A date conflict....

[poptart]

Date: 1/24/2007 11:28:48 AM
Author: Mara
gosh ally i''m so sorry to hear that this is happening to you. what your sister did is ridiculous.

i know you have given us some insight into your family and how they work in the past. so knowing that, i seriously doubt from what you have said that they will offer you any support if you decide to fight this with your sister.

so really what can you do? it''s no fun to feel like no one but your fiance is backing you. i don''t really consider that WE PS''ers supporting you counts, because face it, we don''t see you on a daily basis nor can offer you much other than verbal ''go get em girl''. it''s easy to say something like that when we are on one side of the computer but not when only one person is on your side in real life.

so really unfortunately, it sucks but i think you will just have to suck it up and go on. normally i would never say this but based on your history with your sister and what you have posted about your family, how they like to just stick their heads in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong....everyone will blame you if you try to change what is going on. your sister knows this, probably knows you aren''t strong enough to stand up to everyone for a continued period of time (they will wear you down) etc.

i hate advocating laying down and playing dead. if i were you i''d be so mad i''d just go off and do my own thing when i wanted to even if it was just me and my fiance getting married on some island. but you have serious family ties that you are roped into mentally, i think that is part of what you are working on in therapy? what does your therapist say? some families are just so amazingly toxic, it''s sick. and i feel really badly for you and i am really angry that there are parents out there who don''t realize that they can''t just pretend nothing is wrong and they are doing serious DAMAGE to both you and your sister by being the way they are. but i don''t know what to say knowing the history, other than you might just want to make peace with this for your own mental state and just move on from the nastiness and do your own thing. do not let her actions color your wedding.

and seriously, do you think she''s going to make it to the altar?

oooh mean thought but maybe she books it for your date, and then a year into it, oh woops they break up, you can swoop and in rescue the date, lol. that would be such the best karma. that''s so mean to say that though.

This is where I don''t agree Mara. I dont'' know if just giving in will help because it''s just reinforcing the belief that it''s ok to let people walk all over her. And it''s not. Although I do agree with you that asking the therapist''s opinion is a very good idea.

*M*

 

[turtledazzle]

Oh my goodness ~ my mouth actually popped open in shock when I read that your sister actually booked the same date as you. I honestly just cannot fathom that. Ally -- I''m sorry you have to deal with this. Your sister not only sounds selfish, but downright spiteful. She asks you to move your YEAR (not just date but the whole freaking YEAR), you tell her you''ll think about it and talk to her by the end of the month, and it''s not even the end of the month and she''s already booked your weekend!

It really sucks that you''re not getting any familial support on this matter, either. Family dynamics are so difficult ... I don''t have much advice, but I do hope things work out for you. But, please, do stop saying things like "I know I shouldn''t be, but I am REALLY MAD." You SHOULD be mad. And, no, I don''t give her the benefit of the doubt on this one. There are just too many weekends in a year for this to be coincidence (IMO, of course). Good luck!

 

[appletini]

I think you should keep your date, but play a little mind game with her. Tell her you are so exicted that she wants to have a double wedding (since she picked your date and location), and tell her how much it means to be able to share all the fun the wedding stuff wit her, etc. I have a feeling that since she wants to be in the spotlight, if you can keep up the charade long enough she''ll change her date because she won''t want to share with you.

Good Luck!

 

[hlmr]

Date: 1/24/2007 11:32:36 AM
Author: oshinbreez

Date: 1/24/2007 11:24:02 AM
Author: hlmr
Nasty, nasty, nasty! So sorry you have to deal with this Ally!


Tell her, no problem, you can have my date, and then I would book my wedding the weekend after hers, so she can either miss it (on her honeymoon), or have to rearrange her honeymoon for your wedding.

Ally''s sis wouldn''t care about missing Ally''s wedding. She needs to keep her date.

I didn''t mean for her to seriously do this, just wondering whether a compromise would be acknowledged by her parents, or whether being a ''good sister'' just means doing whatever her sister wants, period.

Is a big wedding really important to you Ally? Would eloping be an option at all?

