An expoloration of DO vs. SAY

[TravelingGal]

If people tell me they are a certain way, I just believe it until I have reason to believe otherwise. I don''t have time to psychoanalyze people that early on in the game. Tell me what you want to tell me and I''ll take your word for it.

For myself, I just set the bar low. My personality becomes pretty evident quite quickly anyway.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 3/11/2009 11:43:39 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 3/11/2009 11:41:34 PM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 3/11/2009 11:40:08 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 3/11/2009 11:34:39 PM
Author: TheBigT
I don''t believe you''re snarky just cuz you say so; you have to show me.

Yea Freke, show us what you''re made of...cause believe this, New Yorkers have made ''snark'' an art form. I''m not a New Yorker, I just live here...but BigT, she''s from the BK, ain''t ya Big?

Represent.

LOLOLOL
Boba!

You guys are goons. I''ll "represent" for the 505 when I''m good and ready to. I don''t play fair though. I''ve been known to hit below the belt...

 

[musey]

Date: 3/11/2009 11:34:39 PM
Author: TheBigT
I don''t believe you''re snarky just cuz you say so; you have to show me.

T, you are my favorite of the evening. I love it.

 

[musey]

So, I was talking about this to my husband last night, and he said there''s someone he works with (a client, not in his office) that likes to say "I''m a patient man, but __________." I''ve heard this thing plenty of times, but the posts in this thread got me thinking about it some more.

It''s kind of along the lines of tlh''s "I''m not judgmental" friend. I find that on some subconscious (or even conscious) level, when someone prefaces a negative action (being judgmental, or demanding results asap) with declaration of a positive attribute (that they''re not judgmental, or that they are patient), I actually tend to eat it up. Not in all cases, of course, but I do view their actions in a slightly better light when they do that. Maybe that''s naivete, and something I''ll grow out of.

What about you? Does a positive preface to a negative action make you view the action in a more positive light, or does it have the opposite effect?

 

[tlh]

Date: 3/12/2009 12:59:10 PM
Author: musey
So, I was talking about this to my husband last night, and he said there''s someone he works with (a client, not in his office) that likes to say ''I''m a patient man, but __________.'' I''ve heard this thing plenty of times, but the posts in this thread got me thinking about it some more.

It''s kind of along the lines of tlh''s ''I''m not judgmental'' friend. I find that on some subconscious (or even conscious) level, when someone prefaces a negative action (being judgmental, or demanding results asap) with declaration of a positive attribute (that they''re not judgmental, or that they are patient), I actually tend to eat it up. Not in all cases, of course, but I do view their actions in a slightly better light when they do that. Maybe that''s naivete, and something I''ll grow out of.

What about you? Does a positive preface to a negative action make you view the action in a more positive light, or does it have the opposite effect?

usually.. until they do it ALL THE TIME. A patient, that you don''t know, sure, I''ll believe them... but a long term friend, you''re like.. come on - don''t kid yourself. Sad part is... i do say that! HA!

 

[musey]

Yeah, it starts to lose its meaning after lots of repetitions.

 

[elrohwen]

I totally agree with Gwen. I tend to believe someone at first, but if my impression of them is way far off from what they have stated, I trust them less and less and find it hard to believe other things that they say. If their initial description mostly fits with what I''ve seen, I trust them more and have a lot more respect for them.

I''ll admit that after my current job, I tend to believe less of what people say about themselves because sooo many people here are so full of it. When you hear one person after another claim to be a certain way and then not see it play out in actions, I guess it makes you less trusting overall. I still believe what people say, but I''m much more suspicious of it.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 3/12/2009 12:59:10 PM
Author: musey
So, I was talking about this to my husband last night, and he said there''s someone he works with (a client, not in his office) that likes to say ''I''m a patient man, but __________.'' I''ve heard this thing plenty of times, but the posts in this thread got me thinking about it some more.

It''s kind of along the lines of tlh''s ''I''m not judgmental'' friend. I find that on some subconscious (or even conscious) level, when someone prefaces a negative action (being judgmental, or demanding results asap) with declaration of a positive attribute (that they''re not judgmental, or that they are patient), I actually tend to eat it up. Not in all cases, of course, but I do view their actions in a slightly better light when they do that. Maybe that''s naivete, and something I''ll grow out of.

What about you? Does a positive preface to a negative action make you view the action in a more positive light, or does it have the opposite effect?

Musey, I think it totally depends on how well I know the person. If I know the person really isn''t judgemental for the most part, then I''ll buy it when they say "I''m not judgemental but ... " However, if I know they are the exact opposite, it''s just annoying. Like when really catty gossipy people say "I don''t like to say bad things about other people but ... " it kills me because maybe they don''t even realize they have that trait (or maybe they realize it and just want to cover it up?)

 

[Dreamgirl]

Ok musey, I just got one today from a guy here at work and he said "I'm NOT one to talk about people behind their back BUT... _________________"

Made me think about this thread.

In a situation like that, then it's obvious that he does talk behind backs. lol

 

[kama_s]

There is also the flip side to this. What if you say something about yourself and people believe it down to the t?! My neighbors think I''m a chatterbox because once we were commenting on the people in our condo, when I said something to the likes of ''I''m an elevator talker. Infact, I''ll talk to anyone who''ll listen to me!''

 

[musey]

Is being a chatterbox bad? I quite like talkative people! (Probably at least in part because I'm not.)

 

[FrekeChild]

Hahahahahaha Kama!!!!!

The more people get to know me, the more they get to know my idiosyncrasies. I don''t try to hide anything though.

What you see is what you get. And I''m not fond of people who try to pretend to be something they aren''t.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/12/2009 5:46:36 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I'm not fond of people who try to pretend to be something they aren't.

I pretend to be something(/one) I'm not whenever I'm given the chance.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 3/12/2009 5:48:19 PM
Author: musey

Date: 3/12/2009 5:46:36 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I''m not fond of people who try to pretend to be something they aren''t.

I pretend to be something(/one) I''m not whenever I''m given the chance.

But it''s different for you, because you''re getting PAID to do that.

 

[musey]

Sometimes

lol

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/12/2009 1:52:56 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 3/12/2009 12:59:10 PM
Author: musey
So, I was talking about this to my husband last night, and he said there''s someone he works with (a client, not in his office) that likes to say ''I''m a patient man, but __________.'' I''ve heard this thing plenty of times, but the posts in this thread got me thinking about it some more.

It''s kind of along the lines of tlh''s ''I''m not judgmental'' friend. I find that on some subconscious (or even conscious) level, when someone prefaces a negative action (being judgmental, or demanding results asap) with declaration of a positive attribute (that they''re not judgmental, or that they are patient), I actually tend to eat it up. Not in all cases, of course, but I do view their actions in a slightly better light when they do that. Maybe that''s naivete, and something I''ll grow out of.

What about you? Does a positive preface to a negative action make you view the action in a more positive light, or does it have the opposite effect?

Musey, I think it totally depends on how well I know the person. If I know the person really isn''t judgemental for the most part, then I''ll buy it when they say ''I''m not judgemental but ... '' However, if I know they are the exact opposite, it''s just annoying. Like when really catty gossipy people say ''I don''t like to say bad things about other people but ... '' it kills me because maybe they don''t even realize they have that trait (or maybe they realize it and just want to cover it up?)

That reminds me of when people give you some little (or big and juicy) piece of gossip and then say "but you didn''t hear that from me!" In other words, "I don''t want to be known as a gossip, so don''t tell anyone that I actually passed it on to you."