not, is it fairly even in terms of how much is in each of your names? Does one of you care more about your credit than the other?

Lot of joint debt, in my name because he a) doesn't have good credit, and mostly b) couldn't be bothered to inconvenience himself to try to contribute/help in any way. I have excellent credit. Would never carry debt but for this disaster of a marriage. Plus lots of other moneys he now owes me. Oof. I actually want nothing to do with him, ever again. I just need to get past this one thing, and then it's over. Common sense and common decency dictate that this should be super simple. Of course he doesn't have either, so here we are. Thank you again so much for taking the time to post and letting me vent.

ETA - and the brushing teeth thing - WHAT is with that?!!!! I can't even.

 

[tammy77]

I have to be honest, I doubt that you can expect your ex to make good on the debt. There's a reason he has awful credit. Your best bet honestly is to try to sell of whatever was purchased (if you can) and put whatever you get towards the debt - big TV? Sell it to pay for his half! If possible, try to increase your hours at your job, or get a second one so you can free yourself financially from him. Make sure that you have a separate checking account and have cut off ALL of his access to any of your credit or income. You get the picture.

He's using this to get back at you because he's hurt and angry too. He's immature and lazy from what you've said, and likely oblivious to a lot of the things that upset you. HE probably feels like YOU are the one that pulled the rug out from under him, however delusional he might be. People act like idiots when they're hurt and angry.

 

[walkinfaith]

I have to be honest, I doubt that you can expect your ex to make good on the debt. There's a reason he has awful credit. Your best bet honestly is to try to sell of whatever was purchased (if you can) and put whatever you get towards the debt - big TV? Sell it to pay for his half! You get the picture.

He's using this to get back at you because he's hurt and angry too. He's immature and lazy from what you've said, and likely oblivious to a lot of the things that upset you. HE probably feels like YOU are the one that pulled the rug out from under him, however delusional he might be. People act like idiots when they're hurt and angry.

You hit the nail so squarely on the head it's scary. I wish the debt actually went to something I could sell! I'm trying to sell off everything of value that I own as well. Anything for this to end.

 

[tammy77]

If it's THAT bad (as in tens of thousands vs a thousand or two) you might want to just consider bankruptcy.

 

[walkinfaith]

If it's THAT bad (as in tens of thousands vs a thousand or two) you might want to just consider bankruptcy.

Oh, well...he has at least agreed to pay for half of the credit card debt (albeit slo o o owly), and as far as when/whether I'll be able to pay the rest...I think I need to cross that bridge when I get to it. It's a little too much for right now. Just trying to get through each moment Thanks for your posts, though, it sounds like we were married to very similar(ly aggravating) individuals.

 

[tammy77]

Here's hoping that you're posting in 2 yrs that you're with as good of a guy as I ended up with too! It'll get better, I promise.

 

[walkinfaith]

To everyone who has posted:
Gypsy
sonnyjane
stardust
diamondseeker
bright ice
kenny
Porridge
Maisie
Meezermom
justginger
monarch
deco
Begonia
Amys bling
tammy
movie zombie
you have my most heartfelt gratitude for sharing your strength, wisdom, and advice. I guess I thought because I had gone through most of the stages of grief before I made the decision to leave, everything after would be smooth sailing. Having been proved wrong and caught pretty off-guard, reading all of your experiences and advice are especially invaluable to me and I really can't thank you all enough.

part gypsy and anyone who may be going through something similar - please post and we can commiserate and try to be each other's strength.

Huge hugs to all.

 

[walkinfaith]

Here's hoping that you're posting in 2 yrs that you're with as good of a guy as I ended up with too! It'll get better, I promise.

I'm so so happy that things worked out so great for you. I hope that in time things will get better for me too

 

[Rhea]

I wrote out a long post, but my situation isn't quite the same.

It does get better. You find your self, get back to basics, and it gets easier. I'm sorry you're going through this, it isn't easy.

 

[walkinfaith]

I wrote out a long post, but my situation isn't quite the same.

It does get better. You find your self, get back to basics, and it gets easier. I'm sorry you're going through this, it isn't easy.

Thank you so much. And please, share your story if you'd like! There might be others reading the thread it will really resonate with. Stories of getting through it are always good

 

[Begonia]

I am so happy to hear that you had a good day. Your tone is more upbeat and that is encouraging to us all that you are finding some strength within and from others.

Try to have fun as often as possible. I know that seems obvious, but I for one have had to let go of my 'support' system because they liked to wallow in misery. We just don't have fun, or joy anymore. We ended up commiserating and then going home at the end of it feeling like I didn't get a mental holiday. I'm looking for people that know how to have fun and laugh ya know? Life can be scary at times, so I wanna laugh as often as possible and chase those monsters away.

