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Can you forgive?

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
42,054
So I’m not really quick to forgive beyond a point. True remorse is important, but so is the extent of betrayal, and the general pattern of behaviour. But if I cut the person out of my life I usually don’t forgive them even if they ask. I just let it go
Yup that is where I am too. I need true remorse to forgive and maybe resume a friendship because we all make mistakes. That is a human condition. However, some things are not ever worth forgiving and of course without remorse I cannot even think about starting over with said person. Having said that most often just cutting the person out of our life is the healthiest thing we can do. And letting it go. For sure. So we can move forward with healthier relationships with people better deserving of my time. IMO.
 

Mekp

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 15, 2016
Messages
193
I think forgiveness is over rated. Sometimes anger is really healthy. I think too often people (particularly women) are shamed for feeling and verbalizing righteous anger, and instead told that forgiving is "healthier".
Anger is self protective, and that can be very healthy.
True forgiveness, I believe, neither means the behaviour is accepted nor that there are no consequences for the perpetrator. I think true forgiveness comes when the one who was aggrieved reestablishes their own safety and no longer needs their anger.
 

GliderPoss

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,677
I usually can forgive someone as long as they realize they did something wrong or hurt me; it would depend on the circumstances. I always give someone a second chance. Should that behavior or action continue it's less likely I will continue to forgive them or hang around with them anymore.
I am similar to @marcy I’m a trusting, forgiving person who likes to give the benefit of the doubt. Sure, it’s burnt me once or twice but overall I find holding a grudge only hurts me - not them! I’ve seen bitterness take over people’s lives from being unable to forgive and move on, even many years after the fact. I don’t want to be that way. I guess I subscribe to “the best revenge is living your own best life”...:Up_to_something:
 
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