An expoloration of DO vs. SAY

[musey]

Another curiosity of the day...


People often say that "actions speak louder than words," or "it's not what you say, it's what you do," or some other permutation of that sentiment.

With that in mind:

If someone describes their personality and/or social interaction style to others as being a specific way, does it truly not impact your perception of them? Or if someone makes a point to state that they are a certain type of person, does it hold some sway in how you see them?

How meaningful is it to you if/when people state the qualities they believe themselves to have?

 

[tlh]

I have a friend who always tells me how non-judgemental she is... right before she tells me stories of others where she is passing judgement onto them. Makes me laugh... "I''m not judgemental or anything but...."

So, I instilled the BUT rule... which is... if I just made a decalrative statement, before I said the word but... completely disregard the statement... and weigh the proceeding statement/story based off of its merit. Yup... i would say you are judgemental... and I think you know you aer too... that is why you always say... "I am not judgemental or anything..."

 

[dragonfly411]

musey - I have to say at that point I''d probably watch to see if they speak true. In some it is and they are just very aware of themselves. In others it may not be, and they think it is. I don''t base my opinion of the person off of that though.

 

[gwendolyn]

I tend to believe what people say about themselves to a degree when I am getting to know them. I think, if asked what I thought of someone I knew (but didn''t know very well), I would temper my words to allow for the fact that I haven''t been able to observe enough to support their opinions of themselves but that I had no reason (at that point in the friendship) to think otherwise of them.

So, the better I get to know someone, the more or less their behaviour supports what they claimed it would be. The bigger the difference between what a person says about who they are and what I witness, the less I tend to trust them. This happened with my former best friend, who kept telling me how selfless and giving she was, when in fact she is one of the most selfish and self-absorbed people I have ever known and always let me down. That''s why she''s a ''former'' best friend.

 

[MonkeyPie]

If a person feels the need to point out repeatedly that they are a certain way ("I''m so nice!" "Don''t you think I''m nice?" "Everyone always says I''m SO NICE."), then all that tells me is that they are insecure and they know that the opposite is actually the truth. And their actions (being purposefully hateful, saying rude things with no provocation, being verbally abusive and defensive) usually prove that.

 

[basil]

Sometimes it is meaningful. If someone tells me something about themselves that I haven''t had a chance to observe personally. Like "my parents and I are really close" or "I''m passionate about keeping my house clean", I usually believe them, cause I have no evidence to the contrary.

And sometimes, people say things that are usually true. If someone says "I''m an arrogant prick" then I believe them, cause no one would say that except an arrogant prick

 

[FrekeChild]

It means squat to me.

You can say things about yourself as much as you want, but until I see those words personified in your actions, I will think you''re full of s#!+.

I can be blatantly honest, and I think that people have seen that through my words and actions. I don''t feel the need to build up a façade of something I wish I was, but am not.

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/11/2009 5:23:29 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
If a person feels the need to point out repeatedly that they are a certain way (''I''m so nice!'' ''Don''t you think I''m nice?'' ''Everyone always says I''m SO NICE.''), then all that tells me is that they are insecure and they know that the opposite is actually the truth. And their actions (being purposefully hateful, saying rude things with no provocation, being verbally abusive and defensive) usually prove that.

Well said. I completely agree.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/11/2009 5:20:36 PM
Author: dragonfly411
musey - I have to say at that point I'd probably watch to see if they speak true. In some it is and they are just very aware of themselves. In others it may not be, and they think it is. I don't base my opinion of the person off of that though.

Whether it's fair or not, I tend to do the same when it's positive assets they're touting (I'm so kind/generous/talented/accomplished... anything braggy). When someone claims to be X Y or Z positive thing, I file that away, watch them more closely from then on and probably judge them more harshly in that area later on, if their behavior contradicts their claim.

Self-deprecation is another story, entirely!


I can't say for sure, but I don't think that I choose to tout assets often (if at all, but again, I don't police myself well enough to know). I prefer to let people make up their own minds. I suppose because of that approach, I tend to ignore what people say about themselves (for the most part), especially if my experience of/with them tells me different.

I will, however, say that "I like to think of myself as ____________," or "I strive to be a ____________ person." Which, to me, is sort of in a different category... though I'm sure that's debatable.

 

[joflier]

I pay more attention to body language than just words. Or a combo of words and body language together. So I guess that attests to actions vs. words. If your a good judge at reading body languange, then your probably 2 steps ahead of everyone else. Reading body language is a pretty accurate judge from my experience.

 

[blackpolkadot]

Date: 3/11/2009 5:24:59 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 3/11/2009 5:23:29 PM

Author: MonkeyPie

If a person feels the need to point out repeatedly that they are a certain way (''I''m so nice!'' ''Don''t you think I''m nice?'' ''Everyone always says I''m SO NICE.''), then all that tells me is that they are insecure and they know that the opposite is actually the truth. And their actions (being purposefully hateful, saying rude things with no provocation, being verbally abusive and defensive) usually prove that.

Well said. I completely agree.

Ditto.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 3/11/2009 5:05:43 PM
Author:musey
Another curiosity of the day...


