Supersleuth50
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2013
- Messages
- 61
The ultimate guide: 40 ways of avoiding Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome (DSS)
Dear all,
I've decided to abandon Pricescope and get a life but I'd like to leave you with some thoughts about diamond size and Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome. Some of you may have seen some of this already but it's been a 'work in progress'. Will I offend some people? Probably. But I hope that the rest of you enjoy the list. Have fun.
With best wishes,
Sue (SuperSleuth)
40 ways of avoiding Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome (DSS)
1. Clean your ring often so that the diamond always looks its best and brightest and biggest.
2. Wear your diamond ring every other day. Every second morning it will look as big as it did when you were first given it.
3. Take a photo of your diamond ring with your phone. You’ll see the ring from a different perspective and so the diamond will look bigger.
4. Take a photo of your diamond ring but in the mirror. You’ll see it from a very different perspective and the diamond will look much bigger.
5. Take a photo of your diamond ring and post it on Pricescope. You will notice how nice and big it looks.
6. Set your diamond in a ring with a thinner band. The marked difference in the diameter of the diamond and the diameter of the band will make the diamond look bigger.
7. Paint your nails in pale elegant translucent pink when wearing your diamond ring. Your ring will then look bigger because it isn’t competing with your nail colour.
8. Never more than glance at anyone else’s ring, ever. Ignorance is bliss and your diamond will continue to look bigger.
9. Remind yourself that diamonds are only crystallised carbon. They are beautiful and fun but, smaller or bigger, they are relatively unimportant compared to the giver.
10. Paste a notice to your refrigerator door saying: ‘Nuts to DSS’ or words to that effect. Be as rude as you like and it will make you think that your diamond is bigger.
11. Lose a little weight. The width of your fingers will be smaller and your diamond will look bigger.
12. If you are short-sighted never wear your contact lenses or your glasses when looking at your ring. Just remember that a blurred diamond is a bigger diamond.
13. If you are long-sighted wear your contact lenses and your glasses at the same time. Just remember that a doubly magnified diamond is a bigger diamond.
14. If you have normal vision attach a magnifying glass to your ring so that the diamond always looks bigger than it is. Do take care on sunny days not to accidently set fire to anything.
15. To avoid setting fire to anything take a photo of your diamond, print it at twice the size and superglue it to your ring – you will look like you possess an enormous diamond and everyone will be suitably jealous. When the diamond starts to look small you can print the photo at four times the size, repeat the superglue process and it will look bigger again.
16. Buy a telescope or a pair of binoculars and every morning, placing your diamond ring at one end of the room and yourself plus optical instrument of your choice at the other. Gaze lovingly at your diamond that is suddenly bigger.
17. Always look at other people’s diamond rings through the wrong end of a telescope or pair of binoculars. This will make their diamonds look smaller and your diamond look bigger.
18. Take your diamond ring scuba diving with you. The magnification due to refraction between the water and the face mask will make your diamond look around 33% bigger.
19. Look at your diamond ring through other objects that magnify. Collect wine bottles, juice bottles, nail varnish bottles, etc. and just line them up all over your house so that you can enjoy your diamond looking bigger in different locations.
20. Stand outside in a thunderstorm with your arm outstretched and your palm facing down. Either you will be stuck by lightning or a large fat raindrop will land on your diamond ring and make the diamond look bigger.
21. Find a photo of a big but ugly diamond ring on the web. Look at your own ring and notice that bigger isn’t necessarily better.
22. Buy yourself that big but ugly ring and wear it six days per week. On the seventh day wear your own diamond ring and you will delight in how it looks smaller, and yet somehow bigger.
23. Always arrive at restaurants early so that you can spend 20 minutes positioning the spotlights so that they all point at your diamond. This will ensure that other people’s diamonds look smaller and your diamond looks bigger.
24. Close your eyes, turn the lights off and put a blindfold on. This will temporarily prevent DSS because you won’t be able to see whether your diamond is smaller or bigger (or even if it is still there on your hand).
25. Change the setting: add a halo, some side stones, and bigger prongs. Then add a another halo, some side stones to the side stones, even bigger prongs, and a bezel. Your diamond will definitely look bigger.
26. Invest in a setting that holds the diamond 20cm above the shank of your ring. As long as the diamond is facing towards you it will appear to be much bigger (but be careful not to be arrested in possession of what the police might consider a dangerous weapon).
27. Talk to your cosmetic surgeon about arm-shortening surgery. Drastic, but your diamond ring will be closer to your face and therefore look bigger.
28. Remember that there is no evidence that the size of the diamond is proportional to the size of your partner’s anatomy. Bigger does not necessarily mean bigger.
