Would you prefer an heirloom engagement ring or a new one picked out by you/your fiancé?

[missy]

Yes I totally agree with you and I hope that I didn’t come off as judgy in my previous post, that wasn’t my intention at all! I was talking about how I personally feel. I have a friend whose boyfriend totally surprised her with a proposal and ring and they hadn’t had any super serious conversations about marriage, just a vague conversation about “someday”. She was blown away and she’s very happy still, so it works for her. Whatever floats their boat

No, not at all! You did not sound judgy. I was just speaking about my personal experience.
My DH proposed to me and though it probably should not have been a shock it was lol but he also knew I was terrified about marriage and didn't ever want to get married. He also knew me better than I knew myself and knew that was the way to do it. So that's why I was writing we are all different.

In general I do agree a couple should be on the same page and should always communicate. To be fair to my dh (boyfriend at the time) had tried a year after dating but I almost passed out so he never brought it up again til that day (3 years later!) he proposed. And yes I almost passed out again LOL.

Alls well that ends well and we are very happily married. I definitely didn't know what was best for me in those days. I was going to be single forever or so I had thought that was what I wanted.

Glad your friend is happy and blown away in a good way.

 

[TechieTechie]

I'd be okay with it if a) it is what I want or b) I can make it into what I want, no strings attached (e.g. repurposing heirloom stones as side stones)

 

[oodlesofpoodles]

This happened to me! My now husband started saving for an engagement ring after we discussed what I would like and I made clear I did not want to finance an engagement ring. I love antique deco jewelry and wanted to choose my own ring either pre-loved or a loose antique stone and do a reset into a setting I chose. Hubby picked up a side job and hustled for three months and when he let his parents know he was bringing me to meet them - the first girl he had ever brought home at the age of 32, his mom told him she had a stone for him. He had no idea she was going to offer it. It was the diamond his dad had proposed to his mom with. His dad had passed when he was 16 and she had remarried twice. We did not know what it would look like - turns out it was a gorgeous oval VS2 F excellent cut and 1.18 carats. We picked it up from the safety deposit box, went and picked out a setting and wedding band with the money he had saved and I wore it with pride. She had it in a pendent so it was different than if it was in a ring. It was beautiful but my heart yearned for a antique cut. When we had our son my husband gifted me with a 2.55 old european cut L diamond that I adore to this day. It became my primary engagement ring. The oval was eventually turned into a 10 year anniversary ring as a side stone. I would never sell it and planned to offer it to our son when the time came but my mother in law has since passed and my children have inherited her jewelry including a ring that she requested he use as a future engagement ring. If my sons future bride wanted to change the setting I would have no issue with that at all. If she wanted to reuse the stone and make a new piece of jewelry I would also not mind. I hope that I will be as wonderful of a mother in law as mine was. I am of the opinion that family stones should be returned in the event of a divorce.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

This happened to me! My now husband started saving for an engagement ring after we discussed what I would like and I made clear I did not want to finance an engagement ring. I love antique deco jewelry and wanted to choose my own ring either pre-loved or a loose antique stone and do a reset into a setting I chose. Hubby picked up a side job and hustled for three months and when he let his parents know he was bringing me to meet them - the first girl he had ever brought home at the age of 32, his mom told him she had a stone for him. He had no idea she was going to offer it. It was the diamond his dad had proposed to his mom with. His dad had passed when he was 16 and she had remarried twice. We did not know what it would look like - turns out it was a gorgeous oval VS2 F excellent cut and 1.18 carats. We picked it up from the safety deposit box, went and picked out a setting and wedding band with the money he had saved and I wore it with pride. She had it in a pendent so it was different than if it was in a ring. It was beautiful but my heart yearned for a antique cut. When we had our son my husband gifted me with a 2.55 old european cut L diamond that I adore to this day. It became my primary engagement ring. The oval was eventually turned into a 10 year anniversary ring as a side stone. I would never sell it and planned to offer it to our son when the time came but my mother in law has since passed and my children have inherited her jewelry including a ring that she requested he use as a future engagement ring. If my sons future bride wanted to change the setting I would have no issue with that at all. If she wanted to reuse the stone and make a new piece of jewelry I would also not mind. I hope that I will be as wonderful of a mother in law as mine was. I am of the opinion that family stones should be returned in the event of a divorce.

That’s such a lovely story, especially the part where you said you hope you would be as wonderful of a mother in law as yours was. I’m so happy for you that you had such a great relationship with your mother in law. Also, I think your view on heirlooms is great for your future daughter in law as she would have the flexibility and freedom to do as she likes. Another thing that I’ve seen happen with heirlooms is that if a person refuses the heirloom then the family can get upset, view it as a rejection of their history and culture. It’s great to see that that would not happen with you and your family

 

[oodlesofpoodles]

That’s such a lovely story, especially the part where you said you hope you would be as wonderful of a mother in law as yours was. I’m so happy for you that you had such a great relationship with your mother in law. Also, I think your view on heirlooms is great for your future daughter in law as she would have the flexibility and freedom to do as she likes. Another thing that I’ve seen happen with heirlooms is that if a person refuses the heirloom then the family can get upset, view it as a rejection of their history and culture. It’s great to see that that would not happen with you and your family

Thank you! She was a lovely lady and I was lucky. She is greatly missed.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Whichever one came with a bigger diamond!

 

[Dancing Fire]

I wish DF had given me an heirloom; then, I definitely wouldn't have become an addict!

I'm sorry that I don't have an heirloom ring to give you. I came from a poor family.