 

[sparkel]

This is beyond unbelievable. I totally agree with everyone that you should send the save the dates now (have not finished reading all the posts). I think that if they are trying to save face it would be pretty hard to explain why she picked the same date as you! I don''t care about cultural traditions or anything like that (though I am usually pretty tolerant of that stuff). This is just mean plain and simple and your parents need to take a stand against her spoiled bratty ness. Your wanting to get married on your dating anniversary plus the fact that YOU ALREADY BOOKED THE SITE AND PLANNED IT trumps anything she wants. Like some others have said if you don''t stand up to something this huge what is going to happen in the future, it will only get worse.

Good luck (so angry on your behalf),
Rebecca

 

[Kismet]

That is so totally appalling; both your sister''s behavior and your parent''s for not standing up to her. Can you go to your sister''s future in laws and ask them to change the date because it would be disrepectful to cause so much stress on your family by their having to split their time between two weddings on the same day? Put the blame on your sister by saying that she must not have told them that you had already made plans to get married that day.

 

[Liquiddazi]

I know this has to be a very complex situation, given all of the details above and add to it that you are in the Viet Community. However, it is a very good thing that all of my siblings are married because if they did this to me, I think I would have KILLED THEM!

 

[allycat0303]

Pandora II: It looks like July 26 is going to be a popular date!

Oshinbreez: I love the Joshua story, and to be honest with you, I'm not really all that surprised either. I'm just kind of surprised that I didn't anticipate it.

hopefulheidi, tiffanytwisted, hlmr, eleguin, liquidazzi, turtledazzle, kismet: thanks for the words of support! I appreciate it.

poptart: thank you so much for stating that you don't think it was a coincidence! I feell like I am being the biggest GRR for suspecting that it intentional, but I just don't see how it's possible. She knew the date. I told her right away. And I've been with my guy for 11 years, so KNOWS our anniversary. I doubt very much she forgot. And she could have called me to confirm my date if she wasn't sure right???

ephemery1: There's a couple of reasons against 2007 for me, mainly I'm already going to be an intern this summer at the hospital (assuming I don't fail anything else). But I think the motivation is a) wanting to be first b) making sure that she can coincide first with what FBIL's parents can afford.

Deco: hugs honey. That's what I keep saying. Breath (and don't let the steam out)

Mara: Do I think they are going to make it down the alter? I don't know. I think she is SOOOO desperate to marry him, that she will. It's like when someone REALLY wants to jump out of window, it's hard to stop them. Actually I think that her 2 years no kids is a good idea, because I KNOW there's going to be some nasty secrets that come out as soon as the ceremony is over. And although I'm convinced she will marry him (even if he told her tomorrow he was into guys and not girls) I am equally certain that the marriage won't last. If I had to bet my life on a side it would be "divorce in under 2 years, hopefully without any children involved"

Appletini: I really do want to be nasty. Although knowing her, I don't think this is going to be a quiet, mental battle kind of thing. I'm expecting her to just lose it if I don't back out, end of story. Let's hope I get the opportunity though

It's all so convienent because I have a standing appointement 10:30 on wednesday with the counseller. He believes that I let my sister, my parents, etc., heap a bunch of poop on me and I take it, for years, and years and years and I'm really tired of being the second class citizen in this family. I spewed so much anger on him it's unblieveable. Unfortunately, I didn't read the posts until now, or I would have thought to ask him "what do you think I should do?"


So I analyzed this situation all night, and here's my take on this:

a) If she only told my parents that as a kind of a bluff: why is possible because I have no way of knowing, my gut feeling is that she will not tolerate sharing the spotlight and will back out. But I'm not convinced of this.

b) she made the request on December 26th ot 27th, therefore, it is quite possible that she sent out save the dates already. She's had all of January to decide on how to move on this, having correctly interpreted my reluctance to give in.

...if she has sent the STD and I send them after I am going to look like a moron. But if I were to do it, all relatives would then call my parents and ask them what the deal is. I am 99.9% sure that they will say something in the effect of "oh attend M's wedding, Ally is marrying without our permission etc." I think in terms of pros vs. cons, they would much rather save face amoung 300-350 Viet community then my tiny insignificant wedding. My baby and I both realized that if I hang onto the date, I will most likely be getting married with my 5 closest friends there and none (no one to speak of) family. No one is going to go against my parents. I'm also concerned because there are a few cousins that I am very close to, which are likely to feel torn in 2, but ultimately, they will choose to go to M's wedding.

