engagement ring - changing the rules of the game

[dianabarbara]

You could choose one of the diamonds and your fiance could get you a lovely setting for it, like a Leon Mege or similar!

cabbit star, you are right! I am actually considering a VC

 

[Rosebloom]

I haven't read the other responses so I apologize if I'm off topic now but I would do it (use a family stone from the brides' side) in a heart beat!!!

 

[madelise]

Have you talked to your FI yet? about the possibility of just having him pick out the eternity band?


I forgot to add the last time that I'm green with envy. I wish I had a family heirloom. I love my grandparents so much, and would be ecstatic if I had a chance to keep the love going on, and going strong by passing down rings generation to generation.

and I also forgot to congratulate you. How rude of me! Congratulations

 

[jerichosmom]

Forgive me as I haven't read all the posts, just your initial one....so I'm not sure what you ultimately decided to do....but I just wanted to say that there is nothing wrong with using a ring from the maternal side. A ring isn't the only thing that symbolizes a man's love for his future mate. I think that wanting to lay a strong foundation for the marriage both financially and emotionally is more important and telling in a person's interest to marry, than a piece of jewelry.

When I got engaged in 2005, we didn't have the money for a ring. Well, we did in all aspects but my husband was very anti-diamond and wanted to put all of our money into a new home. I was hassled a bit by family and friend's about my lack of ring, his mother gave me a pair of earrings in the hopes that I would turn it into a ring (she was embarassed when all of her friends wanted to see my empty hand) My mother gave me my late father's ring which held a 1.21 ct diamond. I removed and put it into a faux Michael B setting...and paid for the piece myself. Although not an offical e-ring, it satisfied my bling lust until he bought me a ring 4 years into the marriage....after we had bought our dream house, after a big promotion, and after starting a family. The one ring that he did buy me was 2ct eternity band which functioned as my e-ring/wedding band....I wore it on my right hand until my wedding day and then switched it over to the left. My "official" e-ring is worn on my right hand as I don't like having them together... it causes damage.

I just wanted to say that you don't have to go with "tradition"...you can make your own.

 

[dianabarbara]

Rose, I hear you thanks for reassuring me a bit here!

Have you talked to your FI yet? about the possibility of just having him pick out the eternity band?


I forgot to add the last time that I'm green with envy. I wish I had a family heirloom. I love my grandparents so much, and would be ecstatic if I had a chance to keep the love going on, and going strong by passing down rings generation to generation.

and I also forgot to congratulate you. How rude of me! Congratulations

Hi madelise

thank you!!!! (hug)

when I was grown up enough to really have a dialogue with this grandma she was not entirely lucid any longer. I have however MANY sweet memories from my childhood. She spent half of her life in the family countryside house, so as I was four or five she got some farmyard animals for me to let me grow somewhat in contact with nature anytime we went to visit her. We would go get fresh eggs together and see the peacock

grandmas are always the best!! I can't wait to be one them and spoil my grandkids like crazy!!!

edit: forgot to answer to the first question! he's out of town for a sport event, so I'll have to wait another bit (I wouldn't like to discuss this over the phone)

 

[dianabarbara]

Forgive me as I haven't read all the posts, just your initial one....so I'm not sure what you ultimately decided to do....but I just wanted to say that there is nothing wrong with using a ring from the maternal side. A ring isn't the only thing that symbolizes a man's love for his future mate. I think that wanting to lay a strong foundation for the marriage both financially and emotionally is more important and telling in a person's interest to marry, than a piece of jewelry.

When I got engaged in 2005, we didn't have the money for a ring. Well, we did in all aspects but my husband was very anti-diamond and wanted to put all of our money into a new home. I was hassled a bit by family and friend's about my lack of ring, his mother gave me a pair of earrings in the hopes that I would turn it into a ring (she was embarassed when all of her friends wanted to see my empty hand) My mother gave me my late father's ring which held a 1.21 ct diamond. I removed and put it into a faux Michael B setting...and paid for the piece myself. Although not an offical e-ring, it satisfied my bling lust until he bought me a ring 4 years into the marriage....after we had bought our dream house, after a big promotion, and after starting a family. The one ring that he did buy me was 2ct eternity band which functioned as my e-ring/wedding band....I wore it on my right hand until my wedding day and then switched it over to the left. My "official" e-ring is worn on my right hand as I don't like having them together... it causes damage.

I just wanted to say that you don't have to go with "tradition"...you can make your own.

Jerichosmom, I completely agree with you. I think he also knows very well that this is the most important thing for me in our relationship, and we both have the highest respect for that.

