Help!

[agapoula25]

I know this question might have been asked a thousand (no, a million times!), but it is time to pose that magical question, and I am so so so so so so SO confused when it comes to rings. I don't have any friends that can help, so I am asking here: what is a good size for a ring? (you know, I'm not P.Diddy, so I can't afford a 48-carat ring lol).
I really want this to be special, but I feel so lost.
Can you help with ANY suggestion at all? In regards to size, shape, seller, etc.... ANYTHING would be very helpful.
Men..women...wives...husbands...anyone. Please help.

Thank you so much,

Shawn

 

[webdiva]

Welcome! First of all - do you have an idea of what your gf likes? Round stone? Square stone? Solitaire?

If you're not sure, it's a huuuuge purchase to make without her input. You could separate the proposal from the ring by either proposing with a temp ring or without a ring, and then making a whole experience out of taking her out to look at rings to see what she likes - take her out to brunch, then to Tiffany's etc. Then come back here and report her preferences and we can pick you out something in your budget!

 

[VRBeauty]

Shawn - so many things come into play here - your girl friend's tastes and lifestyle, your budget, what's the norm in your community/circle (and how important is that to you or your girl friend)... etc. etc.

Are you set on proposing with "the ring," or is it an option to propose without a ring (or with a diamond in a temporary setting) so your girlfriend can have a say in the ultimate setting?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Hi, Shawn! Can you give us any hints as to what size diamond rings her sisters or close friends have? Most important is...what can you really afford? Then we can make some suggestions!

 

[agapoula25]

Thank you so much for the replies, you make me feel that I'm not in the dark like it has felt, since I started planning this.

To answer your questions to the best of my ability...:
- I would like to keep the purchase between $5K-$10K (I know it's a wide range, but that's how hard this decision is for me! lol)
- I would like to propose with the ring, so I kind of need to keep this a surprise, so asking her questions or making her part of the process won't really work
- I am not sure what size rings her friends have (most of them aren't married, though)
- she is a pretty modest woman, but I did hear her talk about the concept of rings with one of her friends, and I got the impression that a nice ring does matter to her
- please feel free to ask me any other questions, I definitely appreciate your suggestions and input

Thanks again!

 

[Gypsy]

Well, Shawn your best resource is your lady. I suggest taking her shopping and try on a few things. If you don't want to do that, ask her sister, best friend, cousin, mom, anyone to go shopping with her and report back.

You can ask her Mom to suggest options. And tell her to keep it quiet because you want to surprise her.

Now, what can you do? You can answer some of the following questions for me?

1. What is your budget?
2. How old are you guys?
3. What do she do for a living/working toward doing for a living.
4. How does she dress? Is she a T-shirts and jeans girl? Does she love vintage pieces and get a kick out of consignment shopping? Is she tailored-- shops at Ann Taylor? Is she high fashion?
5. What is her current jewelry like? Does she prefer white metals or yellow/pinks ones?
6. How is her house decorated? Does she love antique store trolling? Does she love everything Pottery Barn? Is she ultra modern with lots of metal and leather?
7. Is she clumsy? Is she very put together?
8. Does she love handags and have a stable of them to chose from? Or is she a someone who carries just one brown or black bag everywhere?


We can give you a few ideas if you can give us some of these answers.

 

[agapoula25]

Gypsy, I like your idea about asking one of her friends. I guess we would just have to find a way to do it that she wouldn't suspect anything. I am trying to keep it a surprise, if possible.

Now to answer your questions:

1. What is your budget?
$5K to $10K
2. How old are you guys?
I am 34, she is 28
3. What do she do for a living/working toward doing for a living.
She is a teacher
4. How does she dress? Is she a T-shirts and jeans girl? Does she love vintage pieces and get a kick out of consignment shopping? Is she tailored-- shops at Ann Taylor? Is she high fashion?
She is a t-shirt and jeans girl. She does sometimes like to dress up, but it's rare
5. What is her current jewelry like? Does she prefer white metals or yellow/pinks ones?
The jewelry she does have now is mostly white metals
6. How is her house decorated? Does she love antique store trolling? Does she love everything Pottery Barn? Is she ultra modern with lots of metal and leather?
She is the opposite of an "antique store troller", and she is the opposite of a "Pottery Barn shopper".
7. Is she clumsy? Is she very put together?
It might be a little embarrassing to say that here, but I'm the neat one in the relationship
8. Does she love handags and have a stable of them to chose from? Or is she a someone who carries just one brown or black bag everywhere?
She does have a few handbags, but not as many as other girls that we know.