But despite all of the pros and cons against all this (my baby is too mad to be objective... he has never forgiven my sister for the past *incident*) At this very moment I'm leaning on keeping the date and proceeding as normal. It's going to stink, probably be more unhappy then happy, but I think I need to take a stand.

Ugh. But I say this now. I'll be talking to my sister tonight after she comes home. It's bound to be ugly. So I'll let you all know once that's past. And if I never show up on the board again, I'm probably buried under the swimming pool in a slab of concrete

Thanks for all the well-wishes and postive butt-kicking advice!

 

[snlee]

OMG! Ally, are you kidding me? You have every right to be mad! I''m fuming mad for you! I can''t believe your sister is so selfish and booked YOUR wedding date! I''m appalled! I''m sorry you have to go through this sh*t. =/

 

[Jas12]

Show her this thread--ask her to read it all and then ask her if she still thinks her actions, demands and attitude are unreasonable.

No one knows anyone else on PS so it is not as if any of us have a good reason to ''back'' you on an anonymous forum. It should be pretty clear to all interested parties what the consensus (based to what you have told us) is.

Don''t back down on this one.

 

[NYCsparkle]

WOW!!! I just read this and I can''t believe your sister is such a B^&%H!!!

It sounds like shes a spoiled brat and your parents support this!!!! If I were you I would be happy if she didn''t attend my wedding---she''s doing you a favor. I think you have waited long enough and that the date you picked is perfect (being your anniversary and all). Don''t let your family abuse you this way. Stand up for yourself---especially to your immature sister. Trust me--even if its just you and him your day will be special and beautiful....you are marrying your best friend and thats all that matters on july 26, 2008.

Good luck talking to her---can you talk her into therapy? lol

 

[Gypsy]

I would move my date. I would tell my sister that she needs to refund my deposit, get the money... then I would have a REALLY lovely April 2008 Spring wedding.

And here are your arguments:

You are having a much smaller wedding that will be nothing like your sister''s.

You DO have your parent''s blessing... and I would force the issue on this. You''ve been the good daughter. And its time they gave you credit for it.

And you''ve been dating for a long time now and its time.

All those lovely LARGE red packets will be more helpful for you and FI, since FBIL''s family is paying for everything for your sister.

 

[firebirdgold]

You do need to be a good sister... and in this case being a good sister is not letting her get her way all the time! She''s a spoiled brat and you''d be doing her no favors by letting this incredibly manipulative and backhanded behavior actually succeed.

No wonder she''s gotten this like if your parents are so unable to well.. parent! This is unbelievable that they could just sit back and let her treat you so horribly without doing anything about it!! I can''t believe that they didn''t tell her that that was you date and that they wouldn''t be able to attend her wedding! And why the heck did they approve her wedding and not hers!

Why are people going to choose her wedding over yours?? Just because she''s marrying some loser of a Viet guy?

Quite frankly, your sister and parents aren''t worthy of you and don''t deserve to be a part of your life. They treat you like shit and expect you to just lie down and take it! I wonder how it''d look to the Viet community? ( Hmm. I don''t suppose there''s any way to ''leak'' this into the ear of a community matron?

) If your immediate family is going to treat you so shamefully is there anyone in your extended family you can go to for support? Your grandparents, your aunts? I mean you totally have the right of this, you were engaged first, you already booked your date and place, you''ve started your planning, and she just STOLE your wedding date!

 

[Mara]

poptart, of course i don''t think it''s okay to be walked on or reinforce that. but ally has some serious history with her sister and her family and parents and they will not make it easy on her to stand up for this. and honestly, is it really worth it? i am very close to my family and while they would never do something like this to me, it''d be really hard to stand up for what i wanted knowing that they would NOT BACK ME. and that my sister would be badmouthing me every chance i got. that is so toxic mentally to the recipient. and with what ally is already working on in therapy, not sure this is the ''right time'' to be gearing up for a battle like this. and a battle it will be. my bottom line would just be ''is the outcome going to be WORTH IT...''...aka worth all the drama and mental anguish that it would cause to go against her parents and her sister and probably still lose her date in the end. it wouldn''t be mentally worth it for me.

