Dilemma 2 - Would you give an ACA to your SO's mom?

[Imdanny]

No, not 16. At least 18. 20 or 24 would be an even safer choice.

 

[Cehrabehra]

set it with your so's birthstone and make it a RHR - no need to pretend it came from him... all of that isn't WRONG but it makes me feel weird too. I would say pendant, but she might not wear that every day and they get lost more easily. Or stolen. Or her birthstone.

 

[Jennifer W]

It will certainly be from both of us.
Actually I thought that went without saying since we've been a couple over 10 years.
Also I'll just tell her the truth that I won it and thought of her.

I see now there are very good arguments for both ring and for pendant, and many people will have a strong preference for one over the other.
Before this thread I had only considered a ring.
Now I'm leaning heavily towards a pendant, but I think we'll give it to her loose in that cool presentation case on her birthday in a couple months and include pics of choices of how we can set it.
All things considered I think letting her decide, though it will have less WOW factor than a finished piece, is best.
Or, maybe well tell her or show her now so the finished piece will be ready for her B-day.

I'll get her an ultrasonic too.
I can't bear the thought of being responsiblie for there being a dirty ACA out there in the world somewhere.
(I'm such a control freak.)

Thanks everyone for helping me examine this from many perspectives.
PS is the perfect forum for that.
Lucky me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. DH and I have been a couple for nearly 15 years, but we rarely if ever give joint gifts. As a wise man once said, people vary...

 

[kenny]

Oh, no offense taken.
It was good to point it out.
That wise man has another saying, "Things cannot be too clear."

 

[Jennifer W]

LOL!

 

[tyty333]

No, not 16. At least 18. 20 or 24 would be an even safer choice.

Agree with Imdanny...you need a longer chain. Also remember older eyes can not focus in on things up close so even
if the chain is just long enough for her to flip it and see it may still be a blur (she needs to see those arrows!) I'm
still voting ring! She can hold it at any distance she needs to be able to see perfect arrows.

And dont forget to give her a nice ring holder so when she takes her rings off in the kitchen she will put it somewhere
safe.

 

[manderz]

And dont forget to give her a nice ring holder so when she takes her rings off in the kitchen she will put it somewhere
safe.

I these little guys! Especially the little elephant.
http://www.amazon.com/GREAT-Holders-Elephant-Pewter-Crystal/dp/B000PM9QP8/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1307898387&sr=8-3

 

[tigian]

Such a gorgeous stone and so thoughtful of you, Kenny. I love the pendant idea and was laughing so much when I saw the pictures of outfits that are not pendant appropriate.
I would go with a longer chain that 16. Let us know what you decide.

 

[Laila619]

Kenny, how generous and sweet of you!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

It will certainly be from both of us.
Actually I thought that went without saying since we've been a couple over 10 years.
Also I'll just tell her the truth that I won it and thought of her.

I assumed it would come from both of you! Which for me, removes and "wierdness" about a diamond ring, perhaps, coming from one's son-in-law. As a mother, I would love to get a gift like that from my son and his partner and would not find it strange at all.

I think I like the idea of letting her choose how to set it. She might have a hard time choosing if she is not used to being spoiled in that way?

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I love your idea of showing it to her and letting her decide how to set it.

She is going to be so touched! You are a terrific son-in-law! Can't wait to see the finished product!

 

[iLander]

If you decide to present the diamond alone, you might want to show her pictures of the possibilities for settings. Most non-PSer's can't really make the translation in their minds into a piece of jewelry.

I would show her pictures (with a diamond in place) of
A yellow gold ring setting
A white gold ring setting
A cross pendant setting
A simple milligrain bezel pendent setting
A prong set pendent setting

Crosses seem to be pretty popular. It's not to my taste, but a lot of people seem to really cherish them, and they are beautiful. I'm sure Stuller has a cross setting. Here's a bunch of them in jewelry pieces [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/crosses.108913/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/crosses.108913/[/URL]

I think this is going to be a wonderful keepsake for her, if my DS did anything like this for me I would wear it constantly. I, personally, would like a prong-set slider pendent myself, but that's me.

Another thing to consider; is a 1/2 carat going to be small for a pendant all by its self, if she's generously proportioned? That might make the cross or maybe a heart, a better bet. Just a thought.

I didn't read all the posts, is there a birthday or anything coming up? Maybe the diamond now, and the finished piece for her birthday?

 

[Tanzigrrl]

Kenny, what a kind, thoughtful, and sweet thing to do. I absolutely think you should give it to her. You are a generous and thoughtful person. The feeling you will get from giving it to her will be more wonderful than any other diamond experience you have had, I'm willing to bet. 2 friends of mine got engaged a while back and there was no diamond, no ring. I talked to them, and offered a 14kt white gold setting with .33 ctw diamonds in it, which had once been mine but I was no longer using, to which they then added a CZ stone and will someday replace with a diamond. Seeing her wearing it and enjoying it is more precious to me than any of the jewelry gifts I have given myself. It is special and fun and I know you will enjoy giving your SO's mother this diamond in this wonderful giving spirit of yours!

 

[natascha]

Sounds like a great idea to let her chose. I you want to give it to her already set I vote for a ring. She can then size to which hand she prefers to wear it.

Coming from a Latina, I can't imagine that there would be an issue with you and your partner giving her the diamond, especially since you have already gotten the ok from her husband.

