A Lot of Petty Stuff Going On IMHO

[TravelingGal]

Fewer people = more tension, I think. Hopefully, we'll stick new members to replace the ones that were lost in the switchover to 2.0.

Otherwise, I guess we can all get real used to the "Ignore" button ....

Yeah, less people is part of it. I get the general feeling that everyone would like to blame other members for the current atmosphere of PS, but I for one, will admit, I've lost patience with some posters who play the same games over and over so I know I've contributed to some tension.

I think everyone needs to take stock in what they've said and consider how things come across and a) maybe reevaluate what/how they say things, and b) do the same when reading what others say. Some people sound really smug to me and I have NO idea if they are or if their writing style just portrays that. What I can say it it's taking greater effort for me to keep my mouth shut.

I've been here like EIGHT years and have seen fights happening throughout these years. It's not like BOOM, we've all blown up a gentle countryside and turned it into a mine field. There have been numerous bickering fights, etc., as the years have progressed but some of the people who were involved have either moved on OR have changed their approach over time so the newer ones may have created the impression that PS has suddenly turned evil.

Good post MC.

Since iLander asked for suggestions, here's mine.

If something irritates you, hate the POST, not the poster.

Stop being the victim. The world of PS is not out to get you. If someone, especially a nice poster who never gets into the scuffle, makes a good point, don't call it bait. No one is baiting you. No enemies are out to get you.

Reflect. Everyone can put their words in a better way.

No one is perfect. No one. So learn how to apologize and listen to what others have to say.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I hear you Italianhaircolor.
Believe it or not I too often write a post but then delete before I post it, or or soften it.

You can just imagine what it was before I diluted it.

I also very often do not respond and elevate the drama considering how many times I could have.Lately I have let many opportunities to respond in-kind just pass by.

But the police only notice when you drive poorly, not when you drive well.

Kenny why did you start a thread to talk crap about how I said you edited? If you had any sense of class you would either a) ask that my name be removed from that thread or b)ask that thread be removed. You accuse others of "herd mentality" and the "lynch mob," but then make a futile attempt to intiate that against me because of some random comment I made. I may confront people (such as I am now) but would never start a thread TALKING about how what a specific person said pissed me off. Come on!

 

[kenny]

I hear you Italianhaircolor.
Believe it or not I too often write a post but then delete before I post it, or or soften it.

You can just imagine what it was before I diluted it.

I also very often do not respond and elevate the drama considering how many times I could have. Lately I have let many opportunities to respond in-kind just pass by.

But the police only notice when you drive poorly, not when you drive well.

Kenny why did you start a thread to talk crap about how I said you edited? If you had any sense of class you would either a) ask that my name be removed from that thread or b)ask that thread be removed. You accuse others of "herd mentality" and the "lynch mob," but then make a futile attempt to intiate that against me because of some random comment I made. I may confront people (such as I am now) but would never start a thread TALKING about how what a specific person said pissed me off. Come on!

Here we go again.

Not.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Fewer people = more tension, I think. Hopefully, we'll stick new members to replace the ones that were lost in the switchover to 2.0.

Otherwise, I guess we can all get real used to the "Ignore" button ....

Yeah, less people is part of it. I get the general feeling that everyone would like to blame other members for the current atmosphere of PS, but I for one, will admit, I've lost patience with some posters who play the same games over and over so I know I've contributed to some tension.

I think everyone needs to take stock in what they've said and consider how things come across and a) maybe reevaluate what/how they say things, and b) do the same when reading what others say. Some people sound really smug to me and I have NO idea if they are or if their writing style just portrays that. What I can say it it's taking greater effort for me to keep my mouth shut.

I've been here like EIGHT years and have seen fights happening throughout these years. It's not like BOOM, we've all blown up a gentle countryside and turned it into a mine field. There have been numerous bickering fights, etc., as the years have progressed but some of the people who were involved have either moved on OR have changed their approach over time so the newer ones may have created the impression that PS has suddenly turned evil.

Good post MC.

Since iLander asked for suggestions, here's mine.

If something irritates you, hate the POST, not the poster.
Stop being the victim. The world of PS is not out to get you. If someone, especially a nice poster who never gets into the scuffle, makes a good point, don't call it bait. No one is baiting you. No enemies are out to get you.

Reflect. Everyone can put their words in a better way.

No one is perfect. No one. So learn how to apologize and listen to what others have to say.