 

[janinegirly]

i hope you don''t mind me chiming in, but my impression is there''s an awful lot of drama (leading up to this point and current situation), and I agree your sister is being sneaky (for some reason) and your folks are trying to be fair, but seem to not be putting their foot down where it counts.

Anyway, if i were you, i''d wash my hands of it all, and just do what make you and FI happy. Include your parents, try to have their blessing, but forget the whole sister situation. If you both have the wedding the same day, yea, that''s def weird, but in the big picture who cares. It''s not worth all the effort, drama, ups and downs. Life is short, enjoy your day and plan as you were before..ie same date. If your sister throws a hissy fit, just say you did all you could but this is how it is. Big sister has spoken. I understand the cultural sensitivities (I really do...trust me), but if things are that traditional, then big sister usually trumps! good luck girl!

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 1/24/2007 12:33:51 PM
Author: allycat0303

So I analyzed this situation all night, and here''s my take on this:

a) If she only told my parents that as a kind of a bluff: why is possible because I have no way of knowing, my gut feeling is that she will not tolerate sharing the spotlight and will back out. But I''m not convinced of this.

She WON''T share the spotlight. I don''t know if she will back out or not.

b) she made the request on December 26th ot 27th, therefore, it is quite possible that she sent out save the dates already. She''s had all of January to decide on how to move on this, having correctly interpreted my reluctance to give in.

Can you find out from a close relative if she has sent STD cards yet? If not, send them quick. Or, You could send STD emails and then send actual cards in a few days/weeks.

...if she has sent the STD and I send them after I am going to look like a moron. But if I were to do it, all relatives would then call my parents and ask them what the deal is. I am 99.9% sure that they will say something in the effect of ''oh attend M''s wedding, Ally is marrying without our permission etc.'' I think in terms of pros vs. cons, they would much rather save face amoung 300-350 Viet community then my tiny insignificant wedding. My baby and I both realized that if I hang onto the date, I will most likely be getting married with my 5 closest friends there and none (no one to speak of) family. No one is going to go against my parents. I''m also concerned because there are a few cousins that I am very close to, which are likely to feel torn in 2, but ultimately, they will choose to go to M''s wedding.

I''m lost on this. Previously you wrote

The background here is that my parents REALLY don''t like this guy. The stories go on forever: he lied about having a job, abusive, and didn''t ask them permission to marry her (a big no-no in our culture) they refused to plan an engagement party, and I threw her one over the Christmas break.

Does this mean neither J or sis''s fi asked parents permission?

But despite all of the pros and cons against all this (my baby is too mad to be objective... he has never forgiven my sister for the past *incident*) At this very moment I''m leaning on keeping the date and proceeding as normal. It''s going to stink, probably be more unhappy then happy, but I think I need to take a stand.

How would you feel if you changed your date? I don''t think you could be happy knowing your sis had what was supposed to be your day.

Ugh. But I say this now. I''ll be talking to my sister tonight after she comes home. It''s bound to be ugly. So I''ll let you all know once that''s past. And if I never show up on the board again, I''m probably buried under the swimming pool in a slab of concrete

Thanks for all the well-wishes and postive butt-kicking advice!

Good luck talking to sis.

 

[E B]

Ally, I think it's SO awesome that you're prepared to fight. Stand your ground, girl. You can do it. And I'd personally make sure your fiance is there when you confront your sister tonight, given the "incident".

That being said, if for whatever reason you end up letting your sister have your date, I'd pick a date before hers in 2008. Like Gypsy said, a gorgeous Spring wedding in March or April. Your family will be able to attend (perhaps minus your sister, which sounds like an ideal situation) and she can fume all she wants about not being able to have her very own year. But she won't be able to do anything about it besides not participate.

By booking a venue on YOUR date, that was obviously her way of getting "her year". If you book BEFORE her in 2008, she has no way to stop it.

 

[swingirl]

Whatever you do now to fight for your day, will be part of you wedding memories for the rest of your life. Your sister is trying to sour your wedding and is doing everything she can to make you backdown and be the "weaker" one (and it sounds like your parents have taught her how to do this.) Think about how you want your special day to be and consider that it's your future husband's day, too. When you aren't so focused on your parents and your sister, say 20 years from now, what do you want to remember about your wedding day? Just make sure it is all positive.

