I'm a widow

[ringo865]

Haha. This could have only happened to you Pinto.

 

[Puppmom]

I’m sure the gals in the black widow hearse club are lovely too!

 

[PintoBean]

Today, after my shrinkage session, I went to close out the last two bank accounts Michael had. I have two whopping checks to deposit to the estate account - 74 cents and $5 and change. It probably cost more to issue those checks lolololol.

Now I just need to find out from the mutual fund if they've accepted my paperwork uploaded last week. I called for a status check and I should be getting a letter in the mail indicating that everything was processed last Friday. Fingers crossed that its a letter that gives me closure!

I found more $3.50 dresses for my Bellerina. Got her a $2.50 pink with white polka dots top hat too. She sure likes dressing up. The other 3 cats buck, zip or play possum when I dress them up. All I need is ONE fashionista, right?

 

[PintoBean]

Well, I'm in the widow group now and I can't look at the posts.

I feel guilty when I see people in worse situations than me, like a spouse commits suicide after committing fraud and the widow/er is dealing with the ramifications two years later. I also find it triggering when I see people go through similar situations I did after Michael died. It's still too raw for me. That in itself frustrates me that it still affects me. Can't you be whole NOW, PB? You've had 5+ months to get your shit together! Why are you so slow?

I washed my husband's button down work shirts yesterday. I may keep a couple but the rest will be donated. Most are generic wrinkle free shirts. I also grabbed a bunch of ties to donate as well. Tonight, I'm washing his work slacks. The minute they approved jeans he stopped wearing those slacks lolol. All but a few pairs will be donated - there are 4 smaller sized ones that may fit my neighbor. He's 70 and prides himself on t-shirts, Hawaiian shirts and jeans lolol. His wife says he needs dressier attire, and he likes having Mike's clothes. Win-win

 

[yennyfire]

First PB, pardon my absence. I've just not been in a positive place myself lately and didn't want to weigh you down. I've been reading, just not posting.

Second, I'm glad that the first birthday has passed and you survived. That took a lot of fortitude and I'm proud of you.

Third (and I'm almost afraid to ask)...what's a Black Widow Hearse Club???

Fourth, I'm familiar with the groups you mentioned. My son's 7th grade ELA teacher's husband committed suicide on 10/1 leaving her with a 3 and 5 year old. She hasn't been back to school yet, but I've heard from another teacher who's a mutual friend that she's really struggling (obviously). He owned his own business and because he committed suicide, somehow, their funds are tied up and she can't access them. That (as you know) is the tip of the iceberg and she's barely hanging on. My heart breaks for her.

Lastly, good for you for washing and donating Mike's clothes, that can't have been easy. I'm sure that your neighbor will appreciate them and his wife will appreciate the upgrade in his sense of style! LOL!

Sending continued hugs and spoons...

 

[AprilBaby]

You crack me up with all that’s going on. You have an amazing attitude even through the s***. The holidays will be rough. Time for another Chicago gtg! Group hugs!

 

[Queenie60]

Many hugs, prayers and kisses to you PB. You're a strong lady and I admire your spirit.

 

[december-fire]

" ... I also find it triggering when I see people go through similar situations I did after Michael died. It's still too raw for me. That in itself frustrates me that it still affects me. Can't you be whole NOW, PB? You've had 5+ months to get your shit together! Why are you so slow? ..."

Pinto, I don't know where you're getting the idea that a few months is all that's needed to 'get your sh*t together'.

Maybe its an internal notion, or maybe its due to comments from others.
Whatever, its crazy.
So, give your head a shake, Woman, and for goodness sakes stop being so hard on yourself!
Your husband died. Suddenly, unexpectedly, and with a whole mess of circumstances.

You get out of bed. That, in my books, is a huge accomplishment!

Stop being so mean to yourself!
You're kind to everyone else. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

 

[jadesilver]

Well, I'm in the widow group now and I can't look at the posts.

I feel guilty when I see people in worse situations than me, like a spouse commits suicide after committing fraud and the widow/er is dealing with the ramifications two years later. I also find it triggering when I see people go through similar situations I did after Michael died. It's still too raw for me. That in itself frustrates me that it still affects me. Can't you be whole NOW, PB? You've had 5+ months to get your shit together! Why are you so slow?