Thank you very much for taking the time to help me, I very much appreciate it

 

[Gypsy]

Gypsy, I like your idea about asking one of her friends. I guess we would just have to find a way to do it that she wouldn't suspect anything. I am trying to keep it a surprise, if possible.

Now to answer your questions:

1. What is your budget?
$5K to $10K
2. How old are you guys?
I am 34, she is 28
3. What do she do for a living/working toward doing for a living.
She is a teacher
4. How does she dress? Is she a T-shirts and jeans girl? Does she love vintage pieces and get a kick out of consignment shopping? Is she tailored-- shops at Ann Taylor? Is she high fashion?
She is a t-shirt and jeans girl. She does sometimes like to dress up, but it's rare
5. What is her current jewelry like? Does she prefer white metals or yellow/pinks ones?
The jewelry she does have now is mostly white metals
6. How is her house decorated? Does she love antique store trolling? Does she love everything Pottery Barn? Is she ultra modern with lots of metal and leather?
She is the opposite of an "antique store troller", and she is the opposite of a "Pottery Barn shopper".
7. Is she clumsy? Is she very put together?
It might be a little embarrassing to say that here, but I'm the neat one in the relationship
8. Does she love handags and have a stable of them to chose from? Or is she a someone who carries just one brown or black bag everywhere?
She does have a few handbags, but not as many as other girls that we know.

Thank you very much for taking the time to help me, I very much appreciate it

She is the opposite of an "antique store troller", and she is the opposite of a "Pottery Barn shopper". I don't know what this means.
Okay use your words to describe her style to me since she's neither of those things.

How many handbags would you say? 3-4? Are they mostly practical (neutral colors: brown, black, beige) or are there a lot of colors in there? Blue, purple, red?

At what level does she teach? Does she plan to keep teaching or does she want to be a stay at home mom?

What metro area are you in or near? Or are you in the country? Tell me where you live and what it's like there (if it's not obviously, like NYC).

Do you guys have pets? Want them? What kind?

Is she a brand name girl? Does she love things with brand names that she can brag about? Or is she more understated?


Okay now, describe her to us in your own words? I've never met her, bring her to life me.

What qualities does she have that you love? What is her sense of humor like? Just... tell us about her.

So far I'm thinking a three stone would be a nice fit, or a solitaire with a twist. I'm thinking no halo

 

[Gypsy]

Oops I forgot? HOBBIES?

Is she a cook or a baker?
Does she work out a lot? Weights? Is she a runner? Marathons?
Horseback riding? Anything else?
What does she do for fun? What are her activities?

 

[VRBeauty]

OMG Gypsy, you've missed your calling! You should be a jewelry matchmaker - an engagement ring consultant - a fiance-to-be concierge!

 

[2023]

So exciting, congratulations on your future proposal! you are in great hands here! One question I would ask is what is her finger size??? Its a good time to buy a diamond at the moment. by the time you get to picking a stone you will have so much help here for the best one. One thought I had was to keep the setting simple, and focus on the diamond...a simple setting is always classic. however if the engagement ring whisperer channels in on the perfect setting for you that will be much more interesting to follow the evolution of this ring

 

[Sparklelu]

Gypsy!!! Great questions, I see a reality show on Bravo for you" the ring whisperer" they go to you ,then David Tutura for the wedding planning then to House Hunters for the house and then the Pregnant in Heels gal! No I don't watch too much TV, it's summer and I'm a teacher on vacation! Sorry for the thread jack.
To the OP:
I'm sure if you at least get an idea of stone shape and ring size you will do well. I know you want to surprise her, but it's such a huge purchase I would love you to get some input either from her directly or her close friends. What about a stroll to the Mall and window shop? Leave your wallet at home!!!! But deff get some of those answers from Gypsy's questions!!

