How do you survive

[walkinfaith]

divorce? I'm going through one right now. We weren't married for too long, we don't have any kids or assets to fight over. We have some debt, and just from that, it seems we are going to war. Obviously it has more to do with the feelings of betrayal, the "who the He%^ IS this person?!?!?" and anger from situations past. So how do you move past all of that negative emotion? I had a legitimately tragic life and to be dealt yet another death blow by the one person I would've bet my life wouldn't hurt me like this feels like more than I can bear. We had the storybook romance blah blah blah...I know that many here have gone through difficult, heart-wrenching divorces, emerging stronger for it on the other side. So, share your stories and experiences please?? I just feel like I can't exist in a world where this person would now behave this way toward me.

 

[Gypsy]

Can I ask why you are divorcing?

 

[sonnyjane]

Hmm kind of along the lines of Gypsy, depends why you're divorcing?

I only ask you to clarify because it affects the "healing process". Namely, if it was infidelity or abuse, that's a lot different than just having different opinions.

My mom has been divorced twice. Her first divorce, the split from my dad, was because of changes in lifestyle. When they married, they were both care-free hippies. Well, after 8 years of marriage and having two kids, my mom wanted to be a grown-up, but my dad still wanted to be a care-free hippie, taking odd jobs for fun instead of having a steady career and supporting a family. Divorce isn't pretty, but theirs was a mutual decision.

My mom's second divorce was another story. My ex-step-father cheated on my mom and actually fathered a child while they were married. He was a horrible person and tried to sue my mom for spousal support even though he was the entire reason for the divorce (luckily he didn't win). He also hired a private investigator to make her life hell, searching for anything he could use against her in court. He still sends her nasty emails and letters even though she doesn't communicate with him at all, and they've been divorced for almost 10 years now!

It was a lot harder for her to get over the second divorce because it happened under such hateful circumstances. She and my dad still talk, although they aren't best friends, they exchange Christmas cards and stuff like that.

If you think there's any chance you'd like to reconcile, I'd suggest couples' counseling. If you're entirely sure that you don't want to be in your marriage any longer, I absolutely encourage you to seek counseling for yourself.

 

[stardust97]

I didn't go through a divorce, but we were common law so it was kind of the same. Together for 7 years and engaged for 3. He turned into a completely different person at the end too. I still don't know how someone I loved so much (even when things were so hard) could have hurt me as coldly as he did. I was so eager to get away from him at the end that I walked away from everything and took all his debt with me (I didn't have much choice). I could have fought it out maybe, but I just wanted to be with my family so I packed my belongings into my car and moved home across the country. I didn't feel much more than anger in the beginning and probably for the first year. For some reason, these past 6 months have been the hardest for me. Partly bc he started trying to contact me again and repair some of the damage. I started to see the nice side of him trying to creep out again and it reminded me of how things had been once upon a time, but I know I could never forgive him much less forget what happened. I think the realization of what happened just finally sunk in. Hopefully the next step is forgetting! I unfortunately had to leave my dog behind with him, and I regret that everyday. I wonder about her and worry about her constantly and it sort of ties me to his memory. On the bright side, I was forced to re-evaluate my life and made some major career changes which is finally starting to pay off, and I now have new goals in sight I would never have considered before. I also remember now how much fun it is to be single sometimes, and at the same time how painful dating can sometimes be lol. So my best advice would be to surround yourself with friends and family, and just get out there again. Put yourself in situations where you will meet lots of people, even if you don't think you want to. It really helps take your mind of what had happened if you keep yourself busy and productive, and time sort of just slips by. It's going to take a long time, but it does get better and easier to deal with eventually. Big hug.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I thankfully have not had to go through that, but if I did, I would have to lean on my faith because sometimes that is just all there is.

I am very sorry and hope you can get some support to help you make it through this.

 

[bright ice]

It really all comes down to each set of circumstances.

I am divorcing after 38 years of marriage. My husband took up Poker after I graduated from Nursing school 9 years ago. He tried to make me go along with his idea of a new education for him, his dream is to be a professional Poker player. I have been persistently against his gambling all along. We have argued way too long, said too many hurtful things (been called too many awful names), he has lost too much money and not worked like he should have (told all of our neighbors he was retired for all of these years). My love for him DIED and now he disgust me.

I am suing him for a divorce, he wants me to leave with nothing, wants me to pay him alimony
Luckily, I have documentation via checking account of his addiction.

