Dilemma 2 - Would you give an ACA to your SO's mom?

[kenny]

(This is not a joke, not a copycat thread, it's real)

I won a fantastic ACA last weekend in Vegas at that PS get together.
Whiteflash graciously donated it and I won it in a random door-prize drawing.
It's 1/3 ct I SI1 and VERY eye clean.
A spectacular diamond, pics soon.

I'll just come out an say this since it is germane to the topic; my SO's family is very poor.
Owning a diamond, any diamond, even a spec of frozen spit from the mall, would be an unthinkable extravagance for them.
His mom wears a CZ and admires his Octavia and my diamond so I know she would appreciate wearing a real diamond, let alone an ACA.

On one hand this is a no-brainer . . . just do it . . . give her the diamond.

But I got to thinking (always a danger).
Might her husband resent this in the years to come when he sees it on her finger?
He can't afford to give her such a thing.
Also a diamond is not just any old luxury a diamond is very symbolic in our culture.

Shall I get it mounted in a solitaire ring sized for her wedding finger? (I'd have to pay for the ring, which is fine)
How would the husband feel about some other guy giving his wife of 40 years what looks like an engagement ring to wear on that meaningful and special finger?

So, in Vegas I asked my SO to call his dad and ask.
He did.
His dad said it's fine, wow, thanks.

But still I wonder.
Should I just do it or should I talk this over with the mom first?
I'd love to give it to the dad so he can surprise her with the gift as being from him, but she handles all the money in the house and she would wonder where the funds came from for what, to her friends and family, will look like a 3-ct honker.
Worse, it may start a fight with her insisting he return it since there are bills to pay.
One one hand it's a blessing to be Santa Claus, but on the other hand there are people's feelings to consider.

I'm a practical thinker, very rational and unemotional and unsentimental.
It's just a diamond ring, just a gift, no big deal and the diamond cost me nothing.
But after reading PS for 6 years I suspect women may feel differently than men on this one.

Your thoughts please . . .

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Is there any way that her husband could help pay for the setting, even if it's just the fee to set the diamond? That way you can give it to her as a gift from all of the people that love her. Or can you "trade" the set diamond to him in exchange for something that he does well? I'm not saying enough work to equal the value of the diamond, just something small to keep everybody's pride in one piece

eta: because they are very poor, and such a thing is unexpected for them, are there going to be any issues with them owning this diamond or any immediate danger to them as far as theft because of this diamond?

 

[Imdanny]

Just do it. A 1/3 ct diamond is a nice thing to have if you have nothing. If he doesn't think it would be a problem, I don't see why you should.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I think it would be a lovely lovely thing for you to do Kenny. Since you were given the diamond, I don't think it would be quite the same
as it would it you had bought it and were for some reason giving it to her. It is kind of just passing the blessing along.

It sounds like she would really enjoy it. Ask her how she would feel about it since the hubby is okay with it.

I wish I had been able to go to the LV-GTG. I would've loved to have met everyone.

 

[junebug17]

I say go for it kenny. Her husband sounds fine with it, and what a wonderful thing for her to have.

I see your point about her wondering how he could afford a diamond, though. Maybe honesty is the best policy here, and she should be told you provided the stone.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

A pendant would have a lesser connotation than a ring.

Also, if the gift is joint from her son and his partner, it is not only above reproach, but a good thing-- no awkwardness in the equation.

Go for it, Kenny. You're a good man and you have a good heart!

 

[Circe]

I think since you already asked your SO's dad and he said yes, it would be odd to back out now. But ... I agree that getting a ring from a son-in-law-figure would be potentially loaded, symbolically. Can you maybe either give it to your partner to give to her from the both of you, mounted in something sort of mother-ring-y (your two birthstones for sidestones, maybe?), or maybe as a pendant?

 

[kenny]

Thanks, yeah a pendant would be a solution to some sensitive aspects of this.
The only thing is the wearer can't see and enjoy a pendant.
If you had only one diamond wouldn't you like to be able to see it?
I think of a diamond pendant as something you get after you have something nice on your finger to look at.

Perhaps this really should be discussed with the mom.
Perhaps it's misogynist for 3 men to decide when the woman is the one who will be wearing it.

 

[dragonfly411]

Kenny - I love the idea of you giving it to him to give to her. If she asks, he can give her a wink and say " a little gremlin gave it to me" or something cute. Whether she handles the money or not, he's giving her something that she will end up cherishing I would think!

