Have you been to a tacky wedding ??

[rosetta]

I have zero problem whatsoever with someone not having alcohol at their wedding, but I also think the couple should have realistic expectations. If you don't want alcohol at your wedding, then have the reception during the day or host a nice dinner at a restaurant . Do not have your wedding reception on a Saturday night with a dance floor and DJ and no alcohol, expecting people to dance 'til midnight because it's just not going to happen, and people will call it "boring".

Eh, depends on the group. One of the best receptions I've been to was completely dry, and everyone danced and had a great time until the wee hours.

Same here. I've been to some amazing dry weddings. I'm one of those people who doesn't need any alcohol AT ALL to boogie down!

 

[suchende]

I woud not dance at a wedding without alcohol. I would just feel too self-conscious. That said, my Jehovah's Witness cousins throw great dry parties with tons of dancing.

Besides that, throwing a dry party doesn't mean people won't get drunk, especially not if you tip them off. My friends are certainly the sort to pack flasks.

 

[HollyS]

Tacky is such a judgmental word. I've heard it used so many times and it always makes me wince.

It doesn't make me wince, exactly, but I am sort of bemused by the judgmental attitudes that weddings provoke. I can't think of any other rite of passage or event that draws so much criticism, and for which the etiquette is subjected to so much consideration. Odd.

Expectations of behavior and courtesy at the significant 'social' events in one's life are what separate people from the other mammals. Sociology 101.

And, there isn't anything wrong in expecting minimum standards of decorum, taste, and comportment. Like NOT stripping at the wedding.

That being said, one person's tacky is another person's dream wedding.

 

[HollyS]

This thread pretty much guarantees that I won't post about my vow renewal here...I have no doubts that it would be fully viewed as "tacky", whatever the heck that means.

C'mon. Live dangerously. Let us critique the renewal.

Seriously, I expect photos when the time comes. We want to peek at your special day.

Lol, what if I have a THEME wedding? Like...knights and dragons, or goth vampires in red and black?

Omg, that would be hilarious, rofl. I do plan on a dress that is in a fun color, but DH keeps asking if he can wear one of those crazy, ruffly pirate shirts...ummm...

Well, then, I guess we will be as entertaining in our critique as your renewal obviously will be.

 

[AmeliaG]

I enjoy a good drink myself but I don't mind dry wedding receptions. I'm not going to party like its 1999 in front of a friend's parents, grandmother or elderly aunt even when I'm drunk so the liberating effects of alcohol on me at a wedding would be a total waste of good alcohol.

Weddings bring an odd sort of mix of people that would usually never socialize together so dry is fine with me. I don't expect to party hardy at a wedding anyway. That being said, I really appreciate the weddings that do serve alcohol.

 

[Asu]

I've been to one two weeks ago.First of all,the held the wedding on a week day,so most people could not attend to the ceremony because of work,and only attended the reception.My husband is a baker,he had to work the night before and was tired and unwell the whole day because he hadn't had any sleep.Also,they married in a town that was almost two hours away from were we live,and then held the reception an our and half away from there,in a town that was only half an hour from our house.We literally only got to eat by 4 in the afternoon!The bride and the groom were taken from the church to the restaurant (a bavarese bar,really) in a vintage cadillac,wich wouldn't have been so bad,if they didn't keep to push on the horn the whole hour and half to the reception
Now,I must add that the bride was wearing a navy blue wedding dress,wich I thought was beautiful and suited her perfectly..until we got to the reception.She was in blue because the wedding was smurfs themed.I kid you not.Smurfs were on the walls,on the menu,on the cake,even the wedding favours were smurfs!The food took forever to come,and forever between each serving.It was tiring.They had '90 disco music blasting the whole time,and the only people who danced (other than the bride and the groom) were the groom's 60 and more years old wasted aunts.As if this wasn't enough,his relatives (and I really mean old relatives) thought it would be fun to dress up as smurfs and dance to the smurfs theme song for half an hour.Boy,it was embarassing!!!
But I have to say that,all in all,it was funny and there were very sweet moments too.If only it wasn't for the smurfs!!

 

[Indylady]

No tacky weddings, but I did get a preprinted, rhyming thank you card in the mail today--when I read Haven's post yesterday-ish I had no idea what a preprinted thank you card even was!

