ellewoods
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2005
- Messages
- 328
Hello everyone.
I''ve been absent for a while, but I hope some of you remember me. To give you some background, I got engaged this past May to a wonderful man who I dated for over 7 years. We met in college but then both attended grad schools in different states across the country (as long distance as possible without leaving the USA!). Being far apart for several years and focusing on our schooling was why we could not get engaged sooner. It was hard at times, and we went through a lot, but in May I finally moved back to our home state and we got engaged.
We are both extremely happy, living together and we both have jobs we really enjoy and value. I am almost 28, he is almost 30.
We decided to plan a destination wedding in Mexico for October 2007, with probably around 80-100 guests.
So here''s the problem. My fiance''s brother got engaged to his girlfriend last weekend. He is my age -- almost 28. She is 29. They''ve been dating for about 2.5 years. I am very close to my fiance''s brother because I went to college with him and my fiance. I''ve known him and been close friends with him for over 7 years.
His now-fiance is a decent person, but she is obsessed with getting married, having babies ASAP so she doesn''t have to work (her statements), and keeping up with the Jones''s. She has made many comments to me over the last couple of years about being desperate to get married and have children before she''s 30. She turns 30 in September 2007.
Her first comment when my fiance and I got engaged was to the effect of, "Well I''ve always dreamed of getting married in the summer. I absolutely have to get married in the summer. And I can''t get married any other time. And there''s no way I''m waiting until summer 2008. So I''m getting married in summer 2007 no matter what." My annoyance -- she was NOT engaged yet. Not even close. And she was saying these things and being irrational and acting like a entitled, selfish witch, and it was the first time we''d seen my fiance''s family after the engagement -- at a large family gathering, and she had to damper our happy news because she was sad she wasn''t engaged yet. At that time I even had talks with my fiance''s brother about how he wasn''t ready to get married and that she was placing tons of pressure on him to propose and he didn''t know what to do.
So fast forward to yesterday -- my fiance''s brother called my fiance to give him some news -- the brother and his fiance decided that they are planning on getting married in August 2007 (2 months before us).
At first I was bummed, but tried to tell myself it wasn''t a big deal and it didn''t matter. But I have been so upset about this, I realize it does matter to me, and I am not OK with it. My fiance is not happy either.
I just feel like she is being totally inconsiderate of our plans and our feelings. This is the first wedding in their family, and my fiance is the oldest. Being the oldest doesn''t give anyone the right to dictate other sibling''s wedding plans, but in this case, we''ve been together a long time, we got engaged first, and we set a date already. But the fiance (I will call her W), W is demanding that she gets married first, before us, close to when we are getting married, so that everything from here on out will be jumbled and confused.
I know if the situation were reversed, and they got engaged first, but then we got engaged several months later and announced we were getting married before them -- she would flip out. She would be upset, she would think we were selfish. She would be extremely upset. But yet she doesn''t care that she''s making us feel like that. If they had gotten engaged first, I would never even think of trying to jump in front of them and get married before them.
I know she''s had a pre-destined timeline of when she wanted to get married (and it was years ago, even before she met my fiance''s brother). And I know that her age is an extremely sensitive issue with her -- she is desperate to get married before she turns 30 (September 2007). I think that''s ridiculous, personally. It''s no matter what age you are, you''re not a failure because you got married older than your 20s.
But in any case, I am extremely depressed about the whole situation. I am the farthest thing ever from a Bridezilla, but I just think it is very important for the 2 brothers to have seperate, special, distinct wedding celebrations. In our case, there will be many family, family friends, and college friends that are invited to both weddings. Some may be kind enough to come to both, but some may not be able to attend 2 out of town weddings so close together. Then there''s things like engagement parties, showers, and all of those events. We hsave 2 engagement parties being planned for us but now the dates clash with whatever brother + fiance are going to do.
We''ve thought about moving our wedding up to spring 2007, but its not enough notice to guests to plan for a wedding out of the country, and we also can''t afford it that soon. We also thought of moving our wedding up by a month or two, but those are the worst times to go to our destination in Mexico in terms of weather -- extremely hot and humid and guests would be miserable or not come.
I would really appreciate any thoughts, whether you agree with me or not. I am still trying to be rational, see their side of things, etc. But if it''s not that big of a deal for people to get married around the same time....well why can''t they wait until after we get married? What''s the big deal in waiting? Why does she insist on upstaging our wedding? Grr.
