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Early pregnancy loss

happybear

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 8, 2011
Messages
300
monkeyprincess, blacksand, jfo, dani & gem_anemone,

Thanks for the hugs and comforting words.
I am already 36 years old and will be turning 37 in a couple of months. Time is not on my side as my childbearing years are numbered. I pray when we start TTC, I can get pregnant and carry the child to full term safely.
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,568
I had a devastating loss at 11 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I had already seen the baby's heart beat via ultrasound at 6w4d and everything looked great. My DH and I were so excited to be expecting our 3rd baby! We were also so excited to be an infertility success story too, because we conceived on our own with no medical help. When I went to the doctor at 11w3d, they listened for the baby's heart beat via the doppler. The doctor could only find my heart beat though. It was agonizing. There was this glass bird mobile hanging above the exam table, and I remember I just kept staring at it, in fear and sadness. I still thought maybe there was hope though, and the baby was just hiding. The doctor then said we had to do an ultrasound just to make sure everything was fine. She gave me even more hope when she said she could hear the blood flow going through the placenta and that it was a good sign.

They sent me back to the waiting room and it was horrible waiting there for what felt like an eternity. I was so anxious. I kept praying they would call me back. My heart was racing and my stomach felt queasy. I tried to distract myself but I couldn't focus on any magazine. Finally they called me back. The u/s tech had the TV screen off so I couldn't see anything. She started doing the u/s and she was clicking away doing the measurements on her computer. I kept staring at her face, hoping to see something encouraging. Finally, she turned the TV screen on so I could see the baby and I thought that must be good news. Then she said the dreaded words I will never forget: "By dates, you are supposed to be 11w3d. The baby is measuring 8 weeks and there is no heart beat." I thought I was okay and whatever the outcome, I would be strong. But I promptly burst into huge choking sobs. I was so attached to that little baby and so excited to meet him/her in May. DH and I will never forget our beautiful little May baby. They tried to do testing on the baby to find out the cause of the miscarriage, but there wasn't enough to get anything. So I just keep wondering if it was a chromosomal abnormality or was it something I ate or drank or took? I did take an ibuprofen before I found out I was pregnant, and that always sticks in the back of my mind, as ibuprofen has been proven to increase the risk of miscarriage. Not knowing the cause will always haunt me. My progesterone was a little on the lowish side, but still perfectly normal according to my doctor.

A lot of peoples' reactions to miscarriage suck. We only told DH's and my parents. They were just like "Oh, sorry" and then they have not brought it up again even once, not even to ask if we're doing okay or anything. I would love to be able to tell them details, to talk about the baby, but they don't ask.

I feel so bad for anyone who has ever had to go through this. Hugs to all of us.
 

Loves Vintage

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
4,497
Laila - I am so sorry. You are such a good person and such a good mama. There is no way that you caused the loss of your May baby, so please put those thoughts out of your mind. I'm sorry that your parents and in-laws have not been more supportive. I think people just do not know what to say. Maybe they think you will bring it up with them if you want to talk? In any event, you have all of us. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you are able to take some time to yourself. There often is not the time and hard as we try to compartmentalize the sadness, for the sake of others or for the sake of avoiding the painful emotions, the sadness will eventually catch up with us. So, please allow yourself to mourn. Sending you strength and hope for the future.
 

JGator

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 27, 2010
Messages
1,422
Laila, hugs to you my dear. My loss experience was similar to yours. Our baby was also due in May (2012). We found out at 10 weeks, and we had already seen the heart beat as well. Also, I had low progesterone and was taking Crinone. I think you could not have done anything to prevent this, and likely the baby had a chromosomal abnormality which is what we found out eventually on our loss. I was able to find out that it was Trisomy 9 and the baby would not have lived if it had made it to full term. I also found out that it was a boy. I remember a long time ago getting a palm reading, and the person told me I would have a boy and a girl. I had a little girl almost exactly a year after the miscarriage, and I feel like she has a big brother in heaven. I often pray and ask that my family (grandparents and father) in heaven take care of him and that he looks out for his baby sister.

Happybear, hugs to you. Your loss was so devastating. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take the time you need to grieve. I remember sobbing a lot at night thinking about the baby that would not be and wondering if we ever would be so lucky to become parents.
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,568
LV, thank you sweetie. You are such a dear. I hope we will both find ourselves pregnant in early 2014.

JGator, I am so sorry for the loss of your May baby. I too was taking Crinone but I guess if it was a chromosomal abnormality it wouldn't make any difference. Did finding out the cause and the sex of your baby help with closure a little bit or did it make things even more sad? I'm so glad you have your sweet lil daughter now.
 

JGator

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 27, 2010
Messages
1,422
Laila, I did feel better getting those results because I was really questioning the progesterone issues (and my doctor's delay in treating it) and my thyroid levels as being the cause, and it eased my mind a little. I also liked finding out the gender of the baby - I think that helped a little with the healing. Was your loss just a few weeks ago and the due date next May? I am so sorry for your loss, Laila. Thank you for comments on K - she is such a miracle, and she really is special.
 

dani13

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2004
Messages
6,183
I'm so sorry Laila and JG. Your stories are heartbreaking. Many hugs to both of you!
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,568
Thanks, Dani.

Feeling really sad today. :( I would have been 15 weeks tomorrow and we were going to tell everyone at Thanksgiving.
 

lliang_chi

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
3,740
HappyBear & Laila, I'm really sorry. It's OK to be sad, and there's really no way to "get over" a miscarriage. Definitely come here if you need to talk to help heal, but all your babies are beautiful and special, and your hearts just get bigger to share all your love.
 

TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
8,467
Laila -- I'm sorry for your loss.

People react differently to losses. Some want to talk. Others want to have the whole subject left alone. I don't ever ask anyone how they are doing after they tell me about a loss. This isn't because I don't care or am not interested -- it is because I want the person to be comfortable. I try to remember to let them know that they can talk to me any time they want and I'm here to help if they need anything but after the first conversation I let them talk as they want.

That is probably the case with your parents. They know you are hurting and don't want to do anything to cause you more pain.

Big hugs to you and your husband!
 

monkeyprincess

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
2,873
Laila, again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it is to experience a miscarriage because I have not experienced one myself. But I do know how much weall love those little ones from the moment we find out we are pregnant. I hope that you find a little healing in sharing your story and hearing others' stories.
 

dcgator

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2008
Messages
1,115
Happybear - I am sooo very sorry for your loss. It was a truly awful thing that happened and I can't imagine any of us would be in any better position than you are. I am glad that you are at least able to talk about it here, but I hope you can find additional resources to help you get through this incredibly difficult time where you are.

Laila - I am sorry that I have to see you again here and that you experienced a loss as well. I am sending you a huge hug and please know that I am sure it is nothing you did, but just something that happened. Take care of you and your two little ones.
 
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