Last year I got my mother a small diamond ring and she is always telling people that I gave it to her. At least in my family jewelry is given by family members at special occasions and many times these are pieces that the giver has already owned. For example I was given a 0.10ct solitaire by my grandmother for my 18th birthday that she had once received from one of her sons. So at least in our circle it would not be strange at all that you and your partner give her a diamond ring.

From my experience, Latin families are very family oriented and share on a much larger scale than many western families. In my family from the moment you present your partner to the family you are as good as married and your partner becomes part of the family. If your families are like that you will already be considered as a unit with her son and thus like a son. In our circle it is not considered strange if the children achieve a higher economic standing that they will give important gifts to their parents. I am not yet out of school and my family continuously joke that I am going to buy everyone a house, so why not a diamond ring?

 

[mrscushion]

I wouldn't do the engagement ring-style solitaire, I would make it a right hand ring or a pendant and give it from both of you (her son and you). Then I think you are okay. What a generous, kind gift!

ETA: I'm late in the game and you've already figured out what to do. I like the idea of letting her choose. Makes it even more special, I think!

 

[jewelerman]

Kenny,
Great idea!give her the diamond un-set and tell her that she will get to give input as to what the diamond will be put in...pendant,wedding set or right hand ring.Take her to lunch and then shopping in stores and maybe back home to search the internet for ideas . Give her the whole diamond experience that she may not have because of her financial situation. Let her feel special by being part of it all, then the diamond will mean more to her then just an expensive piece of jewelry.

 

[february2003bride]

Kenny,

You are so sweet! Thanks extremely thoughtful you and I would be over the moon to receive such a gift from any of my children's SO's (when they are adults ) .

While I agree a pendant is th way to go, or a RHR, I believe Travelingal and Allycat both gave their mothers engagement ring type rings. Tgal's was a cushion in a tapered solitaire setting and I think Allycats was a three stong ring? If you want to go the e-ring type choice, what if you enlisted FIL to pick the setting (with you paying for it, assuming he cannot), and that way it's from the three men in her life that love her? Then she can wear it as an e-ring and her DH has some input for extra specialness.

Anyway, just a thought

 

[merilenda]

I personally like the idea of giving her the diamond and showing her options of rings/pendants. Why not let her decide how she wants to wear it?

I think it's really nice of you to do this for her! And I don't think it's weird at all - I think it's implied that it's from you and your SO.

 

[Phoenix]

Kenny, you've received a ton of helpful comments and suggestions from other PS'ers. Just wanted to say that you're a lovely lovely sweet man, and it's so thoughtful and generous of you to do this and to put all these thoughts and efforts into the process too. I'm sure your SO's mom will be more than thrilled.

 

[jewelerman]

so Kenny,What are you gunna do with the diamond?we are waiting to hear the answer!

 

[princesss]

Kenny, this is such a sweet thread. I can't wait to see what you/she ends up doing with it.

 

[kenny]

so Kenny,What are you gunna do with the diamond?we are waiting to hear the answer!

We are going to tell her about it and/or show her (she lives far away) and have it set as she prefers for her August birthday.

Thanks all for helping me flesh this out.

 

[jewelerman]

Perfect!Letting her be apart of this will create a great birthday and the anticipation of receiving the gift is going to create more excitement!Are you going to introduce her to price scope or is this place a guilty pleasure that you don't share with family!

 

[kenny]

Perfect!Letting her be apart of this will create a great birthday and the anticipation of receiving the gift is going to create more excitement!Are you going to introduce her to price scope or is this place a guilty pleasure that you don't share with family!

Well, they do not have a computer.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Kenny, I went through this a couple of years ago with my own mom.

My mom has worn her wedding band every day for the last 30 years. I grew up very poor. My parents consider diamonds to be extravagent and not for daily wear, but my mom still appreciates them.

I decided to buy my mom her first diamond for mother's day a couple of years ago. I asked my father if he wanted to split the cost/purchase the setting, etc.

When I brought up getting a diamond ring, my mom said she didn't want a diamond to wear every day and she would feel odd wearing anything on her left hand given she'd just worn her band her entire marriage and that ring meant everything to her. I decided to go with the pendant and she loves it. My father did pay for a portion of it and for her it's a necklace from the family she loves. She doesn't wear it every day...in fact, she only wears it once a year or so, but she loves it.

Sometimes I have to take a step back from a PSers mentality. For me, wearing a small diamond every day is not a big deal, but to my mom, it definitely was. It made her uncomfortable...so the pendant was the best compromise.

 

[Matata]

I quickly skimmed this thread so forgive if this suggestion has been made. How about a RHR with her birthstone or your SO's birthstone or maybe the stone representing the month she was married?

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Kenny,
Great idea!give her the diamond un-set and tell her that she will get to give input as to what the diamond will be put in...pendant,wedding set or right hand ring.Take her to lunch and then shopping in stores and maybe back home to search the internet for ideas . Give her the whole diamond experience that she may not have because of her financial situation. Let her feel special by being part of it all, then the diamond will mean more to her then just an expensive piece of jewelry.

I love the idea of giving her the stone in the presentation box and helping her decide its setting.

Kenny--what a sweet, thoughtful and generous thing to do! Whatever she ultimately decides to do with the stone, I know it will be something she will cherish for the rest of her life.

I'm looking forward to all the pictures.

 

[jewelerman]

Kenny,
Wow you are generous!Getting her a diamond And A COMPUTER!!!