Caring for the elderly.

[Linda W]

Lisa,

I am glad that your daughter''s RA is just confined to her knee. I don''t know what my daughter will do yet, hard to say.

Linda

 

[Skippy123]

Deb, Ellen and Lisa, her surgery happens the second week in June; thank you for asking. My father is doing well so he does not need surgery.
I hope everything goes well and has a speedy recovery; it makes me sad to see her in so much pain but that is what the surgery is for.

Lisa, I am sending good thoughts for you parents to listen to you; you have a big heart!

Deb, your mom is in my prayers, please keep us posted.

Linda, I am sorry your mom''s surgery was postponed; the waiting is tough. You are such a good daughter. I am sorry about your mom babying your daughter that is awful.

Ellen, I am sorry your mom did that that is terrible; I have a close friend who is going through something similar and I don''t get it since she does so much for her mom.

Hugs to all you lady''s.

 

[Kaleigh]

Hugs to all the ladies. It''s so good to have this outlet, many thanks Ellen, and am sorry bout your Mom.

Speaking of Mom''s mine called today. She left a voice mail. This just cracked me up. Remember they come home tomorrow from FLA:


This message is for Lisa. Lisa, I understand you are doing the grocery shopping. That is wonderful. I am now drinking something called Sprite before dinner. It comes in a green plastic bottle. I would appreciate it if you could buy some and have it in the fridge so it''s cold upon my arrival.

Um Yeah I know what Sprite is, has she been living under a rock?

Speaking of Rock, she sounds like the Rock star wanting this and that in their green room before going on stage.

I will buy the lady her Sprite, it will be cold upon her arrival.

Nighty night, tis going to be a long weekend.

 

[bebe]

Lisa, I was thinking of you this afternoon. I remembered your parents were coming soon and wondered how you were doing.
I hope all goes well and they settle in comfortably. And your mom with her Sprite!

 

[Linda W]

Lisa,

I am sorry, but I am sitting here cracking up at what your mom said. I hope this isn''t a preview of what is about to come.

Linda

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 4/18/2008 10:10:24 PM
Author: Linda W
Lisa,

I am sorry, but I am sitting here cracking up at what your mom said. I hope this isn''t a preview of what is about to come.

Linda

I can''t make this stuff up. So yeah, more to come, LOL. I swear, this will KILL me. I am going to bring them Chinese food some day, that will be a hoot. They have barely had Pizza...

bebe, thanks, it''s going to be fine, I hope.

I did give Dad the heads up about the Psychiatrist, he seemed relieved. I approached it by saying, look, you have so much on your plate. I can help only so much. I think it''s best you talk to someone outside the family who can help you sort things out.

Part of the debt was taken away by my husband, he bought their house in FLA. It''s a gorgeous house on the water and will rent it out as an investment property.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 4/18/2008 9:39:23 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Hugs to all the ladies. It''s so good to have this outlet, many thanks Ellen, and am sorry bout your Mom.

Speaking of Mom''s mine called today. She left a voice mail. This just cracked me up. Remember they come home tomorrow from FLA:


This message is for Lisa. Lisa, I understand you are doing the grocery shopping. That is wonderful. I am now drinking something called Sprite before dinner. It comes in a green plastic bottle. I would appreciate it if you could buy some and have it in the fridge so it''s cold upon my arrival.

Um Yeah I know what Sprite is, has she been living under a rock?

Speaking of Rock, she sounds like the Rock star wanting this and that in their green room before going on stage.

I will buy the lady her Sprite, it will be cold upon her arrival.

Nighty night, tis going to be a long weekend.

*singing* "We''ve only just begun"......

Bless your heart, things seem to be off to a great start. lol I look forward to your future reports. (really!) Hang in there. And good approach to your dad. Also, great thinking with purchasing their home to rent.

Thinking of you today!!

 

[Skippy123]

Lisa, saying prayers for you this week; I will be thinking of you. And the sprite thing, oh boy.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 4/18/2008 9:39:23 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Hugs to all the ladies. It's so good to have this outlet, many thanks Ellen, and am sorry bout your Mom.


Speaking of Mom's mine called today. She left a voice mail. This just cracked me up. Remember they come home tomorrow from FLA:




This message is for Lisa. Lisa, I understand you are doing the grocery shopping. That is wonderful. I am now drinking something called Sprite before dinner. It comes in a green plastic bottle. I would appreciate it if you could buy some and have it in the fridge so it's cold upon my arrival.

