- Oct 17, 2008
If your SO said really mean and hurtful things to you when he was drunk (and he almost never drinks) and apologized the next day, would you forgive him?
Ditto Bia.Date: 3/23/2009 1:33:39 PM
Depends on what he said.
If he said, ''You''re a crazy b*%ch and I am never going to want to marry you, so leave me the hell alone!'' Then no, I''d be out so fast, he wouldn''t even know I''m gone. Because he''s probably being honest.
Again, it depends on what ''really hurtful'' means.
I took all the other stuff out because to address it would just make me angry, so I''ll leave that alone.Date: 3/23/2009 1:55:19 PM
I reluctently forgave him. Am I a fool?
Could not agree more, Bia. Well said.Date: 3/23/2009 2:10:43 PM
Pretty, you''re making excuses for him. If you''ve already decided that you want to be with him, then why ask us if you''re making a mistake? I think its because you don''t feel comfortable with your decision to stay, and therefore you''re reaching out to strangers for advice. Think about that.
No one who loves you would tell you he loves you more than p*rn. Or that he has strippers on the way. Actually, re-reading it now, he already said he doesn''t love you...in plain English.
What more do you want? One thing he is showing you is that he is inconsistent. Meaning all talk, no action. I take it you got the idea that he wanted to marry you from the night he was drunk and called his father. You have since been back saying that he backed out of that one. So there is your answer. He has a problem, whether it is self-esteem or depression, or he''s just an ass, but either way, he''s unstable. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn''t respect you? That should be highest on your list of ''must haves.''
I encourage you to get leave that mess alone. You deserve more.
This paragraph is so telling. IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM. Not about him being sorry about what he did TO YOU. Its all about him being sorry that he messed things up FOR HIMSELF. HIS birthday. HIS happiness. HIS security. HIS free insurance & career advice & pocket $$ & groceries etc etc etc. HIS steady stream of nookie.Date: 3/23/2009 1:55:19 PM
He was very very very upset with himself. Said he ruined his own birthday. That the thought of not being with me anymore literally made him sick when he woke up (I'm pretty sure it was just the alcohol!). He said he can't live without me, that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. He said that he doesn't deserve me and he knows I shouldn't even speak to him. He cried and begged and pleaded and apologized. I told him I didn't know if our relationship could recover from everything he said. He said he can't lose me, he won't give up on us, etc. He came over with a dozen roses crying and begging.
There is always a first time for abuse. You are a fool if you stay with him- he is showing you his true colors. Listen.Date: 3/23/2009 2:13:39 PM
The truth of the matter though is that he is not that guy. He has never ever said things to me like that before, and hasn''t since. He was so humiliated that he said those things. He does not do this type of thing to me ever...ever...ever. It is soooo out of character. I told him I was really worried about him because he is obviously so angry inside and he needs to figure it out. He has an appt with week with a doctor about the meds and a therapist.
Could it have been the meds and alcohol mixed?
I just don''t understand it which is why it hurts so badly. Everyone that knows him is just as shocked but have said that it is not like him and he was obviously just drunk. People that don''t know him obviously think I''m crazy.
I don''t want to be made into a fool. I love the man, I wanted to marry him but I am really having a hard time justifying staying with him after all that.
More than anything, I love him and am really scared for him and worried about him. It is so out of character. In two years he has never even so much as raised his voice at me. When we fight he is always the calm, level headed one whereas I''m the yelling and fighter.
The only thing I did to instigate the whole text conversation was to say, ''Its over between us isn''t it? Everytime you look at me its like you are angry or upset but won''t tell me why.''
He definitely needs work on communication. He never tells me when he gets upset...instead he''ll bottle it all up inside. I guess the alcohol and antidepressants worked together to uncork that bottle?
I have a hard time thinking about ending our relationship because it was sooo out of character and completely opposite of the man I know and love and it has NEVER happened before.
Absolutely.Date: 3/23/2009 2:20:20 PM
Get out while you can.
My mom always said you have to get a man drunk and watch how he behaves. Any indication of (physical or emotional) cruelty or violence or threat, get out of there as fast as you can. I think that''s what''s going on in your situation, reading the messages above.