 

[Circe]

Thanks, yeah a pendant would be a solution to some sensitive aspects of this.
The only thing is the wearer can't see and enjoy a pendant.
If you had only one diamond wouldn't you like to be able to see it?

Perhaps this really should be discussed with the mom.
Perhaps it's misogynist for 3 men to decide when the woman is the one who will be wearing it.

A long enough chain can solve that - I like to see mine, so my chains are usually 20" or longer. But you're right, she might have some strong feelings of her own on how to set it. You mentioned in your first thread that you got an H&A viewer, etc. with it - maybe she'll get a kick out of all the bells and whistles that come with it and get sucked into the sparkle luv (if she hasn't been already - being around your collection, I'm betting she's already got a touch of it).

 

[risingsun]

If you don't want it set as a pendant, which is my recommendation as well, what about a single stone DBTY bracelet. WF has them and should be able to make one up for you.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

If definitely a ring...

Shall I get it mounted in a solitaire ring sized for her wedding finger? (I'd have to pay for the ring, which is fine)
How would the husband feel about some other guy giving his wife of 40 years what looks like an engagement ring to wear on that meaningful and special finger?

... then DEFINITELY not a solitaire and DEFINITELY NOT SIZED FOR HER WEDDING FINGER.

Right hand ring, Kenny. And not at all "engagementy-looking" (to make up a word) so avoid the tiffany-style solitaire too.

 

[VRBeauty]

Absolutely yes, and I'd second the idea of setting it in a pendant.

What a lovely thing for you to do - whatever you set it in, I'm sure she'll treasure it!

 

[rosetta]

Definitely pendant.

This idea of always being able to look at a diamond all the time is peculiar to PS.

I'll wager she will be more than delighted to receive a diamond pendant.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

I would set it as an ering style and give it to her like that. Many people feel that things are meant to be and come from a higher power. I know I'm making great assumptions here - but could she be one of them? Personally, I'm not agreement in that statement but I'm not beyond using it for good when another person is in agreement with it. This stone will be a treasure to her and to set it in a pendant, which likely will not suite each outfit, seems like a waste of a diamond.

 

[kenny]

I would set it as an ering style and give it to her like that. Many people feel that things are meant to be and come from a higher power. I know I'm making great assumptions here - but could she be one of them? Personally, I'm not agreement in that statement but I'm not beyond using it for good when another person is in agreement with it. This stone will be a treasure to her and to set it in a pendant, which likely will not suite each outfit, seems like a waste of a diamond.

SB, that's a very good point and it may be appropriate here since she is a deeply religious woman.
She is also very kind, selfless and open-hearted, one of the sweetest people I've ever met.
She's had a hard life and is a hard worker who doesn't complain and is very strong, ethical and moral.
She has nothing but good things to say about others.

She's the matriarch of a huge latino family.

Also, sincerely, I find it wonderful that God would use this atheist.
It's almost a Zen Koan

 

[asscherisme]

I think its wonderfully sweet for you to give it her his mom. Since you already asked, I think you are committed. I do think you are overthinking (but can't put that down since I am an overthinker too!)

How about having your SO buy the setting for his mom that way the gift is really from both of you and you present it to her together to her.

I think it was very considerate to check with his dad first to see how he felt.

I'm sure she will love it and the fact that its from the two of you and that you thought of her for this gift will make it something she will treasure.

Speaking as a mom, if I got a gift like that from my child and their SO it would mean a lot to me.

You will have to post pics when you set it.

 

[asscherisme]

If definitely a ring...

Shall I get it mounted in a solitaire ring sized for her wedding finger? (I'd have to pay for the ring, which is fine)
How would the husband feel about some other guy giving his wife of 40 years what looks like an engagement ring to wear on that meaningful and special finger?

... then DEFINITELY not a solitaire and DEFINITELY NOT SIZED FOR HER WEDDING FINGER.

Right hand ring, Kenny. And not at all "engagementy-looking" (to make up a word) so avoid the tiffany-style solitaire too.

Definately for her right hand and I do think its OK for it to be the only stone in the ring, however NOT in a traditional engagmenty setting. What about a 3 stone ring with a small sapphire on each side? That would look great on her right hand and a very small sapphire on each side won't cost too much. Less enagementy looking too.

 

[asscherisme]

I would set it as an ering style and give it to her like that. Many people feel that things are meant to be and come from a higher power. I know I'm making great assumptions here - but could she be one of them? Personally, I'm not agreement in that statement but I'm not beyond using it for good when another person is in agreement with it. This stone will be a treasure to her and to set it in a pendant, which likely will not suite each outfit, seems like a waste of a diamond.

