Have you been to a tacky wedding ??

[Amys Bling]

I think sometimes we need to be mindful of "low budget" because of finances, rather than "tacky" by taste. Many people cannot afford the weddings that some of us have or have been to and while they don't mean to be tacky- financially a lower budget wedding is necessary. I think there is a big difference between "tacky" and "affordable".

Oh and picture examples are a must! agree with Haven

 

[Haven]

slg--You're absolutely right. I should have said that I think beer bottles are tacky in an otherwise formal wedding. Outdoors with BBQ? Pass me a beer in the bottle, please! Indoors with a plated meal and a live band? Glasses only, I say.

Amy--I think you're right, there is a big distinction. Some of the classiest weddings I've attended were very low budget, and vice versa.

 

[sillyberry]

slg--You're absolutely right. I should have said that I think beer bottles are tacky in an otherwise formal wedding. Outdoors with BBQ? Pass me a beer in the bottle, please! Indoors with a plated meal and a live band? Glasses only, I say.

What if you're at a semi-formal wedding, with an indoor space open to a large patio? Said wedding has food stations and a DJ.

I'm trying to decide if you would find the beer bottles at my wedding tacky. (it's honestly okay if you do) We had Goose Island (Chicago) and Shiner Bock (Texas) and I think most people drank out of the bottle. Not that I really noticed - I was distracted by the teeny tiny martini glasses filled with our signature cocktail! The French Matrimotini!

 

[merilenda]

slg--You're absolutely right. I should have said that I think beer bottles are tacky in an otherwise formal wedding. Outdoors with BBQ? Pass me a beer in the bottle, please! Indoors with a plated meal and a live band? Glasses only, I say.

What if you're at a semi-formal wedding, with an indoor space open to a large patio? Said wedding has food stations and a DJ.

I'm trying to decide if you would find the beer bottles at my wedding tacky. (it's honestly okay if you do) We had Goose Island (Chicago) and Shiner Bock (Texas) and I think most people drank out of the bottle. Not that I really noticed - I was distracted by the teeny tiny martini glasses filled with our signature cocktail! The French Matrimotini!

I think they're super cute! FWIW, I wouldn't consider that tacky at all (the beer bottle thing). I love Shiner!

 

[Haven]

Sillyberry--I don't think I would have noticed the beer bottles at your wedding. I'm thinking more of really formal weddings where a beer bottle just looks so out of place that it suddenly becomes tacky. Does that make sense? I feel like they look tacky when they look out of place, and (to my eye) they look out of place at a formal wedding. The pictures I'm thinking of are from a super formal evening wedding and the bottles just looked so wrong, which is why I thought of them when I read this thread.

And, um--French Matrimotini? I want one!!!! Adorable.

Now that I think of it, I'm actually not sure if I would have had a problem with beer bottles at my own wedding, to be honest. We had a daytime wedding in our synagogue with an eight-piece band, and food stations. Our invites were hand-engraved, but our wedding was probably between semi-formal and formal, if that makes sense. We didn't have beer bottles, but I'm not sure if they would have bothered me.

To me certain things look tacky when they are noticeably out of place for the setting. -->Bologna sandwiches on Wonderbread at an indoor, evening wedding reception? Tacky. Bologna sandwiches on Wonderbread at an outdoor picnic wedding lunch? Amazing.

 

[AGBF]

To me certain things look tacky when they are noticeably out of place for the setting. -->Bologna sandwiches on Wonderbread at an indoor, evening wedding reception? Tacky. Bologna sandwiches on Wonderbread at an outdoor picnic wedding lunch? Amazing.

I'll go just a bit further with this thought. I think that there is big difference between informal and, "tacky". A wedding can be extremely informal, including casual dress; bare feet; and sandwiches; without being, "tacky". In my opinion. It may not be the way that everyone wants to celebrate matrimony, but I do not think that there is anything in it that qualifies for the epithet, "tacky". Some religious people or serious people might consider such a wedding "irreverent"; it might not even be binding within their religion or be scandalous, but to be, "tacky" something has to be more than simple and down-to-earth.

Deb/AGBF


Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend

 

[Haven]

I don't think I did, but just in case--I hope I didn't sound like I was implying that simple and down-to-earth are tacky to me. I certainly didn't mean that. I tend to be a big fan of simplicity in weddings, informal and formal, alike.

