Help and Opinions

[LostSapphire]

here ya go
LS

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 4/6/2009 6:47:09 PM
Author: LostSapphire
here ya go
LS

Now THAT is what I''m talking about!

 

[Bia]

princesss, I might just have to make those for Easter. And Freke, about the rum cake, bad ones are $h*t, but really good ones are heaven's heaven. Yummy in my tummy!

ETA: and I don't really bake so I will most definitely be using cake mix...why make yourself crazy if you can just use it premixed...is it really THAT much better?

 

[FrekeChild]

I have the BEST rumcake recipe. And it uses cake mix. And I think its from the 50s. Yum. Katkat, let me know if you want it.

Mmmmmmm....

 

[Bia]

I don''t know about katkat but I want it. Send it my way. Please. Thank you.

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 4/6/2009 6:56:17 PM
Author: Bia
I don''t know about katkat but I want it. Send it my way. Please. Thank you.

Ditto. Oh how I wish I had some rum cake right now.

 

[katkat]

Oh my goodness...thank you so much for the balls

Seriously, I had a "set" yesterday and he did not.

That pathetic text does reinforce that I did the right thing. The word cowardice comes immediately to mind.

While I sit and digest his immaturity, I am now totally and completely obssessed with the thought of dessert.

You ladies are truly the best.


Tomorrow I will scrape myself out of bed and go to work.

 

[LostSapphire]

Date: 4/6/2009 6:58:00 PM
Author: katkat
Oh my goodness...thank you so much for the balls

Seriously, I had a ''set'' yesterday and he did not.

That pathetic text does reinforce that I did the right thing. The word cowardice comes immediately to mind.

While I sit and digest his immaturity, I am now totally and completely obssessed with the thought of dessert.

You ladies are truly the best.


Tomorrow I will scrape myself out of bed and go to work.

KatKat: Here''s your fork. Have some cake. You''ve had a rough day and deserve it!

LS

 

[FrekeChild]

I''ll post it later! Class just got out!

(Katkat! Ice cream is good too, depending on where you are geographically!)

 

[Treasure43]

I agree with everyone else on here. A text! Seriously? He sounds like my ex, who would always send me a picture text and some loving words to try and be ''cute''. I''m so glad you''re holding your ground. I agree that silence speaks volumes and that you sending him a text of any kind will encourage further communication with him and he''ll feel like he can get you to ''come around and see things his way''.

All these cakeballs are making me EXTREMELY hungry!

 

[princesss]

Date: 4/6/2009 6:58:00 PM
Author: katkat
Oh my goodness...thank you so much for the balls


Seriously, I had a ''set'' yesterday and he did not.


That pathetic text does reinforce that I did the right thing. The word cowardice comes immediately to mind.


While I sit and digest his immaturity, I am now totally and completely obssessed with the thought of dessert.


You ladies are truly the best.



Tomorrow I will scrape myself out of bed and go to work.

You''re very welcome.

Dessert is wonderful. Ice cream. Cake. Brownies. I am all about baking things lately. And that''s something you can throw yourself into, even if it''s just a mix. Mix it, bake it, lick the bowl, eat warm brownies...mmmmmmmm.... But don''t go overboard. One dessert a day (and a pan of brownies does not count as "one" dessert, lol). You''ll be fine, honey. Throw yourself into work, get a new hobby, learn a new skill. This time doesn''t have to be about getting over the loser who didn''t deserve you. It''s about being the woman you want to be. So what have you always wanted to do but put off for no good reason?

 

[misskitty]

Katkat, I love your cake avatar, and I 100% agree that you deserve the whole cake, not crumbs! Good for you for knowing what you want and taking care of yourself!

I suggest that tomorrow, in addition to getting out of bed and going to work, that you treat yourself to a nice slice of cake. The real kind, of course.

 

[kittybean]

Katkat, you are such an articulate, strong, self-assured lady! I am so impressed with the way you''ve handled this awful situation. You''re absolutely right--you deserve the whole dang cake, and this guy clearly can''t give it to you.

The text message is totally him trying to be cute, and you know what? It''s nauseating. He abused your trust, and now you''re supposed to feel sorry for him that he misses you terribly? Yuck. No thanks. As Deco said, keep that anger fire blazing; it will help you to stay strong should he make more pathetic attempts at getting back into your good graces.

You did the right thing. I hope for nothing but happiness for you as you begin the next chapter of your life!

