Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange date

[bunnycat]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Well, I did not make it to the jewelry store where my fiance bought the ring yet. The receipt clearly says exchange only, and I didn't want to go in there not knowing what I wanted to do, plus my weekend got very busy. I looked through the Stuller catalog, and I didn't see anything I wanted there. As pretty as some things are, contemporary jewelry isn't really to my taste, and I don't have anyone who would like such a gift (though that was also a great idea). My fiance isn't interested in getting a band at this point, either.

But, what I did do is go to Intergem today!

I started off at Effin Gillim and spent the majority of my time there. I liked them the best of all the vendors I saw. The perfect ring wasn't there, and nothing was inexpensive, but I thought the prices were really reasonable and the quality was very high. They had the widest range of antiques, some of which are stunning, and were generous with their time. I'll post a few pics shortly.

I went to Prima gems too. I was somewhat shocked to be disappointed with what I saw in real life, compared to the lovely photos I've seen on here for years. Perhaps it's a limitation of budget (and it's true, they had no small stones to show me), or imagination, but I wasn't in love with the Mahenge spinels I saw. Regarding an option for my current ring, aside from the fact that Prima are likely too high end, I actually liked the blue zircons the best. They were super sparkly.

Then I went to some random, large gem vendor which sold lower-priced stuff. They had every kind of inexpensive gem under the sun, in great quantity.

Following is a picture of a filled ruby, sitting upside down in my ring, to give me a sense of what it would look like. It was 30 minutes before the show closed, and they said that they would sell it to me and set it for 75 dollars, and walked me to the very harried jeweler, who mentioned something about "diamonds flying everywhere" if he cut my ring (as he would use the existing prongs). I was tempted but I really know nothing about their stones, and I was worried about the jeweler rushing.

What do you guys think about the overall look? I am leaning toward keeping the ring, and getting a super cheap treated ruby put in it, for no more than 100 dollars work included, if I can, even if I have to wait. I wouldn't want to put more than that into this ring, value-wise and I'm assuming that the store won't give me cash back for it. I'm somewhat regretting that I didn't do it at the show.



sorry it's blurry, I have a video but I don't think I can post it here?

Honestly- I REALLY REALLY wouldn't do it. That's $100 (not including a stone) that you could put towards something you DO like, especially if money is tight and there's no room for mistakes.

Now, my ebay hunting skills suck but:

That's half of this:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/330793338897?ssPageName=STRK:MESINDXX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1436.l2649
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Antique-Victorian-65ct-Garnet-Diamond-14k-Gold-Ring-/400342630058?pt=US_Fine_Rings&hash=item5d3647beaa

Or about 1/5 of this (without considering best offer...)
http://www.ebay.com/itm/230765901438?ssPageName=STRK:MESINDXX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1436.l2649

And I'm sure the real sleuths could help you out if you wanted. All you'd have to do is ask.

 

[GemFever]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

I'd have to agree with bastecat regarding the $100. If you really want to do it, a filled ruby is fine. But the money does add up. I'd just wear the ring as is for now, and keep a good lookout on ebay. This just ended for $300:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/ART-DECO-18KT-SOLID-YELLOW-GOLD-85CTW-OLD-MINE-EUROPEAN-CUT-DIAMOND-RING-/181038710064?_trksid=p2047675.l2557&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&nma=true&si=7eIMyyBdZVsU%2FarxqGUKGxzgtcQ%3D&orig_cvip=true&rt=nc

 

[bunnycat]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

I'd have to agree with bastecat regarding the $100. If you really want to do it, a filled ruby is fine. But the money does add up. I'd just wear the ring as is for now, and keep a good lookout on ebay. This just ended for $300:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/ART-DECO-18KT-SOLID-YELLOW-GOLD-85CTW-OLD-MINE-EUROPEAN-CUT-DIAMOND-RING-/181038710064?_trksid=p2047675.l2557&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&nma=true&si=7eIMyyBdZVsU%2FarxqGUKGxzgtcQ%3D&orig_cvip=true&rt=nc

see- y'all have mad skills! I don't!

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Bastecat, your hunting skills do not suck!!! I really love that first ring! Although it looks more like a wedding band to me.

And, I appreciate what you're saying, I do. It's not much money but the decision is weighing on me. I've been scouring ebay (apparently not that well), you've found some great stuff.