Thanks for any thoughts.
I''ve been absent for a while, but I hope some of you remember me. To give you some background, I got engaged this past May to a wonderful man who I dated for over 7 years. We met in college but then both attended grad schools in different states across the country (as long distance as possible without leaving the USA!). Being far apart for several years and focusing on our schooling was why we could not get engaged sooner. It was hard at times, and we went through a lot, but in May I finally moved back to our home state and we got engaged.
We are both extremely happy, living together and we both have jobs we really enjoy and value. I am almost 28, he is almost 30.
We decided to plan a destination wedding in Mexico for October 2007, with probably around 80-100 guests.
So here''s the problem. My fiance''s brother got engaged to his girlfriend last weekend. He is my age -- almost 28. She is 29. They''ve been dating for about 2.5 years. I am very close to my fiance''s brother because I went to college with him and my fiance. I''ve known him and been close friends with him for over 7 years.
His now-fiance is a decent person, but she is obsessed with getting married, having babies ASAP so she doesn''t have to work (her statements), and keeping up with the Jones''s. She has made many comments to me over the last couple of years about being desperate to get married and have children before she''s 30. She turns 30 in September 2007.
Her first comment when my fiance and I got engaged was to the effect of, "Well I''ve always dreamed of getting married in the summer. I absolutely have to get married in the summer. And I can''t get married any other time. And there''s no way I''m waiting until summer 2008. So I''m getting married in summer 2007 no matter what." My annoyance -- she was NOT engaged yet. Not even close. And she was saying these things and being irrational and acting like a entitled, selfish witch, and it was the first time we''d seen my fiance''s family after the engagement -- at a large family gathering, and she had to damper our happy news because she was sad she wasn''t engaged yet. At that time I even had talks with my fiance''s brother about how he wasn''t ready to get married and that she was placing tons of pressure on him to propose and he didn''t know what to do.
So fast forward to yesterday -- my fiance''s brother called my fiance to give him some news -- the brother and his fiance decided that they are planning on getting married in August 2007 (2 months before us).
At first I was bummed, but tried to tell myself it wasn''t a big deal and it didn''t matter. But I have been so upset about this, I realize it does matter to me, and I am not OK with it. My fiance is not happy either.
I just feel like she is being totally inconsiderate of our plans and our feelings. This is the first wedding in their family, and my fiance is the oldest. Being the oldest doesn''t give anyone the right to dictate other sibling''s wedding plans, but in this case, we''ve been together a long time, we got engaged first, and we set a date already. But the fiance (I will call her W), W is demanding that she gets married first, before us, close to when we are getting married, so that everything from here on out will be jumbled and confused.
I know if the situation were reversed, and they got engaged first, but then we got engaged several months later and announced we were getting married before them -- she would flip out. She would be upset, she would think we were selfish. She would be extremely upset. But yet she doesn''t care that she''s making us feel like that. If they had gotten engaged first, I would never even think of trying to jump in front of them and get married before them.
I know she''s had a pre-destined timeline of when she wanted to get married (and it was years ago, even before she met my fiance''s brother). And I know that her age is an extremely sensitive issue with her -- she is desperate to get married before she turns 30 (September 2007). I think that''s ridiculous, personally. It''s no matter what age you are, you''re not a failure because you got married older than your 20s.
But in any case, I am extremely depressed about the whole situation. I am the farthest thing ever from a Bridezilla, but I just think it is very important for the 2 brothers to have seperate, special, distinct wedding celebrations. In our case, there will be many family, family friends, and college friends that are invited to both weddings. Some may be kind enough to come to both, but some may not be able to attend 2 out of town weddings so close together. Then there''s things like engagement parties, showers, and all of those events. We hsave 2 engagement parties being planned for us but now the dates clash with whatever brother + fiance are going to do.
We''ve thought about moving our wedding up to spring 2007, but its not enough notice to guests to plan for a wedding out of the country, and we also can''t afford it that soon. We also thought of moving our wedding up by a month or two, but those are the worst times to go to our destination in Mexico in terms of weather -- extremely hot and humid and guests would be miserable or not come.
I would really appreciate any thoughts, whether you agree with me or not. I am still trying to be rational, see their side of things, etc. But if it''s not that big of a deal for people to get married around the same time....well why can''t they wait until after we get married? What''s the big deal in waiting? Why does she insist on upstaging our wedding? Grr.
Thanks for any thoughts.