Did you have a say in your ring?

[kev1234]

Date: 10/1/2007 8:08:22 PM
Author: musey

Date: 10/1/2007 7:32:34 PM
Author: kev1234
How about a compromise:

we pick out the setting together, and i''ll pick out the diamond (and yes, you can pick out the shape)

I think that''s exactly what 99.9% of us are advocating. No one is really saying the guy shouldn''t be involved beyond his checkbook. The point is that the woman should have a SAY if she wants to.

OK case closed then. But I still designed my gf''s setting and picked out the stone, and I''m sure she''s gonna love it. I''m confident of that because I''ve done my research. Every couple is different.

 

[musey]

Date: 10/1/2007 9:16:42 PM
Author: kev1234

Date: 10/1/2007 8:08:22 PM

Author: musey

Date: 10/1/2007 7:32:34 PM

Author: kev1234

How about a compromise:


we pick out the setting together, and i''ll pick out the diamond (and yes, you can pick out the shape)

I think that''s exactly what 99.9% of us are advocating. No one is really saying the guy shouldn''t be involved beyond his checkbook. The point is that the woman should have a SAY if she wants to.

OK case closed then. But I still designed my gf''s setting and picked out the stone, and I''m sure she''s gonna love it. I''m confident of that because I''ve done my research. Every couple is different.

I''m sure she will, since you have! The argument is against men that don''t do research AND don''t include their girlfriend, and against the idea that women shouldn''t have any participation at all. There''s absolutely not one single thing wrong with picking it out all on your own, if that is what''s right for you and your girlfriend.

 

[sera]

I am SO glad I have picked out my diamond and will pick out my setting! My FF knows design aspects that I like and could get in the ballpark of what I like... but I''m so picky that he might miss something that I would absolutely obsess on- like a difference as "small" as Leon Mege''s double claw prongs and Maytal Hannah''s double claw prongs.

He would take the time to learn about diamonds and would be willing to look for something I would like, but even giving him a list of my likes and dislikes would be cruel and unusual punishment... just calling him to the computer to voice my feelings on minute details is bordering on it

Besides being totally, obsessive-compulsively, seemingly-illogically-so-to-other-people picky, he knows I''m artsy and like to design. He knows me well enough to allow me to choose it while listening to his to his likes and dislikes (a much shorter list).

And the actual way he will propose will be a surprise... like was mentioned by other posters, we have already had the talks and the proposal is just a formality.

 

[marcy]

My husband completely surprised me and I am glad it was that way. We went to dinner and he set the ring box on the table. The waitress noticed it before I did. I thought it was the most beautiful ring in the world and I loved it for years. The center diamond was .15 ct. with accent diamonds. The ring guard added .06 ct diamond. I wore it with a .33 ct. anniversary band. I didn''t even want an upgrade until about a year and a half ago so for our 16th anniversary we both picked out my new diamond and wring set. I recently had the .15 and .06 diamonds mounted in to a white gold heart pendant and enjoy wearing it frequently.

 

[stbfyffe]

Date: 10/1/2007 7:30:06 PM
Author: kev1234
Here''s my perspective as a guy:

I wonder how many bfs out there were so happy to let the ladies pick out their ring out of true love and desire for her to find that perfect ring, and how many were just scared to put the time and effort into learning about diamonds, jewelry, her likes/dislikes, and style. It''s easy to hand over the reigns to her and say ''get whatever you want, dear.'' I have to think that the ring means more when the guy has sacrificed his time (yes, we DO go to B&Ms on our free time) to educate himself and pick out the perfect ring.

Any guy who says he wants to get a round when his gf wants a pear obviously doesn''t care about what she wants. so yes, that guy is a moron.

rabe, are we even allowed in this forum?

Kev, I hope that the quote that I highlighted wasn''t directed to my round/pear post. Because if you read the full post you would see that my bf does care about what I want and that is why we came to a compromise and I am not getting a round as a center stone. I didn''t post my issue to have some stranger call my bf a moron, especially when I wouldn''t call your gf that or any other name.

 

[littlelysser]

stbfyffe - Unfortunately, this is a public forum and people are going to post their opinions. No getting around that...and really, no sense in getting offended...

 

[stbfyffe]

That I understand...I don''t think name calling is nessasary.