 

[suchende]

Tacky is such a judgmental word. I've heard it used so many times and it always makes me wince.

It doesn't make me wince, exactly, but I am sort of bemused by the judgmental attitudes that weddings provoke. I can't think of any other rite of passage or event that draws so much criticism, and for which the etiquette is subjected to so much consideration. Odd.

Expectations of behavior and courtesy at the significant 'social' events in one's life are what separate people from the other mammals. Sociology 101.

And, there isn't anything wrong in expecting minimum standards of decorum, taste, and comportment. Like NOT stripping at the wedding.

That being said, one person's tacky is another person's dream wedding.

That makes sense, except there seems to be elevated expectations, and more scandalized reactions, for breaches of wedding etiquette. Weddings seem to stand in a class of their own when it comes to "expectations of behavior and courtesy."

 

[diamondseeker2006]

It is really interesting to read expectations for gifts in different parts of the country! I live in the southeast, and most wedding gifts average around $50. Closest family and friends might give much more. I think the highest non-family gift my daughter received was a $200 check, and that was considered very generous. They did have most gifts brought to the reception due to most guests being from out-of-town. I would say about half were packages to open and half were checks in cards.

The other funny thing to me was the beer bottle issue. Our daughter's wedding was not ultra-formal, but it was a night wedding and semi-formal, I suppose. Men guests wore suits and not tuxes and women wore cocktail/holiday dresses for the most part. We had beer and wine at the reception and a DJ. Beer on tap served in glasses was less expensive than beer in bottles. My husband thought it was tacky to go with the beer on tap because it might be perceived as trying to be "cheap"! So we went with the bottles!!!!

 

[tyty333]

It is really interesting to read expectations for gifts in different parts of the country! I live in the southeast, and most wedding gifts average around $50. Closest family and friends might give much more. I think the highest non-family gift my daughter received was a $200 check, and that was considered very generous. They did have most gifts brought to the reception due to most guests being from out-of-town. I would say about half were packages to open and half were checks in cards.

The other funny thing to me was the beer bottle issue. Our daughter's wedding was not ultra-formal, but it was a night wedding and semi-formal, I suppose. Men guests wore suits and not tuxes and women wore cocktail/holiday dresses for the most part. We had beer and wine at the reception and a DJ. Beer on tap served in glasses was less expensive than beer in bottles. My husband thought it was tacky to go with the beer on tap because it might be perceived as trying to be "cheap"! So we went with the bottles!!!!

I am in the Southeast too and I know exactly what you are saying! Gifts arent as big and it usually is 50/50 on cash/gifts.
And yes, beer in a bottle would be considered higher class than on tap . Personally, I think weddings are just
getting out of control (my opinion).

 

[slg47]

It is really interesting to read expectations for gifts in different parts of the country! I live in the southeast, and most wedding gifts average around $50. Closest family and friends might give much more. I think the highest non-family gift my daughter received was a $200 check, and that was considered very generous. They did have most gifts brought to the reception due to most guests being from out-of-town. I would say about half were packages to open and half were checks in cards.

The other funny thing to me was the beer bottle issue. Our daughter's wedding was not ultra-formal, but it was a night wedding and semi-formal, I suppose. Men guests wore suits and not tuxes and women wore cocktail/holiday dresses for the most part. We had beer and wine at the reception and a DJ. Beer on tap served in glasses was less expensive than beer in bottles. My husband thought it was tacky to go with the beer on tap because it might be perceived as trying to be "cheap"! So we went with the bottles!!!!

I am in the Southeast too and I know exactly what you are saying! Gifts arent as big and it usually is 50/50 on cash/gifts.
And yes, beer in a bottle would be considered higher class than on tap . Personally, I think weddings are just
getting out of control (my opinion).

I agree!!!

also has anyone seen that show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? I just saw it last night...crazy!!

 

[Haven]

I agree!!!

also has anyone seen that show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? I just saw it last night...crazy!!

This show is so interesting to me because it exposes a culture that I think is typically pretty secretive and private.

