Broken Engagement

[FireGoddess]

I am sorry to hear this Equ but I think that you are doing the right thing for now. He does need to help himself to a certain extent because all the helping you can and want to do won''t fix the issues for him.

I know this must be incredibly difficult and I hope things take a turn for the better, for both your sakes. *hugs*

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Thanks for the update Equ. It''s good to hear that you''re trying to look at the situation objectively. Therapy plus medication is the best combo for treating depression (situational or otherwise) so at least he''s headed in the right direction. It sounds like his self-esteem/depression issues need to be tackled before anything else...because depression leads to zero motivation so there''s no way he''d search for a new job or hand in a resignation because he probably feels it''s not worth it. Once he feels better about himself and his life, then he''ll plunge forward and make a career change...unless of course his mom encourages him to resign without anything else to fall back on...in which case it sounds like he''d be giving up.

I hope your talk goes well. When you first posted about this I thought you had talked this through and agreed to break off the engagement. Good luck and please let us know how you''re doing.

*Hugs*

~M

 

[So_happy]

I haven''t read through all of these posts......except for two from Equestrian herself.........but I really wanted to say that with depression comes the lack of ability to think clearly and make choices that one might normally be able to make. It''s a vicious circle if you will because the inability to make clear decisions can further compound an already difficult situation and in turn support deeper depression. Your fiance may very well need therapy and even medication to get him through the hardest part so he can see more clearly at the end.

I do not know you or your fiance, obviously, but at one time in my life I was clinically depressed and I did some of the same things you write your Firance is doing.......in retrospect that is NOT me and how I deal with life when I am ME and sane and my chemicals are balanced.

Is it possible to think of your fiance before this trouble happened and weigh how he made important decisions THEN rather than now? Because if you use the present situation, you may very well be seeing a troubled man trying to survive this difficult time in his life rather than a clear-headed, purposefull, reasonable person..........?

In any regard, your situation strikes me in a very personal way and I feel such empathy for you and your fiance during these times. I very much hope both of you make it through this and are stronger for it. And that your fiance gets the support (emotionally, clinically if needed, and physically if needed) that he seems to need.

 

[poptart]

I am so sorry to read this Equ! I read most of the posts as well as the two you put up and just wanted to offer my sympathy as well as my .02. Depression can really do a number on a person and causes them to not be able to function properly. My DH suffers from situational depression and I have some serious anxiety issues, and although both of our emotions have been VERY delicate this past year, never once did I or he consider walking away. And we have had a LOT of problems with his job as well. I''m sorry that the both of you are going through this, but the fact that he is going through therapy AND taking his meds is an extremely good sign. Depression doesn''t just go away, but you need to learn to live with and moderate it. I''m sorry this had to happen, but I guess if you think it is best for you then you have to do it. Just keep an open mind and realize that it takes a while for the counseling and meds to work well. I hope that you can still talk and be there for him though, because depression is a horrible thing to try and get through alone, since when you are suffering from it you feel like the most lonely person in the world anyway.

Best wishes!

*M*

 

[Christa]

Date: 12/18/2006 3:20:03 PM
Author: equestrienne
Seeing him handle job stress in this way makes me wonder what he will do when, in a few years down the road, he would be faced with challenges in parenting or maintaining a household.

This is exactly what I meant. I agree with those who are concerned about his mental and emotional well-being, but you have the right (and even the responsibility, if you plan to have children with this man) to make a decision about whether he would make a good husband, regardless of the unfortunate circumstances that may be causing this.

I''m definitely concerned, too, about his plan to quit his job before he has another one lined up. I don''t know how old he is, but that sounds like something that could be a maturity issue.

Be nice to yourself, Equestrienne! I''m impressed with how level-headed you sound even in the middle of this emotional upheaval.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Equ, I''m sorry that I have nothing to add here. Just wanted to chime in and wish you peace and comfort. Please take care of YOURSELF during this challenging time.

 

[TravelingGal]

Equestrienne, thanks for the update. I hope I didn''t sound too harsh in my previous post . I wanted to reaffirm what the others are saying about making the right decision for you based on what will be healthy. I do agree with Christa in her post above.

It''s hard for us to know if this is just a tough time, or if there are some really serious issues (and it sounds like there are). My cousin and her BF were engaged and broke it off. They have communication issues so I really thought they should have tried harder. She always said he had depression and negativity issues, but she has quite a bit of it herself so it was hard to gauge if she was not seeing if the problem was really her. Plus he always seemed so easy going.