 

[Haven]

Date: 10/2/2007 9:54:44 AM
Author: littlelysser
stbfyffe - Unfortunately, this is a public forum and people are going to post their opinions. No getting around that...and really, no sense in getting offended...

I understand this, too, but PS has a very good atmosphere and it''s a terrible shame to see a rotten egg come in and make it feel less "safe" to post here, lest you should open yourself to gratuitous criticism from strangers.

 

[LauraBabe08]

I do not have my ring yet and I am not engaged, however, I am a very particular person and obsessed with details. After much internal debate, input from my BF, and research (from various sources, mainly from lurking on PS I decided on a 1.70 - 1.75 carat I color VS2 diamond solitare from T&Co. My BF gave me a budget of $25,000 and that is the ring that I chose, and he agrees with my decision. We have looked at T&Co. many times as well as other B&M stores and online vendors and we always both came back to the Tiffany solitare. I am so excited and now I''m just paitently waiting...

 

[bee*]

Date: 10/3/2007 1:51:20 AM
Author: LauraBabe08
I do not have my ring yet and I am not engaged, however, I am a very particular person and obsessed with details. After much internal debate, input from my BF, and research (from various sources, mainly from lurking on PS I decided on a 1.70 - 1.75 carat I color VS2 diamond solitare from T&Co. My BF gave me a budget of $25,000 and that is the ring that I chose, and he agrees with my decision. We have looked at T&Co. many times as well as other B&M stores and online vendors and we always both came back to the Tiffany solitare. I am so excited and now I''m just paitently waiting...

WOW-sounds beautiful! You''ll have to post pics when you get it!

 

[LauraBabe08]

^^^ Thanks Bee!! I am so excited and look at pics of the ring online all the time! Its so nice to be able to share my excitement here, w/ ppl that care - I think my family and friends are all sick of hearing about it!! Hopefully it will be by the time we graduate in April - maybe before depending on when he gets his job offer and signing bonus!

 

[kev1234]

Date: 10/1/2007 10:32:14 PM
Author: stbfyffe

Date: 10/1/2007 7:30:06 PM
Author: kev1234
Here''s my perspective as a guy:

I wonder how many bfs out there were so happy to let the ladies pick out their ring out of true love and desire for her to find that perfect ring, and how many were just scared to put the time and effort into learning about diamonds, jewelry, her likes/dislikes, and style. It''s easy to hand over the reigns to her and say ''get whatever you want, dear.'' I have to think that the ring means more when the guy has sacrificed his time (yes, we DO go to B&Ms on our free time) to educate himself and pick out the perfect ring.

Any guy who says he wants to get a round when his gf wants a pear obviously doesn''t care about what she wants. so yes, that guy is a moron.

rabe, are we even allowed in this forum?

Kev, I hope that the quote that I highlighted wasn''t directed to my round/pear post. Because if you read the full post you would see that my bf does care about what I want and that is why we came to a compromise and I am not getting a round as a center stone. I didn''t post my issue to have some stranger call my bf a moron, especially when I wouldn''t call your gf that or any other name.

I''m sorry, I believe there was a mix up. I wasn''t calling your boyfriend a moron. I was saying that a guy that would go against his girlfriends wishes and get only what HE wants would hypothetically be a moron. I''m glad you two compromised. sorry about that.

 

[stbfyffe]

your forgiven

 

[Elmorton]

There''s probably not a whole lot of need to add to this thread, but ohhhh I had this debate with just about everyone before we were engaged. Many of my friends found it practically offensive that we chose our rings together. The metaphor I used for the ring search was this: There is no way that I''d ask my SO to got to a store and pick out a pair of jeans for me to wear - the odds are that they wouldn''t fit. So why on earth would he pick out ring that I will wear every day of my life? Like all of the decisions we make together, my ring is truly a reflection of both of us and what we both wanted - I love that and I think it''s the ultimate romantic symbol.

While we chose the rings together, DH wanted a traditional proposal (as did I, really). But, before DH proposed, I felt frantic and upset that I had no control whatsoever about when I''d be asked the most important question of my life (at least to that point) - and I knew within a margin of a few DAYS when he planned to propose. A lot of narratives I found about the engagement period echo that same idea - that women often feel left out or out of control when they''re not included in a decision that is so important. In that regard, being "anti-surprise" has nothing at all to do with the ring.

