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Collegial Workplace Relationship?

DrCocoChanel

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 30, 2017
Messages
94
Thanks, Missy. I’ve considered that approach but it’s challenging since I generally am available 24-7 by e-mail or phone and he often knows I’m in the center later than business hours. As medical staff, we generally are responsive to contact even in the evenings. I haven’t replied to his incoming e-mails after 5 PM and have waited till the next day but I occasionally will get the late call in my office.

Since he works closely with leadership and the CMO/CEO of the hospital and will ultimately be signing off on my recredentialing package in another year, I don’t want to blow him off when he reaches out. There’s a power differential and it’s awkward since I want to give a good impression. I don’t want to be viewed as irresponsible by ignoring his calls and he often knows when I’m in my office since he physically passes through my hallway frequently. I thought an e-mail stating that I’m available until x time on weekdays due to patient obligations or certain window periods when I have a lull in clinical volume would be the most straightforward and mature response. Or I can just ask him to reach out early in the work day since my schedule is somewhat unpredictable and chaotic so we can arrange an appropriate time. Like I said, he seems about clueless about professional boundaries so maybe I just have to nudge him in the right direction.

Thanks for the suggestions!
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
8,391
I have had situations in the past, when a "manager" who would ask me to do something for her late in the evening as I was still in the office, and I politely responded by listing the tasks I intended to complete out of hours with no pay before I go home, and asked if she could prioritise them for me.

She did not do that again afterwards.

DK :))
 

MillieLou

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
353
Just ask him politely if he could send you paperwork earlier in the day, or within a particular timeslot, where possible. Absolutely reasonable request.

It does sound like a professional boundaries issue. I work in a similar medical setting, by the way. People often assume that because they like to work in a certain way (eg getting paperwork before a weekend to look over, rather than on Monday morning) others will feel the same. If they haven't been told it's an issue they may assume it isn't one.

I would 100% want to know if a member of our admin team wanted me to do things in a different way, and would happily accommodate this.
 

123ducklings

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 10, 2020
Messages
678
I’d be proactive about resetting the schedule you prefer. I’d just go by his office to pickup paperwork in the morning. “Hey, do you have any paperwork? Oh, no paperwork yet today but maybe some this evening? Ok, I have a full schedule of patients/whatever for the evening but I will grab it tomorrow morning. Since we tend to have paperwork every day/three days/whatever, I’ll make it part of my schedule to check in at ____ time every _______”
 

smitcompton

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 11, 2006
Messages
2,714
Hi,

I think its a good idea for you to set the schedule just as you suggested in your above posts. Do explain your reasons as you have laid out. He is doing what's convenient for him and I think he will adjust if you do it as you proposed.

I'm happy its not something flirty.

Annette
 

prs

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 26, 2017
Messages
1,486
He could just be an older guy trying to figure out how to make friends with a younger female colleague, and having no clue how to go about it.

It's likely something he's never had to do before in his career. At least he knows chatting about sports isn't likely to do the trick, and for sure the other thing guys talk about is completely off limits. So he's now out of ideas!

I think having him meet your DH is a great idea. If he still wants to be friends after that, then maybe give him a little help getting a conversation going. After all, if I understand correctly, he could be a very useful mentor as your career progresses. I bet he's mentored young male doctors previously but never a female.

Also, just in case, having a plan as to how best to give a firm "NO" is also a great idea.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
45,044
He could just be an older guy trying to figure out how to make friends with a younger female colleague, and having no clue how to go about it.

I don't feel that is appropriate. He is her boss and he is in a position of power over her. So IMO this is not only inappropriate it is making her feel uncomfortable so that is above all else. One, he is in a position of power and two, he is making her feel uncomfortable and has been doing that for a long time. This is definitely inappropriate and should not be tolerated.

@DrCocoChanel I would document document document and just stay as far away as possible from him and respond to him only as necessary. I am sorry you are in this predicament. It is not OK.
 

prs

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 26, 2017
Messages
1,486
I don't feel that is appropriate. He is her boss and he is in a position of power over her. So IMO this is not only inappropriate it is making her feel uncomfortable so that is above all else. One, he is in a position of power and two, he is making her feel uncomfortable and has been doing that for a long time. This is definitely inappropriate and should not be tolerated.

@DrCocoChanel I would document document document and just stay as far away as possible from him and respond to him only as necessary. I am sorry you are in this predicament. It is not OK.

@missy

1) You are jumping to the conclusion his motives are sexual despite the fact Coco stated in her OP there were no red flags!
2) You say he is her boss when Coco didn't even know who he was when he first introduced himself and asked her onto the committee. If he had been her boss they would have had a lot more interaction.

I knew giving a male perspective on this situation was likely a mistake, but I felt Coco might be passing up an opportunity to help her career. In my corporate life I learned that developing warm, friendly relationships with your superiors is at least as important as job performance when it comes to career advancement and who gets chosen for promotion.

For sure, shoot him down if he even hints at sexual involvement, but how about giving him the benefit of the doubt first. Some guys are inherently awkward around women they don't know, maybe he's one of them!
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
45,044
@missy

1) You are jumping to the conclusion his motives are sexual despite the fact Coco stated in her OP there were no red flags!
2) You say he is her boss when Coco didn't even know who he was when he first introduced himself and asked her onto the committee. If he had been her boss they would have had a lot more interaction.

I knew giving a male perspective on this situation was likely a mistake, but I felt Coco might be passing up an opportunity to help her career. In my corporate life I learned that developing warm, friendly relationships with your superiors is at least as important as job performance when it comes to career advancement and who gets chosen for promotion.

For sure, shoot him down if he even hints at sexual involvement, but how about giving him the benefit of the doubt first. Some guys are inherently awkward around women they don't know, maybe he's one of them!

@prs not a mistake at all to chime in with your thoughts. You never know what the original poster or someone reading might find helpful. I was just saying since he makes her uncomfortable that’s enough for me. In my book. That makes it not cool. IIRC he is in a position of power over her and can influence her future employment etc there. So that also makes it not OK. IMO.
One should always listen to one’s gut.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
9,869
He could just be an older guy trying to figure out how to make friends with a younger female colleague, and having no clue how to go about it.

It's likely something he's never had to do before in his career. At least he knows chatting about sports isn't likely to do the trick, and for sure the other thing guys talk about is completely off limits. So he's now out of ideas!

I think having him meet your DH is a great idea. If he still wants to be friends after that, then maybe give him a little help getting a conversation going. After all, if I understand correctly, he could be a very useful mentor as your career progresses. I bet he's mentored young male doctors previously but never a female.

Also, just in case, having a plan as to how best to give a firm "NO" is also a great idea.

This is what i would hope
While i would never socialize with management outside of work, its nice to be on freindly terms at work
We are at work for most of our working day
 
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