Home Are you Pretty?

[brightlight]

I feel uncomfortable saying this b/c I''m a modest person, but many people have told me that I''m beautiful. To me, being pretty is a physical thing. People who are beautiful/gorgeous/striking have an intangible quality that radiates from inside that''s independent of their physical qualities.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/24/2009 12:10:14 AM
Author: hlmr

Date: 5/22/2009 4:45:06 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 5/22/2009 10:11:01 AM
Author: janinegirly
Our society absolutely rewards people who are more attractive. It also rewards people who are more outgoing/big talkers (not so in other cultures). Just like beau pointed out (like the name

) , this happens in day to day life as well as in the workplace. There is even data to show that taller men are more likely to be successful,etc. Alot of our culture is built around perception. If you are beautiful, the assumption is you must be successful and someone who should be sought after. Life is easier for those .. from childhood on. However, beauty fades and the crash is much tougher to take for those who were given an easier path. This makes me think of the stereotype that beautiful women are more likely to be crazy (I''m talking about sterotypes single bachehlor men give). The idea is that if you''re beautiful you get away with a lot as there is less pressure to adjust /reel in your feelings. You will still get attention and be considered desireable. The less attractive person is more likely to be funny, easy going, have some unique skill etc...because this is how they level the playing field.

Hope I''m not offending anyone, I just find some of these sociological behavioral stuff interesting, even if it can be overgeneralized.

Not here.

While I agree in general that attractive people may get some small breaks others might not, my life has been anything but easy, and I imagine other attractive people could say the same thing. ''Life'' does not care if you''re pretty.

For sure Ellen. Life is funny that way, you can certainly suffer no matter what you look like! Attractive people may not get the speeding tickets, or may always have the door opened for them

, but when it comes to ''life'' at it''s most primal......there are absolutely no exceptions.

Yep.


Good to see you miss!

 

[hlmr]

Thanks Ellen!

 

[Adah]

Mostly I feel ''ok''. On a bad day I''ll look in the mirror I think ''hmmm nothing special'' and on a good day I''ll think ''damn I''m fine!'' hehe.

Probably the best compliment I''ve had is that I ''look like Liv Tyler'' (a 5''2" version!) or a ''young Liz Taylor''. Both lovely things to say but I can''t say I believe them!

 

[trillionaire]

I get hit on a lot. I think many guys find my hair, which is wild, unruly and curly and carefree, enticing. Turns a lot of heads. I also talk to any and everyone... I'm friendly and easy to smile, so that probably plays into it.

Most recently, I was being followed and flagged down by truckers on the highway, no lie! They were honking horns at me and blowing kisses and waving

I was very alarmed! SO insists that they were on their cb radios and playing with me, but it was 4 trucks in 15 minutes!

I'm sure I looked better 30-40lbs ago, but it hasn't made a dent in the number of men vying for my attention. Honestly, though I just find it amusing. I assume everyone gets hit on a lot, and that men are just like that. I've been called pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, but I mostly feel plain, but attractive enough to get by. I'm a sweats and t-shirt kind of girl, not into make-up, etc. I think I look nice when I try, but I rarely try. And I have skin issues that make me plenty self-conscious pretty much all the time

 

[vip0802]

Date: 5/16/2009 10:02:55 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade

Date: 5/16/2009 9:57:43 PM

Author: D&T

depending who you ask... DH says I''M GORGEOUS... but I beg to differ.. i''m just ehh so so.. and very still self conscious... maybe its because of that darn aunt back when I was 14 who stated bluntly that my sister was prettier than me

(who says that?) and that totally has been sitting in my brain, can''t get rid of it, even though she has passed away... Speaking of blunt darn asians

Haha! My aunts and relatives (and my parents) used to call me fat and chubby ALLLLL the time. Not in a mean way per se, it''d be like ''aw, look at those chubby cheeks!'' or they''d call me by nicknames like ''chubby bunny''. They''ve laid off recently, probably because I''ve slimmed down a bit. But yeah, I don''t know if it''s an asian thing, but everytime I go back there, the first comment I hear from anyone is either about how much weight I''ve gained or lost, haha. It''s made me totally desensitized to telling people how much I weigh.