 

[partgypsy]

Well I felt just awful all day yesterday. Finally after I got home from work and the kids were asleep we talked. I had told him the things that I expected, and the things I was disappointed in. When it comes down to it, we both love each other, and we both want to work on it. I do need to work on things myself, like not letting feelings about the past infect the present, and being more assertive about my needs. It's too bad that it takes me being that upset for him to listen to me. He probably won't ever be a big breadwinner. He feels he tries to help where his strengths lie. Since that is probably not going to change, it's up to me to decide if that is a dealbreaker. Besides the fact I love him, and we have 2 kids together, it's not, as long as I feel my needs are met otherwise. Probably like alot of people in this economy, I do have anxieties about money. So I need to figure out ways I can reduce my anxiety about it.
People are people. One wishes on can pick and choose the best parts of someone but it is a package deal. But I think everyone within those limitations can strive to be a better person.

 

[partgypsy]

Begonia, I totally understand that view! My biggest support system are are mom, sister, and best friend, who have all been divorced or burned by past relationships and are very down on men. So sometimes I feel much more negative after talking to them versus freinds who are married with kids, who focus on how to make a relationship work in a nonideal world, rather than how everything can go wrong.
I'm thinking of signing up for a bollywood dance class

 

[Samantha Red]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I got divorced from my first husband just over 10 years ago. We had been together for 16 years and married for 6. There were no children and I was going through fertility treatment when he decided a younger more fertile brood mare would be a better approach. Rather handily she worked just outside his office too as she was his PA.

It was devastating of course and I felt every conceivable emotion. For a long time I wished he had just died because then I would have 'only' had the grief and not rejection and grief. I was pushed forward by having known someone years before who had literally never recovered from her husband leaving her and spent the rest of her adult life planning and wishing for his return - such a waste. I was determined that would never happen to me as I truly believed happiness was going to be the best revenge. I played a few crafty moves with the divorce financially so felt a degree of satisfaction from that and got myself a toyboy, who is now my beloved and wonderful husband. A few years later I got myself a horse which my first husband would have never let happen so I am very very content and his existence barely ever hits my radar.

You will one day soon be happy and fulfilled and be stronger and happier having survived the experience. Women are so the stronger sex.

Good luck and God Bless

 

[joflier]

I'm sorry that your going through this tough time.
I would say that the first year or so was the hardest one post divorce. It just took some time to adapt to suddenly being on my own again. Not to mention the debt. I had only worked part time during our marriage because he didn't want a wife who was gone all the time. But yet - I was responsible for 90% of the bills. Which meant I had nothing to my name when I left. Luckily I had some family that were able to loan me enough to get the divorce. But man, those were hard times. I bought almost no groceries since I didn't have any money. I would just wander around the office in the evenings and take some of the leftovers from the drug rep lunches that no one wanted. I think the lowest point was when I ran out of some toiletries, and didn't have enough money to go get any, so I actually stole some things out of the donation box that we had for a local women's shelter.... I felt like I probably couldn't get much lower than that.

So in a fairly short time, I was able to secure a 2nd job, and I just poured every part of myself into working. I put in some crazy hours for a long time. The plus side to all of that was that working nonstop made the loneliness more tolerable. Kept me busy so I didn't have as much time to think or feel sorry for myself. (I still did that plenty, but not as much...) And by the time I was able to kind of come out of things and have a good handle on my emotions and life, I also had zero debt and a lot of money put away because of it. I came away after a few years with a sense of pride. Accomplishing things I never thought I would or could. And being able to do so many things entirely on my own.
So my advice to you would be to try and get a 2nd job. It's a certain kind of therapy all in itself......Also, I started seeing a life coach (aka, therapist, but I prefer to call him a life coach) when I left my husband, and that was a great help to me. It was someone who was entirely on my side. And he was a sounding board where I could let the emotions loose to another set of human ears, rather than keeping them hidden 100% of the time, which is what a I mostly did. I hope your able to navigate your way through this rocky path. It will get better! Hang in there.

 

[Begonia]

part gypsy

You go girl. Right now, sign up. Go.

That's another thing I am Sick. To. Death. Of. Regrets.

They are all spinning around in my head. So, the only way to chase away those bad boys is to sign up, sign on, and go for it.

Oh, and don't get me started on procrastination...

 

[PS34one]

Dear Walkinfaith,
I tell everyone I meet that is divorced or going through a divorce that I can never know exactly what they are going through or understand, but that I understand enough to say that I am truly sorry for what you are going through.