I first learned about travelers from an old thread here on PS, and I felt so awful to learn that the dress and over-the-top style of that wedding was all indicative of the traveler culture because I had been thinking "TACKY!" in my head while looking at all of the photos. The light-up ballgown is definitely not my style, but now that I know it is an accepted and expected part of their culture, I can't think it's tacky anymore. It's just the way they celebrate. (As a young child, I would have been ALL about those dresses, by the way. They sure do beat the plastic heels I used to wear around the house.)

This thread has been pretty cool. I've learned a lot about what people view as tacky, and most of all I've learned (especially from TGal's story) that even if I think I'm being neglected as a guest, it could always be worse! I would never say anything negative about someone's choices for her wedding IRL, so it's been nice to be able to share my thoughts about tacky weddings in this thread. Even though I do think some things are done in poor taste, I'm generally of the mindset that the more we can celebrate in this life, the better. And when it comes down to it I always love a good party, no matter how they serve the beer or whether there's too much glitter on the tables.

I do agree that some weddings are becoming too much. I tend to think that about brides who make choices based on outsiders' expectations than what they, themselves, would like to do. I guess I feel this way when the planning and details get in the way of the celebration. That's such a shame!

 

[zoebartlett]

The only things I can think of that have bothered me are:

1. The bride and groom not sending a thank you card. It's rude, just plain rude.

2. Attending a wedding and not wearing appropriate clothing. Most guys wear nice pants and a dress shirt, right? I went to a wedding once where everyone was dressed in nice outfits except one guy, who showed up in a ratty t-shirt and jeans. If the wedding had been a casual affair, that would have been perfectly fine. But he stood out. I know that's probably judgmental and who knows what his reasons were, but I kept thinking that day that he could have shown a LITTLE effort to look nice, you know?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I will say that too casual dress makes me a little aggravated. Surely a man can at least put on a tie even if he doesn't own a suit. I went to a wedding a week ago (4pm) and the brides side had 95% of the men in coats and ties and the groom's side maybe had 20%. The people were dressed the same as if they were going to the mall! Grrr! The wedding was simple but elegant and the reception was very nice, and I cannot understand people not having the sense to dress appropriately!

 

[Hera]

I will say that too casual dress makes me a little aggravated. Surely a man can at least put on a tie even if he doesn't own a suit. I went to a wedding a week ago (4pm) and the brides side had 95% of the men in coats and ties and the groom's side maybe had 20%. The people were dressed the same as if they were going to the mall! Grrr! The wedding was simple but elegant and the reception was very nice, and I cannot understand people not having the sense to dress appropriately!

Diamondseeker2006, that's a huge pet peeve of mine also. At my own wedding, I had to tell people it wasn't okay to change into jeans. I also just went to a military retirement and almost the whole family of the retiree wore jeans. The children weren't any better, being allowed to wear faded, ripped jeans and old converses. To me, that's just disrespectful. What has this world come to?

 

[Hera]

I will say that too casual dress makes me a little aggravated. Surely a man can at least put on a tie even if he doesn't own a suit. I went to a wedding a week ago (4pm) and the brides side had 95% of the men in coats and ties and the groom's side maybe had 20%. The people were dressed the same as if they were going to the mall! Grrr! The wedding was simple but elegant and the reception was very nice, and I cannot understand people not having the sense to dress appropriately!

Diamondseeker2006, that's a huge pet peeve of mine also. At my own wedding, I had to tell people it wasn't okay to change into jeans. I also just went to a military retirement and almost the whole family of the retiree wore jeans. The children weren't any better, being allowed to wear faded, ripped jeans and old converses. To me, that's just disrespectful. What has this world come to?

 

[monarch64]

I am a person who is all for formality, but "blankety blankerson", isn't it possible that the children you saw wearing tattered Converse's were simply poor? Even if they weren't: not everyone today has the financial stamina to carry off the "dressy" look at anyone's wedding.

I've had a terrible time of it, financially. I grew up rich, married rich, and divorced...after that I refused to ask my wealthy parents for anything. I made it on my own. My circumstances are different now, but I still don't ask for a dime. When we marry, we will do it on our own dime. If anyone thinks anything we do is tacky, so be it. I really couldn't care less.

