Would you lend a friend $$$?

[Bliss]

Would you lend a friend money? A good friend of mine asked for $500, not a huge deal. My family told me to think of it as a donation, since the friendship would be strained if I ever expected her to pay it back. She has a good job but said that she overspent and was too embarrassed to ask her family. She acted pretty desperate (have no idea why) so I caved and sent it to her with the agreement that she'd pay it back in a few weeks.

Since then, she has called to say she's visiting her LDR boyfriend...treating him to rock concerts & etc. LOL. I can't help thinking, "Wow, I'm essentially paying for her boyfriend now?"

Should I say anything or let it go? It's been about four months. My own fault for lending it in the first place. I don't really need it, but of course $500 is still significant enough to be mildly irritated.

Would you bring it up?

 

[CJ2008]

I wish you had asked before you lent it!

I would feel really really guilty, but I would definitely say no. Only because I would not be OK with "donating" it. It would bother me until I got it back, so since I know that about myself...no, I wouldn't lend it.

Thankfully, nobody has asked.

ETA: just saw your question whether to bring it up...I couldn't help it...I would...otherwise it would bother me. I would do it nicely, but I would ask.

 

[Maisie]

I would ask for it back as it was clearly a loan and not a gift. If she can afford to take her boyfriend out she can afford to pay you back.

 

[TravelingGal]

Well, since I don''t need friends like that, I''d definitely bring it up and if she doesn''t pay up, she obviously doesn''t value our friendship very much. I''d consider it a $500 lesson learned.

And no, I don''t lend friends money. I''m like Charlotte from SATC...friends and finances don''t mix. However, I would consider GIVING a friend some money if they were in true dire straits through no fault of their own (like a job layoff). I''d give the money and wouldn''t look back.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Money is one of those awkward topics to discuss.. but I would definitely say something. You could even be really relaxed about it and say "Hey, just wanted to remind you about the money I loaned you! Do you have an estimate of when you will be able to pay me back?"

 

[luvmyhalo]

I probably wouldn''t bring it up. I think your family gave some good advice, consider it a donation. I''ve given money to my sister on several occasions to help her out (won''t anymore) and I don''t ever expect to see a penny of it! Oh well!

 

[Bliss]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:07:08 PM
Author: claudinam
I wish you had asked before you lent it!

I would feel really really guilty, but I would definitely say no. Only because I would not be OK with ''donating'' it. It would bother me until I got it back, so since I know that about myself...no, I wouldn''t lend it.

Thankfully, nobody has asked.

Claudinam... Thanks! I know, I know. I wrestled with it for a day before I decided to give it to her. She knows I can spare it easily so I felt like it would be really hard to say no. I just had a feeling it would be irritating if she never paid it back. It''s not so much the money, but the principle. I feel a little used/taken for a ride. My own fault for getting myself in this position.

Would you say something?

 

[diamondfan]

that is tough. I think you should kiss off the money, because it will be tough if you bring it up. My mom used to say neither a borrower nor a lender be, and I get it now.

I would be SUPREMELY pissed to have bailed her out to only to hear she is now spending MY money on her boyfriend...but there is not really any way to get her to pay you back, even if you flat out ask. You could say, Glad things are looking up and I was there when you needed it, and leave it lay and see if she gets the hint...but otherwise you simply have to say, Seems like you are fine now, and I could really use the money, or you have to kiss it off.

 

[CJ2008]

You probably missed my ETA...but yes, I would definitely say something...and like OUpear said, I''d ask her when she thinks she''ll be able to pay it back...

BTW - OUpear''s avatar is the cutest thing...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:10:07 PM
Author: Bliss

Date: 8/14/2008 6:07:08 PM
Author: claudinam
I wish you had asked before you lent it!

I would feel really really guilty, but I would definitely say no. Only because I would not be OK with ''donating'' it. It would bother me until I got it back, so since I know that about myself...no, I wouldn''t lend it.

Thankfully, nobody has asked.

Claudinam... Thanks! I know, I know. I wrestled with it for a day before I decided to give it to her. She knows I can spare it easily so I felt like it would be really hard to say no. I just had a feeling it would be irritating if she never paid it back. It''s not so much the money, but the principle. I feel a little used/taken for a ride. My own fault for getting myself in this position.

Would you say something?

Boy, that''s awful....sounds like she asked because she knew you would feel bad saying no. Next time, tell her your initials are not A.T.M.

 

[Bliss]

Maisie, thanks! I may mention it casually... It''s just so weird. I expected her to pay me back promptly, ya know?