The main issue here is that I don't think I can get my money back for the original ring. So, I have a ring that I honestly don't want to wear as is, aesthetically or practically. Our budget is tight right now, but I would like to have something to wear. If I have to keep the ring, I'll probably put an inexpensive ruby in it anyway at some point, so it's not just sitting in my jewelry box, and wear it as a right hand ring.

There's also some mild sentimental attachment to it, as my fiance did propose with it. Though if i could exchange it for an antique, I probably would.

My fiance is on board with eventually getting me a fancy ring (like the skinner ring) when we have a larger budget. So part of altering this ring would be to not get something else "temporary" until then, though honestly this all is getting muddled for me. The only thing that's clear is that I finally understand why people upgrade their rings!!

Should I start a separate post to ask for help? It's likely that I can't return my ring anyway, I guess I'll find out tomorrow, but I am loathe to go back there if I know their policy.

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

GemFever, I like your style too. I read about your earrings already, they're amazing. Yes, that ring is from them. Now the internet can descend on them and buy it from me before I win the lottery. It really wasn't that expensive.

What I didn't get to see at this show, or any other place, is how I would like inexpensive antique jewelry. Obviously, I like the style.

I saw a rose cut ring somewhat similar to the one that was just posted, I'll see if I can post a pic. I was surprised not to like it that much. I am not a huge fan of contemporary diamonds (though I am impressed by them) so I always thought, the older the better. Apparently I want some old mine cuts or old european or transitional cuts.

Should I be starting a new thread in the antique jewelry section? Colored stones?

I really, really appreciate everyone's help and strong advice. I really need it! I've been lurking here for years, but the minute you go shopping you realize why a forum like this is necessary.

Bastecat what would you do with the ring if you couldn't return it?

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Some more from Effin Gillim. The stuff I loved I took videos of, so I'l have to figure out a way to post stills. Turns out a video is much more helpful than a still!



a sapphire and diamond ring in a style I used to think I wanted. This one was pretty flat and dead to me, which makes me wary of being able to find something cheap that I like.





in real life, a very nice emerald ring.

 

[JulieN]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

I think I would prefer a synethetic ruby to filled.

Can you not exchange the ring for your wedding bands?

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

I have an antique diamond band that I am thinking of using, and my fiance didn't like the idea of exchanging it for his. Even if I were to buy something "new" for my band, it would be old.

He was also not enthralled with the idea of me getting some earrings, for example. I looked around the Stuller catalog and didn't fall in love with anything. I also didn't love anything in the store.

Why synthetic over fracture filled? I have no problem with old synthetics, I think they're beautiful, but I'm not sure what my fiance would think of me getting a new one, even if that makes no sense gemologically.

 

[distracts]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Well, I did not make it to the jewelry store where my fiance bought the ring yet. The receipt clearly says exchange only, and I didn't want to go in there not knowing what I wanted to do.

But the thing is most policies have exceptions. I worked at a store that had returns/exchanges for 10 days only but exceptions were made all the time when people were nice and had clearly just gotten/been given entirely the wrong thing for them. Some places stick to their rules more often than others but it can't hurt to be polite and respectful but firm about really not wanting it and TRY to return it.

And honestly I know this goes against the grain on PS and may get this comment deleted, but I'd prefer a synthetic ruby over a heavily treated one. Especially since that ring looks like it may have structural issues anyway if worn daily, I'd want to make sure I wasn't adding to them (which imo is why I'd exchange for a Stuller band like one of the ones I linked - this looks like it may quickly have problems with melee falling out and you really wouldn't want to get into a throwing-good-money-after-bad situation).

 

[JulieN]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Filled rubies are a composite with glass. https://www.pricescope.com/journal/lead-glass-ruby-nightmare-keeps-giving
http://www.gemselect.com/other-info/fracture-filled-ruby.php

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Distracts, thanks. I worried I would be frustrated if I went there and tried to get them to return it, and they didn't. I didn't want any bad associations with the ring if I were to keep it. And, I think I might like it with a ruby in it for now, of whatever type. This ring would also be temporary, anyway, while I save up and wait for the real one to come at auction, for the right price at the right time.

And I dread going back. I had a terrible experience with the SA, who immediately told me I couldn't return it even for exchange. Obviously, I need to speak to the manager, but it left me with a bad feeling. I've talked to some people about it IRL and they basically told me not to go back.