You have a very nice story to share. It shows that not only the ring, but also the WEDDING per se does not make a marriage, in its true sense. You and your husband were so committed to each other and to your future together that you managed to take all the necessary steps in a way that worked great for you. chapeau!! that's what I hope for!

if on top of obtaining success in all these very important things, a woman still gets the satisfaction of celebrating them with the ring that she loves, well.. even better!!!

 

[purplesilk]

Ciao dianabarbara!
Di dove sei?
Nel nord Italia nessuno resta sconvolto se sei fidanzata ma non hai l'anello...soprattutto in questi tempi di crisi economica!!!
Comunque lascia che lui ti compri una veretta se lo desidera, l'anello di nonna lo puoi portare sulla mano destra.
Ciao ciao!


Translation
Hi dianabarbara!
Where are you from?
In the north of Italy nobody gets shocked if you're engaged and you don't wear a ring...expecially in these economy crisis times!!!
However, let him buy a diamond band if he really wants it to, you can wear your gradmother's ring as a RHR.
Bye bye!

 

[antiquesparkler]

What a wonderful forum!

I have been reading over your posts for the last couple of months now - since my boyfriend proposed - and loved every bit of it.
From the bottom of my heart: thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!!

I joined today because I am facing a little dilemma that I think many others share or have faced in the past, and would like to hear your opinion on it.

Both me and my boyfriend are graduate students, with a decent and stable income, a rent to pay, and a normal life. His proposal took me somewhat by surprise , of course, a wonderful surprise. One early morning I bent over him to give him a kiss and have accidentally caught him searching for engagement rings. While we were both in our pijamas, he proposed on the spot, in a very passionate and romantic way. I was so happy I burst in tears of joy. And told that yes, I want to marry him, and that I would like him to ask my dad. Once this is done, our 'proto-engagement' will be a 'real' engagement. We laughed a lot over it. Obviously, that doesn't make it any less serious.

Since then, he proposed a few other times. Including two nights ago, when he kneed down on a deserted little port in the city where we live. It was so so romatic, that we decided to skimp the 'proto' and say we are now 'pro'- engaged. hehe.. we are making out a great story for our grankids, one day

Now, getting to the core of the issue: we have been looking at engagement rings together for a little while. He likes very simple, traditional bands, understated and sweet, in plain gold, or gold and smaller stones. I like blingy and sparkly. Evidently, a taste I acquired from my paternal grandma. She passed away a few years ago leaving a small collection of wonders. And I can't help asking myself - what if I would just make one of those rings our engagement ring?

I understand that a man takes pride from gifting a ring to his promised wife, and that family heirloom rings are usually coming from the man's side of the family. However, there are no heirlooms in his family and his funds are limited. I also think it does not make too much sense to spend half of his savings on the symbol of our love, if it means setting up for a weaker financial position in our life together.

Like many others, I value the financial stability of a marriage much more than a sparkly adornment. However, I still like the idea of wearing a magnificent symbol of our great relationship.

What would be the consequences of changing the rules in the ring game, and having one from my family?
Given the symbolic nature of this gesture, I think that they might be much more far reaching than one what could rationally expect.

Thoughts, experiences, or ideas on this one?

Thank you for reading and sharing,

Diana

Hi Diana! Welcome to the boards and congratulations on your sweet engagement (official or not!)

I love your proposal and I am hoping for something similar myself (just us at home and emotional)

I wanted to chime in because I recently inheirted my Grandmother's enagement ring- she gave it to me 8 days before she passed away and it is so special to me because it was HERS. At first, my SO didnt care for the idea of using it as my e-ring because he felt like he should be paying for that. After I explained how much I loved the ring because it was my grandmothers and how much I valued being able to save the money that he would have spent on my e-ring for something else (a wedding... home improvements... savings!), he understood and supported the idea fully.

We wanted to keep the original setting but there were some issues with the melee and the white gold so we were able to go and pick out a setting together and now it's a very sentimental ring for me that he had a huge part in making it what it is today! It's so 'us' too.

Like the previous ladies said, there aren't any rules anymore when it comes to rings... you just need to do what works best for you guys. I really like the idea of choosing an e-ring from the rings you have inheirted and letting him choose matching wedding bands for the two of you. And who knows, someday, you could move that ring to your right hand and get the ring of your dreams as a new e-ring.

Whatever you two decide, I wish you the best!

 

[Haven]

Best wishes on your engagement, and welcome to PS!

I wanted to share that in my family we only pass men's jewelery down to sons, and women's jewelry down to daughters. So, any family heirloom engagement rings would go from a grandmother or a mother to her daughter, and never to her daughter-in-law. So in your case, inheriting a ring from your side of the family and using the stone in your engagement ring is exactly the sort of thing we would do!

Whatever you choose to do, I hope the process is filled with joy and excitement, and I wish you best in your future marriage.