 

[texaskj]

TG... winner, winner, chicken dinner. That's amazing. I've never heard of anything even close that.
Running out of food is tacky, not writing thank you's is tacky and please, keep you boobs/cleavage to yourself. It's a wedding, not a titty bar.

 

[suchende]

TG... winner, winner, chicken dinner. That's amazing. I've never heard of anything even close that.
Running out of food is tacky, not writing thank you's is tacky and please, keep you boobs/cleavage to yourself. It's a wedding, not a titty bar.

No cleavage at all?

 

[bee*]

The worst was a co-worker of my husband. Her daughter was getting married, and when I asked my husband (boyfriend at the time) to inquire about a registry so I could get a gift, his co-worker called me to tell that I should give cash as a gift, not a present. She told me it was the "Italian way"...which is ironic, because I'm Italian...and I've never heard of such a thing. I had never met her before, never spoken to her, didn't know her from anyone. I was so offended and put off, but I ended up giving money.

It's definitely rude to say that you have to give cash but that is definitely an Italian thing-two of my good friends have married Italian men and live over there and cash was what everyone gave. It's the same here in Ireland. Nearly everyone gives cash.

Luckily I've never been to a tacky wedding but I agree with others that not receiving a thank you card is the tackiest thing. I'm still waiting for one from a wedding that we attended last September. They lived next door to us for over 6 months so there's definitely no excuse.

 

[Amys Bling]

TG... winner, winner, chicken dinner. That's amazing. I've never heard of anything even close that.
Running out of food is tacky, not writing thank you's is tacky and please, keep you boobs/cleavage to yourself. It's a wedding, not a titty bar.

No cleavage at all?

 

[Autumnovember]

slg--You're absolutely right. I should have said that I think beer bottles are tacky in an otherwise formal wedding. Outdoors with BBQ? Pass me a beer in the bottle, please! Indoors with a plated meal and a live band? Glasses only, I say.

What if you're at a semi-formal wedding, with an indoor space open to a large patio? Said wedding has food stations and a DJ.

I'm trying to decide if you would find the beer bottles at my wedding tacky. (it's honestly okay if you do) We had Goose Island (Chicago) and Shiner Bock (Texas) and I think most people drank out of the bottle. Not that I really noticed - I was distracted by the teeny tiny martini glasses filled with our signature cocktail! The French Matrimotini!

Silly, those are too cute! I don't mind beer bottles, formal wedding or not.

 

[Autumnovember]

The worst was a co-worker of my husband. Her daughter was getting married, and when I asked my husband (boyfriend at the time) to inquire about a registry so I could get a gift, his co-worker called me to tell that I should give cash as a gift, not a present. She told me it was the "Italian way"...which is ironic, because I'm Italian...and I've never heard of such a thing. I had never met her before, never spoken to her, didn't know her from anyone. I was so offended and put off, but I ended up giving money.

It's definitely rude to say that you have to give cash but that is definitely an Italian thing-two of my good friends have married Italian men and live over there and cash was what everyone gave. It's the same here in Ireland. Nearly everyone gives cash.

Luckily I've never been to a tacky wedding but I agree with others that not receiving a thank you card is the tackiest thing. I'm still waiting for one from a wedding that we attended last September. They lived next door to us for over 6 months so there's definitely no excuse.

It's also a really big Russian thing. We always always always give money, NEVER any gifts.

 

[Autumnovember]

As others have said, "tacky" is all relative. It just depends on the person. I can be at a super formal, super expensive wedding and STILL might think something is tacky so I don't think that the money is the issue. I feel like people can ALWAYS find something "tacky" about a wedding whereas to another person it isn't tacky at all.

 

[chemgirl]

I skipped out on a friend's wedding this weekend for various reasons, but I saw the pictures and it was TACKY!

This is the friend having the multi-million dollar wedding. Her family doesn't really do understated ever, so I was expecting something interesting...I wasn't expecting what I saw.