Exactly. Don't make a person a target over something they say. I am irritated beyond hell that something I said was turned into the support reasoning behind starting a thread. If numerous people have been commenting on the editing of threads, that is one thing, but no, it's the EVIL MC who brought on the wrath of editing disapproval.

 

[kenny]

MC, you have a nice day.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I hear you Italianhaircolor.
Believe it or not I too often write a post but then delete before I post it, or or soften it.

You can just imagine what it was before I diluted it.

I also very often do not respond and elevate the drama considering how many times I could have. Lately I have let many opportunities to respond in-kind just pass by.

But the police only notice when you drive poorly, not when you drive well.

Kenny why did you start a thread to talk crap about how I said you edited? If you had any sense of class you would either a) ask that my name be removed from that thread or b)ask that thread be removed. You accuse others of "herd mentality" and the "lynch mob," but then make a futile attempt to intiate that against me because of some random comment I made. I may confront people (such as I am now) but would never start a thread TALKING about how what a specific person said pissed me off. Come on!

Here we go again.

Not.

Then maybe you should learn to appologize Kenny.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

MC, you have a nice day.

Thanks, I will.

I'm going out with friends tonight and we have an awesome night planned. Hope you've got the same

 

[Haven]

Fewer people = more tension, I think. Hopefully, we'll stick new members to replace the ones that were lost in the switchover to 2.0.
Otherwise, I guess we can all get real used to the "Ignore" button ....

Yeah, less people is part of it. I get the general feeling that everyone would like to blame other members for the current atmosphere of PS, but I for one, will admit, I've lost patience with some posters who play the same games over and over so I know I've contributed to some tension.
I think everyone needs to take stock in what they've said and consider how things come across and a) maybe reevaluate what/how they say things, and b) do the same when reading what others say. Some people sound really smug to me and I have NO idea if they are or if their writing style just portrays that. What I can say it it's taking greater effort for me to keep my mouth shut.
I've been here like EIGHT years and have seen fights happening throughout these years. It's not like BOOM, we've all blown up a gentle countryside and turned it into a mine field. There have been numerous bickering fights, etc., as the years have progressed but some of the people who were involved have either moved on OR have changed their approach over time so the newer ones may have created the impression that PS has suddenly turned evil.

Good post MC.
Since iLander asked for suggestions, here's mine.
If something irritates you, hate the POST, not the poster.
Stop being the victim. The world of PS is not out to get you. If someone, especially a nice poster who never gets into the scuffle, makes a good point, don't call it bait. No one is baiting you. No enemies are out to get you.
Reflect. Everyone can put their words in a better way.
No one is perfect. No one. So learn how to apologize and listen to what others have to say.

I love these posts by TGal, Circe, and MC.

ILander--I definitely wasn't trying to bait you, so I apologize if that's how it came across. I know we don't run into each other much here on PS, but I truly am not a fighter on these boards. Honest.

I know I've been guilty of writing posts that aren't very constructive here on PS, and I appreciate it when people call me out on that. I think an honest and respectful discussion about what everyone sees as negative here on the boards can be really useful for us, as a community, if everyone takes the feedback given in the spirit of progress.

I think it was Kenny who responded to a post of mine where I basically told another poster that his behavior was in bad form. Kenny challenged me to consider whether I really felt it was my place to talk to another poster like that, and I really appreciated that challenge. It made me think twice about the way I react to others, both in my head while reading their posts and while responding on PS, and I think the result has made me a better community member. (Kenny--if you weren't the one said that to me, I'm sorry. I have a horrible memory for things like this.)

Anyway, I'm open to a frank discussion about the things that turn people off from PS, even if those things include me and the way I post. Otherwise, how can I possibly be the change, myself, if I refuse to see my own role in the negativity here on PS?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

[quote="Haven|1295114689|2823538I know I've been guilty of writing posts that aren't very constructive here on PS, and I appreciate it when people call me out on that. I think an honest and respectful discussion about what everyone sees as negative here on the boards can be really useful for us, as a community, if everyone takes the feedback given in the spirit of progress.

I think it was Kenny who responded to a post of mine where I basically told another poster that his behavior was in bad form. Kenny challenged me to consider whether I really felt it was my place to talk to another poster like that, and I really appreciated that challenge. It made me think twice about the way I react to others, both in my head while reading their posts and while responding on PS, and I think the result has made me a better community member. (Kenny--if you weren't the one said that to me, I'm sorry. I have a horrible memory for things like this.)