 

[purrfectpear]

Not a fan of rum, but my mom always makes these at Christmas. You could get buzzed just from the smell of them

Kentucky Bourbon Balls
1 cup vanilla wafers
1 cup confectioners'' sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tablespoons light corn syrup
1/4 cup bourbon
1 cup chopped pecans
Unsweetened cocoa powder and confectioners'' sugar, for coating

Combine the crumbs,sugar,1/4 cup cocoa powder, corn syrup and bourbon in a food processor or with an electric mixer. Blend until thoroughly mixed. Then, using a spoon, stir in the pecans. Roll tablespoons of the mixture to form small truffle-sized balls. Roll the bourbon balls in the cocoa to coat them. Just before serving, lightly sprinkle the balls with confectioners''sugar, using a strainer or shaker.

 

[Gypsy]

He texted you. Priceless. Sounds just like one of my ex's. Moron. I'm proud too! I'm even prouder you took action and did this one your own without a million posts that asked 'what do I do' and instead did the only thing you could do. YAY!

You deserve a treat! How about we help you get a present for yourself? Who needs a man to get you diamonds... we're happy to help you find your self something lovely. A nice RHR, so that every time you look at it you think... "I am a GODDESS and I deserve the whole freaking CAKE."

Seriously? Want some bling? We'll help you (sorry, shameless bling pusher here).

My tone is joking. But honestly, you should reward yourself. With something you will carry around or wear most of the time. You did something really great for yourself. And after 7 years, this is going to be easy in some ways, and hard in others. Having something tangible that helps you get through it and reminds you of your backbone is a great way to find some strength when doubt and saddness filters in.

If you aren't into bling (

) we've got handbag and shoe pushers here too. We accomodate all types of shopping addictions. Happily.

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/6/2009 8:24:11 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Not a fan of rum, but my mom always makes these at Christmas. You could get buzzed just from the smell of them

You know, I've never tried bourbon in all my 27 years? I might just have to make these too.

 

[katkat]

Hmmm, I like the shopping idea The last big breakup I had nine years ago I went out and got a puppy that looks like italiahaircolor''s pup ! I don''t think he wants a brother or sister but it did cross my mind. I''m open for suggestions but in this economy, I''m thinking I may just repaint and re-do my bedroom.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

I'll give you any interior design student advice you want with that bedroom redo!

That might be the best thing for you - starting fresh by revamping the place you begin and end your day. Make it something all about you!

And I think one of you girls needs to post the recipe for these "Wish He'd Grow a Pair Rum Balls"

 

[choro72]

I love you new avatar! An intelligent mind AND a pup lover! You will do very well here.
I think you should decorate your bedroom with cake.

 

[katkat]

BIA--pass that recipe my way. I may get around to it this weekend. I''m all about a cake mix!

Night ladies...I will truly sleep better having had you all rally me on this tough day!

 

[FrekeChild]

I shall post my rum cake recipe another day. (Although I think I may have posted it during the debates? Or maybe during the election? Let me tell you, it needed more rum for whatever political occasion it was.)

I''m the self-appointed shoe pusher. So let me know if you decide to go that way!

 

[choro72]

Date: 4/6/2009 11:23:48 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I shall post my rum cake recipe another day. (Although I think I may have posted it during the debates? Or maybe during the election? Let me tell you, it needed more rum for whatever political occasion it was.)

I''m the self-appointed shoe pusher. So let me know if you decide to go that way!

Rum cake recipe!!

Want, NOW!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/6/2009 8:53:45 PM
Author: katkat
Hmmm, I like the shopping idea The last big breakup I had nine years ago I went out and got a puppy that looks like italiahaircolor''s pup ! I don''t think he wants a brother or sister but it did cross my mind. I''m open for suggestions but in this economy, I''m thinking I may just repaint and re-do my bedroom.

I like it! It has a "I''m gonna wash that man right out of my hair" elegance about it. Great idea!!!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Another little thing that helps..

Anytime you have something you want to say to him... A question you want to ask or anything, write it down. It helped me SO much when I went through my big breakup.

You seem SO wonderfully level headed and strong. I think it was so brave of you to do what you needed to do for yourself.

Come to PS whenever you are having a rough day! It will help, I promise!

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/6/2009 6:21:36 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Wow. What a doosh. (Aka douche)


I can't believe he text you that. OMG. How indubitably immature.

I know it's helpful to vent, but I wouldn't be angry that he wants to reach out to you just before losing cell service.
hey, it's incredibly personal, if you're angry, it's probably because you have a good reason to be. You know him, I don't.