 

[galeteia]

I've had a terrible time of it, financially. I grew up rich, married rich, and divorced...after that I refused to ask my wealthy parents for anything. I made it on my own. My circumstances are different now, but I still don't ask for a dime. When we marry, we will do it on our own dime. If anyone thinks anything we do is tacky, so be it. I really couldn't care less.

Rock on. I want to have a beer donkey at our reception (backyard reception bbq style, SO's preference) so I can laugh at drunk people trying to chase down the donkey so they can grab another beverage.



My in-laws are completely against alcohol consumption so neither SO or I will be able to drink without outraging his parents, so I will have to settle for watching his friends and the donkey running all over the yard.

It'll also be an excellent way to limit their drinking; if you're too drunk to overtake the donkey, you don't get to drink anymore. Problem solved!

 

[Hera]

[quote="monarch64|1308468708|2949392"]I am a person who is all for formality, but "blankety blankerson", isn't it possible that the children you saw wearing tattered Converse's were simply poor? Even if they weren't: not everyone today has the financial stamina to carry off the "dressy" look at anyone's wedding.


Actually, no or I wouldn't have said that. I know the family very well and know that's not the case (he was a high status military officer). In fact, they are extremely image conscious so I don't know why they let the kids dress so informally.

 

[bee*]

I've seen this opinion a lot and I have to ask - why does alcohol HAVE to be part of the party? So many people complain when there isn't any booze, like they got jipped. Is it truly impossible to have fun without alcohol? (In the case of the wedding mentioned above, in their case, it was apparently impossible to have fun period, hah.)

Booze doesn't have to part of the party for it to be fun, but let's be real-parties with booze are almost always more fun than parties without booze. It loosens people up, gets them chatting with strangers, dancing, etc. And when I'm all dressed up and in a celebratory mood, I want a few drinks!

If the wedding I mentioned was for a couple of recovering alcoholics, I would completely be on board with no booze. However, it was really just another selfish choice in a collection of selfish choices that ensured that NO ONE had fun.

I agree with thing. I've never heard of a drink free wedding over here before. Irish weddings start at about 1 and usually end at about 3/4am the next day and I don't think that would happen without a drink or 3. I know that drink is expensive but I would really cut one or two other things to make sure that guests are watered.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am a person who is all for formality, but "blankety blankerson", isn't it possible that the children you saw wearing tattered Converse's were simply poor? Even if they weren't: not everyone today has the financial stamina to carry off the "dressy" look at anyone's wedding.

Considering that most jeans cost more than a pair of khaki pants, and a plain white shirt and tie can be bought at Goodwill, if necessary, I will say no. I have never been to a wedding where the guests were too poor to wear a tie and no jeans. I think it boils down to disrespect and ultimately self-centeredness. If the wedding is outside at a park or barn and the guests are told that the dress is casual, then that is different. But church weddings and country club or ballroom receptions require a little different dress and I don't buy it that people don't know. They can see how the other people are dressed.

 

[AmeliaG]

Well I guess it would be really inappropriate to say that I really like the look of guys in white tie at weddings.

I can't help it; the wedding I went to where the groom and his party were decked out in white tail and tails had the most visually appealing set of males I'd seen in a long time and a couple of the guys really weren't that good looking. The outfit made them look really nice though.

Makes me want to tell brides to fuss a little less on her dress and badger her man to deck himself out nice for the big event. Of course, most grooms won't go for that but its nice when they occasionally do.

 

[Haven]

I've had a terrible time of it, financially. I grew up rich, married rich, and divorced...after that I refused to ask my wealthy parents for anything. I made it on my own. My circumstances are different now, but I still don't ask for a dime. When we marry, we will do it on our own dime. If anyone thinks anything we do is tacky, so be it. I really couldn't care less.

Rock on. I want to have a beer donkey at our reception (backyard reception bbq style, SO's preference) so I can laugh at drunk people trying to chase down the donkey so they can grab another beverage.



My in-laws are completely against alcohol consumption so neither SO or I will be able to drink without outraging his parents, so I will have to settle for watching his friends and the donkey running all over the yard.

It'll also be an excellent way to limit their drinking; if you're too drunk to overtake the donkey, you don't get to drink anymore. Problem solved!

This sounds amazing. I want to go to a wedding with a beer donkey!