I washed my husband's button down work shirts yesterday. I may keep a couple but the rest will be donated. Most are generic wrinkle free shirts. I also grabbed a bunch of ties to donate as well. Tonight, I'm washing his work slacks. The minute they approved jeans he stopped wearing those slacks lolol. All but a few pairs will be donated - there are 4 smaller sized ones that may fit my neighbor. He's 70 and prides himself on t-shirts, Hawaiian shirts and jeans lolol. His wife says he needs dressier attire, and he likes having Mike's clothes. Win-win

Hey, it’s only been 5 months. Take all the time you need. Don’t feel guilty, there’s no need to. Everyone is in different situations and it’s not comparable.

I am very sorry for your loss, it sounds like you’re doing great by slowly tying up all the pieces. I would be a mess. You are not slow at all!!

 

[PintoBean]

Aiiiiyaiyai... I guess I should apply for unemployment? I don't even know where to start lol.

I made an appointment to go to the career services of one the schools I attended and have them review my resume and teach me how to use the new job search portal they put in place this year.

I'm so tired lol... my new cleaning lady drives me crazy. I'm hoping to find a different one...

 

[CJ2008]

You've had 5+ months to get your shit together! Why are you so slow?

Pinto - I am still mourning a cat I met for only two weeks. It's been like a year.

What would make you think 5 months is long enough / too long to get over a partner, companion, someone you shared dreams and yourself with. Someone you loved.

ETA when I re-read your post the second time I saw that it wasn't the grieving that you were referring to but getting your sh*t together. So I don't know if what I said applies in any way. But I don't know...it seems like you've been doing a lot, handling a lot, pushing yourself to do things you need to do. Coming from someone who doesn't handle things well, many times I've been in awe of you and your ability to still be able to laugh. So be kind to yourself. Sending you hugs.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Thinking of you, Pinto. It seems to me you are doing better than I would be. Hugs. Take it easy on yourself. There is no measuring stick for you to match. You feel better when you do.

 

[yennyfire]

Are you kidding me? PB, you are nothing short of a miracle who inspires me (and many others!) each and every day! You've endured so very much in the past few months it is a testament to your strength and resilience that you are still putting one foot in front of the other. Please, be kind to yourself. Sending gentle hugs...

 

[PintoBean]

I'm doneeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The last piece of widow administration was getting the money out of Michael's mutual fund. They sent me the check today!

I guess for 2018 I should designate beneficiaries. Anybody want to be my beneficiary lololololol!

 

[mochiko42]

I'm doneeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The last piece of widow administration was getting the money out of Michael's mutual fund. They sent me the check today!

I guess for 2018 I should designate beneficiaries. Anybody want to be my beneficiary lololololol!

Can you put the kitties down as beneficiaries?? I sometimes toy with the idea of putting my two furbabies as my beneficiaries. I think my kitty's tail size is almost the same as my ring size, he could wear my bling in a giant stack..

 

[MarionC]

PB, haven’t checked in here for a while, I’m glad to hear you are getting through some of the paperwork and closet work. Such a process. Sending you heartfelt love this morning.
You are doing a good job but please don’t think you should be further along than you are. You are doing so well for the short amount of time that has passed!

I went to a grief group and some of the stories seemed so much worse than mine. It helped me feel compassion for the other women, but didn’t lessen my grief. The one thing I found fascinating was that I was the only angry person in the room, the only visibly very upset person. It felt like I was channeling the grief of the whole room and in a way it gave me purpose and courage to fully express the awfulness.
XX

 

[valeria101]

.
Just about everything will be new in the new year for you ! Obviously, better.

At least once, going back to alumni recruitment did me good - rather spectacularly, in fact. I wish the same to you ! [not exactly proud of not having sugested sometime up this thread ... ]

 

[yennyfire]

I'm doneeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The last piece of widow administration was getting the money out of Michael's mutual fund. They sent me the check today!

I guess for 2018 I should designate beneficiaries. Anybody want to be my beneficiary lololololol!

