Fiance got arrested on his bachlor party 5 days before his wedding !

[miraclesrule]

Boooooooo...
Blissful Bride, you have nothing to feel guilty about! You didn''t get stupidly drunk, go into a blind rage, try to take on a bouncer, and ASSAULT A POLICEOFFICER!!!! OMG, it makes me cringe just thinking about it.

One of my (well, my former husbands) groomsmen was arrested the night before the wedding. I didn''t stress, I just told my sister...."Sorry Sis, you are walking alone".

There really is no excuse for this behavior. This is why I am so dreading the "celebration" parties leading up to the wedding. My daughter''s MOH has a dangerous event planned that I can''t elaborate on, because she could be lurking, but I am SO not happy about it, and very few are attending.

This kind of stuff proves, once again, why the word "stupid" is in the dictionary.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 6/2/2008 3:36:42 PM
Author: blissfulbride
Well now the plot thickens because from what I hear now. He was gambling at some tables right before he went to the club. He lost alot of money, and i think that is what got him in a really bad mood.

OH! He was GAMBLING and lost a lot of money right before he becomes (jointly) responsible for a family. Well, in that case it''s totally understandable that he attacked a bouncer and a police officer.

Imagine how disturbing it is for the bouncer. Seriously. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute. Some guy BITES you hard enough to draw blood and then spits it.

My mom worked for the police and I grew up with a lot of police officers around. These are human beings with dignity, with families, who (with some bad exceptions of course) chose this profession to serve the public good. And then this guy thinks he''s Mr. King of the World Tough Guy and treats the cop like dirt. It''s really, really, sick and degrading to spit someone else''s blood on a person. To spit on a person at all. Shame on him for behaving like an animal.

I would never, never marry someone capable of that kind of childish despicable behaviour. I would be so embarrassed if I were the bride. This guy is a LOSER.

 

[Efe]

Very well said IG.

 

[Courtneylub]

Exactly, IndyGal. The gambling thing alone bothers me. I hope he gets time for the assault on the cop. This is the perfect time for the bride to back out.

 

[blissfulbride]

He groom is 24 I think. They are every young ! the blood the he spit was his own, because he got beat up.

 

[lauralu]

wowza......I would be running far far away from him. No matter what the cause, drunk or not, gambling too much money ect. What erupted is way off. Just the sheer fact that drunk he is capable of this kind of thing is a huge red flag. I bet this is not the first time something like this has happened, it was there, just not as obvious. She probly just brushed it off to too much to drink. As difficult as it is for her to walk away from everything she has been planning. I hope she does. If they end up together or not in the long run, is a wait and see. To tie herself to him legally at this point is as crazy as what transpired with her FI.

Hopefully this will be his wake up call and after all said and done. He will go on to be a real man.

Good job to your guy for staying out of it. It would have been so easy for this drunken guys friends to try to get him to stop and in the process get themselves arrested. Smart on your guys part. I am sure he was scared out of his mind. How awful.

 

[Kayakqueen83]

I don''t think 24 is young enough to excuse this behavior, at all. My boyfriend is 24 and I am 25. If I EVER heard of this happening I would be straight out of the door. You are a grown up at 24, you are not a child. And even a child would know better then to do what he did. Whether he was 18, 24, or 44 doesn''t matter. I believe kids stop biting at the age of 4 or so? And spitting in someone''s face is disgraceful.

I also work in law enforcement and am disgusted by this man behavior. Of course I was not there so I cannot claim that the police officer did or didn''t do what was needed in the situation, but if a police officer feels like his life is in danger or the lives of others he will act accordingly. Obviously this groom was out of control, biting and hitting a bouncer.

I feel bad for your poor friend, the bride. You should really be there for her now. This is something that will haunt her for awhile. I only hope that she sees this as her boyfriends true character and walks away.

 

[Kayakqueen83]

Date: 6/2/2008 11:02:36 AM
Author: blissfulbride
I''m so confused at this point from hearing 5 different stories. All I know is that a fight broke out and the groom bit the bouncer and spit blood on a cop. He was acting crazy. They want him to go for an evaluation. his bail was 25k and he may be charged with a felony.

He will probibly be charged with much more then 1 felony. I count at least three charges. With a bail of that size they are taking him as a serious offender. Tell him to get a good lawyer cause they will probibly throw the book at him. Was this his first time getting in trouble? If so he might have a better chance of getting the charges lowered.