She cut him out of her life, and a few months later, she got a note saying "please know that I tried." She called me to tell me, and we were both really annoyed. First, because he didn''t try, and secondly...what kind of thing was that to say after he totally messed things up? She decided to ignore him. A few days later he called to explain the note: he had tried to commit suicide and had been in the hospital. If it had succeeded (and the docs said it should have worked), then that would have been the last thing he ever said to her.

Of course I can''t explain the shock and deep pain she felt upon finding this out. She still loves him and wants to be there for him. He doesn''t have a lot of friends. I was less sympathetic...suicide is so horribly selfish, and I have a hard time understanding it. This guy was going to bring her down...and even IF he figured things out this go around...who is to say that in the future he wouldn''t try it again? And maybe that time they''d be married and have kids...disaster.

I like the guy, but there is a point where I draw the line. You''ll have to find where to draw yours.

Hugs to you.

 

[snlee]

Equestrienne, I just wanted to say I''m sorry you''re going through this. I admire your strength. I know it must be a very difficult thing to do.

 

[akw94]

Equestrienne,
I am so sorry! I''m sure this is a hard time for you. From your post though, it sounds like you are doing what you feel is best and that is all you can do. It has to be the right decision for YOU and it does sound like it is.
Take care of yourself! I hope the talk w/him goes as easily as possible.

 

[Pandora II]

I think you are doing exactly the right thing.

This is going to sound really harsh. Putting aside all the depression issues etc which I agree from first hand experience can have a major impact on behaviour...

I don''t see you describing an adult here. I see you describing a bit of a spoilt child. Your FI has sailed through college and been top of the class, a scholar and has been in a very protected, safe environment. He is now finding the reality of his first job very different. He isn''t top, it''s not safe. Some of it is stressful, some of it is boring.

It''s rare that you use all the things you learn at college in your first job. You get to do all the crap no one else wants to do. That is life. Maybe he needs to stop worrying about impressing his older colleagues and do more listening to what they can impress him with.

Leaving a job without another is foolhardy, and when you have a serious partner, I also consider it to be rather selfish. I think your FI needs to grow up and strikes me as someone very far from a person ready for marriage.

I used to find it impossible to realise that not every relationship I had was a marriage that needs working at, and that sometimes it is correct to walk away - for yourself and for them.

I have recently been in a somewhat similar scenario to yours. When I met BF he was in a well-paid job that he hated (his 3rd job since graduating). After 4 months he got a new job with a major global company. Shortly after starting the new position they started to restructure the company and gave him one 3 month timeline to know if he had a job or not after another. After nearly 2 years, he was told yes he had a job - but he has no real work to do.

We are both very active in politics and so we thought it would be great if he could get elected as a local politician so he had something to focus on and further his career that way. The elections were in May, I was elected, he just missed. He has been active in our Party since he was 14, I waltzed in 2 years ago and am now a Senior Manager for the Party and a local politician. I now work 40-50 hours a week with my day job and another 20-30 hours a week for political duties/meetings etc. He is still stuck with nothing to do and now I am hardly ever at home.

As you can imagine, it hasn''t done his self-esteem or mood (we are both from families with considerable mental health issue. He has serious depressive episodes and I am bipolar with almost permanent hypomania) any good at all. Yet he has been hugely supportive and proud of my achievements and has spent a lot of time applying for new jobs - unfortunately what he does is not that common and jobs don''t come up too often. Every job he applied for he got to the final two and then didn''t get it. He''s 32 which I think is a hard age for men. Finally this Sunday, he was offered a position he really wants with a great, and much smaller company that can''t afford to have a senior manager sitting idle!

I am so proud of him for his achievement, but even more for the way he has borne huge disappointment (elections are only every 5 years), boredom and feeling his life, his career and ambitions are all slipping away. I know that we can face anything the world can throw at us and neither one of us will crack.

I cannot say that about any of my previous BF''s and that is why I actually want to get married for the first time in my life.

My mother always said that before you get married it should be perfect, it should be easy, because afterwards it will only get harder when you add in kids etc. She and my father have been married 36 years with 4 kids and still think marriage is easy. BF and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and still haven''t had a serious argument despite all the stress we have lived under.