I also was divorced after 4 years of marriage, (my ex-husband and I were together for 7). That was 3 years ago an a I'm still only 30 so it feels like a large chunk of my life! How do you survive? For me I felt like I lost everything, the life I built, my security, sense of self,
my beloved family of in-laws, a life that I once thought was perfect. And I was left with debt, uncertainty, shame, insecurity, and the remains of a "fair" mutual settlement felt empty and meaningless now that I was walking around with this "scarlet letter". Who plans on this??

I suggest you already have the answer to your question, "Walkinfaith"! And I am so thankful for all the wonderful amazing testimonys
of others here who have survived what no one should have to endure. Every one has shown such Love and great advice and openness in sharing their story! Thank You!

For me, Faith was the answer to my Divorce and for everyday since. Now is the time to stay as close to that as Possible!
Remember what God says about you, and grab a hold of some promises. Those things are true and can be trusted when you feel like nothing else can be! Be tranformed by the renewing of your mind, remember to think about what is true, and honorable, and just, and pure, and lovely and worthy of praise.
I remember feeling like I would never be rid of the anger and awful feelings of disaproval, or manipulation or fear. I would think I was doing better and then it would all come rushing back. I know Psalm 91 almost by heart because i had to read it every night!
But you just do your best to (YES!!!) "put one foot in front of the other" and as hard as it is, begin the process of forgiving those
who have hurt you so badly. That dose not mean that "forgiving" is the Same as "Trusting"or allowing that person into your life. I agree that if you ave able to cut all ties this is the best thing for both of you. Some people may not understand, (my own family did not understand) but if you do not have children I believe this is the best way for both people to heal properly. I promise as you do these things you will begin to feel "Whole" again and the God of Grace will continue to restore you.

Ah! I'm a yabler. Anyway thanks to everyone here for contributing. I guess I couldn't help sharing! This is my first Post any where ever.
And I didn't even talk about my diamonds! LoL

 

[walkinfaith]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I got divorced from my first husband just over 10 years ago. We had been together for 16 years and married for 6. There were no children and I was going through fertility treatment when he decided a younger more fertile brood mare would be a better approach. Rather handily she worked just outside his office too as she was his PA.

It was devastating of course and I felt every conceivable emotion. For a long time I wished he had just died because then I would have 'only' had the grief and not rejection and grief. I was pushed forward by having known someone years before who had literally never recovered from her husband leaving her and spent the rest of her adult life planning and wishing for his return - such a waste. I was determined that would never happen to me as I truly believed happiness was going to be the best revenge. I played a few crafty moves with the divorce financially so felt a degree of satisfaction from that and got myself a toyboy, who is now my beloved and wonderful husband. A few years later I got myself a horse which my first husband would have never let happen so I am very very content and his existence barely ever hits my radar.

You will one day soon be happy and fulfilled and be stronger and happier having survived the experience. Women are so the stronger sex.

Good luck and God Bless

Your story makes me so furious I could scream. I am so happy you now have a (formerly toyboy) husband and a horse. You are amazing.

 

[walkinfaith]

I'm sorry that your going through this tough time.
I would say that the first year or so was the hardest one post divorce. It just took some time to adapt to suddenly being on my own again. Not to mention the debt. I had only worked part time during our marriage because he didn't want a wife who was gone all the time. But yet - I was responsible for 90% of the bills. Which meant I had nothing to my name when I left. Luckily I had some family that were able to loan me enough to get the divorce. But man, those were hard times. I bought almost no groceries since I didn't have any money. I would just wander around the office in the evenings and take some of the leftovers from the drug rep lunches that no one wanted. I think the lowest point was when I ran out of some toiletries, and didn't have enough money to go get any, so I actually stole some things out of the donation box that we had for a local women's shelter.... I felt like I probably couldn't get much lower than that.

So in a fairly short time, I was able to secure a 2nd job, and I just poured every part of myself into working. I put in some crazy hours for a long time. The plus side to all of that was that working nonstop made the loneliness more tolerable. Kept me busy so I didn't have as much time to think or feel sorry for myself. (I still did that plenty, but not as much...) And by the time I was able to kind of come out of things and have a good handle on my emotions and life, I also had zero debt and a lot of money put away because of it. I came away after a few years with a sense of pride. Accomplishing things I never thought I would or could. And being able to do so many things entirely on my own.
So my advice to you would be to try and get a 2nd job. It's a certain kind of therapy all in itself......Also, I started seeing a life coach (aka, therapist, but I prefer to call him a life coach) when I left my husband, and that was a great help to me. It was someone who was entirely on my side. And he was a sounding board where I could let the emotions loose to another set of human ears, rather than keeping them hidden 100% of the time, which is what a I mostly did. I hope your able to navigate your way through this rocky path. It will get better! Hang in there.

