WWYD? buying house with boyfriend

[Aloros]

Gosh, I gotta say...I am ALL for free money.

My fiance and I were engaged when we bought our house, and we still wrote up a contract in case of break-up. Neither of us believes we will break up (and we have 2 more months to go until the wedding!), but it really is a prudent course of action. You never really know what will happen.

I think it really depends on a number of factors - how much you two are on the same page, how certain you both are that you will be getting engaged and married, and how much you want/need that extra $8,000. I think this would involve a very long, very serious conversation. When you think about it, most mortgages are a 30-year committment. Are you and him ok with that? And if you're at a "nearly engaged" stage, why not have him just propose now and have that done?

The only condition I'd do this is with an airtight contract in case of separation.

ETA: I get the whole "traditional way" in that he wants to have a job before he proposes, but it's perfectly acceptable for you to be traditional in the sense you want to be engaged before purchasing a house together!

 

[HollyS]

What would I do?

I wouldn''t.

I would not own property with someone I am not legally bound to. And I would not bind myself financially, in any capacity, to someone I was not married to. And being engaged isn''t good enough. I should know; been engaged three times, married once.

And the majority of ''living together'' couples do not marry. Statistically true, regardless of the percentage of PSers who have done it. So, say you become one of the ''statistics''. What then? Do the two of you sell the property? Does one of you have to buy out the other? Do you have to go to court to get what is rightfully yours? Probably, the latter.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I just don''t think $8k is worth risking your financial future.

What would I do? I wouldn''t.

 

[purselover]

I would say no don''t buy it with your b/f not because you''re not married but because you seem to have some doubts. It''s a big commitement to go into and you should be 100% sure.

 

[sbde]

Date: 5/4/2009 1:51:45 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I just don''t think $8k is worth risking your financial future.

What would I do? I wouldn''t.

+1

 

[VRBeauty]

I''ll add my voice to the chorus of "no''s" based on the state of your relationship. As you described it, it sounds less than iron-clad. If you''re buying the house you owe it to yourself the money you put into it be your asset going into the marriage.

But I also have to ask... it sounds as if you are planning to put up 100% of the downpaynment... will you be making the payments also? If that''s the case... if you BF will be on the mortgage in name only, solely for the purposes of getting the tax credit.... aren''t we pretty much talking about fraud?

 

[Steel]

We bought our first house when we were engaged, not married. We are still married but I would not recommend buying before marriage. I saw many unwed couples come into the last office I worked at for advice on selling the house they shared. Had they not bought the house they could have just broken up, but with that large asset they look at a year (min) of solr''s letters and angry exchanges back & forth...

I think you should buy if you love the house, but in your name. (Why should he get ''free'' house equity if the worst happens? Also over here, there is the issue of Capital gains tax if you have to sell in the event of a break up. Not nice at all.)

 

[tigian]

Date: 5/4/2009 2:52:40 PM
Author: sbde

Date: 5/4/2009 1:51:45 PM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

I just don''t think $8k is worth risking your financial future.


What would I do? I wouldn''t.

+1

Another one in the no camp. I know it is hard to imagine things not working out, but it really could be messy if it didn''t. What does your SO think?

 

[rainwood]

I wouldn''t recommend buying the house together for a lot of the reasons already stated.

If you do decide to go ahead and buy in both your names, I strongly recommend that you have a lawyer draw up a written agreement for you that sets out all the details as far as percentage of ownership, obligations for payments and maintenance, distribution of sale proceeds if you sell, etc. You still have the risk if he doesn''t hold up his end of the bargain, but at least you''d have a legal framework for what happens if he doesn''t. And you have an agreement about how the profits are divided if you later sell at a higher price.

 

[icekid]

Date: 5/4/2009 1:51:45 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I just don''t think $8k is worth risking your financial future.


What would I do? I wouldn''t.

Well said, HH! I would not either.

 

[vespergirl]

NOOOO!!!!!! Do not buy the house with him. If you can afford it, put it in YOUR NAME ONLY. My husband bought a house with his ex-girlfriend that he had been with for 5 years (years before we met) and when they broke up, it was a big legal mess. He wanted to sell the house when they broke up, but she didn''t. She eventually bought out his half, but for less than he would have gotten if he could have sold it himself. He made a lot more money than her, so he took a big hit on it (he had paid the whole down payment).

Also, I had a similar situation in that I was able to buy a house on my own before I got married the first time in my early 20s. I was already engaged, but my ex had no money, and a lot of debt, so my attorney recommended that I buy the house alone before we married, in my name only. I''m glad we did, because we ended up divorcing, and since it was a asset I owned before the marriage, I got to keep it in the divorce without having to share anything with him (since he never paid a mortgage payment or contributed financially to the home, this was fair).

I know that we don''t like to thing that relationships or marriages can end, but unfortunately, sometimes they do. It''s better for you legally (and financially, right now) if you buy it yourself & keep the tax credit. Don''t let him talk you into putting his name on it.

 

[laine]

Hi all--I''d have responded sooner, but I can''t seem to sign in to PS at school.

To clarify a few points you all brought up:
It was definitely going to be all or nothing; title and loan or neither.
BF will be contributing to mortgage payments, just not to the down payment.
I can afford the house on my own with no problem.
I have complete confidence in our relationship, its just the added legal/financial thing that made me nervous.

Anyway, what really matters here is BF and I talked and he is ok with keeping it just in my name, since I think that is best. We still call it "our house" but legally it will be my house.

We (I) already put in an offer on the house that was accepted. Our inspection is tomorrow--keep your fingers crossed for me that it all goes well!

Thanks again for sharing your opinions, I appreciate it!

 

[movie zombie]

congrats on a BF that understands and agrees.
congrats on putting an offer in and being accepted.......may you have a painless and uneventful escrow closing!

mz

 

[laine]

Thanks MZ!

 

[bee*]

Best of luck with the new house! So exciting

 

[mayachel]

I was in a similar situation not to long ago, except our roles were reversed. I am 28 and he is 29 and we had been dating for three years-but knew one another for many years. My boyfriend at the time (and now fiance) and I wanted to buy a home/apt/condo-see what we could get...instead of continuing to rent. I very much wanted to be engaged and our way to the altar. Still, we needed a place to live and did plan on living together. I have a lot less money to bring to the table. So in some ways, I felt that I had more to loose should things go south. We had many conversations about what we expected from one another by joining our finances and moving in together. When I felt that he understood I was doing this with the expectation of marriage I was able to get behind it. Only, because this was what I wanted (if you guys don''t that''s a-ok, ya just have to be on the same page). We both own the home. We felt it was important that I contributed something to the down payment. I put in about 20%. I also pay about the same of the mortgage and we split the utilities (which is honestly something we need to revise because heat and gas was outrageous this winter).

Our contract for being "tenants in common" on ownership of the house said something about that when we are married, we will both own a 50% share in the house. This was to take into account that I am the one who will often have more free time to meet the plumber, cook, etc...

Congratulations and all the best as you start this next step in your lives.