If you are not 150% certain about marrying your FI, then you are right to break it off. If it is meant to be then you will get back together, if not then you will both meet other "right" people when you are ready to meet them. My sister made the mistake of not leaving when things weren''t good before the wedding and 7 years on she''s still deeply unhappy.

Sorry this is a bit longer than planned ...

Hope this doesn''t seem overly critical, it seems that you have done a lot of heart searching to reach this point and it''s important that if you go ahead with the wedding it''s with your worries put to rest. It is much easier to walk away from a broken engagement and heal a broken heart than a marriage and possible broken home or lifetime of regret.

 

[Mannequin]

We had a discussion this evening that lasted nearly three hours (and half a box of tissue for me), and it seems like there was no progress. I know for sure that this wedding is off, and that he is not ready to get married or take on any other adult responsibilities at this time. It''s so disappointing to me to have to break this news of breaking my engagement during the Christmas holidays, when I know many people were looking forward to seeing us and celebrating our first engaged Christmas together. I feel like the happy engaged chunk of my heart withered and died inside me. I am basically mourning the loss of a fiance'' in going through this.

I know, though, that if we were to keep the wedding date and move forward with it, it would be like giving him a deadline of 07/28/07 to get his sh*t together and that does not seem realistic at all. This could take a long time, depending on how he manages himself, and while I love him and can see myself married to him someday, I can''t see myself married to him next summer. He has a lot more growing up to do first. It sounds like he does indeed want to quit his job, and that his mother and stepdad are encouraging this course of action. He says that they told him he could resign from the firm and come home to get his head cleared and start applying to different places. He knows that I don''t want him to do that, that I would prefer he stay and make do while applying for other things. I am not asking him to make a life career at this place, but only to stay there until he has something else ready to go. People just quit and walk away from places like McDonald''s, not legal firms. I don''t like that they seem to be enabling him like this one bit. I feel like I want to talk to his mother to give her my side of things, but I don''t know if I should even try or if I would be welcome to try talking to her. I will call her tomorrow about stopping by on my way to see my folks and go from there.

I have spoken to my parents and they are 100% behind me in my decision to break the engagement. There is less to lose now in deposits and things than if I waited, which is good for all of us, but my parents are much more concerned with my happiness and emotional well-being than the money that may be lost in planning. I was on the phone with my best friend tonight too, who would have been my maid of honor. We haven''t spoken much in the last few weeks, but she knows how frustrating this has been on me for a while. We will be getting together over the holiday break for some girl time together.

 

[Mannequin]

He also will not take back the ring. I tried to give it to him, telling him that one day when he''s ready he could ask me about marriage again, but he teared up and tucked it back in my jewelry chest. I can understand his grief about me not wearing this, as it is such a strong symbol of a relationship, but I cannot wear it. Not right now. I guess it stays in the box. Such a shame, it''s still one of the most gorgeous rings I''ve ever seen.

 

[RoseAngel04]

I''m sorry that your convo with your ex-FI didn''t go too well. I can only imagine how hard this may be with the upcoming holidays and all.

I have a friend who broke off her engagement over the weekend with her FI. He became physically abusive this weekend while being intoxicated and ended up in jail over it. I feel so horrible for her and the pain she is in. She says she''s lost her best friend, wedding, and life. She did the right thing for calling it off. He needs to seek professional help and she needs to move on along to bigger and better things. In the midst of learning all this weekends heartaches of my friend I can''t help but to be so very thankful for my FI.

I hope that with time your ex will get the help that he needs. Keep hanging in there!

 

[Trelala]

Not much to add here Equestrienne, but just know that my thoughts are with you. Hugs to you!!

 

[VRBeauty]

Equestrienne: I''m so sorry you''re going through this. Kudos to you for listening to those nagging doubts and acting on them even though we''re in the middle of the holidays. I''m not sure that I wouldn''t have given in to the temptation to put it off, or just ignore that little voice for a few weeks! I hope that strength, and the love of your family and friends, will help you through the coming weeks.

 

[flopkins]

best of luck in resolving the living situation and everything else.

 

[anchor31]

Thanks for the update, equ. I feel that if he still does everything his mom and dad tell him... he''s indeed not ready to marry and take responsibilities for his own family, his wife and future children. I''m very sorry to hear that, but you are doing what''s best for yourself. Big warm hugs to you.