 

[allycat0303]

Oshinbreez, they don't approve, but they are going to say whatver it takes to save face, including lie to the Viet community. It's all very complex and twisted. Trust me. When I wasn't accepted in med school and I was doing a master's degree, they told people that I had dropped out of school to work as a salesgirl at the GAP...because in their mind, me dropping out and being lazy and not applying to med school was less embarrassing then doing a master's degree because I wasn't good enough to apply. It didn't make sense to me either. But that's what happened. So how I'm seeing it is rather then even though they know my sister is marrying a good-for-nothing loser and having the Viet community laugh at them, it's better that the put on the appearance that he is a steller wonderful, we are supporting this thing, so they won't be embarassed. So they certinly CANNOT NOT show up for her wedding. The Viet community would automatically assume my sister is pregnent, disowned etc. Does that make sense? I think on Wolftress thread, there's zdrastvootya who's married to a viet girl, and he explains the whole appearence, hypocrite thing very well. It's all about savig face no matter who you hurt.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/did-any-brides-parents-ask-for-a-dowry.56448/page-3

Ebree, Gypsy: I'm really considering this option that you have Gypsy have come up with. The only thing I worry about is that I feel like it's really underhanded. And I'm a totally big believer in karma, so I'm a little afraid of what will happen to me if I try to sneak a fast one by her. But I'm considering it.

Swingirl, Mara A good point, one against fighting I guess and letting her get her way. I don't know if it is worth it. More I think is just the principal. I think I will most likely lose my wedding date, but I think to let her get away with it...I don't know the last *incident* I let go, and I think in way it's empowering her to do something else yanno? It wasn't like this before, she would never have done something like this before.

Indie: Honestly, the more I talk about this, the more I feel like they are just too hard on me. I don't know we'll see.

Jas12, NCYsparkle, Snlee: thanks for the words of support

 

[LuckyLady]

Wow, I am shocked out of lurking.

I would call her out and tell her how I feel. I would consider not having her in my wedding, and not participating in hers. I would tell her that her actions show complete disrespect for you and FI, and therefore you have no cause to respect her request since she went behind your back. I would say I might change the date, and I might not, but if I do it will be because FI and I decided that is what is best for us, and we are most certainly not changing it for you. I would do this calmly and rationally, and I would ignore her or leave the room if she tries to get hysterical. People like this stop the emotional blackmail/guilt-trip when you stop responding. I would not enable her anymore, whether or not you decide to change your date or not.

On another note: it doesn''t sound like they should be getting married. Do you not feel like you should tell her these secret things about him that you have heard? Why is everyone just letting her find out after the wedding? Not attacking you, just curious. Although if she is this crazy and difficult, maybe you should be grateful he is taking her off your hands. Let him be responsible for her and deal.

Whatever you decide, be strong and make yourself happy. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[E B]

Date: 1/24/2007 2:22:01 PM
Author: allycat0303

Ebree, Gypsy: I'm really considering this option that you have Gypsy have come up with. The only thing I worry about is that I feel like it's really underhanded. And I'm a totally big believer in karma, so I'm a little afraid of what will happen to me if I try to sneak a fast one by her. But I'm considering it.

Ally,

I believe in karma too, and what you would do is not underhanded. What SHE'S doing is underhanded. Look at it this way: you're letting her have the date she wants. Of course, it's your FH and your anniversary, but really, your new anniversary will be the day you marry. And you want to have it in 2008 (before she did!), so you're simply picking another date. She "wins" (but not really.)

As I see it, she obviously booked your date to infuriate you and get her way. Let her have it. It's just a date. Pick another one, a better, less sweaty (

) date in the most beautiful season of the year. And have some gorgeous cherry blossom STDs sent out as soon as possible.

She has no right to claim an entire year.

 

[E B]

I just wanted to add that the first Saturday in March is March 1st. If you were to book early in March, you'd be allowing almost 4 full months in between your *new* date and your sister's date. Nothing cruel about that. Booking the weekend before June 26th might be problematic, but 4 full months? Plenty of time for your family to rest between weddings.