So for me, I can't wait to get it over with and move on with my new life. I just thank God everyday that I have my education and am able to provide for myself.

Time heals for all.

 

[walkinfaith]

Gypsy - Without really going into too much - or anything at all, since going into it all would result in a novel -

He turned into a completely different person at the end too. I still don't know how someone I loved so much (even when things were so hard) could have hurt me as coldly as he did.

This. OMG this. There was no abuse, but let's just say the flip got switched immediately after the wedding. And a case of giving the benefit of the doubt turned out to be the most colossal mistake of my life.

sonnyjane - Thank you for sharing. I definitely agree that it really depends on the particular circumstances. I foolishly thought my situation would end up like that of your mom and dad. I just never saw this coming. I guess from here on out I just have to expect to be dealing with an entirely different person than the one I thought I knew so well. There is no chance for reconciliation but luckily I have a wonderful therapist. Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

I didn't feel much more than anger in the beginning and probably for the first year. For some reason, these past 6 months have been the hardest for me. Partly bc he started trying to contact me again and repair some of the damage. I started to see the nice side of him trying to creep out again and it reminded me of how things had been once upon a time, but I know I could never forgive him much less forget what happened. I think the realization of what happened just finally sunk in.

stardust - The bolded is exactly how I'm feeling. I didn't realize I was harboring so much anger. And pure, unadulterated disgust. Even just thinking about him makes my blood pressure shoot through the roof and I feel like vomiting. I'm so, so sorry about your dog. But I definitely understand that when you reach the point where you just have to get out, you have to shoot yourself out of a cannon or else you will get stuck. I'm glad to hear that you're dating and experiencing a new life. I felt like that in the beginning, but now I feel like 'happiness' is just never going to happen for me. Like I said, I've had to fight through my entire life, and I always push through with that smile on my face, and created my own happiness, etc. But I feel depleted. I feel like I'm starting to succumb to the endless trials and that scares me. Big hugs back, lots and lots of them.

diamondseeker - Thank you, I also feel that I have nothing left but my faith. That's proving to be very difficult to hold onto as well.

bright ice - I am so, so sorry. I can't even imagine how difficult and hurtful that must be. You are amazing for sharing your story, and I thank you so much because your strength is inspiring. I wish you a quick and as painless as possible resolution. Thank you again, so much, for sharing.

I'm sorry for my pity party. I know that everyone has problems, and am the first to empathize with anyone who's having a rough time. I just have never felt like I was about to give up like this and I'm trying desperately to snap myself out of it.

 

[kenny]

Time heals for all.

This.

Time is the longest distance between two places. - Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie

 

[stardust97]

"But I feel depleted. I feel like I'm starting to succumb to the endless trials and that scares me. Big hugs back, lots and lots of them."

I truly hope you don't let that happen. I know that feeling of being just too emotionally exhausted to want to try anymore. That's usually when something good is right around the corner!

 

[Gypsy]

I'm sorry to hear about this honey. I really am. I have no words of advice, just a lot of empathy for your situation.

In any difficult emotional situation/loss people tell you that you that have to keep putting that foot one in front of the other. But when you are the one doing it-- god it hurts and your feet get broken and blistered and bleeding and you're all alone and sometimes you can't remember why you should put your aching foot down again. Eventually calluses form but they take a lot of time- -you don't see them forming right away, but you look down and one day they are there protecting you the best they can. And they aren't pretty to look at and they won't protect you from it all or even all the time, but they do provide a buffer and they are a testament to what you've been through and you accept them for being a part of the new you.

When you feel alone, find a place that reminds you that while you are alone in your individual battle, that there are others that are going through things similar and take what comfort you can from their empathy and support. There are days when you are utterly depleted but someone else isn't and can gift you with some of their strength, and days when you are better and you see someone else struggling so you gift them with yours. Support groups are the answer for some people. Others find different answers. I usually post on here-- probably too much. But it's my coping mechanism. It's not for everyone, but really... nothing is for everyone, we're all different in what works for us. But you can start by being kind and patient with yourself, pampering yourself and cutting yourself a break when you are having a bad day, minute, or hour.