TravelingGal, EXCELLENT ADVICE! I am not lending out money anymore. To family, it''s a gift. To friends, it''s just too weird unless it''s a gift.

OUpeargirl, yes, it''s odd! I think I will use your breezy mention to bring it up.

luvmyhalo... I normally wouldn''t bring it up if she had lost her job or had some issue. But just because she overspent and is now spending money on entertainment makes me feel a little used. I''m like you! I''ve given my brother money many times and would not take it back. And he''s never offered to repay me! LOL.

 

[Bliss]

Diamondfan, thank you. Hmmmm... Maybe I should just hint and leave it be.

A lesson learned. Your mother was a very wise woman!!!!!!


Claudianam... I agree! OUpear's kitty is hilarious!

TGal, yeah! ATM. LOL. I guess the next time a friend hits me up for dough, I'll say... "Sorry, I did this once and it didn't turn out well for our friendship."

Hmmm... I'll see what FI has to say. He's probably going to say mention it once and then let it go.

 

[justjulia]

I can''t believe she told you about the plans with bf... I would be painfully aware that I owed that money--
I''d bring it up. Like, "what ever happened to that $500.? 4 months is too long, regardless if she knows you have a lot of disposable income..it''s the principle of the thing.

 

[Bliss]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:18:08 PM
Author: justjulia
I can't believe she told you about the plans with bf... I would be painfully aware that I owed that money--
I'd bring it up. Like, 'what ever happened to that $500.? 4 months is too long, regardless if she knows you have a lot of disposable income..it's the principle of the thing.

I think she was beside herself with excitement and forgot!

It was kind of cute but yeah... I know! I was also thinking, "Hmmm, so glad you're having fun." In a way I am happy for her that I could help her out. But I don't want to pay for her boyfriend's stuff. LOL. If she had said, "I paid for X bill and it was really great." I wouldn't have minded.

I'm a tool. She is a grown woman with a good job, great benefits. There is no financial emergency one should have unless it's a real emergency. At this age, you budget and manage your books responsibly. $500 is nowhere enough to cover a real financial emergency. I have no idea what was going on...

 

[LostSapphire]

I think sometimes people *think* they can get away with this kind of thing because they figure we won''t dare ask for the $$ back.

Bring it up. Make your point. Then, if you don''t get all of it back, present her with a monthly payment schedule and hold her to it. You may not see it but at least you would have tried to hold her accountable.

LS

 

[bee*]

I would definitely say it to her. I don''t think that lending money and friends mix.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:22:35 PM
Author: Bliss

Date: 8/14/2008 6:18:08 PM

Author: justjulia

I can''t believe she told you about the plans with bf... I would be painfully aware that I owed that money--

I''d bring it up. Like, ''what ever happened to that $500.? 4 months is too long, regardless if she knows you have a lot of disposable income..it''s the principle of the thing.

I think she was beside herself with excitement and forgot!

It was kind of cute but yeah... I know! I was also thinking, ''Hmmm, so glad you''re having fun.'' In a way I am happy for her that I could help her out. But I don''t want to pay for her boyfriend''s stuff. LOL.

Hey, maybe I''m a tad old fashioned in certain situations, but HE should be paying AT LEAST for his part!! It''s a tell tale sign of the future of THEIR relationship!! (So thinks I.) Humph

 

[Bliss]

LOL... I was wondering that as well! I should have known better. Back in the day, my brother asked me to lend him money as well. The following weekend his girlfriend shows up with a new Coach bag. I'm like, "Did P buy it for you?" Yep! Inside I was thinking, "Nooooo, I bought that for you!" From then on, the bank was closed unless there was a real need.

I think people who need to "loan" money from friends/family tend to be irresponsible financially... pending a true emergency. In this day and age, why would you ever be short like $500?!! It's nuts. There's nothing saved anywhere? Really???

Anyway... thanks for all the wonderful advice.

I really appreciate it! And thanks for letting me question this and think aloud!!!!!!

I'm going to bring it up and I'll let you know what happens!

From the School of Bliss: It is never good to lend friends money unless you never ever want it back NO MATTER WHAT THEY SPEND IT ON.

An expensive lesson.

 

[steph72276]

I am a huge fan of Dave Ramsey and he says the same thing....lending money to family or friends is always a bad idea. Resentment can grow for the person if they don''t give the money back. So you have to think about, is this friendship worth $500 bucks? If so, eat the money and consider it a lesson learned. If not, ask her to get on a payment plan to pay you back which might cause her to have resentment (even though she shouldn''t) toward you. You have to make the call, but hopefully in the future, you won''t do that again!