 

[agapoula25]

She is the opposite of an "antique store troller", and she is the opposite of a "Pottery Barn shopper". I don't know what this means.
I meant that she is not a collector of kitsch, for example, and she also doesn't care for the Pottery Barn, Crate & Barrel type of stuff. She would rather buy her things at a used store. We've been together for 3 years, and I still don't understand her. I don't think I ever will.

How many handbags would you say? 3-4? Are they mostly practical (neutral colors: brown, black, beige) or are there a lot of colors in there? Blue, purple, red?
I would say 3 or 4, and they are the neutral colors.

At what level does she teach? Does she plan to keep teaching or does she want to be a stay at home mom?
She teaches at the college level, and I don't think she's into the stay at home mom concept.

What metro area are you in or near? Or are you in the country? Tell me where you live and what it's like there (if it's not obviously, like NYC).
We actually do live in NYC

Do you guys have pets? Want them? What kind?
No pets, but she wants a dog badly

Is she a brand name girl? Does she love things with brand names that she can brag about? Or is she more understated?
Definitely understated, not a brand name kind of girl.

Okay now, describe her to us in your own words? I've never met her, bring her to life me.
What qualities does she have that you love? What is her sense of humor like? Just... tell us about her.
Oh boy...now that's a tough question to answer in a one-liner here.... Well, I love her kindness, her intelligence, her sense towards helping others, her love of animals, her adventurousness, and of course, her willingness to put up with me

Is she a cook or a baker?
Not really, but she watched the Food Network on a daily basis.

Does she work out a lot? Weights? Is she a runner? Marathons?
Works out almost daily, no marathons.

Horseback riding? Anything else?
She likes to swim, is a very serious reader, photographer, loves to dance,

What does she do for fun? What are her activities?
She is a passionate traveler. By 28 she has seen almost all the continents already.

I hope this helps, I'm sorry if I didn't answer your questions more clearly

PS: someone asked about her ring size. I don't know that, she doesn't have any rings at the moment, but I think she's about a 4...maybe 5..? (that's just my guess, I could be way off....) She is tall (5'8"), thin, with very thin fingers.

 

[DiamondBrokersofFlorida]

I would think a nice classic style and size is a 1.00 ct. round in a solitiare setting. You could just put it in a standard solitaire and then after you give her the ring, let her pick out the style of setting that she likes, if you want to keep it a surprise.

 

[tyty333]

Yep, she sounds more like a classic to me. Simple but nice. Since you live in NYC I might try to eek out as much
carat weight as you could in your budget by going down in color (say H/I/J). Simple solitare and let her decide later
if she wants to reset.

edit - maybe something like this
http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/I-SI1-Ideal-Cut-Round-Diamond-1445793.asp

Cheap setting for later reset...
http://www.jamesallen.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/14k-white-gold-2mm-knife-edge-solitaire-ring-11001w14.html

or maybe something a little different
http://www.jamesallen.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/14k-white-gold-twisted-shank-contemporary-solitaire-11191w14.html

 

[mandasand]

Lucky guy! You are so sweet for answering all these questions! I also think she would like something maybe a little understated but classic. I bet she would be into a round stone, unless you think she is into more unique, then I would suggest a cushion cut.

One time I went to the Tacori website and they have this app where you can answer questions and it will pick a setting for you. I think this one would work for your gal too:
http://www.tacori.com/Engagement-Rings/2620RDMDP

What I LOVE about this setting is that it is classic and a little vintage too. I think it stand the test of time. This setting looks good with round or cushion - check out these videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GMB6pJ_Tv0o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-V_V1w31K_w

 

[agapoula25]

I would think a nice classic style and size is a 1.00 ct. round in a solitiare setting. You could just put it in a standard solitaire and then after you give her the ring, let her pick out the style of setting that she likes, if you want to keep it a surprise.