Um Yeah I know what Sprite is, has she been living under a rock?

Speaking of Rock, she sounds like the Rock star wanting this and that in their green room before going on stage.


I will buy the lady her Sprite, it will be cold upon her arrival.

Nighty night, tis going to be a long weekend.

I'm just now catching up. This sounds so familiar! I would often think the same thing-- kind of like captain obvious. What a cute voice mail. I hope your weekend is flowing nicely.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 4/19/2008 8:04:30 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 4/18/2008 9:39:23 PM

Author: Kaleigh

Hugs to all the ladies. It''s so good to have this outlet, many thanks Ellen, and am sorry bout your Mom.


Speaking of Mom''s mine called today. She left a voice mail. This just cracked me up. Remember they come home tomorrow from FLA:



This message is for Lisa. Lisa, I understand you are doing the grocery shopping. That is wonderful. I am now drinking something called Sprite before dinner. It comes in a green plastic bottle. I would appreciate it if you could buy some and have it in the fridge so it''s cold upon my arrival.

Um Yeah I know what Sprite is, has she been living under a rock?

Speaking of Rock, she sounds like the Rock star wanting this and that in their green room before going on stage.


I will buy the lady her Sprite, it will be cold upon her arrival.

Nighty night, tis going to be a long weekend.

*singing* ''We''ve only just begun''......

Bless your heart, things seem to be off to a great start. lol I look forward to your future reports. (really!) Hang in there. And good approach to your dad. Also, great thinking with purchasing their home to rent.


Thinking of you today!!

Snort-Ellen, this was my 7th grade graduation song. Ah, memories.
Lisa, I''m thinking you should keep a journal! This could turn into a bestseller!

 

[Linda W]

I second that Lisa. You will keep us laughing (I hope for your sake) with your stories)

And Ellen: As always you crack me up with your replies

Linda

 

[Kaleigh]

Thanks girls!! I''ll do my best to keep you entertained. I got a voice mail from Dad. Lisa we are home and came home to a total disaster!!!

I''m thinking what disaster.??? The house was cleaned, the fridge was stocked. His TV''s werent working properly.

Disaster to some maybe, but not to moi. My son is home from boarding school, we we took him to a show in Philly and to dinner. Tomorrow, I take a deep breath and begin in earnest to keep things on an even keel. But that voicemail did shake me up. Gotta love it....

 

[Linda W]

Oh Lisa,

You are making me laugh again. The disaster was his TV''s weren''t working. I tell you, you are going to keep us entertained!!!!!

Linda

 

[diamondfan]

This is a heartbreaking yet inspiring thread. I pray and hope for all who are currently in the middle of these hard issues.

I have one sister but she lives in England and my mom does not have anything to do with her, nor do I. My mom is 81, in somewhat okay health, and has a hubby (86 but doing pretty well) with her right now. They live in her house that is totally paid for, and my mom has money that my father left her so I think she is fine overall. But I am on the East Coast and she is in So. Cal. and my step dad won't be there forever. He still drives, which I am not thrilled about, she stopped years ago. At some point, I may have to move her here, if her husband passes, and sell her home. She can stay with me or there are places near me that she can stay if she needs more than I can give her. We get along, but I did feel very let down emotionally many times in my life, and she was not supportive about things I felt important. But that was then and I am trying to be move beyond the past hurts.

Seeing our parents age, seeing them lose their abilities to care for themselves, especially if we now must do it and do not feel they were the best parents...it is tough. As they lose their freedom to live alone it is like they become a child. The roles get reversed. They get angry, cannot understand always why they cannot drive, or live in their home alone. Giving up driving is huge, but how do you get someone to understand they are simply not safe behind the wheel any more and it would be irresponsible to continue? And then how do they get places, especially if no family lives close by? Money is also tough, if they have none put away or no insurance. Thankfully my mom got that, she has glaucoma and lost vision in one eye totally, but emotionally it was tough. She became very depressed. She kept a lot of from me because she did not want to worry me. I also think we feel guilt for being annoyed or feel selfish for wishing this were not going on, but I think it is normal. But in most cases they raised us and put so much time and effort into us, so we are compelled to help and be there, they need us now. The whole aging cycle is really terrifying to me.