I think that some of the Stuller bands that I liked would probably end up costing more than this ring. Also, I know that this is unusual here, but I just don't think I would wear any of them, even if I liked them, if I had a wedding band already. I'll still browse around. I'm thinking, if I am going to wear something contemporary, it might as well have sentimental value, as it was the ring he proposed with.

I wonder if I'd like something like this: http://www.northshorediamonds.com/anniversary-bands/anniversary/1-6-ct-tw-diamond-anniversary-band (it's a Stuller band).

As to the melee, I told my fiance that we could keep the top part to use in case any melee came out. He looked horrified. I tried to assure him it happens with the most expensive rings!

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

JulieN, thanks.

Those are two very different reads on the subject! I was actually looking at Gemselect today at their fracture filled rubies. Is it as bad as Wink says? I know he is an expert, I remember reading about him here years ago. But, I also don't know if I care that much? I almost wish I didn't know about this. I have a friend whose ring is surely fracture filled and I did worry when she got it, but it seems to be okay.

 

[distracts]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

I can see what you mean about bad associations. I'd call before next time you go to make sure the manager is in - they're the one who would have the ability to make an exception to the policy. I'd give it a shot with the manager just to be sure and if that seems like it's going badly then end it and don't go back.

You wouldn't wear two bands stacked? I think a simple Stuller band with diamonds and an antique-style flair like one of those bezel set ones could be something you could easily wear stacked by your other band or on days when you wanted to be less blingy. Buuuuut I will gladly pick up pretty much any ring out of my jewelry box to wear on my left ring finger, and I know not everyone feels that way!

Filled rubies are a composite with glass. https://www.pricescope.com/journal/lead-glass-ruby-nightmare-keeps-giving

And if you look in the article, one of the things that can mess them up is lemon juice. THAT is exactly why I'd prefer a synthetic. Better color AND I don't have to worry about messing it up? Count me in!

I do understand about the sentiment of the ring, and I also understand to some degree about preferring a fracture-filled ruby over a synthetic. Either way, I think now that you've talked it over on this thread and thought about it a lot, you are in the position to make whatever decision will make YOU the most satisfied.

 

[JulieN]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

well, if Wink had been told that it was filled in the first place, I'm sure the bench would have used other methods. The problem was that the customer didn't know and, thus, could not have informed the jeweler. It seems if it is kept away from acid and heat, the treatment is stable. Of course, it is still part poor-quality ruby and part glass. Some people care about that, and some don't. For me, an alternative to glass-filled is preferable.

http://www.ajsgem.com/articles/ruby-prices-and-fracture-filled-ruby.html

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Distracts, thanks, that's good advice. I will try calling them during the day tomorrow, to see if the manager is in. I think tomorrow is my last window for the 30 days, in any case, so I'll know soon enough. I'm usually so good with stores and assertive but the engagement thing has felled me!

I think I might wear stacking rings, if I knew what my engagement ring and band would look like. I love it when others do it, so many pretty rings on here.

Thanks again for all your help. I think I have a great sense of my options, outside of a straight return, and I feel better that there are some! Do you think a synthetic would look good in this ring? Also, am I not allowed to post about them on here?

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

JulieN, thanks. You've been very helpful. I can see now why someone would avoid that altogether, even though I did like the look of them.

 

[Christina...]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Wow bastetcat, the last one is very similar to the one that she really liked. I have no idea about pricing but it seems reasonable and as you said with the 'make an offer' option....What do you think alysaak?

 

[GemFever]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Oh my gosh, the emerald ring with those fat OMCs

I think a thread in Antique & Vintage when you are ready to seriously start looking might be helpful.

Considering that you didn't like the cheaper antiques, I'd suggest being very careful with browsing ebay until you have the funds to get something nicer. From my personal experience, it's too easy to get excited and bid on stuff that seems like a bargain but ultimately is not worth it (like the rings we posted above, which are nice, but not the kind of higher quality ring you want to wear everyday for years and years). Or, if you have good self restraint, you could start browsing to develop good ebay hunting skills for when the time is right.

 

[distracts]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Oh and I was also going to say that if the manager isn't going to be in the store today, PLEASE leave your number and request that he call you asap about an exchange that this is the last day for that you already talked to a sales associate about but were dissatisfied with the resolution.