Anyway, I'm open to a frank discussion about the things that turn people off from PS, even if those things include me and the way I post. Otherwise, how can I possibly be the change, myself, if I refuse to see my own role in the negativity here on PS?[/quote]

Thanks Haven.

I realize that I have been petty (as my last few posts demonstrated) and simply cannot hold back when someone annoys me. In this situation, I've decided I have not made use of the much beneficial "ignore" option that us members of PS have been offered to us by admin (probably as their way of providing a means for us to avoid conflict) and will now use that option to better "censor" my own posts.

If others use "ignore," I wonder how much the dynamics of PS will be improved.

 

[HollyS]

"I'm open to a frank discussion about the things that turn people off from PS"


What's Wrong With PS:

1) Braggarts.
2) Drama Queens.
3) Pseudo experts. On any topic.
4) Pot stirrers.
5) Trolls.
6) Net nannies.
7) The Voice of Reason. At least to themselves.

We have, now, and have had, all of the above.

IGNORING THEM would be the smartest move. If you will refuse to get drawn into their schtick, they won't feel validated.


What's Right With PS:

We have dozens of people who really do want to be helpful, friendly, and welcoming. Posters with a desire to share at least a part of their lives with others who have similar interests - - if not similar politics or lifestyles.

You will just have to overlook, ignore, or refuse to engage with the Wrong posters. Or you might just be completely unable to NOT cut them off at the knees, sometimes. Whatever. This isn't war. So let's not 'take sides' and draw lines. Just post about what you're interested in, and don't get too caught up in manufactured drama. 'Cause there will always be drama. It's a given.

 

[AGBF]

"I'm open to a frank discussion about the things that turn people off from PS"


What's Wrong With PS:

1) Braggarts.
2) Drama Queens.
3) Pseudo experts. On any topic.
4) Pot stirrers.
5) Trolls.
6) Net nannies.
7) The Voice of Reason. At least to themselves.

We have, now, and have had, all of the above.

IGNORING THEM would be the smartest move. If you will refuse to get drawn into their schtick, they won't feel validated.


What's Right With PS:

We have dozens of people who really do want to be helpful, friendly, and welcoming. Posters with a desire to share at least a part of their lives with others who have similar interests - - if not similar politics or lifestyles.

You will just have to overlook, ignore, or refuse to engage with the Wrong posters. Or you might just be completely unable to NOT cut them off at the knees, sometimes. Whatever. This isn't war. So let's not 'take sides' and draw lines. Just post about what you're interested in, and don't get too caught up in manufactured drama. 'Cause there will always be drama. It's a given.

I just wish you weren't such a Pollyanna, Holly.

Deb


Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend

 

[HollyS]

"I just wish you weren't such a Pollyanna, Holly."


Oh, Deb. You know I'm not. I'm just reasonable. And too old to take any of this seriously anymore.

PS is a fun diversion. What most people post, on any given day, is simply unimportant. Fluff. Like the much maligned FB. No reason to get the UnderRoos in a twist.

Listen to me. How grown-up do I sound?

I must have found my Zen center.

 

[kenny]

I think a major problem here is people expect others to behave just like them.

Of course they don't see it this way.
They see themselves as having the "correct and proper" personality and behavior.
If you don't behave how they expect they pick up their chisel and hammer away at you every chance they get.

I see this as intolerance of diversity.

People vary.
They vary in every way.
Get over it.
The world and others will never be how you think they should be.
You can choose to fight it all your life or accept the inevitable and be at peace.

Sure, if a crime is committed call the police.
If your husband cheats on you dump him.
If you think a post violates PS polices report it instead of responding to it

There is a large critical mass here who agree on what is the "proper" way to be.
No problemo, go ahead and be that way.

Sculptors, put down your chisels.
We're all choking on the dust.

Carl Jung said something like "We can learn much about ourselves from the people who annoy us the most."

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Well, to improve my PS experience, I'm going to choose not to rise to the bait that people sometimes offer.

Kinda feel *this* thread is used to bait people....Not sure how a thread about pettiness will decrease the pettiness on the board.

 

[kenny]

....Not sure how a thread about pettiness will decrease the pettiness on the board.

Oh I disagree.
Airing out what bothers you is very therapeutic.
Plus some good healthy options have been offered in this thread and it's still young.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

....Not sure how a thread about pettiness will decrease the pettiness on the board.