((HUGS))

 

[Porridge]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I don't have much advice, just to say lean on your friends. You sound so capable and strong - it takes that to admit how you are feeling like you have just done here. Some day in the future it will hit you how getting this @$$hole out of your life was the best thing that ever happened to you. By then you'll be doing something fabulous and be happy as a clam I promise

Lean on your friends, be good to yourself, focus on being happy when you have the energy. Time will slip by and everything will be ok.

 

[Maisie]

I'm so sorry you are having such an awful time. I have been where you are. Its the darkest and saddest time. Its exhausting and scary and it feels like it will never end.

But, here I am to tell you it does get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Your heart will heal and you will be so glad you didn't stay in the relationship that brought you so much misery.

You say you are struggling with your faith. If you are a christian look up Deut 31-8. Sometimes when its so dark the only thing we CAN do it hold on to our faith.

Do you think there is any way your marriage could be saved? Someone else recommended couples counselling. I would second that if you think there is any chance things could be fixed. This would only work if you are both willing to work at it though. Otherwise you would probably just be prolonging the end and that would be worse I think.

Sending you big hugs!

 

[Meezermom]

What helped me was that I got an attorney and let him do the fighting for me. It was, of course, a worry anyway, but for the most part, I had someone protecting my interests. Take it a day at a time - there is light at the end of the tunnel.

After ten years of marriage, and having a 2 year old son, my husband left me for a woman he worked with (newly hired employee). I did not see it coming, and I was so hurt and devastated. I thought we had a good marriage. We rarely fought (everyone has disagreements), we enjoyed each other's company, he was funny, smart and sweet, we were very compatible. I kept thinking "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" - who are you and what did you do with my husband. He moved in with her, married her after our divorce, and then divorced her three years later. He also had very little to do with his son through the years, who is now an adult (although now that my son is a successful businessman, all of a sudden his father is showing interest). He didn't even want a visitation clause in the Final Judgment, because he said he didn't want to be tied down to a schedule. But guess what: The Cat's in the Cradle. My son is polite to his father, occasionally visits him, but for the most part doesn't really have all that much to do with him.

The good news for you is that you have not invested years and years with this guy and did not have children with him. Your attorneys will work out the particulars regarding the debt, etc., it actually shouldn't take too long to finalize the divorce, and you will look ahead and get on with your life. Therapy to get you through this is an excellent move. I did it and it helped me, as I got a lot of positive feed back. You will be fine. It kind of temporarily turns your world upside down, but then your world gets righted again.

 

[justginger]

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I was very young when I was married, and subsequently divorced. I married just shy of 22, divorced at 23. The person I married was NOTHING like the person I ended up divorcing. It was my fault for not realizing -- being from different countries translated to us not actually being our 'real world selves' while we were dating and engaged. When we moved in together it was plain as day that we had nothing in common, totally different lifestyles and goals.

He was eventually the one that chose to leave. It left me alone, in a foreign country, with no family and no friends (all of the friends I had made were through him). It was HELL. I was devastated and only had my coworkers to turn to for support. I watched a lot of tv by myself, lost a lot of weight, thankfully had my dogs to cry on. I would never wish those first 6 months on anyone...I even had to go on our delayed honeymoon by myself! But just like Gypsy said, you grow calluses and eventually enough time goes by that it wears down all of the sharp points of hurt and betrayal. Honestly, the entire experience made me a pretty capable woman. I now know that I don't need to be "Ginger and Anyone". Hence my name. Just Ginger.

Perhaps try writing in a journal. I found it very therapeutic to get all of the negativity out on paper, to offload the masses of swirling thoughts from your brain. I hope you find what works for you, because everyone is different. Just know that eventually you'll wake up one day and it won't be the first thing you think of, nor the last before you fall asleep.

 

[monarch64]

I just refused to be a victim. I was angry and hurt over my first marriage not working out, and went through periods of self-doubt and confusion over my ex's actions and words towards me, of course. But I never once thought things would not get better once I made the decision to leave. I tried to look at it as a new beginning in life...I was angry that I was not going to have the life I thought I wanted for several years and that I was going to have to make changes in my lifestyle because of the divorce but I looked at the bright side which was having my health, being relatively young still, and not having children yet. Spin is a powerful thing, and you have to create positive spin in your own mind to get through something very potentially devastating. No one likes to make changes they didn't ask for, but what else can you do? You can't go back, you can't stay in the same place, the only thing to do is MOVE FORWARD and not let yourself get bogged down by anyone else's nonsense. Live the life you have always dreamed of, and if you don't know what that is, it's time to start dreaming!

