Being a lawyer and a mother

[Amys Bling]

I have to say I wish you the best- I don't envy the tough decisions you have ahead of you. Please seek support from family and friends I you feel
Comfortable enough to do so...

 

[MissStepcut]

I am not a mother and I am not a lawyer, but I did grow up with a nanny for the first 10 years of my life, both my parents worked, they needed the money, and also for Brasilians it is not uncommon to have help with raising children.

Anyway, I love my mother dearly - never felt she was away from me or wasnt there for me or didn't see me enough. In fact she is a wonderful mother and I can count on her for anything. I also loved my nanny dearly, so in a way I had two moms, and I loved it. I felt really priviledged to have two mother figures that loved me so much. Nanny left when I was 10 years old as we moved to a different country and my mother couldn't work there due to visa requirements.

I do think you need to think hard about whether or not you really want this child. I think you have a great career ahead of you, and you have appeared super excited about it. Only you know, but you are young, and can have a child later in life when you are more settled and able to give more of your time to it. It just sounds like a very tumultuous time in your life for you and your partner to have a child.

I know you mentioned somewhere that he bought you a diamond and then held off on proposing. Does this have anything to do with trying to get him to commit? Because if so this is really not the way to go, it seems you will have all the burden on you with this child after giving birth and you will eventually regret this decsion, which I doubt is something any mother wants to do.

I am just trying to help, please don't think I am judging you or anything like that.

First, I have thought a lot about if I want the child, and termination has already been brought up. I will just say that it isn't on the table as an option and I will thank everyone for not second-guessing me on that.

Second, I am not doing anything to try to force SO to commit. I can understand why one might wonder, but I am not tackling all these big, scary problems just to gain a ring and a man.

 

[Aoife]

You know, Miss Stepcut, you have always struck me as a supremely intelligent and competent young woman. You've received a lot of very thought-provoking advice on this thread, even if some of it may seem, on the surface, as discouraging or even judgmental. Lots here to sort through and consider. I'm not a lawyer, although we have lawyers in the immediate family, but I am the mother of two daughters who are just about your age, and over the years that we were raising our daughters we saw many variations of SAHM's, high-powered career households, and career oriented working moms. We have friends of both sexes who regret the time they spent on their careers and away from their children, and we have friends who regret what they see as the derailment of their careers to stay at home as the primary care-giver. We also know many people who feel that, whatever their choices were, that they did exactly the right thing for their family and their personal goals. I'm confident that you and your SO will fall in the latter camp.

As others have said, the only decision you are making now that is set in stone is the decision to have a baby (Congratulations!). For everything else, if the choices that you make aren't working for you, you can always change course. You are going to be be just fine! Good luck.