My mother in law is an issue. She has senility coming on, could be early Alzheimer's, she also has had a drinking problem in the past and has hurt herself, falling etc. Cannot get why she is bruised or broke a toe. She still drives, which is horrific, she was always terrible behind the wheel and is worse as she gets older. My sister in law, her daughter, takes care of her, along with my brother in law (poor sod) and they bought the house immediately next to them for her. A small ranch with no stairs, it is great for her. However, they might want to sell both houses and move, to a place MIL is not happy about, and yet, she is living rent free in a lovely renovated home. Hubby and I do a ton for her and have since before FIL died, having declared bankruptcy. We have paid for cars, movers, appliances, new carpet, paint, tv's, trips, etc. She always has a hand out and is never satisfied. She also has limited funds, and hubby is always working on her savings and investments to help her have the most she can. She is nasty to deal with on a good day. She is a hypochondriac but never can seem to find a decent doctor, even though she is in L.A. It is not like she is out in the woods somewhere. But she is always having tests and still is never satisfied. She is extraordinarily difficult to be around. I pray she never comes East, and if so, she will not live in my home. I will not survive it.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 4/20/2008 2:19:25 AM
Author: diamondfan
This is a heartbreaking yet inspiring thread. I pray and hope for all who are currently in the middle of these hard issues.

I have one sister but she lives in England and my mom does not have anything to do with her, nor do I. My mom is 81, in somewhat okay health, and has a hubby (86 but doing pretty well) with her right now. They live in her house that is totally paid for, and my mom has money that my father left her so I think she is fine overall. But I am on the East Coast and she is in So. Cal. and my step dad won''t be there forever. He still drives, which I am not thrilled about, she stopped years ago. At some point, I may have to move her here, if her husband passes, and sell her home. She can stay with me or there are places near me that she can stay if she needs more than I can give her. We get along, but I did feel very let down emotionally many times in my life, and she was not supportive about things I felt important. But that was then and I am trying to be move beyond the past hurts.

That''s the hardest part, and depending on just how much hurt there is (and especially if it''s continuing), determines the sometimes "daily" battles one has to deal with. You can get so resentful, when being literally forced to deal with everything. There were many, many times my mom simply didn''t "deal" with me, yet I know to have that attitude with her now is wrong. Two wrongs don''t make a right. But it''s such a mental battle....


Caroline, I''ve said it before, but it bears repeating. Your hubby and his sis need to have their mom tested for Alzheimer''s. Having a doctor tell them things, such as, you really need to quit driving, has much more impact than if we say it. My mom refused to stop driving when her eyesight was getting worse. I tried to very gently and politely tell her she was putting herself and everyone else on the road at risk. She wouldn''t listen, but when the doc finally said, you really should stop (she wasn''t at the point legally where he could say you HAVE to, which was incredibly scary considering), it took her a couple weeks, but she finally handed over the keys. Yes, it''s VERY hard on them, I don''t look forward to it myself. But it''s a truly selfish thing to keep driving when you know you shouldn''t.

And yes, you hit the nail on the head with the role reversal. Not fun, and really sad. But it''s just the reality so much of the time. I have tried hard to let my mom go, and still make her own choices. I don''t like the thought of having to really put my foot down and be heavy handed. But I am fast approaching such an instance with my moms tithing. She thinks the more she gives, the better it is. Well, faced with her disease, and the care I now KNOW she''ll need, I''m cutting it back, and not telling her. I don''t like feeling like I''m doing something sneaky, but this is a matter of having as much money as possible for her care. I know if I told her I think that''s what she should do, she''d have a fit, but her thinking is not so rational anymore, and I am in charge of her care. I have to do what I think is right.

Thanks for your prayers Caroline, and any time you feel like venting, have a question, etc, please don''t hesitate to post.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 4/19/2008 8:52:12 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Thanks girls!! I'll do my best to keep you entertained. I got a voice mail from Dad. Lisa we are home and came home to a total disaster!!!

I'm thinking what disaster.??? The house was cleaned, the fridge was stocked. His TV's werent working properly.