 

[Mannequin]

I am at a loss as to what to do next right now. He tried to stay with me at our apartment last night, but I spent some of the night on the couch last night because I couldn''t bear to sleep near him when he was trying to cuddle me and tell me "I want to marry you someday". This morning when we got up, I told him how awkward it feels to be in the apartment with him. It''s almost as if the wedding was the only thing holding us there right now. He asked if I still love him and of course I do. He asked if I hate him and of course I do not, he is a good person. I told him that he is a good person with so many problems to work out that I don''t think it would be best to be a live in girlfriend right now. He knows how hard this has been on me and I''ve told him that I feel terrible for breaking this engagement. As much as I would hate to see him go, it just may be best for him to go home and get his head cleared. Unfortunately, a fresh start for him may involve leaving everything behind, including me. I think he is supposed to talk to his boss today. In the meantime, I am struggling to get through my last few days at school before the holiday break, knowing that I am not in for a very happy holiday this year and may need to find a new place to live soon.

For those of you who did this before (or know of someone who broke an engagement), what happened? How long did you stay on trying to make things work as boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you make a clean break and start fresh?

 

[Dee*Jay]

Equ, as I mentioned earlier, I broke off my first engagement 9 days before the wedding. We were living together in a condo that I owned. We didn''t separate immediately; he continued to live there for over a month and we kind of "limped along" in an effort to see if the relationship would work. In retrospect, it would have been much better to stop the living together situation at the time the engagment was broken. We could have always moved back in together if we had decided to go forward, but by continuing to cohabitat it just made it even worse when he did finally move out. It was like we had to break up twice, if that makes any sense.

 

[labbielove]

equ,
in answer to your question, i was engaged before years ago and we postponed the wedding 5-6 months prior to the date.
if you can learn from my mistakes, i offer this- we also "limped along" for a long long while.
it took us a year to go from "postponing" to officially "cancelling" at which time i gave his ring back.
we were then bf/gf for a long while- i mean, years.

i finally broke all ties one day shortly after my father died and although devastating and even physically painful (yes there were days i couldn''t even put on my socks) it was oddly liberating. while at times i shame myself for not moving forward sooner, i wouldn''t be the person i am today if that hadn''t happened to me. i guess my path was slower moving than most!

you are so brave to consider making a clean break if you know this is right for you.

looking back, i did not listen to my gut. I KNEW it wasn''t going to work, I didn''t listen to my intuition.

so if i can offer one thing, it is to take some quiet time, reflect, pray, just be quiet and listen- you have the answers inside you and nobody can tell you when/what/where is the right time, the right decision, etc.

hang in there,

 

[KimberlyH]

Equ,

I am so very sorry for your pain. I''m sure this is one of the most difficult choices you have ever had to make. I am so glad your parents are standing behind you.

I called off an engagement about 2 months before the wedding was to take place, but we did not live together. We only saw each other a few times after we called it off, to exchange stuff and once or twice he called to meet me for coffee. He wanted to get back together and in hindsight I should have never gone to see him.

There were many reasons I called it off, some I am not comfortable sharing, but the final straw was that he decided, the week I called it off, that he should get to quit work and return to school (which he had dropped out of more than once) and I would support us. He had no intention of getting a different job.

As bad and wrong as he was for me it was still so painful and sad, because of who I was and what I thought of myself at the time.

Can you go stay at your parents for a while? How long is the lease if there is one? Could one of you manage to stay in your house/apt. if the other left?

I know you aren''t giving up on the relationship but living together seems like it would be extremely uncomplicated and unneccessary, especially when it sounds like he needs to spend a lot of time working on himself and figuring out what it is he wants and where he is going.

My thoughts are with you. I understand how painful this is even though I wasn''t truly in love with the person I was to marry.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Date: 12/19/2006 9:54:19 AM
Author: equestrienne
For those of you who did this before (or know of someone who broke an engagement), what happened? How long did you stay on trying to make things work as boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you make a clean break and start fresh?

After my 1st engagement was broken, we tried to stay friends. There were 2 problems with this:

1) Every time we got together, we became more than friends and
2) If I tried to date someone else and he found out about it, he became insanely jealous.

After about 6 months of this back and forth nonsense, we went our separate ways. It was the healthiest thing "I" could''ve done because it allowed me to get my life back on track (I became consumed with him and all his health problems) and focus for once on my needs and wants. about 6 months later, I met my husband and we''ve been married for almost 12 years.

Do what feels right for you. You''ve come this far to recognize this relationship isn''t healthy for you, go with that and stay with your gut. It''s telling you something...

