Your opinions on gift-giving for weddings (cash, registries etc)?

[bling_dream19]

Cash all day long!

 

[violet3]

ive been invited to a wedding where apparently nothing on the gift registry was under $200 and the remaining choices when I looked started at $500! We were able to regretfully decline that invite due to other commitments. I know for a fact that another couple, waitlisted I guess, got an invite after we declined and yet the Bride commented to me afterwards “I might have thought you’d still send us a gift even though you couldn’t come”.

Holy crap - that's a ballsy bride

 

[seaurchin]

Holy crap - that's a ballsy bride

Yep. She should send her a note apologizing for the oversight and a gift of an etiquette guide lol.

 

[doberman]

Typically I give cash for weddings and a registry gift for a bridal or baby shower. The amount varies depending on how close to the couple (or their parents) we are. It is unbelievable to see some of the stories about entitled brides where gifts are concerned. Fortunately I haven't run across one of those. I've even received thank you notes.

 

[Bron357]

Yep. She should send her a note apologizing for the oversight and a gift of an etiquette guide lol.

Yes she wasnt a “class act”. She was a work colleague and I was very surprised to receive a wedding invite. I think she chose her guests on the basis of who might be more inclined or able to shell out the $$$ for her gift registry.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

In France it’s cash. I’ve been to several weddings, and there is always a little table with envelopes and a cute receptacle. At my DD’s wedding she had a custom painted globe with the date and names of bride and groom on it, surrounded by beautiful flowers. I thought it was kind of the guests to give them a travel fund/ furniture fund for their start in life together. In this day and age, kids need all the help they can get.

I have completely different experiences in France. I think it varies by region and social circle.

For ever wedding we went to , there was a registry and any mention of it would have been seen as faux pas. Very much along the lines of @seaurchin.

Registries are supposed to have lots of small ticket items (35-50€) , so people don't feel like you are greedy.

With the big registries you aren't obliged to actually purchase the item. So it's basically a thinly veiled gift voucher.

We still got some useless ( bed linen that was not the, size of our bedding and outright bizarre gifts (unflattering photographs of the person at our wedding - relative of DH s father..)


The French seem to like their complicated social rituals.


@seaurchin , if you don't mind sharing, what's your cultural background?

My own culture ( northern Germany) is even more uptight on seeming demanding or cash grabby... So a registry is pushing it and auntie xyz will want to see every single towel at your home. If people ask for cash, most people are slightly offended and will try to make physical gift anyways.

Gifts are nowhere near as, outrageous as, in the US, parties way more modest, usually.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I have completely different experiences in France. I think it varies by region and social circle.

For every wedding we went to , there was a registry and any mention of it would have been seen as faux pas. You need to ask the parents or best man/ maid of honour.

Very much along the lines of what @seaurchin described.

Registries are supposed to have lots of small ticket items (35-50€) , so people don't feel like you are greedy.

With the big registry services the couples aren't obliged to actually purchase the item if the person chose to pay on-line- you'll get a balance in house. So oftentimes a, registry gift it's basically a thinly veiled gift voucher at Galeries Lafayette or Le Printemps.

We still got some useless ( bed linen that was not the, size of our bedding) and outright bizarre gifts (unflattering photographs of the person at our wedding - relative of DH s father..)


The French seem to like their complicated social rituals.


@seaurchin , if you don't mind sharing, what's your cultural background?

My own culture ( northern Germany) is even more uptight on seeming demanding or cash grabby... So a registry is pushing it and auntie xyz will want to see every single towel at your home. If people ask for cash, most people are slightly offended and will try to make physical gift anyways.

Gifts are nowhere near as, outrageous as, in the US, parties way more modest, usually.

 

[xsouzie]

I come from a culture where it's customary to give cash during special occasions so we always gift cash at weddings.

 

[jaysonsmom]

We usually get something from the registry if there is one, and if there is not, we give cash. For our wedding, we had about 50 items on a registry and 150 guests, so those that were not able to purchase off the registry gave us cash.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

typically, we gift in whatever form the recipient desires. could be cash, could be from registry, etc.... whatever they like

 

[TooPatient]

If I am close enough to a person to attend their wedding, I prefer giving a gift that I choose for them that I believe they will enjoy. That said, if there is a registry, I get a small item from that plus something that compliments it of my choosing. Same for baby showers and other events.

For our wedding, we only invited 24 people. I did set up a registry based on advice I had seen here as many prefer a registry. The items started around $5 with the most expensive being around $100-150. There was no mention of this registry anywhere. It was simply there in case anyone asked. No one did. One person (who did not attend) sent an item off the registry so there must be some registry finder somewhere.

I did not expect anything from anyone as we had been living together for awhile and I have always been a bit uncomfortable with receiving gifts. I certainly would never have expected people to pay for their plates or anything like that. (With what we covered for each guest, it came out to about $500/person. It would have been less, but we had minimums to meet and only 5 people were able to attend so we went all out for those who were there.)

 

[Austina]

When I got married, a million years ago, having a wedding list at a shop was done, but wasn’t that popular. When people asked me where I had ‘my list’, I told them I didn’t, they were invited for their company, and not for any gift they may wish to give.

Nowadays, with couples living together before they get married, they usually have everything they want, so the 3 weddings we’ve been to recently, (children of good friends), we gave cash for their honeymoon. I don’t really like giving cash, it seems so impersonal, but I understand that if they don’t need anything, then it’s the most appropriate gift.

 

[Elizabeth35]

We give a gift from the registry if possible, second choice is a check. Not super fond of it, but I understand that may people prefer cash.
I have been a little surprised at the high end things that people register for but, whatever. Aim high I guess.
We have seen experience-based cash requests on registries. I have also seen a registry that pretty much said---we want cash for remodeling expenses. In that case, I give a check.
I don't go 'off registry' unless I know the person extremely well and know that what I give is something they will love (or can return).