Just a thought.

 

[Gypsy]

Ally, I believe in Karma too. You are not being bad. She is being bad, and puttin gyou in a an untenable situation. Karma doesn''t strike, IMO, when you have done nothing wrong and are merely defending yourself from a bully. And that''s what your sister is... a bully.


Depending in where you live... March 1st might be really cold... that''s why I suggested April... bu the last week in March would do too. As for anniversaries... well, now you''d get TWO a year.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/23/2007 5:47:11 PM
Author: allycat0303
Thanks Poptart. The reason she doesn''t want it the same year is because she feels that the out of town family guests would have to choose, and she wants to be sure everyone can be at her wedding. In addition, the traditional Viet wedding is a 2 day affair (minimum) and she wants to have a HUGE wedding, so she doesn''t want to have our family splitting the attention between us. Something like 350-400 people, so really enormous. My parents don''t want the weddings to be on the same year either, because they think it''s too much stress on them. Personally I don''t care. We were looking at a 80-90 person wedding, so I don''t mind if some people don''t come. She''s just really against that.

Fatefelice: I KNOW that''s what I should do. But seriously my sister is scary. (Even my fiance who is LIVID at the request is questioning the wisdom of saying no to her). He''s as much on the fence as I am. But actually when we read your response, you mentioned that it ''some of her points are valid'' for her to get married first...which kind of put us back in the, maybe we are being unreasonable camp.

IME those scary people just get worse the more power you give them and giving in to their demands is giving them power. You might stifle the beast in the short term but long term you face the possibility of more demands, possibly outrageous and absurd ones. Best she learn now she can''t get her way.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/23/2007 6:19:09 PM
Author: hockeyguy
I forgot my password, and I wrote a whole post and it didn''t work.

Ally''s sister didn''t request as much as demand. She demanded the whole year. She''s actually softened the story a lot because I don''t really think we were given a choice. Usually I would say no but her sister refused to participate in the wedding, and make the experience very unpleasent if we had the wedding in 2008. Her family means a lot to her (and to me) and I know she will be really sad if her sister wasn''t there for the wedding. Part of this is because Ally''s siblings are spoiled because she never says no, and because the situation with her husband to be is unstable. I can imagine her becoming really upset. It''s happened in the past and I don''t want to go through that again.

no freakin'' way I''d want psycho sister at my wedding - if she really was gonna have a hissy fit of that grand proportion I''d be happy she copped out!!!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/24/2007 7:14:51 AM
Author: allycat0303
Aw guys, you are all wonderful. My baby and I had supper at my parents house last night to try and talk the situation with them over, because January is almost finished. See how they stand on it. So many points which have been brought up, which I need to clarify (and say thanks to each and everyone of you).

1) They can''t have the wedding in 2007 because FBIL''s family is paying for it. They just paid for the engagement ring and they are paying for the house. They need some time to recover a bit before the next big hit. They can do 2008 and 2009, but my sister wants 2008 for the reasons listed before. Yes. I know this is a little excessive.

2)....although my parents (who don''t get along with the FBIL''s family) suspect the 2008 demand for many reasons a) because the family wants this done with so that my sister won''t change her mind b) if they have the wedding first, most of the out of town wedding guests will come only to her wedding, and bring the VERY generous red envelopes to her. So my parents feel there is a financial incentive.

3) they can''t buy a house unless married (legit reason here) because they are not married. I did it because I''m dating a white guy, so no one in the Viet community knows, or is intrested in anything I do...therefore, I can''t bring shame onto the family. If I were dating a Viet guy, my parents would never have let me buy the house before marriage. It sounds unfair and ridiculous, but that''s the way it is. I''ve had all sorts of other freedoms along the way so I can''t get nasty over this one.

4) And do I really want to get married? I do, things are going well. Can I change my mind? I''m sure I can, as anyone can, but I don''t think that necessarily means that she should have the right to demand that I change things for her. I mean for all I know, she might change her mind. Some things have been said in the last few weeks that I find EXTREMELY sketchy and I have the feeling that a new bomb-shell is about to be dropped on her considering his so-called *new employment

*

Which comes to the conclusion. Talk about sisterly instincts. Since last week I''ve felt that there was something on my sister''s mind. That she was a little *off* which is probably why I decided to really deal with this issue....ANYWAYS (you''re all gonna love this) but this is why my baby and I didn''t answer any of the posts last night. We were both *upset* to put it mildly,so during dinner, my parents tell me that..