First off, the theme was "royal wedding." The bride had a custom made, very rushed, version of Kate Middleton's dress. The only problem is that the bride does not have Kate's trim figure. I'm sure she could have found many flattering dresses, but this dress wasn't one of them. It made her look far larger than she actually is. Her skin was poking out the holes in the lace to the point it looked painful. She changed in to a second dress for the reception, but it wasn't much better. It looked like something you'd see on a Disney princess. Her attendants were dressed in green satin ballgowns with long sleeves and glittered fronts. The staff at the reception had to wear period costumes with white face makeup and powdered wigs. They hired dancers to dress up as "savages" (her word, not mine) to dance between courses in the 12 course "Tudor Style" meal (apparently Tudor Style means whole goose, pig, ox, etc for each table complete with head!). They used only red roses with little jewels glued to them, over 100 dozen.

All in all it looked ridiculous. A very clumsy and over-the-top replica of the royal wedding.

Her sister (the MOH) refused to participate in the theme and wore a gorgeous modern dress. She really stood out as the star of the show. Its sad considering how much work was put in to the bride's special day.

Copies of Wills and Kate's wedding are tacky but I did go to a really cool medieval themed wedding. It fit the couple though - they are really into the Renaissance Faires and most of their friends are the same. All their costumes were self-made authentic recreations of 14th century dress down to the shoes. The groom was a metalsmith and had crafted authentic medieval swords for himself and the male attendants.

They had the authentic medieval instruments for music and a medieval feast. It was really cool - literally like visiting the set of Camelot.

Tacky for any other couple but for this couple and their friends, it fit to a tee. They really get into this and since everybody made everything themselves, it was rather inexpensive.

The midieval theme wedding you're talking about sounds cute because it fits the couple and it sounds like the guests really got in to it. This one not so much...the bridesmaid dresses were not midieval, they were like 80's satin ballgowns with long sleeves and glitter. They were by some super expensive designer and the point of having them was so guests would have a feel of how expensive the wedding was. The attendants were in period clothes because it seemed more "royal" and everyone told the couple that it would be disrespectful to make the attendants wear the replica British military uniforms they wanted to use. In this case, everything was done to show off how much money they have (the parents specifically). Each table had 10 guests seated and each table had a full sized roasted pig, goose, turkey, ox leg etc. For scale, my family usually does a full sized roasted pig for family reunions. You can feed at least 50 people on one pig.

I attended the shower and there were life sized ice sculptures of the couple. They melted all over the place and it looked super creepy. The family tries to show how much money they have by doing over-the-top things and it usually comes across as tacky.

They had the doors to all of their cars monogrammed. Like for every day use...seriously.

 

[chemgirl]

I really think a wedding being tacky is independent of budget.

This thread reminded me of my cousin's wedding several years ago. She had the reception in a Bingo hall and they didn't move any of the tables/chairs or cover up the big board that records the BINGO numbers! The chairs were all facing forward (so only on one side of the table) and the dance floor was a carpeted area at the front where they usually call out the numbers. They also served food and dips out of the plastic containers they come in at the grocery store (the Wonder bread was still in the bag on the table). My sister and I were shocked. Especially since we'd offered to help set up and were told not to worry because they already had plenty of help. The two of us could have easily gone over in the morning to move the tables, put a cloth over the BINGO board, and transfer the food to glass trays (that we would have gladly lent them). It could have easily been elegant, but instead it was tacky! It also didn't help that the bride's grandmother payed for the DJ and gave him a song list consisting of country and western songs that were popular when she was a kid. We could make requests, but they weren't played unless they were on the approved list. We ended up requesting Johnny Cash all night because we didn't recognize any of the other names on the list!

 

[AmeliaG]

I skipped out on a friend's wedding this weekend for various reasons, but I saw the pictures and it was TACKY!

This is the friend having the multi-million dollar wedding. Her family doesn't really do understated ever, so I was expecting something interesting...I wasn't expecting what I saw.

First off, the theme was "royal wedding." The bride had a custom made, very rushed, version of Kate Middleton's dress. The only problem is that the bride does not have Kate's trim figure. I'm sure she could have found many flattering dresses, but this dress wasn't one of them. It made her look far larger than she actually is. Her skin was poking out the holes in the lace to the point it looked painful. She changed in to a second dress for the reception, but it wasn't much better. It looked like something you'd see on a Disney princess. Her attendants were dressed in green satin ballgowns with long sleeves and glittered fronts. The staff at the reception had to wear period costumes with white face makeup and powdered wigs. They hired dancers to dress up as "savages" (her word, not mine) to dance between courses in the 12 course "Tudor Style" meal (apparently Tudor Style means whole goose, pig, ox, etc for each table complete with head!). They used only red roses with little jewels glued to them, over 100 dozen.