You don't think a 1.00 ct is too small? I really have no idea, it's just that since I started browsing the forums it seems that most have rings bigger than that....

 

[motownmama]

I think the suggestions so far are right on. A classic 1 CTW+ round in a pretty solitaire (white metal) setting. I'm gonna go against some of the other ladies and say a surprise proposal with no friends/hints/input is possible and wonderful! (I guess returnable). We lived in NYC too and I had no idea a ring was coming.............. Best of luck!!! You'll get lots of assistance here.

 

[agapoula25]

I think the suggestions so far are right on. A classic 1 CTW+ round in a pretty solitaire (white metal) setting. I'm gonna go against some of the other ladies and say a surprise proposal with no friends/hints/input is possible and wonderful! (I guess returnable). We lived in NYC too and I had no idea a ring was coming.............. Best of luck!!! You'll get lots of assistance here.

How did he know the size of your finger? Trying to figure that part out, I think is the thing that can ruin the surprise the easiest..

 

[E B]

I agree with the idea of going classic, with a twist from what you've told us of her.

This one's a bit bigger than a carat and has the medium blue fluor (can help a diamond appear whiter in certain lighting):

http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/d...1.114-i-vs2-round-diamond-ags-bl-104057888006

And this is a lovely 'solitaire with a twist' option (diamonds in the head):

http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/eternal-grace-18k-white-gold-5704w18

($8,835 total, so upper middle range.)

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. So I think a solitaire with a twist is a great idea. I am thinking an OEC with KNOCKOUT faceting she can take photos of in a lovely setting is the way to go. I'm going to recommend Old World Diamonds as the diamond vendor to you as they are local to you and have great selection.

What I'm getting from you:
She loves a good deal and has no issue with pre-owned items and feels they offer a better value
She doesn't like things that are cookie cutter (pottery barn) and has her own very classic understated style
She has an idea for details (photography)

What NYC and College level tells me
Means that if we can get you something bigger than a carat it would be great and she'd appreciate it.

She would be better off with a simpler setting than an ornate one that requires upkeep.

I'm not saying this is what she would chose for herself. But I think it would be a good fit for her, and suit her lifestyle.

I'm going to recommend a few stones for you and then suggest you call Adam and set up a time to view them. And then I'll suggest a few settings. All in budget (you are going to be at 10k). Okay?

 

[Gypsy]

You are going to want to take the stone to the appraiser David Wolfe in NYC before you get it set to find out what the GIA color grade would be and get other information about it. It will cost about 200.

Okay a lot of the stones in your budget don't have pics at OWD. Call Adam, and tell him you are Pricescoper and you need him to pic four of his most beautiful, bright 7mm stones with the best faceting and performance. J or better in color and $8.5k in price. If there is a very white K that is exceptional have him pull that too.

Adam can take pics of the 4 stones and videos. Post those here and we'll help you pick the right stone.

This one would need to be bezeled or have the girdle rehabbed. Either way. But it's a lovely stone: http://www.oldworlddiamonds.com/detail.php?ID=1132

While you are at Old World Diamonds ask to look at the settings in their Restoration Collection. There are a lot of lovely styles and settings. Stick to simpler designs and post pics for us and we'll help you with that too,

 

[decodelighted]

Hi, Shawn! Can you give us any hints as to what size diamond rings her sisters or close friends have? Most important is...what can you really afford? Then we can make some suggestions!

Agree. I'd wanna know: 1) what do her sisters/mom have & 2) what can you afford.

 

[2023]

With the ring sizing you could buy a couple cheap size rings 5 or 4 in a plain silver band and put it on her finger when she is fast asleep, maybe even after a cple wines and asleep...lol and see how the sizes fit. I think the paper and string around the finger is generally innacurate. On BlueNile at 8-9k there are some ex cut, ex sym, ex polish, GIA cert, colour G/H, clarity SI1, VS2 between 1.2 - 1.4 carats. I would play around with the figures until you find your sweet spot. Some say SI1 is the lowest to go, others VS2. As BN does not have images vs2 may be better unless the pple on the phone at BN can ensure its eyeclean. Others here like James Allen, GOG because of idealscope images etc like other sites but you pay a bit more and thats up to you...don't go lower than H in colour (but if u really want bigger could go lower I guess (but prob not best) , get an excellent cut GIA or ideal cut AGS. As said before people here will happily crunch numbers with you for cuts...(i'm not a number cruncher sorry!)