i''m late on this thread, but i just had to respond to this because i was like "holy crap! me too!". yeah i don''t know what it is about asian families, but they really don''t hold anything back when it comes to your looks. growing up, i was a skinny little thing and my relatives would grab my arms and say how i was just skin and bones. then in my early teens i was just awkward looking since i got glasses and braces. i think around the end of my junior year of high school, i got contacts and my braces taken off and i finally grew into my body. i take after my dad''s side of the family and all of my girl cousins are very voluptuous and curvy. nowadays, i''ll admit that i''m heavier than i was in high school and college but i don''t consider myself fat. if you ask my BF, i''m the most gorgeous thing (bless him!) but in reality i think i''m mildly attractive. if you ask my family members though, i''m totally fat for an asian girl. i try to explain to them that i don''t want to be stick thin, but then they go onto different tangents like how fattening American food is, and that i should drink more green tea to flush out my system. *sigh*

funny story: i went to visit my mom at her store and she was chatting with one of her customers. my mom introduces me to this woman, and she was the epitome of plastic surgery overload like an asian Joan Rivers. she gives me the once over and doesn''t believe that i''m my mom''s daughter since i don''t look anything like her (like i said, i take after my dad), and my mom is "asian thin". here''s our conversation:

asian J.R.: "you''ve got really pretty big eyes! but you know, you''d be prettier if you were skinnier and maybe you should consider getting your lips injected."
me: *polite laugh* (i had no idea what to say...partially because i''m stunned, and partially because i wanted to say, "no thanks, i don''t want turn out like you." but i didn''t want to piss off my mom''s customer)[/b]
asian J.R.: "do you have a boyfriend at least?"[/b]
me: *starting to get irrated* "yes, i do"[/b]
asian J.R.: "well, that''s good! you''re lucky that we''re not back in Vietnam because back in the day, if a girl was really ugly, her parents would have to pay a gentleman and his family to marry her off."



WHAT?!



after i got home that day, i told my boyfriend what happened and he goes, "so, you''re telling me that there''s money in it for me?!" yeah, he''s hysterical

anyway, i think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that personality and attitude have a lot to do with an overall appearance. to me, if you''re a good hearted person, it shows on the outside. so, i wonder why that asian Joan Rivers lady had to get so much plastic surgery done...

here''s a pic of me and the dear BF

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I was a really late bloomer, so I never know what to make of my looks. I know I was most confident about the way I looked in my mid 20''s.

I would have my good days and bad days with my looks and the way I perceived myself. I have a very hard time answering the first question "are you pretty." People have told me I am "pretty" and "cute" (I have a young face), and I buy both of those. No one but guys who have dated me have said I am "beautiful."

As for Haven''s question, I think that is easier to answer. My BF always tells me I am pretty or beautiful, and says he prefers me without makeup (which I have a hard time with). He says he feels like he is lucky because he found a girl who is a ''late bloomer'' and never grew up learning she was pretty and therefore developed other parts of herself. One thing that I thought was funny is that he used to compare me to "Bones," the character in the show. He says I am the "hot" nerd who doesn''t know I am hot and doesn''t always know when to shut up. Now I will say, her mouth is worse then mine, but I thought it was an interesting comparison being that people say I can be too blunt sometimes.

 

[Indylady]

I must agree with you Beau!

I am a Sociology major; I''ve seen so many studies in which people are given a picture of a stranger, and then asked to judge: friendliness, work ethic, etc...so many traits that are really purely personality traits which can''t be judged by looking at a picture! People make flash judgments based on appearance all the time. Its almost crazy how easily people do it.



To the OP''s question: Do I think I''m attractive?

Uhhh. I don''t have self esteem issues for the most part; I also come from a very critical Asian family

Aunt: What is on your face? When did that happen?
Me: Acne..stress from school.
Aunt: Well do you wash your face?
Me: Yes
Aunt: Its not working.
Aunt: tut tut tut

So I''m really mostly desensitized. I try to see the upside of things. For example..acne? I consider it to have been a character building experience! Haha I still hate it, but I think that it''s made me less...vain. I''m pretty friendly and approachable, and I have lots of friends that I''m incredibly thankful for and a SO...so, having them around makes me not really care what I look like. (I mostly run around in t-shirts and jeans, sometimes lip balm) I do get asked out a lot; I think its because I''m pretty approachable and accepting of people. I also think its because I''m in college.

