Do you enjoy throwing parties?

[nala]

I am turning 50 in mid October and I was soo excited bc DH and DD offered to throw me a big 50. We had even discussed the theme, set the date, and told a few people to save the date thru text. We never got around to sending an official save the date bc I figured that I would invite everyone on my list and not be bummed if they couldn’t make it due to other conflicts. This was strategic bc if all 100 people showed up, it would be too many people, lol.
Well. This week has been kind of enlightening and I have realized that my vision for the party is better than the reality of how it will turn out.
I will spare you all the events that led me to this epiphany bc they really are not the reason that I am choosing to forgo the party. Sure, these events reminded me of how rude people can be, but also, I really thought about the last party I threw. And then about my previous ones. And I realized that I simply do NOT ENJOY MYSELF at my own parties!!!
The build-up leading to the party is a lot of work! From cleaning to shopping to decorating to not trusting DH and DD with all the details, lol, to getting dolled up. It’s exhausting to even think about! It is no surprise that the day after a party i always have a backache!
And here’s the kicker! As the hostess or guest of honor, I feel so ignored! Like, guests only chat with me for 2 minutes—people I normally have lengthy conversations with—-bc they think that I need to be attentive to all my guests!! And they aren’t wrong, but it just is NOT FUN!
So, am I alone in feeling this way or is this discovery coming way too late in my life?
I feel so relieved having made this choice.

 

[musicloveranthony]

I have gotten to a point in my life where I don't even like hosting people at my home anymore. I find I stress about it to the point where I don't enjoy myself and can't be present in the moment

 

[seaurchin]

I guess it depends on what you mean by "enjoy."

To me, throwing a party seems like an accomplishment and it's satisfying when it's a success. But I'd consider it mainly work I did for other people's enjoyment.

Going to a party as a guest is more what I'd consider fun. If it was my birthday celebration, I'd want to meet in a restaurant or something like that, not have to do a bunch of work!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Not anymore. I don't even want to cook supper!

I think we need to give ourselves some slack.

cheers--Sharon

 

[nala]

I guess it depends on what you mean by "enjoy."

To me, throwing a party seems like an accomplishment and it's satisfying when it's a success. But I'd consider it mainly work I did for other people's enjoyment.

Going to a party as a guest is more what I'd consider fun. If it was my birthday celebration, I'd want to meet in a restaurant or something like that, not have to do a bunch of work!

This!! I had soo much satisfaction in the past when throwing DD’s parties!! Bc I knew she appreciated them. I have even done quite a few for my mom and also felt a sense of accomplishment. I guess that when it comes to me being the guest of honor, it isn’t so much the work as the expectation that I mingle with all my guests in a very superficial manner. Maybe I no longer find mingling enjoyable.

 

[nala]

I have gotten to a point in my life where I don't even like hosting people at my home anymore. I find I stress about it to the point where I don't enjoy myself and can't be present in the moment

This!! This is definitely another reason!

 

[yssie]

Nope. Hate the planning and prepping, hate having other people in my house, hate stressing the animals, hate cleaning up the aftermath.

My house is organized and furnished for me, my husband, and my animals, with exactly zero thought spared for anyone else’s comfort or enjoyment. I’m talking down to having no extra seating. So setup and teardown for #OtherPeople’sComfortAndEnjoyment is a whole big #Thing. Both my mother and my MIL would be overjoyed if I let them buy us a couch.

 

[missy]

Nope I dislike throwing parties. They’re so much work. Prep, cleanup and being a great host in between. Lots of mental and physical energy went into each party.

When we were younger it was more fun because we had more energy. But generally I’m not a party person. I’m more of an introvert with extrovert tendencies. I prefer one on one or two on two.

My dh loves parties and he loved throwing them. Which was fine with me because he did most of the work. But these days neither of us want to throw a big shindig.

And the cats absolutely detest having people over lol. They rule the house and that’s ok.

Happy 50th @nala !
Spend the day exactly as you want to and wishing you a very happy and healthy 50th. Here’s to 50 more wonderful years

 

[lavenderdragonfly23]

My stomach turned just thinking about it, absolutely not for every reason in the book

 

[tyty333]

I feel your pain @nala ! Too much of an introvert/worrier to throw a party anymore. I just soon go out to eat with a few couples.
Much less stressful and more fun IMO!

Then you get to go home, kick your shoes off, and veg in order to recover from the exertion of being around others for an extended
period of time!

 

[elizat]

No. I don't want to go to them either.

 

[stracci2000]

A big NO to parties.
I don't like hosting or attending.

I really dislike going to a large event where I don't know most of the people.
I get so uncomfortable.

 

[stracci2000]

Also, my house is not party friendly.
We don't have enough seating, inside or out. No great sound system, and my downstairs family room is DHs photography studio.
Plus, none of my china matches!