People often say that ''actions speak louder than words,'' or ''it''s not what you say, it''s what you do,'' or some other permutation of that sentiment.

With that in mind:

If someone describes their personality and/or social interaction style to others as being a specific way, does it truly not impact your perception of them? Or if someone makes a point to state that they are a certain type of person, does it hold some sway in how you see them?

How meaningful is it to you if/when people state the qualities they believe themselves to have?

You weren''t thinking this because of me were you?

(kidding) Because I think if someone that you don''t really ''know'' says how they are, then you ought to believe them, or give them the benefit of the doubt because you don''t see their actions and hear the way that they speak. I think I agree with joflier, body language...

I think it depends on each situation and the person that is stating that and why they are stating it...

And I guess I believe people based on what they say and if they tend to act as they say.

 

[blackpolkadot]

Date: 3/11/2009 6:39:11 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 3/11/2009 5:05:43 PM



And I guess I believe people based on what they say and if they tend to act as they say.

I agree with your last statement. As long as a person has given me no reason to think otherwise, I should believe them.

 

[ladypirate]

Actions speak far louder than words in my opinion. Words don''t mean that much. I could go around telling people I''m really a robot, but it doesn''t make it true. (Well, maybe it is...but you wouldn''t believe me until I started shooting lasers out of my eyes.)

 

[musey]

Date: 3/11/2009 7:44:35 PM
Author: ladypirate
Actions speak far louder than words in my opinion. Words don't mean that much. I could go around telling people I'm really a robot, but it doesn't make it true. (Well, maybe it is...but you wouldn't believe me until I started shooting lasers out of my eyes.)

I'd like to see THAT!

A hot lady pirate robot! Austin Powers was missing a vital ingredient: pirate.

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[ladypirate]

Date: 3/11/2009 7:46:43 PM
Author: musey

Date: 3/11/2009 7:44:35 PM
Author: ladypirate
Actions speak far louder than words in my opinion. Words don''t mean that much. I could go around telling people I''m really a robot, but it doesn''t make it true. (Well, maybe it is...but you wouldn''t believe me until I started shooting lasers out of my eyes.)

I''d like to see THAT!

A hot lady pirate robot! Austin Powers was missing a vital ingredient: pirate.

Ha! Indeed. Yarrr!

Pirates are practically half robot anyhow, what with the hooks and peg legs and all.

 

[jjc]

Date: 3/11/2009 7:44:35 PM
Author: ladypirate
I could go around telling people I''m really a robot, but it doesn''t make it true. (Well, maybe it is...but you wouldn''t believe me until I started shooting lasers out of my eyes.)

omg - i was having a terrible day, and now i''m cracking up! thanks!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 3/11/2009 6:39:11 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 3/11/2009 5:05:43 PM

Author:musey

How meaningful is it to you if/when people state the qualities they believe themselves to have?

You weren''t thinking this because of me were you?

(kidding) Because I think if someone that you don''t really ''know'' says how they are, then you ought to believe them, or give them the benefit of the doubt because you don''t see their actions and hear the way that they speak. I think I agree with joflier, body language...

I think it depends on each situation and the person that is stating that and why they are stating it...

And I guess I believe people based on what they say and if they tend to act as they say.

Probably not, but I was.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 3/11/2009 5:23:29 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
If a person feels the need to point out repeatedly that they are a certain way ('I'm so nice!' 'Don't you think I'm nice?' 'Everyone always says I'm SO NICE.'), then all that tells me is that they are insecure and they know that the opposite is actually the truth. And their actions (being purposefully hateful, saying rude things with no provocation, being verbally abusive and defensive) usually prove that.

Yeah I think it is weird when people say that or also say the opposite, "Oh I am so snarky!" I rather make up my own mind regarding others; it makes me wonder why people are labeling themselves.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 3/11/2009 8:25:59 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 3/11/2009 5:23:29 PM

Author: MonkeyPie

If a person feels the need to point out repeatedly that they are a certain way (''I''m so nice!'' ''Don''t you think I''m nice?'' ''Everyone always says I''m SO NICE.''), then all that tells me is that they are insecure and they know that the opposite is actually the truth. And their actions (being purposefully hateful, saying rude things with no provocation, being verbally abusive and defensive) usually prove that.

Yeah I think it is weird when people say that or also say the opposite, ''Oh I am so snarky!'' I rather make up my own mind regarding others; it makes me wonder why people are labeling themselves.

I always wonder this, too. I try not to say anything about myself because I''d hate to delude myself into thinking I''m cooler than I really am lol. I wonder if it''s one of those situations where they think, "If I repeat it enough, it will be TRUE!"

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 3/11/2009 8:31:21 PM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 3/11/2009 8:25:59 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 3/11/2009 5:23:29 PM

Author: MonkeyPie

If a person feels the need to point out repeatedly that they are a certain way ('I'm so nice!' 'Don't you think I'm nice?' 'Everyone always says I'm SO NICE.'), then all that tells me is that they are insecure and they know that the opposite is actually the truth. And their actions (being purposefully hateful, saying rude things with no provocation, being verbally abusive and defensive) usually prove that.