Thanks for sharing your experience - you are such a survivor and I have nothing but respect for everything you did to survive. I think you're absolutely right, and for me that means leaving grad school and getting whatever job(s) I can. It just doesn't make sense tp go further into debt each day and allowing a delusional idiot to cause me panic attacks and inevitable stroke. It's difficult finding anything I'm even qualified for, since I have a useless undergraduate degree, but I will beg a restaurant to take on a waitress with no experience and I will get through.

 

[walkinfaith]

Dear Walkinfaith,
I tell everyone I meet that is divorced or going through a divorce that I can never know exactly what they are going through or understand, but that I understand enough to say that I am truly sorry for what you are going through.

I also was divorced after 4 years of marriage, (my ex-husband and I were together for 7). That was 3 years ago an a I'm still only 30 so it feels like a large chunk of my life! How do you survive? For me I felt like I lost everything, the life I built, my security, sense of self,
my beloved family of in-laws, a life that I once thought was perfect. And I was left with debt, uncertainty, shame, insecurity, and the remains of a "fair" mutual settlement felt empty and meaningless now that I was walking around with this "scarlet letter". Who plans on this??

I suggest you already have the answer to your question, "Walkinfaith"! And I am so thankful for all the wonderful amazing testimonys
of others here who have survived what no one should have to endure. Every one has shown such Love and great advice and openness in sharing their story! Thank You!

For me, Faith was the answer to my Divorce and for everyday since. Now is the time to stay as close to that as Possible!
Remember what God says about you, and grab a hold of some promises. Those things are true and can be trusted when you feel like nothing else can be! Be tranformed by the renewing of your mind, remember to think about what is true, and honorable, and just, and pure, and lovely and worthy of praise.
I remember feeling like I would never be rid of the anger and awful feelings of disaproval, or manipulation or fear. I would think I was doing better and then it would all come rushing back. I know Psalm 91 almost by heart because i had to read it every night!
But you just do your best to (YES!!!) "put one foot in front of the other" and as hard as it is, begin the process of forgiving those
who have hurt you so badly. That dose not mean that "forgiving" is the Same as "Trusting"or allowing that person into your life. I agree that if you ave able to cut all ties this is the best thing for both of you. Some people may not understand, (my own family did not understand) but if you do not have children I believe this is the best way for both people to heal properly. I promise as you do these things you will begin to feel "Whole" again and the God of Grace will continue to restore you.

Ah! I'm a yabler. Anyway thanks to everyone here for contributing. I guess I couldn't help sharing! This is my first Post any where ever.
And I didn't even talk about my diamonds! LoL

Faith is a bit of a difficult proposition for me now. Many decades of struggling has made me bitter, I suppose. I will undoubtedly muster up enough energy to still try, but right now it is difficult. Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Wakinfaith:

Many years ago I was in your situation--my first husband walked out on me and left me living in a Manhattan apartment while I was on disability. I was shattered, in shock, devastated, you name it. I had no family to support me. And there was no chance of a reconciliation.

I did not handle it well--alcohol, drugs, wrong men, you name it, until I slashed my wrists and wound up in Bellevue Hospital. It took a long time with the correct therapist to work out the anger and the abandonment I felt. I also had to find a lawyer to protect my financial interest as the ex was playing mone games. I was angry for a LONG TIME, but I found ways to channel the anger. I got into yoga, I went back to chool, I job a new job.

I met my now husband at my new job, Today is the 31st anniversary o our first date and I am looking at the 31 roses he gave me this morning. The anger I wasted on my first husband seems to remote and foreign to me...but it served its purpose. I'm just sorry I let it physically hurt me.

I guesss what I am saying is anger can be a good and positive emotion if you let it send you in the right direction. I'm lucky I didn't wind up dead from an overdose or another statistic and I found the love of my life and we have a wonderful son. So the ex did me a BIG favor. I'm just sorry it took me so long to get over it and start living my real life.

I wish you the best, and I thik I truly uderstand how you feel. Believe me, you will survive and emege a strong person with a clear view of who you are.

 

[PS34one]

Walkinfaith,
You know what I have noticed and think is so amazing about you is that even though you are going through this very difficult trial you take the time to listen and thank and encourage everyone else here who has responded. Can I assume you have used the other circumstances in your life to encourage others as well? I hope so because you really have a gift for that.
I wish I could offer more, like a real hug.