Disaster to some maybe, but not to moi. My son is home from boarding school, we we took him to a show in Philly and to dinner. Tomorrow, I take a deep breath and begin in earnest to keep things on an even keel. But that voicemail did shake me up. Gotta love it....

Maybe the definiton of a real disaster might be in order??

 

[justjulia]

Date: 4/19/2008 8:52:12 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Thanks girls!! I''ll do my best to keep you entertained. I got a voice mail from Dad. Lisa we are home and came home to a total disaster!!!

I''m thinking what disaster.??? The house was cleaned, the fridge was stocked. His TV''s werent working properly.

Disaster to some maybe, but not to moi. My son is home from boarding school, we we took him to a show in Philly and to dinner. Tomorrow, I take a deep breath and begin in earnest to keep things on an even keel. But that voicemail did shake me up. Gotta love it....

Bless his heart. Tempest in a teacup and all that. Funny, I get that way if my coffee machine acts up...

 

[justjulia]

Date: 4/20/2008 2:19:25 AM
Author: diamondfan
This is a heartbreaking yet inspiring thread. I pray and hope for all who are currently in the middle of these hard issues.


I have one sister but she lives in England and my mom does not have anything to do with her, nor do I. My mom is 81, in somewhat okay health, and has a hubby (86 but doing pretty well) with her right now. They live in her house that is totally paid for, and my mom has money that my father left her so I think she is fine overall. But I am on the East Coast and she is in So. Cal. and my step dad won''t be there forever. He still drives, which I am not thrilled about, she stopped years ago. At some point, I may have to move her here, if her husband passes, and sell her home. She can stay with me or there are places near me that she can stay if she needs more than I can give her. We get along, but I did feel very let down emotionally many times in my life, and she was not supportive about things I felt important. But that was then and I am trying to be move beyond the past hurts.


Seeing our parents age, seeing them lose their abilities to care for themselves, especially if we now must do it and do not feel they were the best parents...it is tough. As they lose their freedom to live alone it is like they become a child. The roles get reversed. They get angry, cannot understand always why they cannot drive, or live in their home alone. Giving up driving is huge, but how do you get someone to understand they are simply not safe behind the wheel any more and it would be irresponsible to continue? And then how do they get places, especially if no family lives close by? Money is also tough, if they have none put away or no insurance. Thankfully my mom got that, she has glaucoma and lost vision in one eye totally, but emotionally it was tough. She became very depressed. She kept a lot of from me because she did not want to worry me. I also think we feel guilt for being annoyed or feel selfish for wishing this were not going on, but I think it is normal. But in most cases they raised us and put so much time and effort into us, so we are compelled to help and be there, they need us now. The whole aging cycle is really terrifying to me.


My mother in law is an issue. She has senility coming on, could be early Alzheimer''s, she also has had a drinking problem in the past and has hurt herself, falling etc. Cannot get why she is bruised or broke a toe. She still drives, which is horrific, she was always terrible behind the wheel and is worse as she gets older. My sister in law, her daughter, takes care of her, along with my brother in law (poor sod) and they bought the house immediately next to them for her. A small ranch with no stairs, it is great for her. However, they might want to sell both houses and move, to a place MIL is not happy about, and yet, she is living rent free in a lovely renovated home. Hubby and I do a ton for her and have since before FIL died, having declared bankruptcy. We have paid for cars, movers, appliances, new carpet, paint, tv''s, trips, etc. She always has a hand out and is never satisfied. She also has limited funds, and hubby is always working on her savings and investments to help her have the most she can. She is nasty to deal with on a good day. She is a hypochondriac but never can seem to find a decent doctor, even though she is in L.A. It is not like she is out in the woods somewhere. But she is always having tests and still is never satisfied. She is extraordinarily difficult to be around. I pray she never comes East, and if so, she will not live in my home. I will not survive it.

That was powerful, what you wrote. So many emotions I know I have felt myself through my own mother''s odyssey. I second guessed just about everything. You can''t win. You just process as you go.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 4/20/2008 8:36:37 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 4/20/2008 2:19:25 AM

Author: diamondfan

This is a heartbreaking yet inspiring thread. I pray and hope for all who are currently in the middle of these hard issues.


