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Got any jokes?

missy

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45,925
englishishard.jpg
 

kenny

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A nurse walks into his bank after an exhausting 12hr shift.

He grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tries to write with it.

When he realizes his mistake, he looks at the teller and says “Oh, that's just great! Some @sshole’s got my pen”.
 
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kenny

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A guy was admitted to the ER last night with 24 plastic horses in his behind.

Doctors described his condition as stable.
 
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kenny

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A blond guy pointed at a large bale of hay and asked, "What's that?"

The farmer replied, "My cattle eat it."

The blond said, "Wow, that must be a big cat!"
 
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missy

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A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .
And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
Tom Brokaw!
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw
Because he's just......

*
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*

A COMMONTATER
 

kenny

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Yo, Folks ...
Why do y'allz make missy and me do all the all-important joke research? :naughty:

Has C19 made y'allz too grumpy to post a little humor and silliness, or whatz??? :))

I'm on several fora, and their joke threads get tons of participation.
Come on boils and goils, Shirley you must run into a Hahahaha or two.
 
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missy

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One day when Jesus was relaxing in Heaven, He happened to notice a familiar-looking old man.
Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"
"Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a magical being from the heavens."
"Very interesting," said Jesus. "Did this boy ever have to fight temptation?"
"Oh, yes, many times," answered the old man. "But he eventually won. Unfortunately, he heroically died at one point, but he came back to life shortly afterwards."
Jesus couldn't believe it. Could this actually be His father?
"One last question," He said. "Were you a carpenter?"
"Why yes," replied the old man. "Yes I was."
Jesus rubbed His eyes and said, "Dad?"
The old man rubbed his eyes and said, "Pinocchio?"
 

Karl_K

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Messages
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What kind of pole is short and floppy?
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A tadpole.
 

Karl_K

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to get your mind out of the gutter after the last joke....

The fly said to the frog, “time flies when you’re having fun.”
The frog replied, “Actually, time’s fun when you’re having flies!”
 

Karl_K

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How deep is Frog Lake?
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Knee-deep, knee-deep!
 

Karl_K

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Two frogs sitting on a lily pad when a fly came buzzing by. One frog put out his tongue, ate the fly, and started laughing. Soon the other frog joined in the laughter.

Then the other frog ate a fly and the two frogs burst out in laughter. As time went on, the frogs enjoyed the flies so much they nearly fell off their lily pad laughing.

A third frog hopped up to the first two and asked what was so funny. The first frog answered 'Time.'
'Huh?' asked the third frog.
The second frog explained: 'Time's fun when your having flies.'
 

Karl_K

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Why are frogs so happy?
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They eat whatever bugs them!
 

Karl_K

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What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
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A dirty double-crosser!
 

Karl_K

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Messages
11,155
Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
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A: Because if it lifted both legs it would fall over!
 

Karl_K

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Messages
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Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?
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A: You take away its credit cards!
 

Karl_K

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Messages
11,155
In a locker room, a phone rings and Kenny picks it up and puts it on speaker.

Kenny- "Hello?".

Woman- "Hi honey!".

Kenny- "Whos this?".

Woman- "Its amanda. Your wife?".

Kenny- "Oh! Sorry honey, I just picked
up the phone and didnt see who was calling. What is it?".

Amanda- "its nothing... Im in the mall in the store Guess and they have this beautiful leather jacket and leather boots! I was wondering if you could let me buy them?".

Kenny- "How much are they?".

Amanda- "its just $500 for both. You think I can buy them sweety?".

Kenny- "Yea, I dont see why not!".

Amanda- "oh! One more thing. I passed by the BMW dealer and they have the car that I wanted!"

Kenny- "well, how much is it?"

Amanda- "its $85,000."
By now, every guy in the locker room was surrounding kenny listening to his conversation..

Kenny- "Alright babe. But only if you get it with everything included! Sports package, custom seats, paint job, you name it!"

Amanda- "I love you so much baby! But there is one more thing. I was looking at the real state prices a the house that we always wanted is for sale!"

Kenny- "Hmmm... How much is it?"

Amanda- "Well... its $975,000.. but we could sell our current house and use the money for it!"

Kenny- "you know what? Sure! What the heck! Its our dream house! Lets go for it."

Amanda- *Full of excitement, starts screaming in joy* "Oh my god! I love you so much!! I cant wait! Just wait till we get in bed tonight, youre gonna be a real lucky man! Rawr! Bye honey! See you later!"

Kenny- "Bye babe!:

Kenny puts the phone down and looks around. Everybody is astonished by how much money was involved in one conversation!

Kenny then stands up and screams out, "May I ask, whose phone this is!?"
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Apr 30, 2005
Messages
30,010
LOL. :lol-2:
 

kenny

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Apr 30, 2005
Messages
30,010
What do you call all that useless skin attached to one end of a penis?
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A man.
 
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