1.2-4ct in a six prong solitaire will look very substantiall. If you do a search for 'ring size and finger coverage' a chart will show you percent finger coverage. ie a 1.25ct on a size 4 looks like a 2ct on a size 7 or something.
I think go above 1ct personally, differences above 1 ct like 1.25 you def start to see and it looks substantial esp if she is a size 4 finger.

Setting simple 6 prong solitaire in platinum should be under 1k.

Hope that helps!
Good luck.

PS I take her style as simple/elegant... with a utilitarian approach to house decorating much like most of us newlyweds.
PPS I see gypsy who is very experienced and asked you all the questions loves older cuts and suggested those. Ive suggested the modern cutting RB which are more brilliant, in my humble opinion the antique cuts are a different taste, though lovely are unique.
As for pre owned jewellery, for an engagement ring I have to admit I find a bit risky. I'm a bit of the its your journey to start togethet, and though some girls may like pre owned jewellery a lot like a new ring to symbolise their own journey and create their own memories that belong to that stone...just my thoughts

 

[decodelighted]

Since you're in NYC ... maybe check out The Clay Pot in Brooklyn and see if anything jumps out at you. The have some unique, modern designers & antique styles. You wouldn't get as much STONE for your money as you would w/Gypsy's plan but you might luck into something that you think is just totally, completely "her".

It's also not just a jewelry store ... it has lots of, uh, Clay & Pots & giftware etc ... you COULD take her there and just kind of drag her by the jewelry area (not just engagement jewelry -- other stuff too) .... and see if she ooohs & ahhs at anything.

Personality-wise she sounds a little like our own PS poster Traveling Gal .... TG selected a 1+ ct cushion cut stone & put it in a sleek modern tank style setting. FWIW.

 

[Gypsy]

My reasons for selecting an OEC.

She has no issue with pre-owned furniture. Probably because she knows it a much better value.
She doesn't like Pottery Barn so it's not all about performance and ease for her. She probably prefers pieces that are more unique and eclectic. A RB in a standard Tiffany setting is well, boring and safe. But it doesn't say "I know you" it says "Here's a standard cookie cutter ring".
He has a 10k budget and in a round brilliant that's one carat (6.4-6.5mm) right now. He can get a larger stone in an OEC and they live in NYC and she works at the college level, so she's going to be fine with a larger diamond, and will likely prefer one.
Round brilliants are all about performance. But they sacrifice personality for that. She's into photography, and pays attention to detail. OEC's have a mesmerizing quality that a person with attention to detail will appreciate and will not get bored of.
Old cuts handle color better than MRB and so again, larger size more value.
Cushions were another option. But they don't have the spread of OECs and they are harder to shop for. Emerald cut was another option, but again spread, plus they need higher color and clarity so he won't be able to get much more than a carat. She's in NYC so I want to maximize spread.

My reasons for saying a simpler setting:
She's the messy one. So she is better off with something that doesn't require upkeep.
She's got a decent amount of activity (swimming, dancing, working out) and works out and again, doesn't do upkeep well, so ..nothing that needs to be babied.
Plus they are easier to size if he doesn't get the size right.

Engagement Rings Direct is also close to you. With a stone with a safe girdle, I would think a setting like this would be gorgeous for her: http://www.engagementringsdirect.com/brooklyn-classic-4-prong-cathedral-solitaire-engagement-ring-bpid-45-17.html You can take the stone over to ERD for setting if you can't find something at OWD.

For emerald cuts, this in a simple solitaire setting is another option: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/9583/ Unlike most emerald cuts it is very spready. I would want to see a video first though.