 

[decodelighted]

There is no way in **** this wedding should continue to go forward (IMHO)!!!! OMFG. RUN!!! This might be the BEST thing that ever happened to your friend -- knowing THIS about her FI *before* committing to him for LIFE.

I mean, in the BEST case scenario the dude has a substance abuse or gambling problem or rage problem ... perhaps even an underlying mental illness. If any of that is the case -- that should all be worked out BEFORE THE WEDDING. POSTPONE. GET A GRIP. And then decide if you want to move forward with the guy. At WORST -- this guy is an unbelievable *hole with no self-control, moral compass or BRAINS! Beh-lech.

Am curious how YOU are the bad guy now??? He BITES a man & SPITS BLOOD on a cop but YOU are the troublemakers? Sheesh?

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 6/3/2008 9:05:26 AM
Author: Independent Gal

Date: 6/2/2008 3:36:42 PM
Author: blissfulbride
Well now the plot thickens because from what I hear now. He was gambling at some tables right before he went to the club. He lost alot of money, and i think that is what got him in a really bad mood.

OH! He was GAMBLING and lost a lot of money right before he becomes (jointly) responsible for a family. Well, in that case it''s totally understandable that he attacked a bouncer and a police officer.

Imagine how disturbing it is for the bouncer. Seriously. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute. Some guy BITES you hard enough to draw blood and then spits it.

My mom worked for the police and I grew up with a lot of police officers around. These are human beings with dignity, with families, who (with some bad exceptions of course) chose this profession to serve the public good. And then this guy thinks he''s Mr. King of the World Tough Guy and treats the cop like dirt. It''s really, really, sick and degrading to spit someone else''s blood on a person. To spit on a person at all. Shame on him for behaving like an animal.

I would never, never marry someone capable of that kind of childish despicable behaviour. I would be so embarrassed if I were the bride. This guy is a LOSER.

Ditto! Ditto to Deco too! yikes

 

[blissfulbride]

I''m the trouble maker because I am calling it how I see it. My fiance puts this family on this high pedestal meanwhile look at all the drama. So now he is upset with me because im not taking his families side. I''ve been crying all day, and he has been treating me like shit. I just got off the phone with him, and he told me not to go to the wedding because im fake and talking s*it about his family with my parents. I''m upset to because this is my option. I''ve never even been to a perceint but yet I have no say on the situation. He told me that he shouldnt be marrying some who isnt on his side.

 

[Cleopatra]

wait a second - your FIANCE called you fake and accused you of "talking sh!t" ??!!!?!?!? ummmm.....

 

[blissfulbride]

Yeah because I told my parents the story. Its because he is ashamed

 

[canadian_bling]

Oohh man... When it comes to family, sometimes, it just seems to bring out our defensive side. Although its important to support one another, both men and woman have to understand that marriage means cleaving from your family so that the two of you can be joined as one. This doesn''t mean that you have to treat your family poorly, but it does mean that you need to stand by your significant other.

I really hope your fiance sees that. In terms of talking about it though, try not to disseminate this info further as it does seem to embarrass him. It''s better to try to let things blow over.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''m I the only one who thinks NEITHER of these couples is really ready for the adult responsibilities of marriage

As to the blood spitting on the police officer, you DO realize that the officer is now wondering if he''s been exposed to AIDs, whether he will be exposing his wife to it, or just abstaining from normal relations until the Spitter has been tested and PROVEN negative.

 

[KimberlyH]

Wow, people really behave like this? I'm right there with ya, purfectpear, this whole situation sounds like a bad movie. I don't understand why you're crying instead of packing your bags, or his, and telling your fiance when he's ready to get off the crazy train he can call you.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 6/3/2008 12:43:28 PM
Author: blissfulbride
Yeah because I told my parents the story. Its because he is ashamed

He should be ashamed. Not for what someone else he can''t control did, but for treating you badly because you see this situation for what it is. Of course you told your parents. He is close enough to his family to defend this guy and can''t understand how you would be close enough to yours to say something?

What is your Fi''s excuse for what happened?

I hate to say it, but if I were in your position, I wouldn''t go to the wedding either. The poor bride is looking at a guy who has a very real possibility of spending the next decade in jail, not exactly a union to celebrate.