29. Make sure that all your jewellery is small, delicate and restrained with pinpoints of sparkle. The people with the bigger diamonds won’t envy you but you can tell yourself that you are the most elegant person on the planet.
30. Wear a tiara and few people will ever comment on the smaller or bigger size of your diamond engagement ring. Ditto for a clown’s outfit, spacesuit, ten-gallon hat and spurs, wetsuit or single strategically-placed hula hoop.
31. Expand your social life so that you have a bigger range of friends rather than a bigger diamond. If all your friends have 5 carat plus diamonds, and the average diamond size is 0.38 carats, you’re missing out on a lot of interesting people.
32. Wear lots of diamond eternity rings so that your hand is a blaze of bling. Your diamond ring will be completely camouflaged and no one will be able tell whether your diamond is smaller or bigger and neither will you.
33. Let your partner wear your diamond ring on his/her pinkie, the diamond will look smaller on him/her than it does on you (it’s further away) and then wear the ring again and it will look bigger. Repeat frequently ad infinitum.
34. Make your life so full of scary moments that you don’t even have time to think about the size of your diamond. A fast ride at Disneyland or a spot of skydiving will stop you thinking, “Is this diamond smaller or is it bigger?”.
35. On holiday take photos with your diamond ring in the foreground and a famous landmark or celestial object in the background. If you make sure that both objects are in focus you can make your diamond look at big as the White House, the Empire State Building, Buckingham Palace, the Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the Moon and the Sun.
36. Sell your bigger diamond ring and buy a smaller diamond ring. This the hardest thing in the world but at least it proves that you don’t have DSS.
37. Live in the UK, Europe or preferably a third world country and your diamond will look bigger. It is terribly bad taste to say this about third world countries but it is also terribly, sadly, tragically and heartrendingly true.
38. Make sure that any future diamond ring is not only from your partner but also your children. If your children have helped choose your ring then no other ring will ever compete with your diamond ring whether or not your diamond is smaller or bigger.
39. Stop comparing your ring with rings on Pricescope, Weddingbee, GOG, Whiteflash, Blue Nile, James Allen, Brian Gavin, Tiffany, Cartier and De Beers websites quite so often. Just remember that your ring is the best ring in the world whether or not it is smaller or bigger.
40. To quote Oscar Wilde, "the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it". Re-finance your entire life and get a new much bigger diamond.
Dear all,
I've decided to abandon Pricescope and get a life but I'd like to leave you with some thoughts about diamond size and Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome. Some of you may have seen some of this already but it's been a 'work in progress'. Will I offend some people? Probably. But I hope that the rest of you enjoy the list. Have fun.
With best wishes,
Sue (SuperSleuth)
40 ways of avoiding Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome (DSS)
1. Clean your ring often so that the diamond always looks its best and brightest and biggest.
2. Wear your diamond ring every other day. Every second morning it will look as big as it did when you were first given it.
3. Take a photo of your diamond ring with your phone. You’ll see the ring from a different perspective and so the diamond will look bigger.
4. Take a photo of your diamond ring but in the mirror. You’ll see it from a very different perspective and the diamond will look much bigger.
5. Take a photo of your diamond ring and post it on Pricescope. You will notice how nice and big it looks.
6. Set your diamond in a ring with a thinner band. The marked difference in the diameter of the diamond and the diameter of the band will make the diamond look bigger.
7. Paint your nails in pale elegant translucent pink when wearing your diamond ring. Your ring will then look bigger because it isn’t competing with your nail colour.
8. Never more than glance at anyone else’s ring, ever. Ignorance is bliss and your diamond will continue to look bigger.
9. Remind yourself that diamonds are only crystallised carbon. They are beautiful and fun but, smaller or bigger, they are relatively unimportant compared to the giver.
10. Paste a notice to your refrigerator door saying: ‘Nuts to DSS’ or words to that effect. Be as rude as you like and it will make you think that your diamond is bigger.
11. Lose a little weight. The width of your fingers will be smaller and your diamond will look bigger.
12. If you are short-sighted never wear your contact lenses or your glasses when looking at your ring. Just remember that a blurred diamond is a bigger diamond.
13. If you are long-sighted wear your contact lenses and your glasses at the same time. Just remember that a doubly magnified diamond is a bigger diamond.
14. If you have normal vision attach a magnifying glass to your ring so that the diamond always looks bigger than it is. Do take care on sunny days not to accidently set fire to anything.
15. To avoid setting fire to anything take a photo of your diamond, print it at twice the size and superglue it to your ring – you will look like you possess an enormous diamond and everyone will be suitably jealous. When the diamond starts to look small you can print the photo at four times the size, repeat the superglue process and it will look bigger again.
