Are you spoiled by your SO?

[neatfreak]

Spoiled has such a negative connotation for me...but I DO think that I am well cared for!

 

[grapegravity]

yes... actually, everyone around me spoils me (even at work)

 

[pennquaker09]

I suppose it depends on what one defines as spoiled. Mine works some pretty long hours and I just don''t expect him to do much. I think it goes both ways, we don''t spoil each other, but we do nice things for each other.

 

[April20]

Date: 2/21/2009 10:09:21 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I don''t believe in spoiling. Whether it be him spoiling me, me spoiling him or either of us spoiling the kid. JMHO, but spoiling makes people lazy.

Plus I wouldn''t ever want either of us to be in a position to not know what to do should something happen to the other. That''s seems sad to me.

This isn''t to be confused with treating someone with love, affection, and respect.

I find that when people are spoiled, they love and and think their man is the best because of the way that HE treats HER. What happens when that stops? A lot of women equate that kind of treatment with love and think when it stops, the love must have dwindled as well.

Perhaps "spoiled" isn''t the right word for what I''m talking about. My husband grew up watching his father treat his mother with the utmost love and respect and doing little things for her every day. They''ve been married 40 years and he''s never stopped treating her this way. My husband''s goal was to treat his wife the same way he saw his father treat his mother. I certainly don''t confuse the "spoiling" with love and affection. The things he does for me are little things and I don''t equate them with making me lazy.

I suppose there are ones that are really and truly spoiled and unaware of what it takes to do things on their own. They may be lost if something happened to their spouse. I''m pretty much polar opposite of that. I lived on my own for about ten years before we married and have moved (and settled myself) in two major cities where I knew either no one or very few people. That last thing I''m worried about is not knowing what to do if something happened to my husband. I''ve got the independent thing nailed should I be thrust back onto that stage. Being single and independent rocked and I loved it, but I love being married too and enjoy everything that comes with it.

 

[deegee]

My husband is the most loving, caring, thoughtful, wonderful, kind person I have ever met. I pale in comparison. We have been married for 14 years and together for 16, and I adore him more and more every single day. Not just the way he treats me, but the way he treats my family, his family, co-workers, friends, strangers, etc. It's not that he buys me things, or takes care of everything and me do nothing. It's that he sends me sweet text messages during the day, or that he stops by our favorite deli to get a cookie for me on the way home from work. One rainy day he picked me up from work, and pulled as close to the building under the awning as he could so I wouldn't get too wet. I think those things are so sweet.

 

[oneandahalfrock]

no. I''m the bread winner and wear the pants in the relationship. i hate it...

sorry- it feels better to vent though!

 

[Phoenix]

Well, only to a certain extent. DH buys me diamonds and lets me buy diamonds - within reasons - but he doesn't run around doing those little things for me. He used to cook for me but doesn't do so as much any more, because he's very busy at work and currently, we're living in different countries and see each other only every 2 weeks or so. Generally, he cooks breakfast at the weekend when we're together because he's a better cook, but I tend to cook dinner for him when I have time.

April, I wouldn't say you're spoilt. I think yr hubby is showering you affection and that's really great.

I do know someone (not a friend) who's really spoilt rotten. Her husband works and she doesn't. He makes tons of money and she makes a point of letting everyone know that! They have a full-time helper (as do we) but she (this person) does absolutely nothing all day, except shop, shop, shop and have lunch with her girlfriends all day long. He doesn't respect her and you can tell. He gives her an " allowance" (albeit a generous one) to spend just on herself . You can tell from the way they talk, both separately and when they're together, that he doesn't think she's capable of making any serious decisions, which is not altogether untrue. She has little education (didn't finish high school) and no work qualification to speak of (not that I think that having little education means she's inferior. I know many people with little formal education and they're *great* people. It's just that this person has no desire to go back to school or work so that she could better herself and be independent - just in case. She just loves shopping). I'd hate to think what would happen if he ever abandoned her. Luckily, I think he does dote on her.

 

[trillionaire]

I am well loved. I am better at doing the little things, but he clearly and consistently communicates his love and affection through words and actions. However, he is definitely the more spoiled of the two of us. If I made his salary, he would be spoiled rotten! He would utterly worthless.

 

[Bliss]

This thread makes me feel all warm inside.

FI does spoil me in thoughtful and caring ways. He makes sure I have coffee when I open my eyes in the morning. He brings me a single red rose each week -- even in the rain, snow or sleet. So I always have a red rose to wake up to that reminds me of how much he loves me romantically. In the deep caring ways, he does things great and small to make me feel safe, cared for and cherished. He is truly God's greatest blessing to me. In turn, I try to spoil him as much as possible. I also cook him delicious meals and am very affectionate.

 

[Dancing Fire]

stop lying girls!! of course you are spoiled. look at all them jewlery you guys own.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/22/2009 1:22:54 AM
Author: Phoenix
Well, only to a certain extent. DH buys me diamonds and lets me buy diamonds - within reasons - but he doesn''t run around doing those little things for me. He used to cook for me but doesn''t do so as much any more, because he''s very busy at work and currently, we''re living in different countries and see each other only every 2 weeks or so. Generally, he cooks breakfast at the weekend when we''re together because he''s a better cook, but I tend to cook dinner for him when I have time.