SB, that's a very good point and it may be appropriate here since she is a deeply religious woman.
She is also very kind, selfless and open-hearted, one of the sweetest people I've ever met.
She's had a hard life and is a hard worker who doesn't complain and is very strong, ethical and moral.
She has nothing but good things to say about others.

She's the matriarch of a huge latino family.

Also, sincerely, I find it wonderful that God would use this atheist.
It's almost a Zen Koan

Oh thats an interesting point too, you posted at the same time I was posting. I am not religious either but could see this being her thought process. I really think whatever you decide (as long as you give it to her!) will be deeply appreciated by her.

 

[kenny]

Oh, I'm definitely not considering backing out.
AFAIC mentioning it to the dad is like giving my word.

It's just the details I want to optimize for everyone involved.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

If definitely a ring...

Shall I get it mounted in a solitaire ring sized for her wedding finger? (I'd have to pay for the ring, which is fine)
How would the husband feel about some other guy giving his wife of 40 years what looks like an engagement ring to wear on that meaningful and special finger?

... then DEFINITELY not a solitaire and DEFINITELY NOT SIZED FOR HER WEDDING FINGER.

Right hand ring, Kenny. And not at all "engagementy-looking" (to make up a word) so avoid the tiffany-style solitaire too.

Definately for her right hand and I do think its OK for it to be the only stone in the ring, however NOT in a traditional engagmenty setting. What about a 3 stone ring with a small sapphire on each side? That would look great on her right hand and a very small sapphire on each side won't cost too much. Less enagementy looking too.

This - but with her birthstone on either side - unless she was born in April

 

[Miss Sparkly]

I don't know how much you have to spend on a setting - but I thought I'd share an ebay one that I've bookmarked for a long time. I love the little hearts on it (last time I asked it came for a round stone too) and the price is affordable too.

http://cgi.ebay.com/PRINCESS-4-0MM-SOLID-14K-Gold-DIAMOND-SEMI-MOUNT-RING-/170652821586?pt=Diamond_Solitaire_with_Accents&hash=item27bbb36852

 

[Loves Vintage]

My immediate thought was a pendant as well!!

I bought my first diamond for myself. It was set in a pendant.
It was very meaningful to me at the time, both because I was able to buy it for myself and also because it symbolized a specific achievement.

The diamond sat at the hollow of my neck.
I could not see it while wearing it.
I was just happy knowing it was there.

I think it is a tremendously thoughtful idea to gift the diamond to your SO's mother.

Yay!

I'd love to hear an update after she receives the diamond.

 

[Loves Vintage]

What type of an outfit is a diamond pendant not suited for?

 

[Circe]

What type of an outfit is a diamond pendant not suited for?

Heheheh - I was wondering this, too. I suppose you might not want to wear one to perform heavy physical labor, but, frankly, if that were the case, same would go for a ring, no? Maybe more so, since the hands are at more risk, and you can keep your necklace on through just about every physical activity.

 

[kenny]

What type of an outfit is a diamond pendant not suited for?

 

[Jennifer W]

Kenny, does this lady typically wear these outfits?! If yes, maybe think about a bezel bracelet? Otherwise, I wouldn't over- think it, just gift her the diamond. Most people would be thrilled to receive a pendant from their son and his partner (ETA I'm guessing that's how she'd see it, sorry if I got that wrong - a gift from you as a couple?). I'd be thrilled if my daughter has a SO one day who wants to spoil me like that! Go for it, it's a really lovely idea.

 

[Loves Vintage]

kenny - you are hilarious! And, yes, if she typically wears any of those outfits, particularly the second one, then I'll agree that a ring would be more appropriate. Hee-hee.

 

[kenny]

Now you have me wondering . . . when/how/where do women wear diamond pendants?
Is it something some gals just leave on permanently like a ring?
Are they like men's cufflinks, only worn for very formal fancy occasions like weddings or uber fancy restaurants?

Dont' chains break and lose pendants?

Keeping in mind the socio-economic status of the recipient, who works with her hands in a kitchen . . . would a ring, bracelet or pendant fit in more?

 

[y2kitty]

Now you have me wondering . . . when/how/where do women wear diamond pendants?
Is it something some gals just leave on permanently like a ring?
Are they like men's cufflinks, only worn for very formal fancy occasions like weddings or uber fancy restaurants?

Keeping in mind the socio-economic status of the recipient, who works with her hands in a kitchen . . . would a ring, bracelet or pendant fit in more?

Pendant.