All in all it looked ridiculous. A very clumsy and over-the-top replica of the royal wedding.

Her sister (the MOH) refused to participate in the theme and wore a gorgeous modern dress. She really stood out as the star of the show. Its sad considering how much work was put in to the bride's special day.

Copies of Wills and Kate's wedding are tacky but I did go to a really cool medieval themed wedding. It fit the couple though - they are really into the Renaissance Faires and most of their friends are the same. All their costumes were self-made authentic recreations of 14th century dress down to the shoes. The groom was a metalsmith and had crafted authentic medieval swords for himself and the male attendants.

They had the authentic medieval instruments for music and a medieval feast. It was really cool - literally like visiting the set of Camelot.

Tacky for any other couple but for this couple and their friends, it fit to a tee. They really get into this and since everybody made everything themselves, it was rather inexpensive.

The midieval theme wedding you're talking about sounds cute because it fits the couple and it sounds like the guests really got in to it. This one not so much...the bridesmaid dresses were not midieval, they were like 80's satin ballgowns with long sleeves and glitter. They were by some super expensive designer and the point of having them was so guests would have a feel of how expensive the wedding was. The attendants were in period clothes because it seemed more "royal" and everyone told the couple that it would be disrespectful to make the attendants wear the replica British military uniforms they wanted to use. In this case, everything was done to show off how much money they have (the parents specifically). Each table had 10 guests seated and each table had a full sized roasted pig, goose, turkey, ox leg etc. For scale, my family usually does a full sized roasted pig for family reunions. You can feed at least 50 people on one pig.

I attended the shower and there were life sized ice sculptures of the couple. They melted all over the place and it looked super creepy. The family tries to show how much money they have by doing over-the-top things and it usually comes across as tacky.

They had the doors to all of their cars monogrammed. Like for every day use...seriously.

Oh jeez! The ice sculptures would give me the creeps! It sounds like an F. Scott Fitzgerald short story I read awhile back called the Ice Palace. A really creepy story about an engaged couple whose relationship ended when the girl got lost in this freaky full sized ice palace.

Honestly not all the guests in the wedding got into the medieval theme of the wedding I wrote about; they just had a blast seeing the couple and the main core of friends get into it. But the couple had the good sense to only invite either people that enjoyed the theme or people that cared about them so it worked.

Sounds like the couple you were talking about didn't really care about the attendants, the family or the guests that much and that is REALLY tacky no matter what theme they were using!

 

[nkarma]

The worst was a co-worker of my husband. Her daughter was getting married, and when I asked my husband (boyfriend at the time) to inquire about a registry so I could get a gift, his co-worker called me to tell that I should give cash as a gift, not a present. She told me it was the "Italian way"...which is ironic, because I'm Italian...and I've never heard of such a thing. I had never met her before, never spoken to her, didn't know her from anyone. I was so offended and put off, but I ended up giving money.

It's certainly not as bad as some of these horror stories.

You've never heard of the Busta? My italian roomie was astonished to discover people gave gifts that were NOT cash at weddings, because that's just how it's done!

A quick google search confirms I'm not/she wasn't crazy, you had me worried! She was first generation Canadian-Italian, so maybe it's an old world thing?

Where I'm from, nationality be damned, it's rude to ask or demand gifts of a particular nature. I wasn't offended so much by giving money in leu of a gift, made no difference to me, but I was offended by the phone call to "school" me.

I don't claim to be a traditional, old school Italian. So, do I know the ins and outs? No. But would I call a practical stranger to inform them of how things were done even if I was? Heck no.

I don't know the circumstances, but it definitely was rude to call you up and school you. But aren't registries the very definition of demanding gifts of a particular nature? A LOT of cultures give cash gifts and if you get them a platter, that is when they will say that is rude.