 

[Dancing Fire]

i don''t mind loaning $$$ to friends if they''re in trouble. i have this friend that wants to borrow 15K,he lives the life style of the rich and famous,goes on long vacations,drives a 100k BMW,lives in a big expensive home. i told him to take a hike !!!

 

[Bliss]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:28:43 PM
Author: steph72276
I am a huge fan of Dave Ramsey and he says the same thing....lending money to family or friends is always a bad idea. Resentment can grow for the person if they don''t give the money back. So you have to think about, is this friendship worth $500 bucks? If so, eat the money and consider it a lesson learned. If not, ask her to get on a payment plan to pay you back which might cause her to have resentment (even though she shouldn''t) toward you. You have to make the call, but hopefully in the future, you won''t do that again!

Thank you, Steph! The friendship is worth more than $500. I''ll mention it lightly(for my own sanity) and let it go.

 

[Bliss]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:30:00 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
i don''t mind loaning $$$ to friends if they''re in trouble. i have this friend that wants to borrow 15K,he lives the life style of the rich and famous,goes on long vacations,drives a 100k BMW,lives in a big expensive home. i told him to take a hike !!!

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[diamondfan]

What sucks is you did her a favor and now have to feel intimidated to ask for YOUR money back, which she promised to pay.

I might just be firm and pleasant, Hey, Susan,when can I expect the money back that I loaned you X weeks ago?

If she gives you crap, she is not a great friend. I would be mortified to have spent myself into trouble and borrow from a friend, and then spend money I could have used to pay her back on other things, and TELL her about this. She owes it, so you can decide that you really want it and want to make a point here, or you can let it go, but it becomes a pink elephant in the middle of the room which is bad.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:10:07 PM
Author: Bliss

Date: 8/14/2008 6:07:08 PM
Author: claudinam
I wish you had asked before you lent it!

I would feel really really guilty, but I would definitely say no. Only because I would not be OK with ''donating'' it. It would bother me until I got it back, so since I know that about myself...no, I wouldn''t lend it.

Thankfully, nobody has asked.

Claudinam... Thanks! I know, I know. I wrestled with it for a day before I decided to give it to her. She knows I can spare it easily so I felt like it would be really hard to say no. I just had a feeling it would be irritating if she never paid it back. It''s not so much the money, but the principle. I feel a little used/taken for a ride. My own fault for getting myself in this position.

Would you say something?

yep !! tell her you''re Sup-A Granny.

 

[lovegem]

If that "friend" doesn''t pay back, then she''s no friend.

To answer your question, yes, I would lend my friends money (of course I have to trust them at the first place). When we (me and my best friend and roommate) were in undergrad, we would lend each other money from time to time to cover certain costs (tuition and rent mainly). We are talking about somewhere around $1000 to $2000. We usually paid back each other within a month or so.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:30:00 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
i don''t mind loaning $$$ to friends if they''re in trouble. i have this friend that wants to borrow 15K,he lives the life style of the rich and famous,goes on long vacations,drives a 100k BMW,lives in a big expensive home. i told him to take a hike !!!

Dancing Fire, can I borrow $20,000 tee hee.

Linda

 

[Dancing Fire]

i know it is different with American society but in the Chinese society it is very common to loan friends money.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:57:07 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
i know it is different with American society but in the Chinese society it is very common to loan friends money.

Yes, it is. I think I told you my husbands sister is married to a Chinese man. He supported all of their sisters at one time. He is a very kind and generous man.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:54:10 PM
Author: Linda W

Date: 8/14/2008 6:30:00 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
i don''t mind loaning $$$ to friends if they''re in trouble. i have this friend that wants to borrow 15K,he lives the life style of the rich and famous,goes on long vacations,drives a 100k BMW,lives in a big expensive home. i told him to take a hike !!!

Dancing Fire, can I borrow $20,000 tee hee.

Linda

Linda, no problem, if i can collect what my friends owe me through the years.

 

[Tuckins1]

I would ask about it, as it was a LOAN. Be nice about it, but let her know what kind of time table you would like it payed back in. (Over the next few months, weeks, etc...) If you still don''t get any payment by then, you should be a little bit more *ahem* forceful. I have loaned money to friends before and have always been payed back, but even with my best friend I had to be very firm about being payed back in a timely fashion.