I have one sister but she lives in England and my mom does not have anything to do with her, nor do I. My mom is 81, in somewhat okay health, and has a hubby (86 but doing pretty well) with her right now. They live in her house that is totally paid for, and my mom has money that my father left her so I think she is fine overall. But I am on the East Coast and she is in So. Cal. and my step dad won''t be there forever. He still drives, which I am not thrilled about, she stopped years ago. At some point, I may have to move her here, if her husband passes, and sell her home. She can stay with me or there are places near me that she can stay if she needs more than I can give her. We get along, but I did feel very let down emotionally many times in my life, and she was not supportive about things I felt important. But that was then and I am trying to be move beyond the past hurts.

That''s the hardest part, and depending on just how much hurt there is (and especially if it''s continuing), determines the sometimes ''daily'' battles one has to deal with. You can get so resentful, when being literally forced to deal with everything. There were many, many times my mom simply didn''t ''deal'' with me, yet I know to have that attitude with her now is wrong. Two wrongs don''t make a right. But it''s such a mental battle....



Caroline, I''ve said it before, but it bears repeating. Your hubby and his sis need to have their mom tested for Alzheimer''s. Having a doctor tell them things, such as, you really need to quit driving, has much more impact than if we say it. My mom refused to stop driving when her eyesight was getting worse. I tried to very gently and politely tell her she was putting herself and everyone else on the road at risk. She wouldn''t listen, but when the doc finally said, you really should stop (she wasn''t at the point legally where he could say you HAVE to, which was incredibly scary considering), it took her a couple weeks, but she finally handed over the keys. Yes, it''s VERY hard on them, I don''t look forward to it myself. But it''s a truly selfish thing to keep driving when you know you shouldn''t.


And yes, you hit the nail on the head with the role reversal. Not fun, and really sad. But it''s just the reality so much of the time. I have tried hard to let my mom go, and still make her own choices. I don''t like the thought of having to really put my foot down and be heavy handed. But I am fast approaching such an instance with my moms tithing. She thinks the more she gives, the better it is. Well, faced with her disease, and the care I now KNOW she''ll need, I''m cutting it back, and not telling her. I don''t like feeling like I''m doing something sneaky, but this is a matter of having as much money as possible for her care. I know if I told her I think that''s what she should do, she''d have a fit, but her thinking is not so rational anymore, and I am in charge of her care. I have to do what I think is right.


Thanks for your prayers Caroline, and any time you feel like venting, have a question, etc, please don''t hesitate to post.

Ellen, this is poignant. There comes a point, and I had an extremely hard time with this, when you stop telling everything. I never could do this very well.

My mom also shut down and would not deal with me when I approached a subject she did not like.

I remember taking her in for an intervention, when she lived with me and was losing her memory and taking dbl meds and arguing and insulting, and just plain being mean as a snake. The doctor totally did not support us, saying this was normal for someone who was dying. (Bipolar/schizophrenia history--The message was she could not be held responsible for what she said or did.) The cycle of being abusive and apologetic was exhausting (this had gone on all my life, so I was used to it. But try dealing with this when you''ve down sized to a little home and you have 22 meds to manage, 50 feet of oxygen tubing running room to room, a job, meals to prepare, and children in school). This was when assisted living entered the picture.

I just pray that I am able to be loving, jovial, independent, and kind, when I get into my golden years.

 

[diamondfan]

Ellen and JJ, thanks. I am only 41 but this is on my mind, as I see my mom falter and feel so sure that my mother in law is clearly in early dementia.

The truth is, hubby sees it more now. His sister gets mad at him when he mentions things, even though he is only looking out for his mom. With all the freaking doctors she sees, I would think a trip to test her dementia could be figured out. She is really just getting worse. Now, I am more critical as she is not my mother, but objectively, she is off. Always what I would consider an odd duck, but there is too much memory stuff and drinking etc.

An example. She had to have a colonoscopy and was told clear liquids only the night before. Jokingly tells my bro in law, Oh, that means VODKA. Proceeds, on an empty stomach the night before twilight sedation TO GET DRUNK. Falls in the night, has bruises and a broken toe. Could not figure it out, they had to press her as to why. Now, when I had my second son years ago (he is 13 in July) and she was 5 minutes from us, we could not call her to come be with our first if I went into labor when my nanny was not there. Why? Because if it was past dinner time, she would already be drunk. So this is nothing new but add some senility to it and it is terrible. She thinks people are stealing from her, she gets nasty...OH, I think we could all write a book here.