 

[ChinaCat]

VIP-

Maybe the Asian Joan Rivers simply couldn''t see well out of her reconstructed eyes- you are so pretty! What a cute picture of you and your BF. Can''t believe people say things like that.

 

[AdiS]

Hmm... pretty-no. Cute-no. I''ve been told many things in my life (by guys!) - hot, striking, sexy and so on. Beautiful-no. Well, except for DH, that is, but he''s biased

I''m in complete harmony with myself and the way I look. I''ll never be a classical beauty and, in fact, I don''t even want to be. I kinda prefer striking anyway.

 

[Delster]

Going on 'objective' measure of what 'attractive' is I'm certainly not beautiful and I'd only stretch to 'pretty' on a particularly lucky day.

Probably three quarters of the time though I don't think too much about it. Maybe like Ally my sense of self-worth is more bound up in my brain and my personality than in my looks. I feel pretty good about myself most days and then when I pass a mirror or see a photo of myself I usually get a wee jolt of disappointment that I don't look as 'good' on the outside as I generally feel. I think I look very Irish and not in big-green-eyes-and-red-hair-Maureen O'Hara way - I'm more of the Peig Sayers version!

 

[princesss]

VIP, your post has me cracking up over here. I grew up in Asia, and once people got comfortable, it''s actually kind of funny what they''d say. I''ve gotten:

"Wow, you''re pretty skinny for a white girl."
"You got fat. Maybe you should start running."
"Why is your face so spotty?"
"You''re too fat to wear our clothes." (This was the sales girl in a store I was in while my best friend was trying on prom dresses.)

Then when I went back to the States on holiday, I would feel SOOO skinny!

(You are gorgeous, btw.)

 

[jas]

Such a fascinating topic...and as Ellen and others have mentioned, very interesting to read responses.

I''m going to have to go with "I don''t know..."

My mother was a model. She is still turning heads these days. It was very hard to be that awkward, goofy kid walking around the mall with the Gorgeous Mama (although my dressing in prairie skirts, knee socks, loafters, and a turtleneck probably did not help my self image.)

It was also hard because my mom wanted me to look my best going out of the house. By age 7 I was already standing under a curling iron (she''d curl my hair) for longer than I cared to admit. I wasn''t a lil'' pageant gal, but I was never allowed to be unkempt in public.

I was not allowed to wear makeup until I was in high school, and even then I had to make it look as "natural" as possible...but my make-upless face was (and is still not) attractive. I need artificial help! My hair is a disaster if I wash-n-wear. My hair stylist told me I have a "severe" face but taught me to soften up with the right style. (BTW, who the frick says that? I used to work with children! Good thing my severe face didn''t scar them for life.)

I "figured out" early on a few things. I always wear some makeup, even if it''s just mascara...that''s just what I "need." More importantly, I am fairly funny, and I''m a good listener, so I learned I could usually get positive feedback that way. I can fake an air of confidence like no one''s business and still laugh at myself. That has been called "disarming" in a really positive way.

The interesting thing is that I am apparently the least attractive woman DH dated (and the only one he married). He was the dude who dated all these women who get the stink eye in public from us "plain" types...ya know, tall, thin-but-shapely, perfect hair, blah blah blah. The most I can get out of him is that I''m "cute."

It used to sting, but honestly, I''m ok with it now. I spent my teens and 20s trying to be the prettiest one in the room, wanting desperately to know how it felt to be my mom, to have that imaginary spotlight on me, to be riveting.

It''s an empty feeling when that''s your focus. I prefer now when people are glad I''m at a function because they know I will be a good guest, someone good to talk with, the one who will never let someone stand in the corner by themselves.

I will always know that DH loves me for me...although I have my PMS moments where I wish I were prettier in his eyes. I don''t express this to him because it''s so stupid and, again, only on my big ol PMS Wednesdays.

I was also one of those freaky deakies who felt her most attractive when preggo (although it was with 2 boys, so maybe that was the antidote to the gals steal your beauty thing...Tacori...get preggo w/ male twins!!!)...I was waddling around with 50 pounds of b00bs and belly and butt and hemorrhoids and never felt more sexy and gorgeous...even when cramming donuts down my gullet.