Oh I disagree.
Airing out what bothers you is very therapeutic.
Plus some good healthy options have been offered in this thread and it's still young.

We will have to agree to disagree. I believe negativity breeds negativity. A more positive thread would lighten the mood and not make posters defensive. Sometimes motives for starting threads are not pure.

 

[iLander]

I hear you Italianhaircolor.
Believe it or not I too often write a post but then delete before I post it, or or soften it.

You can just imagine what it was before I diluted it.

I also very often do not respond and elevate the drama considering how many times I could have.Lately I have let many opportunities to respond in-kind just pass by.

But the police only notice when you drive poorly, not when you drive well.

Kenny why did you start a thread to talk crap about how I said you edited? If you had any sense of class you would either a) ask that my name be removed from that thread or b)ask that thread be removed. You accuse others of "herd mentality" and the "lynch mob," but then make a futile attempt to intiate that against me because of some random comment I made. I may confront people (such as I am now) but would never start a thread TALKING about how what a specific person said pissed me off. Come on!

I believe this post is an Exact Demonstration of what I'm saying.

 

[kenny]

Tacori, besides some exceptions I'd say overall this thread has a positive tone so far.
There are many helpful constructive suggestions (I even employed one.)
I see threads like this as a community's healing and growing process.

Maybe I had too much therapy.
Call me Pollyanna.

 

[iLander]

....Not sure how a thread about pettiness will decrease the pettiness on the board.

Oh I disagree.
Airing out what bothers you is very therapeutic.
Plus some good healthy options have been offered in this thread and it's still young.

We will have to agree to disagree. I believe negativity breeds negativity. A more positive thread would lighten the mood and not make posters defensive. Sometimes motives for starting threads are not pure.

Then you are certainly free to start this "more positive thread".

 

[ksinger]

"I just wish you weren't such a Pollyanna, Holly."


Oh, Deb. You know I'm not. I'm just reasonable. And too old to take any of this seriously anymore.

PS is a fun diversion. What most people post, on any given day, is simply unimportant. Fluff. Like the much maligned FB. No reason to get the UnderRoos in a twist.

Listen to me. How grown-up do I sound?

I must have found my Zen center.

This thread is pretty much turning into a re-hash of the last one. No surprises here, really.

So....I whaydaya think Holly, how 'bout you and I are head for the local watering hole to tie one on and sing Kumbaya for a bit.....

 

[Autumnovember]

Haven,

I'm the poster who told cuso I would tear him apart, unless there was someone else. I was pretty nice to him in the beginning and its rare I'm nasty to someone for no reason. He decided that anyone who didn't agree with his narrow minded views deserved to be called names. Once someone starts with name calling, I'll get real rude real quick. I don't regret anything I said to him. I won't take any of it back, and I'm definitely not ashamed of anything I said. If you dish it (like he did) you better be able to take it too.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I hear you Italianhaircolor.
Believe it or not I too often write a post but then delete before I post it, or or soften it.

You can just imagine what it was before I diluted it.

I also very often do not respond and elevate the drama considering how many times I could have.Lately I have let many opportunities to respond in-kind just pass by.

But the police only notice when you drive poorly, not when you drive well.

Kenny why did you start a thread to talk crap about how I said you edited? If you had any sense of class you would either a) ask that my name be removed from that thread or b)ask that thread be removed. You accuse others of "herd mentality" and the "lynch mob," but then make a futile attempt to intiate that against me because of some random comment I made. I may confront people (such as I am now) but would never start a thread TALKING about how what a specific person said pissed me off. Come on!

I believe this post is an Exact Demonstration of what I'm saying.

If you don't like what I have to say, then put me on "ignore."

 

[iLander]

I hear you Italianhaircolor.
Believe it or not I too often write a post but then delete before I post it, or or soften it.

You can just imagine what it was before I diluted it.

I also very often do not respond and elevate the drama considering how many times I could have.Lately I have let many opportunities to respond in-kind just pass by.

But the police only notice when you drive poorly, not when you drive well.

Kenny why did you start a thread to talk crap about how I said you edited? If you had any sense of class you would either a) ask that my name be removed from that thread or b)ask that thread be removed. You accuse others of "herd mentality" and the "lynch mob," but then make a futile attempt to intiate that against me because of some random comment I made. I may confront people (such as I am now) but would never start a thread TALKING about how what a specific person said pissed me off. Come on!