But if you like him, if he wants to contact you, let him. It doesn't have to affect you or infuriate you, really.
That said, one day I woke up with my last string-puller and I was OVER IT! If I could have sued him for emotional abuse, I think I just about would have!

I upped, left and moved into another house. He came over to visit, and I avoided him by hiding out the back. I didn't want to hear his voice, or give him an opportunity to manipulate me. I didn't return calls... I just stayed away. And it was the right thing for that guy. But by then I had decided he was really horrible.

You have two weeks to yourself. If he contacts you upon his return (which seems likely), I personally wouldn't be issuing orders on how (or not) to make contact with me... unless you are super sure you hate his guts that is.

Even if you are angry (which of course you will be by then). Just be calm, and listen to see if he has anything good to say.

However, I wouldn't be at all likely to be changing my position. I would let him talk and talk - and I would just....say....nothing.
See how he likes it, sounds like he's been saying nothing for many years!

I think you've done very well. I would never stay with a guy for seven years without a future, unless perhaps I was very young at the time we met.
All the best! enjoy the break and much happiness to you!.


ETA: PS Love the rumballs... must google 'red velvet cake' as well!

 

[katkat]

LaraOnline--Your replies are so thoughtful ...thank you. You are ENTIRELY right...his text does not have to infuriate me. Today I just felt such sadness although I did manage to work and had a decent day. Sad to report no cake though. Do Cinnamon Crunch Bogels (which are like Cinnamon Donut Holes) count ? Because I scarfed a whole cupful of those though.

Funny how life can be....

Just yesterday a guy I used to date contacted me saying he never forgot me. Said he had kind of broken his heart yet had always wondered if I''d give him another thought. Asked if at the very least we could catch up over dinner.

Not sure how I feel about any of it.

 

[iheartbora]

Date: 4/6/2009 5:22:45 PM
Author: LostSapphire

Date: 4/6/2009 8:50:15 AM

Author: katkat

Prior to his trip I told him several times in a light way, ''You''re eiither leaving with a fiance or an ex girlfriend when you leave for that trip.'' I said it lightly , but HE KNEW. I joked but there was truth in my jest.He told me he knew I was serious. He told me he wouldn''t break my heart. We had been looking at houses-- He even put an offer on one back in August but his offer got beat out. We talked about pre nups. He called me his wife to be about two weeks ago.

I guess it was all to keep me hanging on. And it worked. Until about forty eight hours ago.


I told him I had faith he''d do the right thing about a month ago. My strategy was to believe in him and to stay hopeful. I did not brow beat the sunject to death and I was calm and beyond good to him. In the last month things have been just great....he has wanted to spend even more time around me.


He had access to a phone all lastight and today. Part of me thought he''d call....but what on earth could he even say?

Funny, I felt so strong yesterday and already I feel a case of the ''What if I did the wrong thing?'' coming on. Should I have been SO stern?

How on earth could I even be remotely curious what is going through his mind when I should be fully furious that he really did pull a bait and switch.

This is one of the most level-headed, well thought out, and articulate posts I have seen on this subject.


You had discussed your timeline with him over the course of time. The 2 of you had a clear understanding of expectations. You let him play out his hand without whining, crying, fussing or brow beating. You gave him the space needed to do his part....


HOORAY for a woman with the B*LLS to do what needed to be done instead of retreating into self-doubt, recriminations and second guessing her right to happiness.


Please stick around. You have a LOT to offer.


LS

I totally agree. I''m not sure what to say, but I think you are amazing and I completely agree with your train of thoughts & actions. 7 years is so very long, I don''t think I can hold up the courage like you did.

As for the "new" guy... there is nothing wrong with a catch-up dinner! Don''t think you have anything to loose and at the very least, you might even gain a "new" friend

 

[VRBeauty]

Katkat -- I just stumbled on this thread, and I have to chime in and say that I''m totally, seriously, impressed. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache (not to mention dignity) if I''d had the maturity and guts that you have.

Congratulations!

 

[NuggetBrain]

I wish I had half of the level-headed maturity you''re showing here. It was a difficult choice but you made it (and non-dramatically, nonetheless) and you totally deserve

for it. I don''t want to say take the ex up on the dinner invitation - you''re still going through emotional stuff right now, and it will probably get worse once he gets back from his ship. You should focus on yourself for the next few weeks and get your footing back before dipping a toe in the menpool again.

 

[Porridge]

Checking in on you Katkat hope you''re still holding up strong! And wondering what you did about that dinner invitation