So now I feel most beautiful when I am able to make people laugh and feel good about themselves...especially my babies.

Thanks for this topic and for letting me share!

 

[Jas12]

Ah Jas, i loved reading your post. Made me smile

(and for the record--i think you are pretty!-i remember a pic of you from after the boysies were born and remember thinking ''funny and pretty''--damn

)

 

[Dreamer_D]

Yes, I am pretty.

I was prettier when I was a teenager and had a better figure, who wasn''t? And there are days when I feel terrible about myself certainly. But somewhere deep inside I always know that I am a beautiful woman.

Recently, I feel the most pretty when my three month old son finishes nursing, lays back and just stares at me for the longest time smiling away! He is trying to memorize my face he stares so long and so hard, and his eyes are just glowing with joy! When he looks at me like that I think that I must be the most wonderful woman on earth to deserve such attention!

Or maybe he just has gas

 

[whitby_2773]

nope - not pretty. never been pretty, never gonna be pretty. and not a word i can ever recall attached to me by anyone else either.

but i''m often told i''m attractive, and i LOVE that - because ''pretty'' is an independent thing - it just sort of sits there and IS pretty.

but attractive by definition draws other people to it. it''s interactive by definition - and i love that! attractive, to me, is so much more about personality and character. i TRY to be attractive, i try to be someone in life who others feel drawn to.

apart from that, i put effort in to grooming - hair/skin/nails - always looking fresh and clean and wearing things that suit me. just making the most of what i have without obsessing.

i figure if i look, as my mother always said, ''neat, clean and well paid for'', and i walk into a room with a big laugh and a positive attitude that''s gonna get me further than a set of perfect features will any day.

my husband has never once told me i''m beautiful - he''s just not that sort of man. and i dont really ask. but we were in a restaurant once - about 5 years ago after 20 years of marriage, and i was curious, so i sort of pushed him and said - how do i compare to the other women in the room? tell me where i ''rank''. he calmly looked up from his dinner, looked around the room and said extremely matter of factly, as tho he was telling me the results from the daily stock market, ''you''re the best looking woman in the room'' - then just kept eating his dinner. and he meant it - but it''s just not something he really values, and i love that about him. people love tim, because he sees them for who they are inside and relates to men, women, young, old, beautiful, ugly all on the same level playing field.

more important to me, tho, is how he feels about me in his life. we''ve had a number of talks about death and dying, as my parents both died in their 50''s and his grandparents were alive almost to 100 years of age. i''ve asked him more than once if he''d marry again and i remember him saying only a month or two ago when this topic came up - "no. i''ve had a wife. i''ve had the best wife. that''s it for me." and he meant it.

that felt better to me than all the ''you''re beautiful''s'' in the world ever could.

 

[jas]

Date: 6/9/2009 8:51:49 PM
Author: Jas12
Ah Jas, i loved reading your post. Made me smile

(and for the record--i think you are pretty!-i remember a pic of you from after the boysies were born and remember thinking ''funny and pretty''--damn

)

Ding ding ding! I would totally marry you if you were single, here in the states, and one of us were a guy.

 

[SeaStar]

Oh boy, what a loaded question this is for me. I have spent everyday of the past few years thinking about this question. I have never been a looker. When I was young my sister accidentally pushed me from the top of a bunk bed, and I grew up with a fairly deformed nose until I had plastic surgery at age 18 as well as a breast reduction. These things helped and for a couple of years I felt comfortable putting on makeup and dressing in little cutesy clothes, but I never had that overwhelming feeling of what I imagine looking in the mirror and feeling beautiful is. I have always grown up with people comparing my sister and I, which did nothing for my self esteem. My sister is an absolute knock out, she knows it, I know it, everyone who looks at her knows it. Her worst day for looks far exceeds my best day. I've tried through the years to make peace with this, but it actually gets harder as the years go on. I gained about 30 lbs in the past couple of years and just really let myself go, though I've been putting in a tiny bit of effort here and there and have lost about 6 lbs. I can't even remember the last time I put on makeup or wore something other than casual clothes. I've had two gym memberships active for over a year now and stepped foot in one of them twice. My teeth are a mess, my jaw is asymmetric from TMJ, one eyelid is slightly droopy, my face is always puffy from chronic sinusitis, I have broad shoulders, and I finally stuffed my size 5/7s way into the back of the closet, probably never to be seen again. Most days I just pray that if there is such thing as a do-over after you die I will get to know what it's like to feel beautiful (and to go through with med school too please). Then I tell myself to cut it out, that there are so many more important things in life, and if I put in colored contacts, doll up and wear makeup I'm not horrible to look at from the neck up. I try to motivate myself but for the most part have accepted that I will never be beautiful. I try to focus on my positives, that I'm smart, a good friend, empathetic, and a darn good nurse. But I'll be honest, some days it just isn't enough.