 

[bunnycat]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Alyssa- it if were me, I'd start doing a little research on what type of antique rings you like and what was popular back in the day. A lot of things I thought I liked when I was looking for my ring I though I would like I actually didn't. Right now, you seem to be looking at just the "snapshot" package, which is also a strong part of antique jewelry, but honestly, not too many of the rings from that show looked like they were the best quality so you have to start having 2 simultaneous streams of thought running. There's lot of stuff that's not great quality, and a lot of stuff that just needs a good clean. I don't think you'll find it at a show, but it helps to try thing on at least. There's something about those diamonds that's bugging me in a serious way. I tried on a 5 stone that looked and photographed like that in that kind of lighting and it shouldn't have....

The rose cut ring is very cute, but I am a huge fan of actual antique rose cuts not the modern wanna-bes; they are trying too hard and have forgotten that the shine comes on the outside of a rose cut and they keep trying to cut it to put it on the inside, like a RB with the reproductions they are doing nowadays. So- you have to keep that in mind, not expect the same performance as a modern or full cut stone and it still has to attract you. It does for me, though I admit I probably wouldn't do that for an engagement ring.

Garnets were VERY popular back in the day, and so the second ring is garnet with what may be antique rose cut stones that look lively in the pic, and I think that is the "Etruscan" revival style in the ring that was popular. It's actually a very attractive style on the hand.

Also, since your budget is going to be tight, you may need to think outside the box a little style wise and consider rings in the types of stones that were popular. It may be something other than ruby, diamond.

I do think a thread when you are ready to start looking will bring in some fun options. I think that when you are at a show or a store, and the person knows they have a good quality piece, it's priced accordingly. However, I do think there are nice pieces out there that won't break the bank, but it's going to take some work and also knowing what to look for and not letting yourself get distracted. That's so easy to do with jewelry. Find a style or two that looks good on you (there's tons of those sweet 1930-1950 illusion heads out there) and stay focused.

 

[motownmama]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

What did the ring cost? I'm not sure I would put more $ into changing out the stone(s). First and foremost I'd see what my options really are from the Manager, only. It says "exchange" but generally if you've sized something that's null and void. I wouldn't do anything else w/o complete information. Gosh, I honestly wish I were with you and could help you b/c I'm a good negotiator and people never get me upset in these situations - oh dear............... Can your fiancee go with you? (BTW, I don't think that's really an emerald in that picture - what was the price?) What's your budget? I'm one of these eBay hounds. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Definitely keep posting on Rocky Talky for any antique rings that have diamonds in them. Far more people read this forum than the antique one. Most of the girls that have bought a lot of antique diamonds are on this one more.

I'd suggest a different, untreated gemstone over a treated ruby. Small garnets in the red family are far more affordable and untreated.

 

[bunnycat]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

What did the ring cost? I'm not sure I would put more $ into changing out the stone(s). First and foremost I'd see what my options really are from the Manager, only. It says "exchange" but generally if you've sized something that's null and void. I wouldn't do anything else w/o complete information. Gosh, I honestly wish I were with you and could help you b/c I'm a good negotiator and people never get me upset in these situations - oh dear............... Can your fiancee go with you? (BTW, I don't think that's really an emerald in that picture - what was the price?) What's your budget? I'm one of these eBay hounds. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

I don't think so either mowtownmama. Paste was a VERY popular thing to use back in those days and with very old rings, just because it isn't a "real" this or that sometimes does NOT negate the value. Really old paste jewelry is really expensive. Part of that expense is in the historical value. If it's not paste, it's probably a synthetic. It's too blue for an emerald (but not for paste, I don't think).

I'm actually really fascinated by Edwardian/Victorian and Georgian paste pieces. The most expensive things I ever tried on was a pair of $5K Georgian paste earrings (late 1700's).

Maybe you could help me one day mowtownmama???? I am not nearly as good but one day I'd like to add to my collection of interesting older pieces (once my current projects are completed).

 

[bunnycat]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Here an antique setting that just needs a stone. Scrap on 1.9g of 18K is probably around $70 or so...

http://www.ebay.com/itm/ANTIQUE-FILIGREE-ART-DECO-18K-WHITE-GOLD-RING-SETTING-MOUNT-ADD-STONE-OR-SCRAP-/160934341978?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item25786f2d5a

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

MowtownMomma, my current ring was not expensive. Less expensive than that ebay rose cut cluster ring. It's also been sized. That alone may negate an exchange, much less a return (which is what would be ideal). However, it made for a good proposal!

