Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

DH against upgrade?! help

grace10209

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
83
Hi ALL
Not sure where to post this but I really want to upgrade my ering setting. I want something bigger and with more finger coverage and my DH says im being a brat and should be happy with what I have. How did you all get upgrades and broach the subject with your DH's?
I dont even want to replace stones, i just want a new/bigger setting.
Help! Any thoughts????
Our 5 yr anniversary is coming up so I was hoping to do it for that - any advice would be awesome.
Thanks~!
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
So you just want to change the setting? What do you have now and what are you looking to get?
 

renogirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 19, 2011
Messages
303
What are his main objections? Financial or sentimental?

I'm sure in the long run he wants you to be happy and a five year anniversary seems the perfect occasion for a setting upgrade!
 

grace10209

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
83

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 3, 2008
Messages
7,788
It's hard to say how to handle this without knowing what your DH is thinking. I would talk to him and find out what he is really concerned
about. Maybe he is concerned about spending money in this economy, my guess would be that he is concerned about finances, but
before you push the issue, be sure you know what the underlying issue is, and work from there. It's definitely not worth pursuing
if he is against it.
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jun 6, 2010
Messages
6,570
luv2sparkle|1315412032|3011652 said:
It's hard to say how to handle this without knowing what your DH is thinking. I would talk to him and find out what he is really concerned
about. Maybe he is concerned about spending money in this economy, my guess would be that he is concerned about finances, but
before you push the issue, be sure you know what the underlying issue is, and work from there. It's definitely not worth pursuing
if he is against it.
Agree 100%
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,950
Sounds like not only the diamond needs upgrading. :Up_to_something:
 

grace10209

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
83
Well, he is against it. he wants me to keep my ering forever and never upgrade. or maybe i can when we hit our 25 yr anniversary, i think he said "maybe we can discuss it then" - lol
and I, on the other hand want something bigger. - it stinks
I covet all the rings i see on here and so often I see people upgrading to bigger stones, new rings, etc.

Is it just that everyone else's dh's are just "cool" with it - and i didn't get so lucky :( :nono: ;(

kenny, funny cuz i think you mean DH right? lol or me?
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,950
DH of course. :sun:
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,660
grace10209|1315408996|3011605 said:
Hi ALL
Not sure where to post this but I really want to upgrade my ering setting. I want something bigger and with more finger coverage and my DH says im being a brat and should be happy with what I have. How did you all get upgrades and broach the subject with your DH's?
I dont even want to replace stones, i just want a new/bigger setting.
Help! Any thoughts????
Our 5 yr anniversary is coming up so I was hoping to do it for that - any advice would be awesome.
Thanks~!
I thought you were married in July of 2009? And you have been looking for a new setting for about year so it sounds like you never were happy with your original ering. Did DH pick it out by himself? Maybe in a few more years he'll warm up to the idea that you want to replace your ering but you just passed your 2nd anniversary.

I can only speak for myself but my upgrade was way way beyond my 2nd anniversary.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
His feelings may be hurt that you want to change the ring. Some guys could care less how many times his wife changes her ERing- others have sentiment regarding the original ring. I get that- or may he doesn't feel you shoal be spending the money eight niw. Whatever it is you need to communicate with him why you want to change it and explain that it has nothing to dp with not liking the original, sometimes we ladies like to change it up!! Ultimately this is between you and him.
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
I just searched through your threads and it seems like you have brought up an upgrade or changing your setting several times? He might feel like you aren't happy with your current ring (and your current ring is NOT small!) I think we see a lot of upgrades on PS because people who have the same ring don't keep posting pictures of their ring...but many of us just have the same ring for years and years!
 

AprilBaby

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
11,249
DH must have a good reason for not wanting to upgrade so soon. Just because a lot of people on here upgrade doesnt mean many people in everyday life upgrade. I never heard of such a thing till I came here. Maybe you need a break from looking at other peoples upgrades for a while. It took me 25 years to get an upgrade. Maybe he would get you a nice RHR for your anniversary :naughty:
 

cheapiej

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2011
Messages
5
my two cents --everyone's finances are different and i'm big on original sentiment and circumstances on what things mean and the situation at the time (maybe a touch of remembering to be humble and enjoying the path of life) then versus anything else.

as a guy, my view is that the ering should not be changed once bought.

if you want more finger coverage and finances are ok, get an anniversary ring but not change the ering itself.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
swingirl|1315412647|3011667 said:
grace10209|1315408996|3011605 said:
Hi ALL
Not sure where to post this but I really want to upgrade my ering setting. I want something bigger and with more finger coverage and my DH says im being a brat and should be happy with what I have. How did you all get upgrades and broach the subject with your DH's?
I dont even want to replace stones, i just want a new/bigger setting.
Help! Any thoughts????
Our 5 yr anniversary is coming up so I was hoping to do it for that - any advice would be awesome.
Thanks~!
I thought you were married in July of 2009? And you have been looking for a new setting for about year so it sounds like you never were happy with your original ering. Did DH pick it out by himself? Maybe in a few more years he'll warm up to the idea that you want to replace your ering but you just passed your 2nd anniversary.

