At what point does the giving party get a say?

[Niel]

I would take a Megatron one in a hot minute if that meant I could marry Calvin!!

 

[msop04]

One of my best friends from HS just got engaged. Her boyfriend asked my advice on a diamond and I gave him some ideas. She and her BF have been living together about 7 months and while they never went ring shopping together she dropped hints to what she liked and showed him some pictures. She wanted a very classic 1 ct MRB solitaire with tapered cathedral shoulders. Easy right?! Her BF pretty much said thanks for my help but he knew exactly what she would love. She ended up getting a D, SI2 with black carbon spots .75ct princess in a halo with a pink surprise stone!!! She said she cried after he proposed for hours after he left because she just hated it. I know this is an extreme case but it is on my nerves as the last month we have been trying to figure out what to do with this ring that she really hates. While I do like her FI a part of me just wants to say, “this is really not a good sign for starting off a marriage…”


And on that note....vent over!

What are you thinking for options for her, SB?

I'm not sure. He got it from a local place in NH. I'm going to fly up next month to do some wedding stuff with her and she wants me to come with her to the jeweler to talk to them. I told her she should call them now and let them know she is unhappy and wants to see what her options are. I guess we will see. I'm trying not to bring it up as I think she is very sensative about it right now. She is so happy to be engaged but at the same time really down about the ring. What a kick in the pants right?!

She's lucky to have a friend with such great taste in jewelry to help her out!! Let us know what happens!!

 

[MustangGal]

I saw this first hand with both my younger sisters getting engaged this year.

Sister #1's SO contacted me directly to ask for help. He knew from conversations with her that I'm jewelry obsessed and a good shopper. He asked for for input, I gave him options/links/ideas, and he was able to choose a ring that he liked and knew she would too. She loved it.

Sister #2 told her SO 3 things; don't spend too much, oval gemstone in a halo, email my sister. He took the first line and ignored the others. Bought her a maul ring with 4 little princess cuts squished together in the center. She didn't like it, but didn't want to straight tell him to take it back, and instead they compromised with replacing the little princesses with a moissanite.

Just from how both those men operate I see relationship #1 lasting much longer than relationship #2. I actually wonder if #2 will even make it to the wedding, 18 months from now.

To me the whole purpose of a gift is to please the receiver, not yourself.

 

[nowicanseethemoon]

[ The old saying is "one does not look gift horse in the mouth"

That horse would be going straight to the glue factory.

My favorite comment EVER!

 

[kb1gra]

Honestly the part that really gets me are the guys (my friends, posters on ps, whoever) that are SO SURE of what their SO wants they pick out everything, so extremely proud of themselves for just KNOWING what she wants, then later on they come back on PS trying to figure out what to do because their GF hates the ring. I swear I should have a permanent red mark on my forehead from all the smacks I have given myself.

One of my best friends from HS just got engaged. Her boyfriend asked my advice on a diamond and I gave him some ideas. She and her BF have been living together about 7 months and while they never went ring shopping together she dropped hints to what she liked and showed him some pictures. She wanted a very classic 1 ct MRB solitaire with tapered cathedral shoulders. Easy right?! Her BF pretty much said thanks for my help but he knew exactly what she would love. She ended up getting a D, SI2 with black carbon spots .75ct princess in a halo with a pink surprise stone!!! She said she cried after he proposed for hours after he left because she just hated it. I know this is an extreme case but it is on my nerves as the last month we have been trying to figure out what to do with this ring that she really hates. While I do like her FI a part of me just wants to say, “this is really not a good sign for starting off a marriage…”


And on that note....vent over!

+1!!!!!!!!!! I feel like you should work with your fiancee on what kind of ring to get. SHE is going to be the one who is wearing it, after all!!!! If you want her to be surprised, have a family member or friend snoop about what she would like. Ugh. I feel SO bad for your friend! I don't even know if I could have feigned happiness during the proposal...

What are you thinking for options for her, SB?

I'm not sure. He got it from a local place in NH. I'm going to fly up next month to do some wedding stuff with her and she wants me to come with her to the jeweler to talk to them. I told her she should call them now and let them know she is unhappy and wants to see what her options are. I guess we will see. I'm trying not to bring it up as I think she is very sensative about it right now. She is so happy to be engaged but at the same time really down about the ring. What a kick in the pants right?!

It really is a weird feeling, and I don't hate my e-ring, I am just not stunned by it. I imagine hating it, especially if you were surprised by it, is really hard. BUT she should call the jeweler and advise them of the situation. I know she can't stop wearing the ring but it will also help her case if the ring is undamaged.

But I chose my ring, sort of, so no real points for me. I am coveting a certain piece on DBL that may be bought with my christmas bonus to assuage my halo need.

 

[AprilBaby]

I have a relative who is older than me who wanted a Mickey Mouse face engagement ring over 15 years ago and it's still what she wears. (RB center and two smaller RBs as ears.) Now, I would not want that.

like this?

I want mine bezeled in yg

Seriously, yo! I would wear it!

 

[soxfan]

Honestly the part that really gets me are the guys (my friends, posters on ps, whoever) that are SO SURE of what their SO wants they pick out everything, so extremely proud of themselves for just KNOWING what she wants, then later on they come back on PS trying to figure out what to do because their GF hates the ring. I swear I should have a permanent red mark on my forehead from all the smacks I have given myself.