 

[Pandora II]

I would seriously think about whether you want to marry a man who sees lying as an option and treats you this way for nothing more than speaking the truth. Exactly where do his priorities lie - with his dodgy friend from the sound of it.

Yes family is important, but you need to be realistic and own up when there is trouble.

Both you and this other girl need to take a long hard look at the situation.

I mean, if your FI treats you this badly over this, what is he going to be like when the chips are really down?

I really don't think either of them sound like good marriage material right now. They need some serious responsibility lessons.

I feel very sorry for the police officer and hope they throw the book at your friend's FI. He certainly deserves it - if your friend has her head on straight she will make one of the best decisions of her life and get rid!

ETA: Please don't tell me this wedding is going ahead!

 

[Cleopatra]

Is there any word on the Spitter (as he''s now known on this board) and if he''ll be out in time for the wedding (if it''s even still "on")....???

I''ll hold off judgment about whether or not the couple should or shouldn''t get married after this. What looks like a stupid childlike act to us could be seen as a terrible mistake to his fiance and family. I''m not excusing this guy at all - I think it''s sick what he did...but I know that love is hard to let go of and any EXCUSE will be entertained by those not willing to let go.

The fiance obviously still wants to marry him, I assume? Just wondering if that''s going to happen or not.

This is a terrible terrible situation. Bliss - It''s sad that your own fiance has lashed out at you over this. I hope that he can understand that this is a stressful time for everyone, but as his future wife, he should be standing by you - even if he disagrees with you....

 

[Independent Gal]

Hmm. I have to say that I can see why he wouldn''t want you telling your parents. DH and I don''t tell our folks everything we know about the family of the other.

On the other hand, it''s not like this is a family secret or something held in confidence. It''s The People vs. The Spitter. A matter of public knowledge and public concern. Everybody and their uncle will know about it regardless. Forever. It''s a matter of public record.

And 25K bail does sound like a felony. Has he been in trouble with the law before? Does he have a history of rage or violence?

Try to sit down with your FI and talk it out. You may just not be hearing each others'' concerns clearly.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 6/3/2008 1:21:05 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Hmm. I have to say that I can see why he wouldn''t want you telling your parents. DH and I don''t tell our folks everything we know about the family of the other.

On the other hand, it''s not like this is a family secret or something held in confidence. It''s The People vs. The Spitter. A matter of public knowledge and public concern. Everybody and their uncle will know about it regardless. Forever. It''s a matter of public record.

And 25K bail does sound like a felony. Has he been in trouble with the law before? Does he have a history of rage or violence?

Try to sit down with your FI and talk it out. You may just not be hearing each others'' concerns clearly.

IG, I can see why he wouldn''t want this to be shared with her parents, it''s his reaction to her doing so, the name calling, etc., and his willingness and desire to be associated with people who behave in such insane ways that makes me say run for the hills.

 

[tiffanytwisted]

Date: 6/3/2008 12:57:17 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I''m I the only one who thinks NEITHER of these couples is really ready for the adult responsibilities of marriage

As to the blood spitting on the police officer, you DO realize that the officer is now wondering if he''s been exposed to AIDs, whether he will be exposing his wife to it, or just abstaining from normal relations until the Spitter has been tested and PROVEN negative.

No, you aren''t the only one who thinks that.

As the wife of a police officer, this really makes my blood boil. (no pun intended). I hope I am never in the situation to worry about that.

 

[Courtneylub]

This is just reminding more and MORE of my first marriage. Accusing me of not being on his side when in fact he was never on mine...calling me names and making me cry. I''m not going to say a word.


Thank God my FI would never make me cry or call me names.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/3/2008 12:37:02 PM
Author: blissfulbride
My fiance puts this family on this high pedestal meanwhile look at all the drama. So now he is upset with me because im not taking his families side. I''ve been crying all day, and he has been treating me like shit. I just got off the phone with him, and he told me not to go to the wedding because im fake and talking s*it about his family with my parents. I''m upset to because this is my option. I''ve never even been to a perceint but yet I have no say on the situation. He told me that he shouldnt be marrying some who isnt on his side.

Wait ... is he *related* to the Felon Groom ... or just a "friend"? I''m losing track here. But geez ... at least you know where you stand! His loyalty is to this other/his "family" no matter what they do or how wrong they are ... and NOT to you. You can''t say you don''t know this anymore because you do. He told you. If you aren''t "loyal" then you are "fake".