I can only speak for myself but my upgrade was way way beyond my 2nd anniversary.

Good points. Grace- when you say 5 yr anniversary do you mean that you have been together? Since it seems from past posts that may 2010 you were on a hunt for a 1 yr anniversary gift...? Anyways, how long have you actually had this ring? I have to agree with swinggirl that if you haven't had this ring for more than 2 or so years maybe he is having a hard time thinking about you upgrading it to "bigger and better" since you haven't had it for too long. I would wait it out a little longer- since you have been on the hunt for new setting for a year now maybe he feels like it you were looking for something new early on... Maybe if you wait it out for a big wedding anniversary like 5 yes he will Ve more agreeable.

Again- it's between you and him to sort it out and communicate your feelings and reasons. I find that the more time I spend on PS the more I want but I try to suppress it lol :)
 

SC86

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2011
Messages
195
renogirl|1315410408|3011630 said:
What are his main objections? Financial or sentimental?
I agree with trying to find out why he doesn't want the upgrade. If it is for sentimental reasons, then you guys should talk through it. You might not want to change the original setting that you got engaged with if it means that much to him. Or perhaps you can keep the setting for a RHR so you'll always have it.

If it's for financial reasons, it goes without saying that you may not want to spend money on a setting if you have other more important obligations. However, if you can easily afford the setting and he just does not see a point in spending more money on it, why not just get the upgrade yourself? Obviously major purchases should be discussed with a significant other, but I think individuals should also be able to spend (an agreed upon limit) on separate indulgences.

If your hubby's reasoning for not wanting the upgrade isn't valid to you (ie. you can't afford it at this time, etc), is it necessary for him to support it 100%? That's up to you! Anyway...that's just my 2 cents. I'm sure at the end of the day your husband just wants to make you happy!
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
cheapiej|1315413601|3011684 said:
my two cents --everyone's finances are different and i'm big on original sentiment and circumstances on what things mean and the situation at the time (maybe a touch of remembering to be humble and enjoying the path of life) then versus anything else.

as a guy, my view is that the ering should not be changed once bought.

if you want more finger coverage and finances are ok, get an anniversary ring but not change the ering itself.

I fall into this category -somewhat-. If my ring breaks or something clearly I would change my ERing, maybe 5 or more years down the road I might change the setting.... But the original stone will always be with me. :)

Until PS I have never heard of "upgrading".
 

vintagelover229

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 23, 2008
Messages
3,517
grace10209|1315412416|3011658 said:
Well, he is against it. he wants me to keep my ering forever and never upgrade. or maybe i can when we hit our 25 yr anniversary, i think he said "maybe we can discuss it then" - lol
and I, on the other hand want something bigger. - it stinks
I covet all the rings i see on here and so often I see people upgrading to bigger stones, new rings, etc.

Is it just that everyone else's dh's are just "cool" with it - and i didn't get so lucky :( :nono: ;(

kenny, funny cuz i think you mean DH right? lol or me?

Something to remember is that PS isn't the norm. The norm is most women don't have a say in their ring, get what their DH gets them and probably never upgrade. Maybe they'll get something for an anniversary, like a 5 stone ring or something but PS is a place where we've taken our bling and made it a hobby as well.

The ring I have will never be upgraded either. We got a nice size stone and a beautiful setting at an amazing price but to be honest with you, had I had the same budget and not had the ring come up as a smoking deal I wouldn't have a RB, I'd have a VERY low color OEC/OMC in a bezel setting. That's where my heart lies. But you know what? My ring is BEAUTIFUL, I love it and my DH was very happy to be able to present me with something that we could afford, knew I would love and is all around amazing.