April, I wouldn''t say you''re spoilt. I think yr hubby is showering you affection and that''s really great.

I do know someone (not a friend) who''s really spoilt rotten. Her husband works and she doesn''t. He makes tons of money and she makes a point of letting everyone know that! They have a full-time helper (as do we) but she (this person) does absolutely nothing all day, except shop, shop, shop and have lunch with her girlfriends all day long. He doesn''t respect her and you can tell. He gives her an '' allowance'' (albeit a generous one) to spend just on herself . You can tell from the way they talk, both separately and when they''re together, that he doesn''t think she''s capable of making any serious decisions, which is not altogether untrue. She has little education (didn''t finish high school) and no work qualification to speak of (not that I think that having little education means she''s inferior. I know many people with little formal education and they''re *great* people. It''s just that this person has no desire to go back to school or work so that she could better herself and be independent - just in case. She just loves shopping). I''d hate to think what would happen if he ever abandoned her. Luckily, I think he does dote on her.

i wouldn''t either if i married a rich woman.

 

[AdiS]

Well, yes I am. Terribly spoiled actually. And so is he. I think that happens inevitably in a relationship where both partners are madly in love with each other and try to express that in every possible way.

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/21/2009 7:29:34 PM
Author: Addy
No, not spolit. We do things for each other, but no more than I would expect in a relationship. We both do our share, are better at some things than others, and pick up the slack if the other needs a break. I''m more loved and respected than spoilt.

I agree. I don''t think that I''m spoilt but I definitely feel loved.

 

[Lorelei]

Yes I am spoiled!

 

[zoebartlett]

I don''t think I''m really spoiled in terms of material things but my husband is much more romantic than me. I''m not really the mushy type.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/22/2009 12:50:36 AM
Author: deegee
My husband is the most loving, caring, thoughtful, wonderful, kind person I have ever met. I pale in comparison. We have been married for 14 years and together for 16, and I adore him more and more every single day. Not just the way he treats me, but the way he treats my family, his family, co-workers, friends, strangers, etc. It''s not that he buys me things, or takes care of everything and me do nothing. It''s that he sends me sweet text messages during the day, or that he stops by our favorite deli to get a cookie for me on the way home from work. One rainy day he picked me up from work, and pulled as close to the building under the awning as he could so I wouldn''t get too wet. I think those things are so sweet.

This is what I meant by spoiled. John is exactly like your husband, just... amazing. Even the grumpy and stubborn are just right, they keep him independent and true to himself. He does so many thoughtful things and even right now... I can''t seem to sleep and I''m in bed with the laptop and him snoring away... and he just reached and put his hand on my waist and gave it a squeeze, his breathing changed... just enough so I know he woke a little... then changed back. I have insomnia, and this is something he does at least once everytime I am up late and he knows it. Sometimes he''ll even... I don''t know how to say it, pat me in a way that''s questioning, like "is everything okay?" and his breathing changes even more, and it won''t go back until I pat him back and whisper, "I''m okay, go back to sleep." What I mean is... being a thoughtful considerate loving mate to his is bone deep in him and as natural as breathing, or sleeping. That''s something I KNOW not everyone has, and I KNOW it''s amazing and special.

And it doesn''t make me lazy. It makes me work harder, because I''m not that way. Oh I''m thoughtful and considerate enough, but I work at it. So yes, I''m spoiled. And I know it, appreciate it, and have appreciated it for the last 10 years.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 2/21/2009 6:52:38 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
We love and respect each other...and I am spoiled in many ways...but so is he.

Ditto, I think the best term for us is we look after each other

 

[babysteps]

Nope. DH would have to be possessed by pod people to start delivering foot rubs, lattes, etc. I do feel very cherished, though. And I will always remember him telling me how beautiful I was when I was about 6 feet in diameter in my 10th month of a twin pregnancy. He''s a keeper.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 2/22/2009 3:06:02 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
stop lying girls!! of course you are spoiled. look at all them jewlery you guys own.

I buy a lot of mine myself DF! A girl''s gotta treat herself sometimes too!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 2/22/2009 9:43:57 AM
Author: babysteps
Nope. DH would have to be possessed by pod people to start delivering foot rubs, lattes, etc. I do feel very cherished, though. And I will always remember him telling me how beautiful I was when I was about 6 feet in diameter in my 10th month of a twin pregnancy. He's a keeper.

I hear you.

And DF, if it weren't for me, I wouldn't have what I have.

 

[April20]

Date: 2/22/2009 8:29:44 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 2/22/2009 12:50:36 AM
Author: deegee
My husband is the most loving, caring, thoughtful, wonderful, kind person I have ever met. I pale in comparison. We have been married for 14 years and together for 16, and I adore him more and more every single day. Not just the way he treats me, but the way he treats my family, his family, co-workers, friends, strangers, etc. It''s not that he buys me things, or takes care of everything and me do nothing. It''s that he sends me sweet text messages during the day, or that he stops by our favorite deli to get a cookie for me on the way home from work. One rainy day he picked me up from work, and pulled as close to the building under the awning as he could so I wouldn''t get too wet. I think those things are so sweet.