 

[firebirdgold]

I''ve had two broken engagements although neither of them had ever gotten to the point of any real planning. (my heart really wasn''t in either of them) If you break an engagement the relationship is over. (there are some rare exceptions that make the rule of course). But basically the relationship is dead and there''s no going back. You need to make a clean break, it''s the healthiest thing for both of you.

He really does sound more immature and screwed up than anything else. Also a number of people go through law school and then discover they really hate being lawyers. it''s pretty common. Whatever it is it doesn''t sound like he''s the right guy at the right time for you.
When you find the right guy going through a tough time together is still vastly more wonderful than going through a good time by yourself!


OT: I just wanted to say for the record that commiting sucide or attempting to do so is not selfish. (again there are exceptions). The thing is that when you''re truly depressed you honestly believe that the entire world including your loved ones would be better off for your absence. There''s only two reasons I''m still alive 1) The belief in a God who knows all the bad and good in me and still loves me unconditionally, 2) being told a story about a woman who committed suicide and destroyed her family, they never recovered from her loss. I realized that even though I knew my family would be better off without me that they might not feel that way and would be really hurt by my death. I figured I wasn''t important/worth enough to cause them that kind of pain. But without that story it probably wouldn''t have occurred to me and I''d be dead.

 

[Hopes]

For a lover of academics, there are other options besides being a lawyer, like teaching or research. However, those big life-decisions should absolutely be made with maturity and definitely not made frivolously while looking forward to a future with someone. First jobs are often extremely stressful, but that stress is also amazing work experience, great for learning how to negotiate the work life, getting along with coworkers, acquiring teamwork skills, and adapting to change. Looking back on my first job experiences I am very grateful for them. However, I absolutely agree with the fact that one should hold down a job while looking for another, because it just looks that much better to an interviewer when you have a job already and looking for new opportunities.

I definitely agree with others' sentiments in this thread, equestrienne. You need a new place, as soon as you can possibly get it, and you need to communicate with him exactly why you are taking the steps that you are. Your own words, too, are exactly right: "he has a lot more growing up to do first" before you marry him. Let him do that, but do it without dragging you down. If you marry him you would be "growing older together," but it sounds like you two are not in the same place at all, and therefore would only grow apart. From personal experience, sometimes time spent away from the one you love can help a person grow tremendously, and gain a clarity about love and life in a way that rapidly matures someone.

Good luck equestrienne, and I hope your holidays will still be good. Spend them with family and friends, and forget about the worries of the relationship for a while.

 

[FacetFire]

I am just so sorry that you are going through all of this right now. I wish that I had any good words of advice, but I''m at a loss. I think you have a really good approach to things, though. I have to agree with you about him quitting his job at the firm. Other firms/legal jobs are always looking for laterals from other places, but it gets a lot harder to get another legal job if you don''t currently have one. At some point though, you have to let him make his decisions, for his own good and for yours. Hang in there, you never know what the future may hold.

 

[ladykemma]

when my hubby was actively suffering from depression he said it felt like walking in molasses. it took super human effort to get up and wash the dishes. it took about a year to get him functioning. he was sick.

edited to add: i think you are doing the right thing. sometimes they need a swift kick. (edited to add: need a swift kick to get up and go to the doctor, therapist, support group, or work. or to grow up and face his issues)

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/19/2006 12:54:53 PM
Author: IndieJones


OT: I just wanted to say for the record that commiting sucide or attempting to do so is not selfish. (again there are exceptions). The thing is that when you''re truly depressed you honestly believe that the entire world including your loved ones would be better off for your absence. There''s only two reasons I''m still alive 1) The belief in a God who knows all the bad and good in me and still loves me unconditionally, 2) being told a story about a woman who committed suicide and destroyed her family, they never recovered from her loss. I realized that even though I knew my family would be better off without me that they might not feel that way and would be really hurt by my death. I figured I wasn''t important/worth enough to cause them that kind of pain. But without that story it probably wouldn''t have occurred to me and I''d be dead.

Indie, it seems like you''ve had it rough, and I''m sorry to hear it. I''m happy to hear though, that it seems like you have forged on and are doing everything you can to be healthy.

Your point number two is why I believe that suicide IS selfish. Your loved ones are destroyed by guilt and so many unanswered questions. One guy I dated still became very depressed on the anniversary of his father''s suicide (it had been many years). The father never even left a note.