Would he let me reset it if I really pressed him on the issue? Probably because he knows that while it's beautiful and I love it, it's not "quite" my dream ring. It's a DIFFERENT dream ring, one equally as beautiful and amazing. But actually if I"m honest with myself...I really don't want to change it. Now that doesn't mean that down the road I won't have a smaller OEC/OMC bezel as a RHR :naughty:

There are SO many different styles, types and designs of beautiful rings that it's easy to become not *quite* satisfied with what you have. There is always something new, different, bigger, better, or different style out there. ALWAYS. Your ring sounds beautiful and if your DH is opposed to it at this point, I'd let the issue drop. It's not worth the hurt feelings over it IMO.

If you have your own funds (and even if you don't perhaps discuss putting a bit aside for your future bling fund) hunt out a RHR that you can swear to satisfy your taste. Then you have 2 amazing rings and no hurt feelings or loss of sentiment :)
 

karpouzi

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2009
Messages
307
AprilBaby|1315413559|3011682 said:
Maybe you need a break from looking at other peoples upgrades for a while.
This is what it sounds like to me. If you find yourself getting envious of others' rings, you will never be happy because, truly, there will always be someone on PS with a bigger ring, a more expensive ring, or just a different ring than what you have.

Maybe if you still want to compare, you can shut down the forums and go out to the coffeeshop or grocery store and see what most women are rocking... and I bet you won't feel so bad about your ring any more. ;-)
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
SC86- I see what you mean- but if my hubby was against me changing my ERing I don't think I could do it knowing it would upset him. I would however be inclined to request some sort of anniversary ring ;-)
 

Stars77

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 22, 2011
Messages
4
As a guy currently saving as fast as possible to purchase an engagement ring, I have a couple thoughts.

First, I really think you need to pause and put yourself in your husband's shoes. The process of purchasing an engagement is a serious financial and emotional event. A lot of money, thought, and time has gone into something that, when all is said and done, is merely a symbol and has no instrinsic, lasting consequence in any of our lives. In my own quest to find the "perfect" engagement ring, I've personally prioritized quality above all else--quality of the diamond, quality of the metal, and quality of workmanship. That means an overall smaller ring. But I made that decision because, to me, quality is the only physical characteristic that counts as a symbol of my relationship. I want something that will stand the test of time.

Now let me also keep it real for a second. I have no idea what your and your husband's financial situation is. However, we all need a little perspective now and again. We're talking here about an item worth thousands of dollars that you wear on your finger. When I stop and really think about that, it seems kind of crazy that anybody wears diamonds around, but that's our cultural tradition and as a once-in-a-lifetime purchase, I get it. After all, I'm purchasing one myself.

But that said, when you think about how truly extravagent any diamond ring is to have, I can absolutely understand why your husband would be opposed to upgrading it so soon after you received it. For 99% of us, there are many more important and wise places to spend (or give) the money.
 

grace10209

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
83
wow what great great responses here, thank you to ALL of you for chiming in.
I mispoke too, its our 5 year anniversary of being together, not married. Actually i think its even 6.
anyway, you are right, i have only had the ering for a few years, actually i think he gave it to me in 2007.

I definitly like the idea of an anniversary ring instead, or a right hand ring. I do want to keep my original 3 stones - which was why i was trying to just replace the setting - but maybe just getting a great anniversary band is a better route to take!

Thank you for the suggestions and for your thoughts. and dose of reality that not "everyone" gets a upgrade.
 

grace10209

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
83
grace10209|1315414827|3011711 said:
wow what great great responses here, thank you to ALL of you for chiming in.
I mispoke too, its our 5 year anniversary of being together, not married. Actually i think its even 6.
anyway, you are right, i have only had the ering for a few years, actually i think he gave it to me in 2007.

I definitly like the idea of an anniversary ring instead, or a right hand ring. I do want to keep my original 3 stones - which was why i was trying to just replace the setting - but maybe just getting a great anniversary band is a better route to take!

Thank you for the suggestions and for your thoughts. and dose of reality that not "everyone" gets a upgrade.

You, like many of the others, are right. Thanks for the perspective everyone!
 

grace10209

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
83
Stars77|1315414544|3011708 said:
As a guy currently saving as fast as possible to purchase an engagement ring, I have a couple thoughts.

First, I really think you need to pause and put yourself in your husband's shoes. The process of purchasing an engagement is a serious financial and emotional event. A lot of money, thought, and time has gone into something that, when all is said and done, is merely a symbol and has no instrinsic, lasting consequence in any of our lives. In my own quest to find the "perfect" engagement ring, I've personally prioritized quality above all else--quality of the diamond, quality of the metal, and quality of workmanship. That means an overall smaller ring. But I made that decision because, to me, quality is the only physical characteristic that counts as a symbol of my relationship. I want something that will stand the test of time.