 

[walkinfaith]

Wakinfaith:

Many years ago I was in your situation--my first husband walked out on me and left me living in a Manhattan apartment while I was on disability. I was shattered, in shock, devastated, you name it. I had no family to support me. And there was no chance of a reconciliation.

I did not handle it well--alcohol, drugs, wrong men, you name it, until I slashed my wrists and wound up in Bellevue Hospital. It took a long time with the correct therapist to work out the anger and the abandonment I felt. I also had to find a lawyer to protect my financial interest as the ex was playing mone games. I was angry for a LONG TIME, but I found ways to channel the anger. I got into yoga, I went back to chool, I job a new job.

I met my now husband at my new job, Today is the 31st anniversary o our first date and I am looking at the 31 roses he gave me this morning. The anger I wasted on my first husband seems to remote and foreign to me...but it served its purpose. I'm just sorry I let it physically hurt me.

I guesss what I am saying is anger can be a good and positive emotion is you let it send you in the right direction. I'm lucky I didn't wind up dead from an overdose or a statistic and I found the love of my life and we have a wonderful son. So the ex did me a BIG favor. I'm just sorry it took me so long to get over it and start living my real life.

I am so very sorry for what you have been through. But congratulations on 31 years, that is such an amazing, beautiful thing. And the 31 roses from your husband - you really did hit the jackpot I've dealt with horrific abuse in my childhood and well into adulthood, and it's left scars on me in ways that has greatly affected the trajectory of my life. I fight everyday to undo that damage, so this divorce and the behavior of this person I once thought I knew so well is really depleting. I'm afraid that even without any anger, I just have nothing left.

 

[walkinfaith]

Walkinfaith,
You know what I have noticed and think is so amazing about you is that even though you are going through this very difficult trial you take the time to listen and thank and encourage everyone else here who has responded. Can I assume you have used the other circumstances in your life to encourage others as well? I hope so because you really have a gift for that.
I wish I could offer more, like a real hug.

Thank you so much. That is the one good thing to come from all the crappy experiences I've had - I think I have made many people feel like they were not alone in their darkest hours. There really is no better, and humbling, feeling than being there for someone and knowing that I can be someone who really gets what they're going through.

 

[PS34one]

Walkinfaith,
You know what I have noticed and think is so amazing about you is that even though you are going through this very difficult trial you take the time to listen and thank and encourage everyone else here who has responded. Can I assume you have used the other circumstances in your life to encourage others as well? I hope so because you really have a gift for that.
I wish I could offer more, like a real hug.

Thank you so much. That is the one good thing to come from all the crappy experiences I've had - I think I have made many people feel like they were not alone in their darkest hours. There really is no better, and humbling, feeling than being there for someone and knowing that I can be someone who really gets what they're going through.

I feel the same way. It makes me think of 2COR1:3-4, check it out if you have time. Your talking about your divorce alot sooner than I wanted too. Much less say anything that was useful to encourage anyone else going through the same thing. I did attend a divorce recovery group a few months after everything was finalized and that was really great. I think you said you still had to spend some "face time" sorting out the details. That was some of the worst it seemed like for me. I felt like I would just turn into a Zombi or something to make it through what I had to do. Half the time I felt paralyzed by fear but just kept telling myself to keep going and eventually I made it out the other side.

 

[walkinfaith]

Walkinfaith,
You know what I have noticed and think is so amazing about you is that even though you are going through this very difficult trial you take the time to listen and thank and encourage everyone else here who has responded. Can I assume you have used the other circumstances in your life to encourage others as well? I hope so because you really have a gift for that.
I wish I could offer more, like a real hug.

Thank you so much. That is the one good thing to come from all the crappy experiences I've had - I think I have made many people feel like they were not alone in their darkest hours. There really is no better, and humbling, feeling than being there for someone and knowing that I can be someone who really gets what they're going through.

I feel the same way. It makes me think of 2COR1:3-4, check it out if you have time. Your talking about your divorce alot sooner than I wanted too. Much less say anything that was useful to encourage anyone else going through the same thing. I did attend a divorce recovery group a few months after everything was finalized and that was really great. I think you said you still had to spend some "face time" sorting out the details. That was some of the worst it seemed like for me. I felt like I would just turn into a Zombi or something to make it through what I had to do. Half the time I felt paralyzed by fear but just kept telling myself to keep going and eventually I made it out the other side.

Thank you for the verse, I will look it up. I have decided to just cut and run - it's not worth my health or sanity. No looking back.

 

[movie zombie]

[........I have decided to just cut and run - it's not worth my health or sanity. No looking back.

not a bad survial technique, imo. the only way to move forward is to quit looking back. i think you've made an important decision.