I am married to a Russian man and there are completely separate rules of etiquette depending on the culture of the person we are celebrating. For instance we went to my SIL's college graduation this weekend and she paid for the celebration lunch, but we gave her a much larger monetary gift than we would normally to help cover the lunch. If it was one of my friends, it would have been crazy for us not to pay for her lunch. Just have to adjust to how people of that culture work. I usually ask someone I know who is familiar with that culture if I am going to a non-American wedding about gifting etiquette. Either way though a gift is a gift and giving one should never be considered rude no matter in what form.

 

[VRBeauty]

WOW that is a tacky wedding dress!

Not really tacky per se, but probably the most expensive wedding I have been to was the worst one. I felt like I was at a carnival instead of a wedding and that is fine if that is your theme, but they just had these really cheesy big ticket entertainment items happening every 20 minutes during the reception. They had women on stilts in full carnival wardrobe (masks, giant feather hats, sparkly bras...right out of 1980s vegas), a 10 piece band with 5 dancers, and then another set of dancers that would come out every 30 minutes to perform to different songs in various costumes. The worst part was that the father said in his speech that his son is a god and the bride is lucky she has an education because otherwise she wouldn't deserve him because there were lots of ladies after him. That, and the fact that the bride and groom were never together and I just really didn't feel any love between them the whole day, just made it a bad wedding.

This sounds very much like a wedding a co-worker recently told me about (NOT his!) - women on stilts, constant entertainment, bands, dancers. The only element missing from your scenario is vodka - lots and lots and lots of vodka. Apparently the wedding my friend attended reflected the bride and groom's Eastern European roots and traditions. He didn't mention any horrible speeches from the father of the groom, though!

 

[suchende]

TG... winner, winner, chicken dinner. That's amazing. I've never heard of anything even close that.
Running out of food is tacky, not writing thank you's is tacky and please, keep you boobs/cleavage to yourself. It's a wedding, not a titty bar.

No cleavage at all?

My boobs aren't *that* big, Ds on a 5'8 frame, but I haven't seen many (any?) western wedding dresses in which I wouldn't have some. Though lately I've been dreaming of sarees...

 

[Laila619]

I wasn't aware that bringing a non cash gift to a wedding was bad! We had a table at our reception that ended up being filled with actual gifts. It wasn't any trouble to figure out how to get them home--my in-laws just threw them all in their car and took them to their house for us to open the next day. I think the bride and groom should be grateful for whatever someone brings, whether it's cash or a wrapped gift.

 

[nkarma]

WOW that is a tacky wedding dress!

Not really tacky per se, but probably the most expensive wedding I have been to was the worst one. I felt like I was at a carnival instead of a wedding and that is fine if that is your theme, but they just had these really cheesy big ticket entertainment items happening every 20 minutes during the reception. They had women on stilts in full carnival wardrobe (masks, giant feather hats, sparkly bras...right out of 1980s vegas), a 10 piece band with 5 dancers, and then another set of dancers that would come out every 30 minutes to perform to different songs in various costumes. The worst part was that the father said in his speech that his son is a god and the bride is lucky she has an education because otherwise she wouldn't deserve him because there were lots of ladies after him. That, and the fact that the bride and groom were never together and I just really didn't feel any love between them the whole day, just made it a bad wedding.

This sounds very much like a wedding a co-worker recently told me about (NOT his!) - women on stilts, constant entertainment, bands, dancers. The only element missing from your scenario is vodka - lots and lots and lots of vodka. Apparently the wedding my friend attended reflected the bride and groom's Eastern European roots and traditions. He didn't mention any horrible speeches from the father of the groom, though!

Was the wedding in LA? Yes there was lots and lots of Vodka. I have been to plenty of Eastern European weddings and nothing like this one. The speech was in Russian so if he doesn't speak it, he may not have heard.

 

[MonkeyPie]

This thread pretty much guarantees that I won't post about my vow renewal here...I have no doubts that it would be fully viewed as "tacky", whatever the heck that means.

 

[kindred]

This thread pretty much guarantees that I won't post about my vow renewal here...I have no doubts that it would be fully viewed as "tacky", whatever the heck that means.

My wedding will be very low budget and might be thought of as tacky, but I am still able to enjoy this thread. I would like to hear about your vow renewal if you change your mind.