Yeah I think it is weird when people say that or also say the opposite, 'Oh I am so snarky!' I rather make up my own mind regarding others; it makes me wonder why people are labeling themselves.

I always wonder this, too. I try not to say anything about myself because I'd hate to delude myself into thinking I'm cooler than I really am lol. I wonder if it's one of those situations where they think, 'If I repeat it enough, it will be TRUE!'

haha

True!!!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 3/11/2009 8:31:21 PM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 3/11/2009 8:25:59 PM

Author: Skippy123

Date: 3/11/2009 5:23:29 PM


Author: MonkeyPie


If a person feels the need to point out repeatedly that they are a certain way (''I''m so nice!'' ''Don''t you think I''m nice?'' ''Everyone always says I''m SO NICE.''), then all that tells me is that they are insecure and they know that the opposite is actually the truth. And their actions (being purposefully hateful, saying rude things with no provocation, being verbally abusive and defensive) usually prove that.

Yeah I think it is weird when people say that or also say the opposite, ''Oh I am so snarky!'' I rather make up my own mind regarding others; it makes me wonder why people are labeling themselves.

I always wonder this, too. I try not to say anything about myself because I''d hate to delude myself into thinking I''m cooler than I really am lol. I wonder if it''s one of those situations where they think, ''If I repeat it enough, it will be TRUE!''

I agree with this 100%!

 

[musey]

What about when I say I''m lame? Because I think I do that quite often!

Or would you rather make up your own minds about my lameitude?

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 3/11/2009 8:46:19 PM
Author: musey
What about when I say I''m lame? Because I think I do that quite often!

Or would you rather make up your own minds about my lameitude?

I see no lame!

 

[sammyj]

Date: 3/11/2009 6:27:58 PM
Author: blackpolkadot

Date: 3/11/2009 5:24:59 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 3/11/2009 5:23:29 PM

Author: MonkeyPie

If a person feels the need to point out repeatedly that they are a certain way (''I''m so nice!'' ''Don''t you think I''m nice?'' ''Everyone always says I''m SO NICE.''), then all that tells me is that they are insecure and they know that the opposite is actually the truth. And their actions (being purposefully hateful, saying rude things with no provocation, being verbally abusive and defensive) usually prove that.

Well said. I completely agree.

Ditto.

Double ditto to MonkeyPie on several accounts. And I''ll add that people who feel the need constantly trying to prove they''re a certain way probably have a distorted perception of themselves...and may need to do a bit more soul searching.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/11/2009 8:46:19 PM
Author: musey
What about when I say I''m lame? Because I think I do that quite often!

Or would you rather make up your own minds about my lameitude?

I''d rather make up my own mind as to your lameness. Hey is lameness even a word???

For that matter is lameitude a word?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 3/11/2009 8:50:53 PM
Author: sammyj

Date: 3/11/2009 6:27:58 PM

Author: blackpolkadot

Date: 3/11/2009 5:24:59 PM

Author: Haven

Date: 3/11/2009 5:23:29 PM


Author: MonkeyPie


If a person feels the need to point out repeatedly that they are a certain way (''I''m so nice!'' ''Don''t you think I''m nice?'' ''Everyone always says I''m SO NICE.''), then all that tells me is that they are insecure and they know that the opposite is actually the truth. And their actions (being purposefully hateful, saying rude things with no provocation, being verbally abusive and defensive) usually prove that.

Well said. I completely agree.

Ditto.

Double ditto to MonkeyPie on several accounts. And I''ll add that people who feel the need constantly trying to prove they''re a certain way probably have a distorted perception of themselves...and may need to do a bit more soul searching.

It does kind of scream "I''m insecure", doesn''t it?

 

[musey]

Date: 3/11/2009 8:51:43 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 3/11/2009 8:46:19 PM
Author: musey
What about when I say I'm lame? Because I think I do that quite often!

Or would you rather make up your own minds about my lameitude?

I'd rather make up my own mind as to your lameness. Hey is lameness even a word???

For that matter is lameitude a word?

It is now!

I guess I need to think twice the next time I want to admit that I'm being lame

 

[musey]

Date: 3/11/2009 8:48:28 PM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 3/11/2009 8:46:19 PM
Author: musey
What about when I say I''m lame? Because I think I do that quite often!

Or would you rather make up your own minds about my lameitude?

I see no lame!

Maybe not right now... but I may have to rely on you to call out my lame next time!

 

[CNOS128]

I don''t generally trust others to size up their own (especially positive)personality traits. And it kind of bothers me to hear someone say something like, "I''m really adorable and wise beyond my years."
Nope. It''s up to other people to say whether you''re adorable (but your telling me so not only makes me think you''re not adorable, it makes me think you''re a self-centered twit). It''s like when you''re writing a creative piece, you''re not supposed to say, "Lily was a very classy lady with an old soul," you''re supposed to show Lily''s personality in other ways.

But self-deprecation I don''t mind at all. Maybe I can relate better to that kind of comment.