 

[sonnyjane]

I would think a nice classic style and size is a 1.00 ct. round in a solitiare setting. You could just put it in a standard solitaire and then after you give her the ring, let her pick out the style of setting that she likes, if you want to keep it a surprise.

You don't think a 1.00 ct is too small? I really have no idea, it's just that since I started browsing the forums it seems that most have rings bigger than that....

Pricescope is definitely NOT a representation of the "average" size stone. Don't let it play with your head. 1.00 ct is a great size and is larger than the national average!

 

[webdiva]

With the ring sizing you could buy a couple cheap size rings 5 or 4 in a plain silver band and put it on her finger when she is fast asleep, maybe even after a cple wines and asleep...lol and see how the sizes fit. I think the paper and string around the finger is generally innacurate. On BlueNile at 8-9k there are some ex cut, ex sym, ex polish, GIA cert, colour G/H, clarity SI1, VS2 between 1.2 - 1.4 carats. I would play around with the figures until you find your sweet spot. Some say SI1 is the lowest to go, others VS2. As BN does not have images vs2 may be better unless the pple on the phone at BN can ensure its eyeclean. Others here like James Allen, GOG because of idealscope images etc like other sites but you pay a bit more and thats up to you...don't go lower than H in colour (but if u really want bigger could go lower I guess (but prob not best) , get an excellent cut GIA or ideal cut AGS. As said before people here will happily crunch numbers with you for cuts...(i'm not a number cruncher sorry!)

1.2-4ct in a six prong solitaire will look very substantiall. If you do a search for 'ring size and finger coverage' a chart will show you percent finger coverage. ie a 1.25ct on a size 4 looks like a 2ct on a size 7 or something.
I think go above 1ct personally, differences above 1 ct like 1.25 you def start to see and it looks substantial esp if she is a size 4 finger.

Setting simple 6 prong solitaire in platinum should be under 1k.

Hope that helps!
Good luck.

PS I take her style as simple/elegant... with a utilitarian approach to house decorating much like most of us newlyweds.
PPS I see gypsy who is very experienced and asked you all the questions loves older cuts and suggested those. Ive suggested the modern cutting RB which are more brilliant, in my humble opinion the antique cuts are a different taste, though lovely are unique.
As for pre owned jewellery, for an engagement ring I have to admit I find a bit risky. I'm a bit of the its your journey to start togethet, and though some girls may like pre owned jewellery a lot like a new ring to symbolise their own journey and create their own memories that belong to that stone...just my thoughts

Gypsy has given some great suggestions and I'm going to disagree with most of the above and hope it doesn't throw you off. I don't think BN is cheaper than James Allen and JA can provide both pictures and idealscopes.

And this girl sounds like she prefers the value of pre-owned items, many, many of our diamonds have in fact been pre-owned even if we don't know it.

If she's messy, I'd stay away from an emerald. You have to constantly clean that thing, it's like a mirror!

 

[E B]

More (respectful) dissent!

I think an OEC is a great idea, but I disagree with a J or K colored diamond for a 'surprise' e-ring. I would honestly go a little bit smaller and with a G-H, I (with blue fluor?) maximum. Maybe add a milgrained bezel for additional size if you want to go the antique-looking route.

agapoula, can you contact the friend of hers you heard her chatting about rings with? I'd send a sneak email/FB message to see if your girlfriend mentioned anything specific and then make that friend swear she'll keep quiet about it.

 

[webdiva]

I think you should get a girlfriend to chat her up about it, too. She sounds like an exceedingly practical, intelligent woman that hasn't been pining for a diamond her entire life and may want a say in what she gets as a ring. Are you sure she even wants a diamond? It's also a LOT of money to spend and since you'll be spending the rest of your lives together and really should be making decisions about large purchases together, and she prefers shopping at secondhand stores, I wonder if she wouldn't prefer to spend a portion of the money and save the rest (based on your descriptions). I can totally understand that you want to surprise her and perhaps you can get her a lower value gemstone ring she can wear as a right hand ring after you pick out an e-ring, perhaps something with her birthstone?