In that same breath though, this summer one of my friends had a surprise proposal - the kind that involves plane tickets, roses, a luxury suite, a fun destination, and a surprise ring (although she had described what she wanted and they had shopped quite a bit together, in the end, he designed her setting) - and I know she wouldn''t trade it for the world. Like all things proposal, I think you just have to know the person you''re marrying and what she (or he) will want - that theme is repeated on nearly every thread in the proposal forum for a reason.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I chose the setting he chose the diamond (including shape). I had no input on the proposal and it was perfect. I am bias of course!

 

[Diamond*Dana]

We dated for 5 years before we got engaged...talked about marriage, I told him that I like pear''s and that was the only thing that I had to do with it. He picked out a beautiful pear solitaire with his mom (which is so sweet...my MIL passed away a few years ago). The proposal was a total surprise and I could not believe that he thought to go to the extremes that he did. I love him...10 years and 3 kids later

.

 

[Pandora II]

I designed my e-ring myself and supervised the whole thing - although FI did have a lot of input. I showed him hundreds of pictures of rings and he was pretty uninterested until he saw the Pokey Special. I have never seen him so excited by a ring before. Luckily it was one of my top 3 rings on PS, so we ended up going for something very similar.

However, he was far to scared to do much more than pay for the ring - he knows how detail obsessed I am!

He did put an enormous amount of planning and creativity into the proposal (without the ring) which I was totally not expecting at the time - we had had all the marriage discussions, but he had been telling me and everyone else that he ''didn''t believe in it'', so I''d pretty much given up all hope.

He also gave me all the other ideas he had thought of - he''d done a series of sudoku puzzles that would spell out the words using numbers for letters of the alphabet, and a crossword puzzle and various others. So he went above and beyond on the effort stakes!

IRL I don''t know anyone who has been proposed to with a ring except my FSIL who is american. I think it''s more normal in the UK to propose and then shop for the ring together later. Lots of my friends are very jealous that I had the chance to design my own ring down to the last details and FI is incredibly proud of it.

 

[navyvet2006]

Hey There,

In response to your question, I actually picked-out both mine and my fiancee''s ring and he was all for it. But in past relationships the guys weren''t so open-minded. Alot of men feel offended if a woman wants to take lead roles in engagements, proposals etc. They feel as if your taking that right away from them or misunderstand your desire to show him just as much Love as a symbol of incompetence on their part

But, unfortunately that is something that some men hold dear and need, but I hope he realizes that has nothing to do with it.

TTYL

 

[Rabe2000]

Date: 10/15/2007 10:38:28 PM
Author: navyvet2006

Hey There,

In response to your question, I actually picked-out both mine and my fiancee''s ring and he was all for it. But in past relationships the guys weren''t so open-minded. Alot of men feel offended if a woman wants to take lead roles in engagements, proposals etc. They feel as if your taking that right away from them or misunderstand your desire to show him just as much Love as a symbol of incompetence on their part

But, unfortunately that is something that some men hold dear and need, but I hope he realizes that has nothing to do with it.

TTYL

Navyvet2006 - I think if you read many of the responses posted here by the men, majority would not mind compromising maybe you pick the setting and he picks the stone, just so long as it doesn’t fall onto one person if she wants to be involved. In response to your post your post do you really find it open minded that he gave you full control or did he just not want to deal with the task.

 

[sputat]

My boyfriend came home from work and told me his co-worker got engaged. Then he asked, nonchalant, what I would like as a ring. I remember the moment clearly since I thought my heart stopped. We lived together, had countless "when we''re married and have kids" conversations but it was the first time he mentioned those two words: "the ring". I was totally unprepared for it... I had curbed my expectations re: engagement that I didn''t really let myself think about the ring or the dress or anything.

I told him, honestly, that I didn''t know what kind of ring I want... BUT I''d let him know later. He responded "I wasn''t sure if you wanted a Princess or something". Whoa! Just the fact that he said ''princess'' blew my mind... He knew jewelry terminology!