Yippeee!!! Now slam that door behind you and don't look back! No more awful paperwork for you! Onto better things in 2018!

 

[MissGotRocks]

So happy for you that all of the dreadful paperwork is done. You've been a trooper through it all and I wish nothing but bright tomorrows for you. It is such a journey and there will be hiccups still but I hope that you have more good days than bad now that you've rounded this corner!

 

[december-fire]

Thank goodness all that awful paperwork is done, Pinto!
What an ordeal!

Just a comment, free of charge and worth what you paid for it:
Because the paperwork and other stuff was such a nightmare, your mind was somewhat preoccupied and distracted from the grieving process. If you happen to find your emotions cranking up big time, in one form or another, please know its understandable and be gentle with yourself. What you've endured is significant. You will get through this, and you have a wonderful life waiting for you, filled with laughter, peace and mischief (because you are Pinto, after all).

You've got our love and support, Pinto.
And, you've got lots of strength and resilience.

Big hugs

 

[december-fire]

On a completely different topic ... you mentioned ceramic watches in another thread (probably the 'Show me your luxury watch' Thread).

Tried one on last night.
Didn't want to take it off.
But did.

 

[PintoBean]

What I think about a lot are the awful comments that people left on the Newsday online article covering the accident. I can't see the comments anymore - I'm guessing that as an archived article they removed them - it says 0 comments now. I think about the messed up people who left those comments and think about how lucky Michael is to not have to live in this world anymore. We, on the other hand, have to share the land of the living with these ass hats.

 

[MissGotRocks]

What I think about a lot are the awful comments that people left on the Newsday online article covering the accident. I can't see the comments anymore - I'm guessing that as an archived article they removed them - it says 0 comments now. I think about the messed up people who left those comments and think about how lucky Michael is to not have to live in this world anymore. We, on the other hand, have to share the land of the living with these ass hats.

The problem with social media is that people don't know the whole story behind the story and so they make broad assumptions. I don't know what the comments were but I would definitely take any of them with a grain of salt. I would be far more affected by people that knew the whole story and commented and I would guess those were far more sympathetic and caring.

People need to not be so certain of their certainties. Life can turn on a dime and what they would think or feel in the same situation would surely be a far cry from what they wrote.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

PB as if you haven't been traumatized enough--to think about those (completely irrelevant and uninformed) comments. In short, they can go to hell.

Sharon

 

[AprilBaby]

Hey PB, what are you going to do for Thanksgiving? Would love to invite you to go with us to Maggianos!

 

[PintoBean]

The road was shut down for 5 hours due to the difficulty of removing him and the car (the police said it took 2 hours to extract him). People made comments like what kind of idiot drives like that ... causing an accident to shut down the road like that...

Thank you for the invite @AprilBaby . I will be staying in NY and going to my neighbor's house.

 

[Calliecake]

Pinto, They are trolls who have nothing better to do than make comments on the internet. Please ignore them.

None of us know what life has waiting for us or what someone else is dealing with. I'm sorry their comments hurt you.

 

[TooPatient]

Hey PB, what are you going to do for Thanksgiving? Would love to invite you to go with us to Maggianos!

I LOVE Maggianos. Have celebrated birthdays and anniversaries there for the last few years.

Enjoy your delicious Thanksgiving!

 

[Elizabeth35]

PB--
I am sorry you saw ugly comments on a news article. I have seen the comments on various articles I read in our local paper online.
I can't say that I have seen many that are intelligent or coherent, and they skew towards angry judgmental types.

I guess my take-away is that I have learned from insensitive comments of others IRL. I have learned that judgmental comments hurt, and I endeavor to never do that to someone--online or in person.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday and keep taking care of you.

 

[MissGotRocks]

The road was shut down for 5 hours due to the difficulty of removing him and the car (the police said it took 2 hours to extract him). People made comments like what kind of idiot drives like that ... causing an accident to shut down the road like that...

So bottom line was that they were inconvenienced so they wrote nasty comments. See it for what it is and try to move past it. No one can fix stupid.

Thank you for the invite @AprilBaby . I will be staying in NY and going to my neighbor's house.