The hardest part is convincing someone about the changes in their lives, that they have to make them, that it is imperative, and not being done to punish them. The anger and depression that comes with the diminution of their abilities is so hard. And you must be tough to implement it all, for their good, they need you, maybe they do not quite accept the reversal, but you have to help them even if they fight it. I would dearly love my mother in law to be tested, she could burn the house down, get in a terrible accident, but since no one else agrees it is tough for me to push it. Hubby is starting to see more of it but is still fighting his sister who is having trouble accepting reality. But lets her kids sleep over there and lets my mother in law drive them places, I would NEVER do that, even years ago, because I saw the writing on the wall and she was not great even then.

This thread was a great idea, and I hope that even just a little comfort and solace can be given to all of us who are struggling right now.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 4/20/2008 9:54:31 AM
Author: justjulia


I just pray that I am able to be loving, jovial, independent, and kind, when I get into my golden years.

No kidding, me too.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 4/20/2008 10:02:55 AM
Author: diamondfan
Ellen and JJ, thanks. I am only 41 but this is on my mind, as I see my mom falter and feel so sure that my mother in law is clearly in early dementia.

The truth is, hubby sees it more now. His sister gets mad at him when he mentions things, even though he is only looking out for his mom. With all the freaking doctors she sees, I would think a trip to test her dementia could be figured out. She is really just getting worse. Now, I am more critical as she is not my mother, but objectively, she is off. Always what I would consider an odd duck, but there is too much memory stuff and drinking etc.

An example. She had to have a colonoscopy and was told clear liquids only the night before. Jokingly tells my bro in law, Oh, that means VODKA. Proceeds, on an empty stomach the night before twilight sedation TO GET DRUNK. Falls in the night, has bruises and a broken toe. Could not figure it out, they had to press her as to why. Now, when I had my second son years ago (he is 13 in July) and she was 5 minutes from us, we could not call her to come be with our first if I went into labor when my nanny was not there. Why? Because if it was past dinner time, she would already be drunk. So this is nothing new but add some senility to it and it is terrible. She thinks people are stealing from her, she gets nasty...OH, I think we could all write a book here.

The hardest part is convincing someone about the changes in their lives, that they have to make them, that it is imperative, and not being done to punish them. The anger and depression that comes with the diminution of their abilities is so hard. And you must be tough to implement it all, for their good, they need you, maybe they do not quite accept the reversal, but you have to help them even if they fight it. I would dearly love my mother in law to be tested, she could burn the house down, get in a terrible accident, but since no one else agrees it is tough for me to push it. Hubby is starting to see more of it but is still fighting his sister who is having trouble accepting reality. But lets her kids sleep over there and lets my mother in law drive them places, I would NEVER do that, even years ago, because I saw the writing on the wall and she was not great even then.

This thread was a great idea, and I hope that even just a little comfort and solace can be given to all of us who are struggling right now.

This is a tough situation, and really, it kind of pisses me off. My brother tends to live in la la land too, and doesn''t want to see what''s really going on. If left up to him, something bad would have to happen with our mom, before he saw the light.

Sounds like the same situation with your SIlL. She needs to have it spelled out just what catastrophic things could happen with someone who is not only mentally deficient, but drinking on top of it. And drinking WAY too much it sounds. She needs to be asked, do you REALLY want something horrible to happen? Honestly.

 

[Linda W]

Caroline,

I am so glad you joined this forum.

Your SIL needs to face facts and to get off her fanny about her mother. Is she that blind that she can''t see something is wrong with her!!! Is there any way, your husband can fly out to Los Angeles and take his mother to a doctor himself? I know this is far fetched, just an idea.

I don''t know why, but I thought she always lived near you. You are lucky she doesn''t.

Love, Linda

 

[diamondfan]

NO bless G-d, she does not. I sort of feel she is the daughter''s issue more than ours, as I will likely have my mom to contend with.

I have no idea why my sister in law simply cannot accept the writing on the wall. It is scary I am sure, but still valid. She is driving my nieces and having them over, I only hope she has the brains not to drink then but she is still senile no matter what.