This was when I found Pricescope. I thought I was gonna go for the ultimate engagement ring style: a round solitaire. During research though, I found James Allen''s site and fell hard for that east-west Marquise halo style. I showed the style to my boyfriend and he didn''t think it looked like an engagement ring. I never really realized how traditional he is until we got engaged! He liked how a solitaire looked on my finger when we tried on rings at Tiffany. The next few weeks, I was starting to get nutty and obsessive about the ring so in the end, I let him do his thing. He never mentioned it again.

A few months later, he proposed with the ring (see avatar) that made me weak in the knees. He took to heart that I mentioned how I liked the look of an east-west Marquise center but he wanted something that was bit more classic (though him going for the 3-stone route threw me for a loop). I have a feeling that since I just let him run with it, he upped the ante even more.

He said, as far as ring detail is concerned, we both don''t win.

 

[So Cal Guy]

I believe that there is something very romantic with a guy choosing the setting and diamond after doing his research like Rabe has said. My girlfriend and I visited one B&M store about 8 months ago and looked at a bunch of settings. Trust me, my girlfriend is VERY detailed and picky. She wants a round diamond, around 2 carats, and no less than an E color. She doesn''t like fancy or "busy" looking settings and likes the 6 prong setting over a 4 prong setting. I picked all this up from the few conversations we have had about rings. With that information, I purchased a diamond recently and discussed my design idea with Maytal Hannah, who is designing and making the setting. I showed the design to several of her friends who all thought it was gorgeous. Regarldess, I''m really taking a risk and having a custom piece made. But I wouldn''t want it any other way, and I believe she wouldn''t either.

 

[Deelight]

I would not be able to just let my BF pick my ring without any input whatsoever from me mainly because I am obsessive and compulsive and like things just right

I am one picky girl. That said we are working it in the way that I give him fairly well explicit instructions on what kind of stone I want in terms of size, colour, clarity and instructions to get advice on PS before doing ANYTHING

. As for the setting I have no idea what I want yet I see beautiful settings but none of them have grabbed my heart and made it go pitter patter yet

I am sure it is out there I just have not found it

. we both kinda know what we like (and know what is not us) so I am happy to give him free rein within certain parameters which I think he is happy with the boy has taste and is picky as well so it should all go fine

.

 

[emilina22]

we picked out our stone together and then we designed our ring together too...the process was so great and i am so so so happy and greatful that he involved me in this process i really felt like it was fun and that it brought us even closer together...i do trust his taste in bling but it was nice to be included in this process!! i was picky though about the stone that we chose...we were offered a family stone at one point but we decided to not accept it becasue of personal reasons...and with an asscher we had to be very careful and very picky and i do think we made a great choice...haha like nothing went past me...the one thing he said im not allowed to knw about is the proposal which i was fine with...it was kinda cute how let me know before moving forward with anything...and now im just waiting for the perfect proposal...hopefully before christmas

 

[hisdiamondgirl]

Well...I want the best of both worlds

, I want the ring of my dreams (Kirk Kara set in my avatar) and I want it to be a complete surprise, as in not just a surprise proposal, but I also do not want to know when he is shopping, etc. I guess I''m a little traditional in that way! This is what I have done...I have saved a folder in my computer (we practically live together so he probably uses it more often than I do) and named it "Rings I like" and inside the folder I have saved pics of all the ring designs I like (many taken from the ladies here on PS) and have given the pics names according to what I like/dislike about the rings (for example, one Ritani setting is titled "lovethesettingbutdontliketheheartshapedprongs" and another "doesaprincessfitcanitsitlower"

) and then my dream ring is titled "My Absolute Fave." I included pics of rings other than my dream ring in case it is not in his budget or is unavailable, etc... We often save pics from our vacations etc on my computer so I am pretty sure he will wander into it one day! I was also lucky that while we were on vacation in Puerto Rico, I saw the Kirk Kara of my dreams in a jewelry store window and was sooooo excited that I just had to show it to him ( I had never before seen it in person and it was even more beautiful than I had imagined

).

There''s also a line in a song that we both like and it says "these cuts are princesses baby" and for some reason I really like that line and I told my BF that I liked that line. He asked me why and I said I don''t know, and he kept asking me why, why, why, so I said "I guess maybe because the singer and I both like princess cuts!!!" I''m pretty sure he got the hint!