 

[walkinfaith]

kenny - Yes, time. And the biggest gift of all - forgetting. Thank you.

stardust - Ha - wouldn't that be amazing?? I've just turned too many corners, only to run straight into a knife to the gut again. But I will hope for the ever-elusive friendly corner this time! Big hugs to you again!

Gypsy - Thank you so much for your post, you always pour so much into your responses here and it really is so very generous of you. I totally get what you're saying about the callouses. It's just that I'm already covered in callouses, ones that have been there for so long and been walked on through so much glass that they are tender again. Can callouses grow on top of layers of old ones? (This has unwittingly turned into quite the disgusting visual - sorry!) Again, sorry for the whinging. The answer, of course, is that they're going to have to, and I will push through because I have to. And I will continue to smile because that's the only way to pull myself out of this. Thank you again for sharing so much of yourself, and your strength, here.

Porridge - Thank you so much for your kind words. Your post is absolutely spot-on. While I have friends, I'm not very important to anyone, I'm not anyone's 'main' friend, if that makes sense. Not being dramatic here, it just is what it is. My life has been consumed by pretty horrific things, so there was never really a chance to develop super strong bonds with anyone. I still have friends who, for the most part, can 'fit me in,' but yeah. Makes me sad. But still grateful for what I have.

Maisie - Thank you so much for the verse, I will look that up. There is no chance at reconciliation, unfortunately. I just can't wait to be done with all of this.

Meezermom - Thank you so much for sharing your story. I cannot even fathom how painful and difficult that must have been - you are amazing for making it through and sharing your strength with me. I'm so glad you were able to make the situation at least a little more bearable. Unfortunately, there is no way I could afford an attorney. I think that's the hardest part of the situation for me - I'm pretty much penniless aside from student loan money (and an incredible amount of student loan debt), my health has been pretty much destroyed as what went on during the marriage left me incapacitated for over a year, so I don't feel confident that I'll even be able to make a living and pay it all back. On the plus side, I don't think it will come to needing lawyers. I know that when it really comes down to it, I'll get a surge of strength back, and I will be okay. Thank goodness for small miracles.

justginger - I'm so sorry for what you went through, that is horrendous. But you seem so strong and striving in this situation that you had to re-build from the ground up. I hope to be there one day. Thank you for being an inspiration.

monarch - Thanks for your post. You're absolutely right, of course. It's just hard to stay chipper and spinning when you're having to do it constantly, you know what I mean? While the stuff that came before was obviously not related to the divorce, the divorce kind of feels like the death blow, both in timing and content. I also don't think of myself as a victim - I basically just dealt with things as they came. It just so happened that what came was really bad, and really frequent. And I'm just...tired. But thanks for the spirit, I need a healthy dose of that right now

 

[decodelighted]

Spin is a powerful thing, and you have to create positive spin in your own mind to get through something very potentially devastating. No one likes to make changes they didn't ask for, but what else can you do? You can't go back, you can't stay in the same place, the only thing to do is MOVE FORWARD and not let yourself get bogged down by anyone else's nonsense. Live the life you have always dreamed of, and if you don't know what that is, it's time to start dreaming!

Yes. This. Tell yourself a different story. Good luck!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think you are depressed. If you can pull yourself out of it, maybe you should see a doctor. I don' t have a lot of confidence in medications like that, but if you need to try something just to make it, please see a doctor.

So you don't have any family you are close to, either? What about a church? You really do need someone.

 

[Gypsy]

Gypsy - Thank you so much for your post, you always pour so much into your responses here and it really is so very generous of you. I totally get what you're saying about the callouses. It's just that I'm already covered in callouses, ones that have been there for so long and been walked on through so much glass that they are tender again. Can callouses grow on top of layers of old ones? (This has unwittingly turned into quite the disgusting visual - sorry!) Again, sorry for the whinging. The answer, of course, is that they're going to have to, and I will push through because I have to. And I will continue to smile because that's the only way to pull myself out of this. Thank you again for sharing so much of yourself, and your strength, here.

You are more than welcome. ((HUGS))

I really love Monnie's advice about spin. Changing your internal monologue can be very empowering. Difficult yes, but (in my experience anyway) very reward.