I called the store and will go see the manager today, and post back. My fiance is out of town (and I do want to spare his feelings about this too). I used to be a good negotiator! Somehow I've gotten mushy since getting engaged.

I think part of my hesitation is that I'm not sure I want to exchange this ring for another contemporary ring, or another ring of low-quality, even if it's an antique, that I would also upgrade someday. Still thinking about that. And the fact that it's been sized.

Christina..., I realized from my Intergem visit that I don't love rose cuts. That ebay ring is very pretty, though, and right in line with what I might like. Basically, that skinner ring is my ideal.

bastetcat , which ring are you talking about from the show? BTW, except for the large openwork ring, those photos weren't of my favorite things. The ones I really liked ended up on video, which helps so much. I wasn't evaluating quality, as much as style. I tried on a lot of beautiful antique deco rings at another store and they didn't do anything for me, so I'm trying to see what I actually like on my hand. Turns out that's totally different than what's in a pic.

I would love love love a georgian paste ring, but as a long term purchase, rather than for something I'd like to wear frequently.

diamondseeker2006, I didn't love the garnets I saw at the show, they were very dark. It doesn't help that I already have a vintage garnet cluster ring, probably from the 60s, in style of those vintage bohemian garnet rings, as well as a similar synthetic ruby and gold cluster ring. Neither of these is very engagementy, but they are pretty. Can I get the same kind of brillance from a garnet that's of better quality? But, they certainly fit the pricepoint.

Everyone, thank you so much. I don't have the highest hopes for today, and I had just made my peace with keeping the ring and putting a red stone in it. And, my budget right now was spent on this ring, mainly. So, I don't know that I shouldn't just wait for the ideal 2k ring of my dreams. I'll post later. You guys are invaluable!!

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

MowtownMomma, I think that emerald (colored?) ring was in the 3900 range, but I could be making that up. Most of the rings I tried on were under 2k. Except for the 10k diamond cluster, which I have a video of and will try to get a still to post here.

 

[alyssak]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

Well, I went to the jewelry store today. Before I say anything, I want to thank everyone for their help. I may not have even gone back if it weren't for PS.

I had a much different experience walking in, there was a lovely older salesmen who was very welcoming. When I spoke to the manager, he basically immediately offered to take it back after I explained that it wasn't my style and that I didn't want anything even 40 years old. He was polite, professional, and immediately refunded the full price. He even refunded us for the cost of sizing the ring.

My fiance had done some research and they came with high recommendations, and he had liked the store manager very much, and he was right. So it's all worked out. He got the proposal, with the correctly sized ring that fit perfectly on my finger, and now I get to get the ring I want.

Just to make me feel like I have less egg on my face, I truly had a horrible experience with the SA I spoke to before, that made me not want to set foot into the store again. This just shows how much an SA can make or break a business. I had only the best service today, I can't imagine better service. I also really had to make peace with the ring before I went in, in case they wouldn't take it back. PSers helped me both do that, and make sure I got what I wanted.

So now the search begins! I'll start another thread soon for the specific search, but for now I'm a bit exhausted by the whole thing. If anyone knows of any antique jewelry stores in Chicago they recommend, let me know! Also, I don't want to associate their name with this thread, but I do recommend this store now for their amazing service.

 

[stargurl78]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d



That's wonderful news! Glad you were able to return the ring and now you can get what you really want

 

[chrono]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

I am so relieved you got a full refund so that you can start this anew with what you'll love. If you like coloured gems, please pop by the CS section where we help everyone with all budget sizes.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: Help with problematic engagement ring nearing exchange d

OH YAY!!!!! I am thrilled for you!!!! Great jeweler to do the right thing!!!!

And YES, I know a jeweler in Chicago that has great antique stones and rings at decent prices!!! I have bought two rings from them and several other people around the forum have as well! (And they have a 14 day return policy!)

Diamond Zone

http://www.diamondzonejewelry.com/

For the rings they currently have in stock, you can see them on ebay. Some are antiques, some old or new, and some repro settings, etc. But you can see that they have a nice selection of antique rings.

http://www.ebay.com/sch/mydiamondzone/m.html?_adv=1&_dmd=1&_in_kw=1&_ipg=50&_sop=16&_rdc=1&_trksid=m194&ssPageName=STRK:MEFSRCHX:SRCH