 

[Haven]

I wasn't aware that bringing a non cash gift to a wedding was bad! We had a table at our reception that ended up being filled with actual gifts. It wasn't any trouble to figure out how to get them home--my in-laws just threw them all in their car and took them to their house for us to open the next day. I think the bride and groom should be grateful for whatever someone brings, whether it's cash or a wrapped gift.

It's not bad! Giving a gift is never a bad thing, in my opinion.
I was just giving a possible explanation for why some posters may not have ever seen actual gifts at a wedding reception. This sounds like a regional thing, but I know that around here people do not bring actual gifts to the wedding, they just send them to the bride's home before the event to make things easier for the couple.

 

[VapidLapid]

TG... winner, winner, chicken dinner. That's amazing. I've never heard of anything even close that.
Running out of food is tacky, not writing thank you's is tacky and please, keep you boobs/cleavage to yourself. It's a wedding, not a titty bar.

No cleavage at all?

Thou shalt not eat of the cloven hooved animals of the field

 

[HollyS]

This thread pretty much guarantees that I won't post about my vow renewal here...I have no doubts that it would be fully viewed as "tacky", whatever the heck that means.

C'mon. Live dangerously. Let us critique the renewal.

Seriously, I expect photos when the time comes. We want to peek at your special day.

 

[parrot tulips]

I've never been to a wedding I'd call tacky, but I do remember being quite put off by a bride before. The groom was a casual friend of my husband. A week or so before the wedding, I received a phone call from the bride asking that we bring an appetizer - sufficient to feed roughly 125 people. While I was caught off guard by this request (the bride was only a very casual acquaintance), DH and I happily obliged. We also gave a cash gift. My reason for being put off - we never, ever received a thank you. Not even a verbal one. I came to discover that none of the people who gave both food and gifts were thanked. Bad form - I found the behavior (not the wedding) tacky.

 

[VRBeauty]

This sounds very much like a wedding a co-worker recently told me about (NOT his!) - women on stilts, constant entertainment, bands, dancers. The only element missing from your scenario is vodka - lots and lots and lots of vodka. Apparently the wedding my friend attended reflected the bride and groom's Eastern European roots and traditions. He didn't mention any horrible speeches from the father of the groom, though!

Was the wedding in LA? Yes there was lots and lots of Vodka. I have been to plenty of Eastern European weddings and nothing like this one. The speech was in Russian so if he doesn't speak it, he may not have heard.

No, it was somewhere "back east." But he did mention that the family was first generation immigrants, so maybe the over-the-top wedding is a reflection of more recent trends? In any event, he now gets to tell people about it, so at least he got a good story out of the deal!

 

[Gypsy]

Tacky is such a judgmental word. I've heard it used so many times and it always makes me wince. My mother thinks ALL buffets at weddings are tacky-- says it all the time. I'm sure the Queen of England would have been shocked to find out that Prince William and Duchess Kate's choice of a buffet for their reception would be deemed tacky by a woman living in CA!

Are there choices I wouldn't personally have made at some of the weddings we've attended. DEFINITELY. And some of them have raised an eyebrow or two. But as long as certain minimum standards are met... meh, do what you want. I LIKE bologna.

For example, I have been to many weddings where beer bottles were served. Including my own. Because we wanted micro brews and the way bar was set up there was no way to have a beer on tap. And while our wedding wasn't white tie it wasn't informal either. Never would occur to me to think "no beer bottles"... especially when we live on the the west coast, where micro brews are so prevalent.

I only have a couple of pet peeves... and they are personal to me.

Pet Peeve number One about weddings: I never thought I'd have to say this. But I like weddings where everyone, bride and groom and guests keep on all the bare minimums of clothes (shits and pants folks). But we've now been to TWO weddings where people have decided to just... strip. At the first one the father of the groom took off his belt. Then his pants. And stood there dancing on the dance floor in his (tight white brief) underwear. At the second one the best man decided (after apparently having WAY too much to drink) to strip down to just his pants (coat, vest, tie, shirt, socks and shoes ALL GONE) and fight with the groom.

You can't make this stuff up.


So... while neither of these were (obviously) choices made by the bride and groom they have significantly lowered my expectations at weddings. These days as long as everyone makes it through decently dressed, I'm happy.