Since I do overshare... here's something that happened to me with an ex boyfriend. He didn't treat me very well. But after we broke up... about 6 months after I told a friend that I missed him sometimes. When they asked me why, I said: "Well they were a part of my life for 4 years." And my friend replied "If cancer had been a part of your life for 4 years and it went away, would you miss it?" It was a very interesting perspective. You can mourn the loss of the hope and the loss of the potential that you pledged to with your vows, but if something is toxic-- it just IS and you are better off without it. And if you change your internal monologue to reflect that you will feel more in control.

As for the callouses. Yes, they do form on top of one another. I have several that are practically new toes myself.

As for smiling-- that's part of the being kind to your self and being patient: you need to cut yourself a break and realize that it's okay to not smile and that sometimes you will need to cry or even scream. As long as you use those things as a purge and don't let them be define you, they are healthy and part of the process of getting over a loss.

You might also be depressed as DS said. The thing about depression, for ME anyway is... it's a condition that happens to you. Like diabetes. Just because you HAVE diabetes doesn't mean you ARE the diabetes-- and just like diabetes you don't have to suffer it
symptoms every day -- you can have good days and bad days . So if you are depressed just remember that it's a disease, there are treatments, and that it doesn't define who you are.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Yes, to tag on to what Gypsy just said, you are grieving a loss..it is like a death...the death of what you had hoped for and dreamed of. I am sure you know that grieving is a process. But please find some support where you are. I think you need some real hugs!

 

[Begonia]

Walkinfaith:

One. Day. At. A. Time.

Hell, could even be one moment at a time. I'm not going through an emotional pain like you are, but every day I am physically in pain. Wears you down. Sometimes I just don't know how I'm going to do it. I try to stop thinking and do something that provides a bit of relief.

Take a bath, go for a walk with your ipod, make a cup of tea. Make sure you don't spend too much time alone. Isolation isn't good. Get outside as much as possible, and just keep going. Eat well and get as much rest as possible. Loss takes a lot of energy to get through.

Years ago, when things became overwhelming for me, my dear Mum said to me "I know it's hard to believe right now, but things will get better." They did.

It will get better.

I'll go put the kettle on for us.

 

[walkinfaith]

diamondseeker & Gypsy - Thanks again for your continued thoughts. I'm actually not depressed - I definitely was during the marriage, I was stuck in a deep, dark hole. Right after I left I was the best I've ever felt in my life. Yesterday was a difficult day, but today I've come to terms with it, and spent the whole day with friends, which was lovely I do have some family and, like I said, I have great friends, but am just not a hugely important part of anyone's life, if that makes sense. Sometimes it's pretty lonely, but I'm learning how better to reach out and just really ask for support when I need it, so I know it will continue to get better. Including posting this thread, and look I've received such lovely thoughts and gained some strength If anything, I'm extremely, extremely good at dealing with crises and terrible situations, because that has been the constant hum of my life. Pretty much, what others might consider a very low point has always been my continuing reality, but there really are no bounds to the human potential because you just adapt to that and even find some peaks down there. But, I really am so glad to be out of the marriage - excising that cancerous tumor indeed! - and still will never lose hope that I can attain that elusive happiness one day. I just got knocked down and felt I may not get back up, which was scary. You all are so kind, I can't thank you enough

 

[walkinfaith]

Walkinfaith:

One. Day. At. A. Time.

Hell, could even be one moment at a time. I'm not going through an emotional pain like you are, but every day I am physically in pain. Wears you down. Sometimes I just don't know how I'm going to do it. I try to stop thinking and do something that provides a bit of relief.

Take a bath, go for a walk with your ipod, make a cup of tea. Make sure you don't spend too much time alone. Isolation isn't good. Get outside as much as possible, and just keep going. Eat well and get as much rest as possible. Loss takes a lot of energy to get through.

Years ago, when things became overwhelming for me, my dear Mum said to me "I know it's hard to believe right now, but things will get better." They did.

It will get better.

I'll go put the kettle on for us.

Thank you so much for your beautiful post. I am so sorry for your pain - it really does wear you down, and I admire your strength in getting through each moment. You are so right, isolating is like feeding the monster. I spent the entire day out in the sun and feel like a new person today I send you many, many hugs and am bringing over some biscuits to go along with our tea.

 

[walkinfaith]

Spin is a powerful thing, and you have to create positive spin in your own mind to get through something very potentially devastating. No one likes to make changes they didn't ask for, but what else can you do? You can't go back, you can't stay in the same place, the only thing to do is MOVE FORWARD and not let yourself get bogged down by anyone else's nonsense. Live the life you have always dreamed of, and if you don't know what that is, it's time to start dreaming!