 

[surfgirl]

My husband knows that I have very specific taste in jewelry and he also wanted me to have an ering that I was just over the moon about. So he wanted me to pick it out. He was willing to go to NYC to select a ring/stone, but in the end, I think he was happy that I found my ring close to home. And he loved it as much as I did so it was a win win situation.

I think scenarios like the one described by hisdiamondgirl because if he doesn''t see the "hints" that you''ve left on your computer you might wind up with something you don''t care for.

 

[ringster]

i picked my hopefully very soon soon-to-be ering. i am very picky and my bf felt that since i have to wear the ring for a long time

that i should get something i like. plus i think he really likes to see how excited i get when i really like something. however, i told him that had he picked out something i would love it no matter what because just the fact he went jewelry shopping would have been so endearing. but i am very very glad he let me pick my ring.

 

[gwendolyn]

My boyfriend is scared out of his mind to pick out a ring by himself. Neither of his sisters have engagement rings, so he hadn''t thought he would have to get me one, so when I said I wanted one and broke the bad news on how much they generally cost and how complicated it is (to him, because he knows nothing about diamonds), I said I''d pay half and we''d choose something together, since I''ve been researching diamonds for almost 15 years.

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

Kev1234:
I wonder how many bfs out there were so happy to let the ladies pick out their ring out of true love and desire for her to find that perfect ring, and how many were just scared to put the time and effort into learning about diamonds, jewelry, her likes/dislikes, and style. It''s easy to hand over the reigns to her and say ''get whatever you want, dear.'' I have to think that the ring means more when the guy has sacrificed his time

In response to this, many times the men do research and go looking by themselves however feel overwhelmed with all the choices after searching for a long time. After looking for an e-ring for several months my bf came to me and asked for my help. When we went shopping and were talking to the salesman I was suprised to find out he knew much more about diamonds than I did and that he did do his research but he wanted me to be 100% happy with it b/c it is a big purchase financially. I ended up choosing my ring and couldnt be happier. As far as the suprise element, sure I know the proposal is coming soon, but I dont know the details, havent seen the ring (its from WF), and dont know when or how it will happen.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 11/21/2007 6:37:43 PM
Author: lucy.lucy.80

Kev1234:

I wonder how many bfs out there were so happy to let the ladies pick out their ring out of true love and desire for her to find that perfect ring, and how many were just scared to put the time and effort into learning about diamonds, jewelry, her likes/dislikes, and style. It's easy to hand over the reigns to her and say 'get whatever you want, dear.' I have to think that the ring means more when the guy has sacrificed his time

Heh...I laughed when I read this because it reads like it's written by a guy that has issues with women preferring to pick out their own rings...Seriously, "It's easy to hand over the reigns"?! Is this 1250AD or something? A man has to "Hand over the reigns" because he gives his lady the option of choosing her own ring?

 

[Pandora II]

Having just finalised the details for my brother''s e-ring, I am even more in favour of doing the choosing together.

She wanted a total surprise proposal with the ring - but didn''t want any input at all or to give any ideas, or to know that it was even on the cards.

So, I took my brother off to New Bond Street for some hassle-free window-shopping. He was petrified by the end of the day with all the variables.

I have basically chosen the style and the diamond for him - explained patiently that it is not worth paying an extra $1k just to have the shank slightly more rounded. Then I needed to know metal and ring size - she doesn''t wear rings... so he has to get her finger measured.

So now she has an idea the proposal is coming. In fact she is certain that it will be Christmas.

Despite my nagging all summer and autumn, he has failed to get himself organised till November and so I have finally sorted the choice of setting, side-stones and centre-stone yesterday and we have yet to get the centre-stone from supplier to setter, let alone start work.

Result: Ring won''t be ready before Christmas = one very disappointed girlfriend.

I have suggested that he either proposes at Christmas with a toy ring with real one to follow, or he must tell her in the next couple of weeks that it won''t be her Christmas present.


He''s over the moon that I have saved him over 50% on the price of a similar ring in the UK - he''s put a lot of thought into the ring himself, but has also had my and all of PS''s help and knowledge. Most men don''t have that and are spending a lot of $$ on a once-in-a-lifetime purchase for another person.