One time we had a few couples over for dinner. I looked over and saw a big cobweb hanging from the ceiling. Eek! I always stress and worry that the house isn't clean enough.

 

[TooPatient]

There was a community potluck organized by our synagogue that we hosted one summer. Our oven died the day before. Everything I cooked had to be on the BBQ. Even homemade pita for 40+ people.

The holiday dinner I hosted where everyone declined until a few days before when they all started calling asking if it was too late for them to come. Several asked to bring friends as well. The washing machine quit the day before and all of the kitchen lights quit working while I was finishing everything up the day of.

Another holiday had a guest keep offering to help (which in my family means they really do want and will be offended if you don't have something for them) then was shocked and offended when I accepted help.

Then our wedding where almost no one came. Seriously. My grandparents, brother, and one couple we have since lost touch with were at the reception. The ceremony we skipped at the venue and just signed papers with the rabbi who actually surprised us with 10 people so we could have the ceremony. Didn't know most of them. (Also, thank goodness DH decided he wanted to wear the tux even if it was just paper signing. I almost showed up to my own wedding ceremony wearing jeans and an oversized sweatshirt! As it was, we were late and I was in stained up sweat shirt and sweat pants....)

I told DH that if I ever suggest we host a party again, he is to seek psychiatric help for me immediately

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Happy Birthday @nala!

Totally feel your pain, I hate planning any major get together, birthday or otherwise. In fact I couldn’t even be bothered to plan my wedding, we found a B&B with a wedding package and all we had to do was show up!

Birthday parties are another thing, we just had oldest son’s birthday party at a hibachi restaurant with nine of his close friends. DH planned the whole thing lol! We don’t do parties at the house anymore because I hate having people in my house.

Also do not like having a party thrown for me, let’s be honest, most people are there for the food anyways. Do your birthday however YOU want. Maybe go to the casino, invite some friends. Or do nothing, that’s an option too

 

[Slickk]

No. I don't want to go to them either.

Omgoodness. Yass!! This is us…

 

[Austina]

Lone voice here, I loved throwing parties. I didn’t mind all the prepping of food and clearing up afterwards, I really enjoyed it. I like cooking for other people rather than the daily chore of deciding what to have for dinner everyday.

I prefer hosting than actually going to parties, although we haven’t had a big party for several years now, but while we were still in England, we had small dinner parties on a regular basis.

 

[MissGotRocks]

No, I definitely would not want to plan one for myself or anyone else at this point in life. I have done them for my kids when they were growing up and always hosted an open house for Christmas Eve for years for family and friends. All food was fresh and homemade by me and it was fun! However, as we lost parents and our kids married and moved, I realized that it just wasn’t as much fun. I was working myself to death and had a huge cleanup after it was over. Growing older can sometimes help save yourself from yourself! I decided that it would only now be for family so that I could enjoy the holidays too. Birthdays are generally celebrated out at restaurants now and much simpler and relaxing.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

i thought about hosting like an afternoon tea with drinks for the corination of the King, using the good china, but in the end just cooked corination chicken salad and alchoalholic smoothies for just the two of us for tea (tha'ts dinner) that night,
but I did use the good china and served the cats' meals on it too

The last party for me was for my 21st
my mother was a great and generouse host who had the time to bake and cook and enjoyed and took pride in enertanning

i have made elabortae desserts for dinner guests and never felt appreated

and ditto about not enough furniture
although my mother used to say for a good party one should have more guests than seats


my 50th was 2 years ago
i think we ordered in pizza

but happy upcoming birthday @nala

 

[jordyonbass]

I enjoy it, especially the barbecue side of things which is always a given when we throw a party. Beef ribs, brisket, smoked chicken wings, smash burgers - you name it, I'm generally cooking it up for our family and friends. The cleaning up side of things, well we all pitch in usually and it's fairly quick.

On Halloween last year I wheeled our gas barbecue out the front and did a sausage sizzle for everyone who came past. We also had a kid's pool filled with beer, cider and soft drinks. We were voted best house in the estate with the haunted house lady being shocked she didn't win for the 5th year in a row

 

[Lookinagain]

I gave up giving parties years ago. At this point, I don't even like a lot of people in my house. I'm fine with only a few. I guess I'm old at this point and don't want to disrupt my home and pets.

 

[Mreader]

I don’t like hosting big parties because I have no control over when people leave! At some point I’m ready to turn in and if people linger I find it annoying. Once someone came after everyone else had left and stayed forever. I was so mad. Lol. Same reason prefer not to ride with someone somewhere. I want to be able to leave when I want to!

I do like having a dinner with another couple, something small. I don’t mind hosting that but I still get antsy if they aren’t gone by 10:30-11pm…I wish I were more social (like my husband) but I’m just not.