Now let me also keep it real for a second. I have no idea what your and your husband's financial situation is. However, we all need a little perspective now and again. We're talking here about an item worth thousands of dollars that you wear on your finger. When I stop and really think about that, it seems kind of crazy that anybody wears diamonds around, but that's our cultural tradition and as a once-in-a-lifetime purchase, I get it. After all, I'm purchasing one myself.

But that said, when you think about how truly extravagent any diamond ring is to have, I can absolutely understand why your husband would be opposed to upgrading it so soon after you received it. For 99% of us, there are many more important and wise places to spend (or give) the money.
Thank you for posting this......well said.
 

dreamer_dachsie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
24,364
This is not about the ring, it is about negotiating with your husband, something that will happen many times in your relationship. You want something, he feels differently. You need to talk about it and understand one another's POVs and reach an agreement, which might be a compromise. Have conversation and try to understand where he is coming from, and then suggest an alternative and go from there.
 

Black Jade

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
1,242
Glad to see you got perspective and took the wise advice here.
I'm one of the many whose husband wants to see the original e-ring on the wedding finger (and to tell the truth I like it there too--reminds me of our wedding and that happy time). I've never gotten upgraded (and don't know anyone who has, with the exception of people who actually lost rings or had them stolen--shudder) but after 25 years my husband wanted to give me a present and I picked a new ring for my right hand. It doesn't always take that long, of course but for us it worked that way with more important expenses going on until then--house, retirement savings, kids' educations and so forth.
By the way, new bling doesn't have to go on your finger! for 51st birthday my hubby got me some very very special diamond earrings. You might eventually lke something like that, or a pendant, you have time to think.
best--
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
It sounds like you two need to talk this one out. You need to have an opportunity to articulate why you want the upgrade, and your DH needs the opportunity to listen to that, and to respond, and to share why he feels you should not get the upgrade.

I don't think anything else really matters at this point. Some people are sentimental about *stuff*, including rings, others are not. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that you talk to each other about this, because it sounds like it's an issue that has come up before. Better get it out before it starts eating away at you from the inside.

To answer your original question, I upgraded my ring in March of 2011. We were engaged in September of 2007. My original ring was a modern cushion set in an eternity band. My upgrade is an antique cushion set in a solitaire. I didn't have to bring up upgrading my ring because my husband knew I wanted an antique cushion if the right one came along. We searched for my original ring together, and we told our jeweler to call us if he came across any phenomenal antique cushions together, so when this stone came along, it wasn't something I had to bring up. Neither DH nor I are very sentimental people in general, and definitely not about objects, so there weren't any feelings attached to my original ring that made it difficult to upgrade. I loved it, of course, but I love my new stone more. As for keeping the original and just purchasing an anniversary ring, that wouldn't make sense for me. I'm a one diamond type of gal. I wouldn't wear a second ring enough to own it. I don't like owning more than I actually use.

Good luck with this. I hope you have a productive discussion with your husband.
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,613
I really don't understand why some men refuse something that would make their wives so happy (if budget allows obviously). I understand some are sentimental about the ring, but ultimately, it's *just* a ring. Isn't the wife's happiness worth it? :naughty:
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 3, 2008
Messages
7,788
There are a lot of upgrades here, but not all came early in a marriage. I did upgrade my original ring (but not my wedding band) just a couple years into my marriage, and actually heard exactly what you did. But when we sat down and I told my DH why I wanted it, he felt so bad he was dragging me to jewelry stores to look. I wore that ring for more than 25 years and upgraded close to my 30 year anniversary.

You have told him that you are interested in a upgrade, and I would let the idea settle with him a bit. I have found that it is hard to be content here looking at all the beautiful rings, so take it slow. A lot of the fun is in the planning and researching. How great would it be if you let the idea go for a while and he came up with something even better for you!
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 3, 2008
Messages
7,788
Laila619|1315417850|3011771 said:
I really don't understand why some men refuse something that would make their wives so happy (if budget allows obviously). I understand some are sentimental about the ring, but ultimately, it's *just* a ring. Isn't the wife's happiness worth it? :naughty:

sometimes, they just want it to be their idea. :naughty:
 
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!
    Style File: Julia Roberts
    Style File: Julia Roberts
    Top 5 Honeymoon Destinations
    Top 5 Honeymoon Destinations
    Tennis Bracelet Love
    Tennis Bracelet Love

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.
Top