My sister booked the Windsor for July 26, 27 2008. And no. That doesn''t mean double wedding. It means that she now has my wedding date. Although the pretense is that FBIL''s family did it without consulting our family blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I don''t believe it for a second. There''s 3 months where a wedding can take place, and 12 weekends. I don''t think this is a coincidence. Not to mention that we picked July 26 th because we wanted to be able to celebrate our wedding anniversary on the same day as the anniversary we started dating (you can''t forget the 11 years that we were together before the wedding). It was a very smart, very skillful way of getting what she wanted because she could tell I was going to say no. Ok maybe I''m being suspiscious, vindictive and jealous, whatever, but I don''t see how this was an accident. I know many of you are going to say ''give her the benefit of the doubt'' but I''m sorry, I don''t see any doubt here.

So then my parents told me I should be a *good sister* I don''t know what that means. Funny that no one is telling her that. C''est la vie. I''m really mad. I know I shouldn''t be, but I am REALLY MAD. Breath. I swear I see red whenever I think about it.

Thanks poptart, Mara, Travelinggal, Ebree, Deco, Robbie, diamondfan, jamiesorr, Aloros, Oshinbreez, MINIMS, curlygurl, CrownJewel, KristyDarling (scary Dr.? Sometimes, I think Dr can develop an arrogant-self entitled attitude...), gypsy, Independent Gal, Firegoddess (my girl! There''s that fire I''m talking about! Hugs!), Blenheim, HOUmedGAl, ladykemma, Kerbears, dixie94, fancy605, february2005bride, Jas12

I appreciate all of you taking the time to write to me.

I''d walk away from someone like that and never look back - they can keep their red envelopes and customs and whatever, I would walk quickly and never allow someone like that in my life no matter what the blood ties are. No way. NO freaking way. They''d be dead to me. I''d get married on that day far away from my family and for all the right reasons on the right day for my husband and I. Those are some evil people. And if your parents are going along with it? I''d walk from them as well. I have no patience for that kind of crap and I only respect those who deserve it... my dh is from a culture where you respect your elders, but I''m sorry.... if they''re THIS disprespectful? forget it... I''m walking... that''s my butt you see... goodbye!

 

[TravelingGal]

Well, I know this is simplifying, but if I were you, and my family were doing this to me....

Elope. In Italy. On your original planned day. Have a fabulous, romantic getaway where you can leave the loonies behind and just focus on what counts..the two of you. You don''t need the red envelopes, nor does it sound like you care. On your sister''s wedding day, people will wonder where you are. Your parents will make up a story...but not before the truth gets around because you have cleverly told a couple of your big mouthed cousins the truth "in confidence."

 

[Cehrabehra]

what about getting married july of this year? If you want a smaller thing, then you don''t need 18 mos to plan it! Besides, this is your *10*th year right? that''s significant! If you get married on july 21 you can be celebrating your anniversary on your honeymoon

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 1/24/2007 3:44:04 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Well, I know this is simplifying, but if I were you, and my family were doing this to me....


Elope. In Italy. On your original planned day. Have a fabulous, romantic getaway where you can leave the loonies behind and just focus on what counts..the two of you. You don''t need the red envelopes, nor does it sound like you care. On your sister''s wedding day, people will wonder where you are. Your parents will make up a story...but not before the truth gets around because you have cleverly told a couple of your big mouthed cousins the truth ''in confidence.''

I LIKE this idea. You would get the trip you gave to your parents.....as a honeymoon. Your sis would be SOOOO jealous.

 

[decodelighted]

I dunno why ... but it''s giving me some *pleasure* today to think about how much better Ally''s overall life situation is compared to her sister''s.

Desperately rushing into a ill-fated union with an abusive pathalogical liar who needs his mommy & daddy to pay for his engagement ring & house because he can''t put his high-end degree to any regular use (i.e.- hold a job) and is probably mostly marrying her for her future Dr. earnings????

Back to the scheduled elopement talk!