 

[LilAlex]

I am turning 50 in mid October and I was soo excited bc DH and DD offered to throw me a big 50.

We had a similar scenario and a similar dilemma a few weeks ago. Spouse had been planning for this for a long time (she got shut out during COVID for hers) and we ended up renting out a farm-to-table operation that serves what they raise (plant and animal). We had a couple dozen people -- all family. We brought our own wine -- finally an occasion that justifies the "good stuff." We were at the low end of the group size for the venue; they might do small (and slightly off-beat) weddings. Not a bargain but it was super-nice and fun. All "family style" with giant salads from their garden and huge platters of tomahawk steaks (!) -- a first for me and not spouse's cup of tea but...she took one for the team. (I knew nothing about the venue or menu -- was kept deliberately in the dark.)

The tricky part is that this was in a rural, scenic part of our state where the whole family loves to vacation -- so she had to rent a couple of houses and that was a bit of nightmare since some of the out-of-state relatives who don't do this sort of thing wouldn't commit until the last minute and that made planning sleeping and bathroom accommodations a little irritating. And we did end up hosting a bunch of other meals in our rental so there was a lot of grilling time for me and perpetual clean-up -- but there was tons of outdoor space for dining and that kept the mess mostly out of the house. It was way nicer and more relaxing than hosting a big party at our (actual) home.

 

[Begonia]

H*ll no.
So. Much. Work.

Both physically amd mentally. Our home is our sanctuary and we're all introverts of one form or another. Having people over feels invasive.

 

[dk168]

The last time I had a big party at my house was a house-warming party shortly after I moved in and had it done up still neat and tidy, back in 2006!

Since then I only had parties at venues such as restaurants, pubs and bars. Much less hassle as it meant I did not have to clean and tidy the house beforehand and afterwards.

My 50th was at an Italian restaurant followed by a cocktail bar across the road.

I sent out the invitation well in advance, with a deadline for RSVP as the restaurant needed to confirm the numbers a few days in advance.

I only chased once, and if they did not respond by the deadline then they would be crossed off the list. They all responded and turned up as they knew what I was and still am like, being brutal in cutting people out of my life.

I don't bother with organising meals out nowadays, as peeps would respond as "maybe's" to drop the invitation like a hot potato when something better turns up, which really p!sses me off when the invitation is sent out well in advance.

I HATE social butterflies - sign up/say yes to everything and turn up at none etc...

Hence I largely go out on my own as and when I feel like it.

For my next big one in 2025, I have planned to be on my own in Japan to celebrate.

DK

 

[Piper70]

I am usually the host because we have a big house and I am the best cook ( between our families which is not a huge accomplishment ). Usually it’s a holiday buffet style but I did just host my MIL’s 80th birthday. However, I would not host my own birthday because it’s too stressful. My husband is good with gifts but bad about celebrating so I just plan my own so I’m not sitting home alone again like my 50th birthday ( long story ). So, my advice would be to shrink the guest list and have a party where you can really spend time with the people that are coming to celebrate you!!

 

[TooPatient]

I don't bother with organising meals out nowadays, as peeps would respond as "maybe's" to drop the invitation like a hot potato when something better turns up, which really p!sses me off when the invitation is sent out well in advance.

This aggravates me so much! I refuse to do that when we are invited as it seems so disrespectful to me. That potluck we hosted had an invite sent out to something like 150 families. (All congregation members within some area.) Many never replied to the invitation, but so many said "maybe" that the day of the event, we had no idea if it was going to be 25 or 85! Seriously!?!? We provided the marinated grilled chicken plus a bunch more. I had to rent tables and chairs. There is a HUGE difference between those numbers. We ate chicken for days and had a freezer full of both cooked and just marinated...

 

[MeowMeow]

Happy early birthday Nala! I hope the day is exactly what you hope for!

But to your question. No I hate throwing parties. I hate entertaining. It stresses me out to have extra people in my home at all due to phobias and being the one to have to pick up and extra extra extra clean up prior to guests coming and after they go. But I do put on small parties with family for my daughter now that she is old enough to appreciate her birthday more. But I let the restaurant and the grocery store do the cooking work. We just come home and have small presents and cake at home so I don't need to worry about as much

 

[chrono]

I do not like to host parties.
I do not like to attend parties.

I am ok with a very small gathering with fewer than 10 people in total.

 

[kenny]

I do not like to host parties.
I do not like to attend parties.

I am ok with a very small gathering with fewer than 10 people in total.

+1
But replace those 10 people with 1 ...... well, rarely 2.

I do like people, just one at a time.
Something changes when more than three or so are gathered..
Chaos, small talk, and volume increase with the number present, and the odds of any real or meaningful conversation occurring just plummet.

I just recently declined invitation to an important BBQ at the home of the bigwig in my field.
I advance via excellent work, and eschew all schmoozing and @ss-kissing.