Yes. This. Tell yourself a different story. Good luck!

Thank you!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am so glad you are feeling better! I am sure there will be many ups and downs. There is a book that I think might really help you to read since you have said you've been through so many trials over the years. I consider it one of the most important books I have read. (hardcover or kindle version)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0891091742/sr=1-1/qid=1331559946/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1331559946&sr=1-1&seller=

 

[walkinfaith]

I am so glad you are feeling better! I am sure there will be many ups and downs. There is a book that I think might really help you to read since you have said you've been through so many trials over the years. I consider it one of the most important books I have read. (hardcover or kindle version)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0891091742/sr=1-1/qid=1331559946/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1331559946&sr=1-1&seller=

Thank you very much for the book recommendation, I will definitely take a look.

 

[Amys Bling]

Glad you are feeling better- dot forget to enjoy happy moments and pamper yourself.

 

[partgypsy]

Not to hijack, but I am struggling with this myself. Our story is most like the parents described as hippies, except the wife wanted to grow up and the husband didn't. things he said he would do, never ends up doing. We have a house and 2 kids. the plan was that once the kids were in school, he was going to look for fuller employment, now he says he's fine with the way things are, doesn't want to change. Also doesn't want to go to counseling. No abuse, no infidelity, just that we are living in the same house but parallel lives, and he is happy and I am not. I think it's been a while now I've been falling out of love with him from the broken promises and it really scares me. I don't want a divorce, but I don't know what to do.

 

[walkinfaith]

Thanks Amys Bling.

part gypsy - I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I had many moments like the ones you're describing. I discovered that this person, who was supposed to be my partner in life, lacks the most basic common sense. Only watched out for himself and did nothing that would so much as inconvenience his life while we were going under. All of these things I am discovering now, because, silly me, I thought certain things were a given in any non-adversarial relationship, let alone marriage. And then there is the issue of basic personal hygiene (he doesn't brush. his. teeth. Would only brush them if I did checks morning and night. Like a five year old.) Since your husband isn't open to counseling, I think it basically comes down to how much you're willing to accept and what that will mean for your sanity, and of course happiness. In my case, that is not the life I wanted to, or even could, take. I'd rather be alone forever than stay a second more in his alternate reality.

Question for any/everyone: I've had repeated moments of "surely, it can't get any worse than this" - only to be smacked in the face with - HA! you chump, of course it gets worse, and you have not the slightest clue to how bad this will get. Does the delusional, deranged thinking of your ex-spouse ever stop smacking you in the face? It's such a ridiculous question that it almost sounds rhetorical. But I'm truly wondering, will it be after he's out of my life for good? A year after, two years? Will I feel the reverberations forever?? Just trying to prepare myself for what's coming.

 

[tammy77]

Haven't chimed in yet but wanted to just say that I'm glad that you're wise enough to have gotten out before having children, etc. that tie you to that other person forever.

In your case, I would say that your ex will stop slapping you in the face with these things only once YOU have the mental fortitude to stop letting him do it. Seriously, why bother? You don't have to speak to him - at all. If you are represented by an attorney, do not take your ex's calls - cut off ALL ties. Make it very clear that you have zero tolerance for verbal abuse, and you will press charges if he does anything unlawful to you. Don't play the game. If your ex is anything like mine (who hey, wouldn't brush his teeth either and had awful breath - SO GROSS!), he'll quickly give up once he realizes he's lost.

If you want an inspirational story, pop over to the ladies in waiting forum and read Audball's LONG thread (I think her screen name was "adviceplease" or something like that) about her breakup from a long term relationship...and her recent one about buying a diamond w/her FF! Seriously, it gets better much quicker than you think it will. You won't be feeling reverberations for a year unless YOU don't let go and it sounds like that isn't going to be a problem for you.

ETA: When I divorced my husband after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids, I thought that it would be healthy for us to remain close friends. I was dead wrong. All that did was allow him to continue to frustrate the hell out of me. He's angry, you're angry. You're not going to be married and you don't have to be friends. I'm sure it works for some people, and it might even work for you once the dust has settled but right now that's not your concern.

Do you have a lot of joint debt? If not, is it fairly even in terms of how much is in each of your names? Does one of you care more about your credit than the other?