Got any jokes?
- Thread starter kenny
- Start date
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2005
- Messages
- 33,311
Time for Dark Groaners - 
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You only need one to go twice.
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?”
It activated the front camera.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and starts to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!"
Man says, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
My mom died because we couldn't remember her blood type when the doctor asked.
As she lay dying she kept repeating, “Be positive.”, but it’s hard now that she's gone.
Give a man a match and he’ll be warm only for a few seconds.
But set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my things, and right.
At the electric chair the priest asks the convicted murderer, “My son, you have any last requests?”
“Yes Father, I'm scared; would you please hold my hand?"
Why did Mozart kill his chickens?
When he asked them who was the best composer, they replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Excuse me, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?
Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You only need one to go twice.
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?”
It activated the front camera.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and starts to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!"
Man says, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
My mom died because we couldn't remember her blood type when the doctor asked.
As she lay dying she kept repeating, “Be positive.”, but it’s hard now that she's gone.
Give a man a match and he’ll be warm only for a few seconds.
But set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my things, and right.
At the electric chair the priest asks the convicted murderer, “My son, you have any last requests?”
“Yes Father, I'm scared; would you please hold my hand?"
Why did Mozart kill his chickens?
When he asked them who was the best composer, they replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Excuse me, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?
Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
Last edited:
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- Jun 8, 2008
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We stopped at the store to get a drink and as we pulling up, I noticed these 2 policemen watching a woman who was smoking while pumping her gas. I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there! But anyways, I minded my own business and went inside and got my drink. As I was paying for my drink, I heard someone screaming!! Like I’m talkin' violent death screams! I looked outside and I saw that this woman's arm was on fire!! She was swinging her arm, running around going nuts!! When I got outside, the police had the woman on the ground and they were putting the fire out!! Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the squad car.. I was thinking, arrested? Shouldn’t she be in an ambulance, not a squad car?? And being nosey as I am, I asked the police what they were arresting her for.. He looked at me, dead serious, and said, "WAVING A FIRE ARM”!!
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this is my DH
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- Jan 7, 2009
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Didja hear about the man admitted to the hospital with 25 plastic horses stuffed into his rectum?
The doctors described his condition as “ stable”
The doctors described his condition as “ stable”
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