This is what I meant by spoiled. John is exactly like your husband, just... amazing. Even the grumpy and stubborn are just right, they keep him independent and true to himself. He does so many thoughtful things and even right now... I can''t seem to sleep and I''m in bed with the laptop and him snoring away... and he just reached and put his hand on my waist and gave it a squeeze, his breathing changed... just enough so I know he woke a little... then changed back. I have insomnia, and this is something he does at least once everytime I am up late and he knows it. Sometimes he''ll even... I don''t know how to say it, pat me in a way that''s questioning, like ''is everything okay?'' and his breathing changes even more, and it won''t go back until I pat him back and whisper, ''I''m okay, go back to sleep.'' What I mean is... being a thoughtful considerate loving mate to his is bone deep in him and as natural as breathing, or sleeping. That''s something I KNOW not everyone has, and I KNOW it''s amazing and special.

And it doesn''t make me lazy. It makes me work harder, because I''m not that way. Oh I''m thoughtful and considerate enough, but I work at it. So yes, I''m spoiled. And I know it, appreciate it, and have appreciated it for the last 10 years.

I think it makes me work harder too as I want to treat him as he treats me.

I was watching him last night. We met up with a bunch of friends at the local pub- our friend''s band was playing. His wife is a good friend of mine and was in the audience. My husband told her the since her husband was playing and couldn''t make sure that her drink was filled, she had a chair, etc, he was going to look after her too. He does things like that. It''s amazing to watch how he treats everyone and it makes me love, appreciate and respect him more.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 2/21/2009 11:29:00 PM
Author: pennquaker09
I suppose it depends on what one defines as spoiled. Mine works some pretty long hours and I just don''t expect him to do much. I think it goes both ways, we don''t spoil each other, but we do nice things for each other.

Ditto to that Penn. My hubby works 12+ hours/day and I am at home with our son, so I don''t expect him to do anything else. If he does, it is a bonus. We do nice things for each other all the time though. I think it is a different dynamic when one stays home. Cooking/cleaning/taking care of our child & home is my job now and a job I chose to take. When I was working, he did help out more, but now that I''m home I just take care of everything.

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/21/2009 4:56:13 PM
Author: Haven
We don''t spoil each other, but we do take care of each other in ways that we know the other appreciates and needs.

For example, I''m a total mess in the mornings because I''m a night owl with an early morning job. During the cold months, DH would often sneak out to the garage, start my car, and put hot tea and oatmeal on the console for me when he saw that I was running too late to do anything but get myself dressed and out. And when he lived on Lake Shore Drive in the city, he would always find a parking spot for his car on the inner drive when I was coming to visit because he knew how stressed out I would get trying to parallel park on that very busy street.

Awwww.....

That''s sweet. I enjoyed reading that.

 

[Mrs.Guz]

Let''s just put it this way, my husband treats me VERY well!

He makes my coffee every morning, he does most of the cooking, he does a ton of chores around the house, he lets me buy whatever I want, he is always taking me on vacations.

He is the most wonderful person in the world to me. He is my best friend.

 

[ImpatientOne]

I am spoiled, without a doubt, but I spoil him as well...

One of the sweetest things my husband does is every morning on his way home after his formation and PT (physical training- he''s in the military) he stops off at the local coffee shop and buys me a latte. he doesn''t drink coffe and it''s a little out of his way, but he stops every morning without fail. He gets up on the weekends and first thing he does is head out to the coffee shop. The baristas all think he''s a dream and rave about him whenever I go in there

 

[gemgirl]

My husband doesn''t spoil me at all and I buy all of my own jewelry. Every relationship has it''s own dynamic.

 

[Lulie]

Date: 2/22/2009 3:06:02 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
stop lying girls!! of course you are spoiled. look at all them jewlery you guys own.

LOL Dancing, yes I''m spoiled, but as you know, nothing is for free......you also know the 4C''s: cook/clean/care/cure

 

[MonkeyPie]

I am spoiled ROTTEN.

I get flowers all the time, cuddles whenever I want, he will bring me lunch at work on occasion just for a surprise, and he fully supports my photography, which is an expensive hobby.

 

[platinumrock]

We don''t believe in spoling either. Being spoiled by a spouse sounds a little one-sided...at least to me anyway. It should be mutual.

But we do nice things for each other and we take good care of each other. That''s what we appreciate.

 

[KimberlyH]

We are kind to one another and work as a team to do what keeps our life running smoothly. He runs his own business from home which allows him the freedom and time to accomplish tasks that I wouldn''t be able to during the day, so he takes on more responsibility than me around the house. We do nice things for each other and are very thoughtful but I wouldn''t say either of us is more spoiled than the other, we each just do what we can.