16. Buy a telescope or a pair of binoculars and every morning, placing your diamond ring at one end of the room and yourself plus optical instrument of your choice at the other. Gaze lovingly at your diamond that is suddenly bigger.
17. Always look at other people’s diamond rings through the wrong end of a telescope or pair of binoculars. This will make their diamonds look smaller and your diamond look bigger.
18. Take your diamond ring scuba diving with you. The magnification due to refraction between the water and the face mask will make your diamond look around 33% bigger.
19. Look at your diamond ring through other objects that magnify. Collect wine bottles, juice bottles, nail varnish bottles, etc. and just line them up all over your house so that you can enjoy your diamond looking bigger in different locations.
20. Stand outside in a thunderstorm with your arm outstretched and your palm facing down. Either you will be stuck by lightning or a large fat raindrop will land on your diamond ring and make the diamond look bigger.
21. Find a photo of a big but ugly diamond ring on the web. Look at your own ring and notice that bigger isn’t necessarily better.
22. Buy yourself that big but ugly ring and wear it six days per week. On the seventh day wear your own diamond ring and you will delight in how it looks smaller, and yet somehow bigger.
23. Always arrive at restaurants early so that you can spend 20 minutes positioning the spotlights so that they all point at your diamond. This will ensure that other people’s diamonds look smaller and your diamond looks bigger.
24. Close your eyes, turn the lights off and put a blindfold on. This will temporarily prevent DSS because you won’t be able to see whether your diamond is smaller or bigger (or even if it is still there on your hand).
25. Change the setting: add a halo, some side stones, and bigger prongs. Then add a another halo, some side stones to the side stones, even bigger prongs, and a bezel. Your diamond will definitely look bigger.
26. Invest in a setting that holds the diamond 20cm above the shank of your ring. As long as the diamond is facing towards you it will appear to be much bigger (but be careful not to be arrested in possession of what the police might consider a dangerous weapon).
27. Talk to your cosmetic surgeon about arm-shortening surgery. Drastic, but your diamond ring will be closer to your face and therefore look bigger.
28. Remember that there is no evidence that the size of the diamond is proportional to the size of your partner’s anatomy. Bigger does not necessarily mean bigger.
29. Make sure that all your jewellery is small, delicate and restrained with pinpoints of sparkle. The people with the bigger diamonds won’t envy you but you can tell yourself that you are the most elegant person on the planet.
30. Wear a tiara and few people will ever comment on the smaller or bigger size of your diamond engagement ring. Ditto for a clown’s outfit, spacesuit, ten-gallon hat and spurs, wetsuit or single strategically-placed hula hoop.
31. Expand your social life so that you have a bigger range of friends rather than a bigger diamond. If all your friends have 5 carat plus diamonds, and the average diamond size is 0.38 carats, you’re missing out on a lot of interesting people.
32. Wear lots of diamond eternity rings so that your hand is a blaze of bling. Your diamond ring will be completely camouflaged and no one will be able tell whether your diamond is smaller or bigger and neither will you.
33. Let your partner wear your diamond ring on his/her pinkie, the diamond will look smaller on him/her than it does on you (it’s further away) and then wear the ring again and it will look bigger. Repeat frequently ad infinitum.
34. Make your life so full of scary moments that you don’t even have time to think about the size of your diamond. A fast ride at Disneyland or a spot of skydiving will stop you thinking, “Is this diamond smaller or is it bigger?”.
35. On holiday take photos with your diamond ring in the foreground and a famous landmark or celestial object in the background. If you make sure that both objects are in focus you can make your diamond look at big as the White House, the Empire State Building, Buckingham Palace, the Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the Moon and the Sun.
36. Sell your bigger diamond ring and buy a smaller diamond ring. This the hardest thing in the world but at least it proves that you don’t have DSS.
37. Live in the UK, Europe or preferably a third world country and your diamond will look bigger. It is terribly bad taste to say this about third world countries but it is also terribly, sadly, tragically and heartrendingly true.
38. Make sure that any future diamond ring is not only from your partner but also your children. If your children have helped choose your ring then no other ring will ever compete with your diamond ring whether or not your diamond is smaller or bigger.
39. Stop comparing your ring with rings on Pricescope, Weddingbee, GOG, Whiteflash, Blue Nile, James Allen, Brian Gavin, Tiffany, Cartier and De Beers websites quite so often. Just remember that your ring is the best ring in the world whether or not it is smaller or bigger.
40. To quote Oscar Wilde, "the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it". Re-finance your entire life and get a new much bigger diamond.
300x240.png)