His parent and ME! - Help

[honey22]

Date: 11/25/2008 10:45:10 AM
Author: lasscreative
There are 2 houses.
1 is the family home (fully paid - no mortgage)
2 is a house they had to build on vacant land because of a land tax (his parents used most of there life savings to pay for the bulk of it. Him and his mum were paying off the remainder. His whole salary is going into that account to get it down) It is very close to being paid off. This is why we have been in limbo and I am a full time student.

But for him doing that they have in exchange given him the fully paid off house. Obviously its not fair to sell that while people are still living in it.
The brother and sister hope to move out in under 3 years and hopefully by that time the area where the other house is will be built up enough to have a job there for her and she will move there.

Then we can sell it and hopefully have no mortgage!!!! But until that time, its a bit rough.


In Australia, you need 20% deposit. In Sydney a house in a somewhat ok suburb is 650k. Thats 130k He just put that into getting that other house paid off, which we couldn''t do anything until that mortgage was gone.
So now we need to start fresh. He does have savings on the side to at least start us off but its not up around 130k mark

This is not true. I am an Aussie too. Just about every bank will give you 110% finance, and you certainly don''t need to spend 650K. I know it''s more expensive in Sydney than in Melbourne but you can start with an older house in a less to-do neighbourhood and it will be ALOT cheaper. I am not saying it''s a great idea to borrow that much, but there is away around it. If he doesn''t want to rent, he is not totally stuck. There are ways around it, he just doesn''t want to get a house with you.

Sweetie, I really feel for you. His is not going to change, his will not magically stop putting his mother before you. You really need to ask yourself if this man worth all this stress as this is what your life will be. I know that''s harsh, but if it''s hard now, it''s not likely to get any better.

He clearly doesn''t put you first, as you mentioned he''s basically married to his mother. Are you prepared to always come second? Imagine down the road when you are newly weds and Mum calls for a lift? When the kids come along and you are up all night with nappies and colic and he rushes off to help his mother? When you need him the most, are you going to able to count on him being there for you? Or his mother? Don''t rush into marrying this man - go and have some relationship counselling, really truly look at your aims, goals, differences, ideals etc and see if you can rise above them all, first each other first and make a real relationship.

Maybe he needs to read this thread?

Sending you lots of luck that it works out. I don''t doubt that you love him, I can''t see you putting up with this treatment if you didn''t. *hugs*

 

[NYCsparkle]

I agree with a lot of what other posters said.....HE willl NEVER change. the cord on a man who won''t stand up for himself or you will never be cut. why has he let it escalate to you not being there for 3 months? what have they been saying to him about you in those 3 months? i know you are in love and want to marry him, but think about spending your life with his parents. no matter what anyone says you ARE marring into the family and WILL have to deal with them on a regular basis. and if you have kids.....thats when the real issues will start with his mom. good luck with this issue....but really think before blaming his family for everything. what has he done to make the situation better?