I believe this post is an Exact Demonstration of what I'm saying.

If you don't like what I have to say, then put me on "ignore."

Where's the fun in that?

ETA I'm trying to tease you and lighten you up in case you're wondering. . .

 

[MichelleCarmen]

....Not sure how a thread about pettiness will decrease the pettiness on the board.

Oh I disagree.
Airing out what bothers you is very therapeutic.
Plus some good healthy options have been offered in this thread and it's still young.

We will have to agree to disagree. I believe negativity breeds negativity. A more positive thread would lighten the mood and not make posters defensive. Sometimes motives for starting threads are not pure.

Then you are certainly free to start this "more positive thread".[/quote]

 

[kenny]

Cuso's behavior didn't get under my skin one bit.
He was young; he'll grow up.

I was civil, even polite to him particularly because the pious be-nice-like-me mob was following him around with their chisels and hammers.
I think I even posted that people should stop being so mean to him, or something - which of course turns the mob of Legislated Niceness in my direction.
A brave few posted their agreement with me that he was treated badly and unfairly.

Cuso was a great example of this community's intolerance.
It's ironic . . . be nice or get clubbed over the head by us nice people.

BEHAVE LIKE ME, OR ELSE!!!!!!!

Whatever.

 

[iLander]

....Not sure how a thread about pettiness will decrease the pettiness on the board.

Oh I disagree.
Airing out what bothers you is very therapeutic.
Plus some good healthy options have been offered in this thread and it's still young.

We will have to agree to disagree. I believe negativity breeds negativity. A more positive thread would lighten the mood and not make posters defensive. Sometimes motives for starting threads are not pure.

Then you are certainly free to start this "more positive thread".[/quote]

If you're wanting me to clarify: I didn't understand what (in this thread) was making posters defensive. The motive for my starting this thread is pure and simple: I was expressing my opinion.

I was genuinly asking her to start a more positive thread because I really don't know what that would be and frankly, we can all use all the positive threads we can get.

 

[Matata]

This is probably the point where someone would come in and start the "pie" thing, which I really really hate, hate with a capitol "H", with a vengance, and which makes me want to tear the heads of people here that I really do like. Sooooooooooooooooo, instead of The Dessert Which Shall Not Be Named, can we segue to cocktails?

Cocktails, anyone?

I'm getting back to the old fashioned ones, like Old-Fashions & whiskey sours.

 

[Kaleigh]

I haven't had a whiskey sour in ages. May I have one please??

 

[MichelleCarmen]

....Not sure how a thread about pettiness will decrease the pettiness on the board.

Oh I disagree.
Airing out what bothers you is very therapeutic.
Plus some good healthy options have been offered in this thread and it's still young.

We will have to agree to disagree. I believe negativity breeds negativity. A more positive thread would lighten the mood and not make posters defensive. Sometimes motives for starting threads are not pure.

Then you are certainly free to start this "more positive thread".[/quote]

If you're wanting me to clarify: I didn't understand what (in this thread) was making posters defensive. The motive for my starting this thread is pure and simple: I was expressing my opinion.

I was genuinly asking her to start a more positive thread because I really don't know what that would be and frankly, we can all use all the positive threads we can get.

Yeah, I think the deal is we ALL are very opinionated on PS and will seek any and every opportunity to voice how we feel. If a thought provoking/internal/external evaluation thread is started permiting members to jump in, everyone in a chatty mood will do so and there is no way of predicting what will happen between us all! We love to debate...let's face it.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I posted this in random thoughts, but I think it's time to start a thread.

Is it just me, or does it seem like PS is getting really petty and small?

I feel like posters are just looking for any excuse to attack each other, usually over small, stupid things.

Takes the fun out of it for me, even if I'm not directly involved.

I let a lot of stuff go in some of my past threads, things that made me go , but I didn't comment because I prefer to use old-fashioned manners: when someone in the room farts, you don't comment.

I also feel that whatever I say, it will be parsed and criticized, regardless of civility. So, I really shouldn't even write this comment.

You don't see why posters may be defensive when you say PS is getting petty and small? An excuse to attack each other? Takes the fun out of it (though you did just comment how you don't use the ignore function b/c THAT wouldn't be fun ). You are putting yourself above others by claiming to use "old fashioned manners" (while others don't according to you) and feel picked on.

ETA: I am not the kinda poster that feels the need to start 10 threads a day. I have been around long enough to see what inspires people and what irritates them.