But my aforementioned cousin (who has also contemplated suicide but could not due to the reason you mentioned) tells me that someone like me could never understand, and I fully agree. I''m just not prone to that kind of depression. She says that to get to the point of commiting suicide, you are apathetic to life and in the end don''t want to live anymore. You''re really not thinking much about those who love you because you''re feeling pretty unloved anyway.

 

[KristyDarling]

Equ -- I''m so sorry you''re going through this. I have no advice to offer since everyone else has had such great things to say, so just lots of HUGS to you. Please keep us posted.

 

[codex57]

I've thought about it for a couple of days now. There's a couple of paths for him to go.

1) Quit the job. Turn his back on law and find an entirely different profession.

There's a few reasons why I listed this first. The comment about "not being able to handle the responsibility of the position" bothers me a lot. EVERY law job is going to have that burden of responsibility. It's why we're paid for what we do and why we get malpractice insurance. If he can't handle this basic aspect of the practice of law, he may not be cut out to be a lawyer (or many other professions).

A lot of this seems to go back to him being pretty sheltered. I was pretty sheltered, and I can recognize the danger in being sheltered. I also realize it might take him quite a while to grow up.

2) Stick with the job while finding another one.

This is the proper way to go about it. Quitting and sticking your head in the sand isn't going to help him any. Talking to his parents aren't either (extends the sheltered thing that's a big part of his problem). Supportive parents are great. However, one of the best things that happened to me was moving away for law school and spreading my wings and learning to do things on my own. Your reasons for sticking with the job are right on and critical to be a successful lawyer. He needs to get away from the comfort zone of his parents.

The other thing I'd like to add is that it's important for him to talk more. That's what lawyers do. We talk. A lot! Being social and picking up tips (whether freely given or not) from others is a vital part to becoming a successful lawyer. He needs to get his butt out of the house and out of his little office and start talking to people. Who cares if he doesn't have that much in common with the other attorneys. FAKE IT until he's out of there. And what about all his former law school classmates? He needs to reconnect with them and start hanging out with them. Not only do you learn basic social skills, you hear things from them (such as new job openings). I'm relatively shy as well, but I forced myself to talk and socialize much more than I prefer b/c it's a pretty vital component to flourish.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Equ,

Girl, I just read this, as I''m not on the forums much these days. I want you to know that I''m praying for you and that I trust that things will work out as they should. I''ve found that it''s incredibly easy in engagement to take *every* little thing and make it into a question of whether or not *life will always be this way with this man.* Oh, I know. Especially here in the last month of our engagement, I find myself, I think due to stress and such a life change, wondering about the little things that add up over time, too.

That being said, there is a difference in wondering if you''ll ever have a tidy house again and in wondering if your emotional state will ever be stable. I think what you''re doing in taking things slow, and continuing to communicate is positive.

I was previously engaged, and it was absolutely the hardest decision I ever made to break it off, even when I knew for months PRIOR to getting engaged that it wasn''t the best thing for either of us. How long a person takes to *recover* from a relationship''s loss depends on the person, though. And you still don''t know that this is the *end.* It''s too soon to tell these things, and other people''s experiences won''t really indicate what amount of time you''ll need. Living together in this process has GOT to be difficult, and I think if you were to decide to stay, and he as well, it''d send him mixed signals, and further confuse your emotions right now. Things can work out, and I hope that you don''t let go of someone who you without question love, too quickly. Our society, I believe, tends to let go of what could be a fabulous relationship when the times aren''t perfect. Dealing with a person who has mental health concerns is indeed a BIG committment. I work with them every day, and my sister-in-law lives with one in her home every day. They struggle. There are wonderful times, and there are horrible, heart-wrenching times. She''s opted to stick it out, knowing that his illness doesn''t effect his love for her, only his ability to express it appropriately all the time. He does seek the help he needs, now. In the beginning, he did not. I used to pray she''d leave, so she''d not be trapped in misery. All I can say is mental health issues fluctuate throughout a person''s life, and honestly, most people have a little more going on within them once you *really* know them than you''d think.

Long jabbery fest comes to a close here: I will be thinking of you, girl, and I pray that you take the time to think through things, communicate, weigh all things, and go where your heart leads you. Love is rough. Love is wonderful. Love is friendship, for life. At the same time, you need to attend to your needs, too. Thoughts, prayers and hugs, hugs, hugs to you!!