She has always been a total nightmare in terms of her attitude and behavior, and the aging issues with senility have not helped. She will battle you verbally over everything, and cannot understand that people are trying to help. It is not a G-d given right to be driving when you cannot be safe behind the wheel, but she will fight to the end over that. I could tell hubby to go out and deal with the doctor, but since we live thousands of miles away, my MIL and SIS have to accept what the doctor says and be willing to comply. Not sure they will, even if the doctor says so. They will just keep going til they find a doctor that says what they want to hear. For the most part, I wash my hands of it. BUT, she is coming out soon and hubby thinks it is fine to give her our third car, and let her drive in this area, and if I tell you she literally cannot go to a store 6 blocks from my house involving two turns without getting lost, even if I write the directions down for both ways. She does not show up for a couple of hours, hubby thinks she is shopping, and she finally admits to getting lost and ending up all over the place. Really scary.

 

[Linda W]

Oh no Caroline, your hubby should not be giving her the car.

I also feel sorry for you, having to put up with her, when she does come out. More stress

Linda

 

[diamondfan]

You are preaching to the choir. It is my neck too as she would be under our insurance and it frankly infuriates me that he thinks she is "FINE" to drive. She sucks behind the wheel, I would walk before getting in a car with her. I mean, it is seriously risky, but he thinks just because I dislike her I am picking on her. He says she drives at home and is fine, I say, no you just do not know about stuff, and she is the type to drive poorly, cause accidents behind her and be clueless about it. I have been told that okay, if I do not wish to give her the car, than I can be the one to drive her all over all day, and I simply cannot deal. I said, hire a car and driver for 5 hours a day, noon to 5, and let him take her. Period. I will pull all my hair out and what is left of his if he makes me spend one second more than I must in her company. UGGH. Denial is a peachy thing, isn''t it?

 

[Linda W]

Egad, MEN!!! They Do Not Listen!!! How long will she be staying with you this time??

Linda

 

[diamondfan]

Under one week thank G-d...

Blissfully have been without her since Thanksgiving!!!

 

[Kaleigh]

Well tis a bit quiet here thank goodness. Found out today, my Dad is heavily into this gold coin scam. I have to call them tomorrow and tell them to cease and desist. He''s got 40 pounds of them in FLA. Hubby went through the bills today, stacks and stacks of them. When I went over, he was so broken. I said look Dad no more of this stuff, I want to take over your finances, you have sucker writen all over you. It''s a shame how they take advantage of the elderly, he thought it was a good investment, but there are all these hidden costs, that of course they don''t tell you over the phone. So they will get a call from me tomorrow, and if need be will refer them to the lawyer. Lawyers don''t have much luck with these people. My BFF had her lawyer contact Publisher''s clearnighouse after they contacted her dad over and over. Such a shame. But will give it my best. POA is already in the works, and by next week or so, I will have full control of the finances.

This was a man, that was Vice President of a major Wall Street Investment firm, don''t know how he got so far off the track. Kills me to watch.

Mom was a spit fire, loved my LV Bag. Asked if it was from Talbots.

I didn''t want to get into it, but said no, it''s from a store in the mall. LOL.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 4/20/2008 3:35:42 PM
Author: diamondfan
NO bless G-d, she does not. I sort of feel she is the daughter''s issue more than ours, as I will likely have my mom to contend with.


I have no idea why my sister in law simply cannot accept the writing on the wall. It is scary I am sure, but still valid. She is driving my nieces and having them over, I only hope she has the brains not to drink then but she is still senile no matter what.


She has always been a total nightmare in terms of her attitude and behavior, and the aging issues with senility have not helped. She will battle you verbally over everything, and cannot understand that people are trying to help. It is not a G-d given right to be driving when you cannot be safe behind the wheel, but she will fight to the end over that. I could tell hubby to go out and deal with the doctor, but since we live thousands of miles away, my MIL and SIS have to accept what the doctor says and be willing to comply. Not sure they will, even if the doctor says so. They will just keep going til they find a doctor that says what they want to hear. For the most part, I wash my hands of it. BUT, she is coming out soon and hubby thinks it is fine to give her our third car, and let her drive in this area, and if I tell you she literally cannot go to a store 6 blocks from my house involving two turns without getting lost, even if I write the directions down for both ways. She does not show up for a couple of hours, hubby thinks she is shopping, and she finally admits to getting lost and ending up all over the place. Really scary.

I wouldn''t want to give her the car, either. What tough position.