Are these gentlemen, um, CONNECTED? Like Soprano''s style?

 

[mimzy]

Date: 6/3/2008 2:23:59 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/3/2008 12:37:02 PM

Author: blissfulbride

My fiance puts this family on this high pedestal meanwhile look at all the drama. So now he is upset with me because im not taking his families side. I''ve been crying all day, and he has been treating me like shit. I just got off the phone with him, and he told me not to go to the wedding because im fake and talking s*it about his family with my parents. I''m upset to because this is my option. I''ve never even been to a perceint but yet I have no say on the situation. He told me that he shouldnt be marrying some who isnt on his side.

Wait ... is he *related* to the Felon Groom ... or just a ''friend''? I''m losing track here. But geez ... at least you know where you stand! His loyalty is to this other/his ''family'' no matter what they do or how wrong they are ... and NOT to you. You can''t say you don''t know this anymore because you do. He told you. If you aren''t ''loyal'' then you are ''fake''.

Are these gentlemen, um, CONNECTED? Like Soprano''s style?

i had the same questions.

is there a reason other than ''loyalty'' that your FI is being defensive of the offender?

 

[blissfulbride]

No he isn''t connected like in the sopronos, but to be honest it sure feels like im on a episode. I agree with everyone here. I should really think about the family ill be getting married into. My parent are very disappointed in them. I dont know whats going to happen at this point. I''m just really glad my fiance didnt get caught up in this. The groom is my fiances uncle. so sadly they all shared the same blood.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 6/3/2008 1:36:42 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 6/3/2008 1:21:05 P

IG, I can see why he wouldn''t want this to be shared with her parents, it''s his reaction to her doing so, the name calling, etc., and his willingness and desire to be associated with people who behave in such insane ways that makes me say run for the hills.

Very true, Kim! I completely agree with that part.

 

[laine]

Thanks for the extra details, it helped clears things up a bit (though it still doesn't really make any sense). Is this "normal" behavior for the uncle/his family? Are people surprised by his behavior, or is it to be expected from him/them?

Have you talked to the bride? Any idea what she's thinking now? Is she going ahead with the wedding this weekend? I know she was upset, but I guess I'm curious--is she upset that he acted this way at all, that he got arrested for it, that he did it just before the wedding? Which part is it that bothers her? For me it would be the first, and the wedding would be on hold...

ETA: About the "marrying in this family" part; people can't control their families--I'm sure all of our DH/FI/BFs have family members we don't approve of, and thats something they can't really change. What they can control is how they deal with and respond to said bad family. Thats the part thats worrying me in your situation--not that FI is related to Felon Groom, but that he is taking his side.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 6/3/2008 3:33:35 PM
Author: laine
ETA: About the ''marrying in this family'' part; people can''t control their families--I''m sure all of our DH/FI/BFs have family members we don''t approve of, and thats something they can''t really change. What they can control is how they deal with and respond to said bad family. Thats the part thats worrying me in your situation--not that FI is related to Felon Groom, but that he is taking his side.

100% agreed! a very good point laine.

 

[KCCutie]

I''ve been reading along and I finally decided to post....

Okay something similar to this happened to one of my uncles. He got in a fight at his bachelor party and had a broken nose and black eye at his wedding, now granted no one got arrested so it isn''t exactly the same. My Uncle really is a little mentally off kilter. He has bi-polar disorder and at the time was on Lithium and has tried various medications. So maybe your SOs uncle has some underlying problems no one is talking about.

Here''s why I bring this up....maybe the groom really does have mental issues. Not that that is in any way an excuse for his actions but that could be why the family is acting so weird about it. Mental illness is for some reason one of those things that people think needs to be kept "hush hush." Now think about it this way your FI wants your family to really like him and your telling your family about his "crazy uncle" and all this drama probably won''t help in that area. Is his thinking that you would say absolutely nothing a bit unreasonable...YES. I think he''s just upset that you are airing this dirty laundry to your family. I''m not saying he is handling it well by any means but I see why this would upset him.

I think if you sit down and talk about this calmly and rationally you can certainly work this out. As for "The Spitter" I have no idea what prompted him to act the way he did but it''s obvious that this behavior is not acceptable and not normal and he obviously needs some sort of help and I hope he gets it.