One of my best friends from HS just got engaged. Her boyfriend asked my advice on a diamond and I gave him some ideas. She and her BF have been living together about 7 months and while they never went ring shopping together she dropped hints to what she liked and showed him some pictures. She wanted a very classic 1 ct MRB solitaire with tapered cathedral shoulders. Easy right?! Her BF pretty much said thanks for my help but he knew exactly what she would love. She ended up getting a D, SI2 with black carbon spots .75ct princess in a halo with a pink surprise stone!!! She said she cried after he proposed for hours after he left because she just hated it. I know this is an extreme case but it is on my nerves as the last month we have been trying to figure out what to do with this ring that she really hates. While I do like her FI a part of me just wants to say, “this is really not a good sign for starting off a marriage…”


And on that note....vent over!

+1!!!!!!!!!! I feel like you should work with your fiancee on what kind of ring to get. SHE is going to be the one who is wearing it, after all!!!! If you want her to be surprised, have a family member or friend snoop about what she would like. Ugh. I feel SO bad for your friend! I don't even know if I could have feigned happiness during the proposal...

What are you thinking for options for her, SB?

I'm not sure. He got it from a local place in NH. I'm going to fly up next month to do some wedding stuff with her and she wants me to come with her to the jeweler to talk to them. I told her she should call them now and let them know she is unhappy and wants to see what her options are. I guess we will see. I'm trying not to bring it up as I think she is very sensative about it right now. She is so happy to be engaged but at the same time really down about the ring. What a kick in the pants right?!

GOOD! I am glad you are going with her. I'll be waiting to hear an update!

 

[packrat]

I finally have my forever ring/set and could not possibly be happier. It took a few years and um...a lot of anxiety and stomach issues and some wasted money, to get here, but we're here and that's all we care about. (well, he probably is irritated by the wasted money but I've got avc's so I couldn't care less ha!)

JD has just a plain wg band. I hate it. I bought it for him yeah, but I hate it. I'm all for plain, but this is like the Serengeti of plain. During my PS time I've been subtly trying to manipulate him to something more interesting. He has figured out he likes tungsten. So great, I'll look for cool tungsten bands...ones that *I* like, and show them to him to choose from, like those are the only ones available. Bingo.

However, when my brother wanted to get a ring for his girlfriend, I asked what she liked, he said "um, I dunno, she'll love whatever I get her, and *I* want to do it myself b/c that's how it's done." ugh. whatever. So I emailed her-and what she wanted was nothing like what he planned on getting her. I couldn't get him to let me do PS quality, but he did take me along to pick something out for her, based on what she told me she liked. But, I made sure it was something he liked also, and it was w/in the budget he allowed. So, he did get a say, but it was a manipulated say, b/c *her* say would be the most important.

We do it the same way w/his "man room" in the basement. He can have it however he wants, so long as *I* like it...so I make a huge deal about what I like so that he likes it too. This is how we got the kids to be into Looney Tunes and Smurfs/Ducktales so that we didn't have to watch the lame cartoons they have nowadays. Selected manipulation.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I buy what I like...she can take it or leave it!

So if you told the wife you wanted a rolex and she bought you a timex you would be thrilled!

No, but I can tell you this much....women have yet to thrown any jewelry back at my face!...

 

[msop04]

Selected manipulation.

...is the name of the game.

 

[badatthis]

Love the thought put into this thread.

Must say I think this entirely depends on the SO. My lovely, caring, manly man SO, who cares very much about me being happy, is the first to admit that I should be the one picking out the design, style and stone (as long as it fits our "agreed" on budget... sort of.. ) And appreciates me putting in the effort to help him find something were both very happy with. He's contributed some input and opinion when we were just browsing and agree that his tastes lean towards rings resembling plumbing fittings.

On the other hand, my dear friend has a lovely SO, who really wants to be a part of the process and has slightly varying tastes from hers. Her attitude is, it's the first big compromise in a relationship that will often involve compromise, and it's best to start off on a positive note where they can work together and both be happy!

Great experiences through the whole process for both of us. I think this is farrrr to personal to be a generalized question, and really depends on the couple involved.

 

[msop04]

Love the thought put into this thread.

Must say I think this entirely depends on the SO. My lovely, caring, manly man SO, who cares very much about me being happy, is the first to admit that I should be the one picking out the design, style and stone (as long as it fits our "agreed" on budget... sort of.. ) And appreciates me putting in the effort to help him find something were both very happy with. He's contributed some input and opinion when we were just browsing and agree that his tastes lean towards rings resembling plumbing fittings.
^^^^ I have never heard anyone describe rings this way -- cracked me up!! ^^^^

On the other hand, my dear friend has a lovely SO, who really wants to be a part of the process and has slightly varying tastes from hers. Her attitude is, it's the first big compromise in a relationship that will often involve compromise, and it's best to start off on a positive note where they can work together and both be happy!

Great experiences through the whole process for both of us. I think this is farrrr to personal to be a generalized question, and really depends on the couple involved.

As long as both parties are happy, it's allllll good!! I think what most were referring to are the scenarios where the SO is less than thrilled with her ering because the dude got her what he wanted and discarded her feelings on the matter (and by "less than thrilled," I mean she disliked it. A lot.)... Regarding your friend and compromising, that is great since they were both on the same page and happy with their decision.

 

[msop04]

I would take a Megatron one in a hot minute if that meant I could marry Calvin!!

I hear that!!!