 

[janinegirly]

I loved your post too Jas...it shows how self-confident you really are to share all of that! And I also related to your comment about DH's ex's. I think that is one of my "issues", I have a hard time not comparing myself to others (including DH's prettier ex's, who he was very serious with and some of his friends' very young gf's etc). It sounds like you handle it all very well (and with humor) so thanks for sharing!!

 

[D&T]

VIP- lol... Asian Joan River... thats great! btw... you are gorgeous!

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 6/10/2009 1:22:47 PM
Author: SeaStar
Oh boy, what a loaded question this is for me. I have spent everyday of the past few years thinking about this question. I have never been a looker. When I was young my sister accidentally pushed me from the top of a bunk bed, and I grew up with a fairly deformed nose until I had plastic surgery at age 18 as well as a breast reduction. These things helped and for a couple of years I felt comfortable putting on makeup and dressing in little cutesy clothes, but I never had that overwhelming feeling of what I imagine looking in the mirror and feeling beautiful is. I have always grown up with people comparing my sister and I, which did nothing for my self esteem. My sister is an absolute knock out, she knows it, I know it, everyone who looks at her knows it. Her worst day for looks far exceeds my best day. I''ve tried through the years to make peace with this, but it actually gets harder as the years go on. I gained about 30 lbs in the past couple of years and just really let myself go, though I''ve been putting in a tiny bit of effort here and there and have lost about 6 lbs. I can''t even remember the last time I put on makeup or wore something other than casual clothes. I''ve had two gym memberships active for over a year now and stepped foot in one of them twice. My teeth are a mess, my jaw is asymmetric from TMJ, one eyelid is slightly droopy, my face is always puffy from chronic sinusitis, I have broad shoulders, and I finally stuffed my size 5/7s way into the back of the closet, probably never to be seen again. Most days I just pray that if there is such thing as a do-over after you die I will get to know what it''s like to feel beautiful (and to go through with med school too please). Then I tell myself to cut it out, that there are so many more important things in life, and if I put in colored contacts, doll up and wear makeup I''m not horrible to look at from the neck up. I try to motivate myself but for the most part have accepted that I will never be beautiful. I try to focus on my positives, that I''m smart, a good friend, empathetic, and a darn good nurse. But I''ll be honest, some days it just isn''t enough.

well perhaps....

but i''ll bet i''d find you warm, funny, articulate, self effacing, a good listener, humble, self deprecating and, frankly, someone i''d enjoy spending time with!

good looks can be BOUGHT but nobody can buy ''charming'', or ''kind'', or ''gracious''. i''ve met ''beautiful''. i''ve hung out with ''gorgeous''. and 2 weeks ago i had afternoon tea with ''drop dead gorgeous''. and - please! - spare me! but last night i had dinner with a wonderful woman who was short, and who had a bone growth condition. she is, effectively, handicapped, she walks on crutches (badly and slowly) and she''s 4''6" tall. and she is one of the most sparkling, gutsy, funny, quick whitted, entertaining and compassionate people i know.

and just by the way, i think broad shoulders are a wonderful thing and are a good insurance against looking like a pear. and my husband has a slightly drooped eyelid, and it''s downright sexy.

i like people who will let me be myself, who make me feel comfortable being ME, who dont make me feel less just by being with them

 

[Haven]

I thought of this thread this past weekend.

DH and I were having dinner with friends and one guy brought up the topic of society's obsession with beauty. We started talking about how beauty will open doors, and at one point I said that while I agree that a beautiful face will definitely open some doors, I believe being nice and openly friendly with strangers will get you even farther. I then told everyone how I frequently get free food at places like Chipotle and Jimmy Johns, and other things like that (store discounts, etc) because I'm always nice to people. DH looked at me and said "Honey, you are friendly, you're the friendliest. But sweetie, those people give you free things because you're the most beautiful woman they've ever seen."

First, I was shocked because as I said earlier in this thread my DH doesn't ever compliment me on my looks. Then I flushed with embarrassment because there were other people there. Later, when I asked him if he really believed that he said "Of course, Honey. You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world." As pathetic as it may sound, hearing that from my DH really made me feel good.

As for what janinegirly said, I agree with that. I think life is easier on people who are strikingly more attractive than most. I also think that a sincere smile goes a long way, too, though.

 

[beau13]

Date: 6/10/2009 6:08:19 PM
Author: Haven
I thought of this thread this past weekend.

DH and I were having dinner with friends and one guy brought up the topic of society''s obsession with beauty. We started talking about how beauty will open doors, and at one point I said that while I agree that a beautiful face will definitely open some doors, I believe being nice and openly friendly with strangers will get you even farther. I then told everyone how I frequently get free food at places like Chipotle and Jimmy Johns, and other things like that (store discounts, etc) because I''m always nice to people. DH looked at me and said ''Honey, you are friendly, you''re the friendliest. But sweetie, those people give you free things because you''re the most beautiful woman they''ve ever seen.''

First, I was shocked because as I said earlier in this thread my DH doesn''t ever compliment me on my looks. Then I flushed with embarrassment because there were other people there. Later, when I asked him if he really believed that he said ''Of course, Honey. You know I think you''re the most beautiful woman in the world.'' As pathetic as it may sound, hearing that from my DH really made me feel good.

As for what janinegirly said, I agree with that. I think life is easier on people who are strikingly more attractive than most. I also think that a sincere smile goes a long way, too, though.

It most certainly is!!

Gotta love the freebies and discounts...it''s why our husbands make us walk into the furniture store first, or approach the car salesman first, or ...you get the idea!
What a great story Haven..now I''m interested in seeing what you look like (picturing Charlize Theron)..got MY attention! lol

 

[hlmr]

I guess some people need that mirror, mirror routine to get through life. It''s a shame that there is only the reflection and no substance behind it.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 6/10/2009 10:56:13 PM
Author: hlmr
I guess some people need that mirror, mirror routine to get through life. It''s a shame that there is only the reflection and no substance behind it.

DITTO

 

[beau13]

Date: 6/10/2009 10:56:13 PM
Author: hlmr
I guess some people need that mirror, mirror routine to get through life. It''s a shame that there is only the reflection and no substance behind it.

LOL...I wouldn''t be so quick to judge a book by it''s cover.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 6/10/2009 10:56:13 PM
Author: hlmr
I guess some people need that mirror, mirror routine to get through life. It''s a shame that there is only the reflection and no substance behind it.

True that. Pretty is as pretty does. I am pretty. But am known for being nice, for helping other''s for being generous. When I die?? I want to be known for that!!! Not for looks, I have no control over... Yanno??? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so on and so on...

 

[hlmr]

Date: 6/10/2009 11:06:11 PM
Author: beau13

Date: 6/10/2009 10:56:13 PM
Author: hlmr
I guess some people need that mirror, mirror routine to get through life. It''s a shame that there is only the reflection and no substance behind it.

LOL...I wouldn''t be so quick to judge a book by it''s cover.

LOL.....I always read the book before I make a judgement.

 

[ksluice]

Date: 5/17/2009 10:55:09 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 5/17/2009 10:53:11 AM

Author: Skippy123

Date: 5/17/2009 10:50:23 AM

Author: Lorelei

I also think true beauty is ageless, for example Grace Kelly was one of the most exquisitely beautiful women alive in her heydey, but even when she aged she was still beautiful. '' Prettiness'' fades but beauty withstands time.

I agree, I think Jaclyn Smith is that way; she is so beautiful at any age.

I agree Skip, she looks great!

I agree too. More than that even, I think women like Helen Miren are stunning. In her case, I didn''t think so when she was younger. In Excalibur, for example, I just thought she was scary but now...amazingly attractive. It took age to make her so beautiful.

 

[Haven]

edited