Would you leave your baby in a car alone...?

[Rockdiamond]

ETA congrats to you and your wife on the upcoming new addition!!

Thanks LS!!!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Very informative thread for a dad.
NO matter what, mommies are simply more attuned to this kind of thing.

Apologies for my incorrect assumption- but I think it still holds true if we substitute the word "mommies" with "Birth Mothers"

I have witnessed, first hand, the remarkable changes pregnancy brings to a woman's body and mind.
No matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to see things the way DW does.

(BTW she's due in less than 3 weeks!!! I really feel for her in this heat)

Congratulations David!!! Best wishes!

ETA: Now the question we're all thinking is "what's her push present going to be?" *drool*

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I don't care what the temperature or weather is like, it still wouldn't fly with me. The risk of the dirty bathroom floor is less than leaving the LO in the car.

 

[marcy]

No, never!

 

[cara]

Yes, in a different era.

Not in this one, at least not in any usual circumstance I can come up with. Even if you have done something fairly safe, if there are other people around, they might call the cops and THAT would be no fun.

Just to be clear, I would be exceedingly cautious about sunshine and greenhouse effect warming in any era. Cars can get quite hot quite quick. But there are sometimes when that (heating) is not a realistic threat, when baby-snatchers are not a realistic threat. I think last time we had a big thread on the babies dying in hot cars, someone mentioned the practice of leaving your baby in a stroller outside a store while you shop, which is apparently quite common in some countries.

 

[Mara]

Interesting article recently posted asking this same Q and also detailing CA law...

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfm ... y_id=64933

This from a police officer..

But for reference:
If you do leave a child in the vehicle...
Of course, stop the engine and take the keys with you!
Is the neighborhood safe?
Is the vehicle parked legally on a flat surface?
Are the operating controls of the vehicle available to the child such as releasing the emergency brake, opening the trunk or gas cap etc.?
Are there any suspicious looking persons around the vehicle?
Will the vehicle become overheated quickly?
Is it possible, even remotely, that your short errand will be delayed?

Always, make an assessment and judgment call based upon the immediate situation! Don't assume! Don't go by past situations.

 

[Dreamer_D]

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

No no no.

Did I say no?

When I am loading the car to go out in the morning I will put Hunter in his car seat so I can easily run in and out of the house to load the car, but I would not leave him in the car unattended for more than a moment, and certainly not in a public place.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Now that I read it all I wanted to comment on your later questions about how t ohandle it, what to do, and your partner feeling criticized and micromanaged...

I think in every relationship partners will have different standards about safety and within reason it is appropriate to expect your partner to conform! For example, my husband insists on using the super-safety lock on our door -- it is something that flips down from the frams and makes it impossible to open the door even if the dead bolt is engaged. The old lady we bought the house from put it in, and he thinks it is the greatest. I think it is silly Our area is safe, I grew up rarely locking our door or closing it (yes I live in Canada for those of you who have seen Bowling for Columbine). Anyways, I conform to his wishes on this one. I lock that silly thing and whenever I do I yell "Now the monsters can't get us!" and we laugh. Though I think his desire to use the super-lock extraordinaire is silly, it is not totally unreasonable and so I comply.

In your case, even if your DP thinks that it is ok to leave your daughter in the car when she runs to the bathroom, YOU do not think it is ok and so I think she should comply with your wishes. She should do it not because she is a horrible mother for leaving your daughter, necessarily, and not because you micromanage, but because it is important to you. One day she will want you to do something *she* wants that you think is silly, and then you will comply because it is important to her.

Maybe if you explain it like that she will see your point. And if she cannot get over the fact that you are criticising her, well tough cookies Honestly, I would rip my DH a new one if he left our son in the car, no joke! If you can be reasonable about it then you are a better woman than I .

 

[KimberlyH]

i don't understand how the 30 seconds it takes to remove a child from his or her seat or the 5 seconds it takes to remove the whole seat and carry it with you could be so inconvenient that it would make leaving a baby in the car a viable option.

in short, no.

 

[steph72276]

Absolutely not. Didn't you see the latest kidnapping of a 4 year old girl from her own front yard? No way would I take a chance of leaving my most precious thing on earth in a car alone even for a moment when there are nutcases out there. How horrible would you feel if something tragic did happen?

 

[taovandel]

I would have called the police if I had seen this happen.
I've called the Humane Society for dogs left in a car...I'd definitely do it for a baby.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Never ever. Too many "what if's . . ." What if something happens to the baby, to the car, to me while I'm in the bathroom . . . What if I get locked out of the car, what if the car is carjacked, what if I slip and fall and pass out in the bathroom and nobody knows there's a baby in the car, etc. etc.

My department chair turned on her car to warm it up for her baby right outside of her house, and it got stolen (with her purse, her laptop, her checkbook). What if the baby had been inside???

By the way, I have used the loo with my baby in my arms or on my hip. You make it work.

In every relationship, there's a more lax partner, so I don't think DP is an awful person or anything, but the job of the more risk averse partner is to point out the pitfalls and freak out when lax partner goes too far.

We took Claire (8 months) to the beach for the first time, and DH waded out with her in his arm all the way up to his shoulders in rough waves, and I was all, "Please come back in! That's too far!" I was basically shrieking like a crazy woman. I can't understand why he wasn't worried like I was. It was after the lifeguards had left, too!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I just saw this article on the topic. The story is heartbreaking, but I think the biggest learning point I got is that it only takes 15 minutes in 75 degree weather for a baby to get hyperthermia.

http://www.parenting.com/article/Baby/Health/Tragedy-in-the-Backseat-Hot-Car-Deaths?cid=cnnrss

 

[Jennifer W]

I wouldn't do it, but I can understand the thought process that led to it. It's hard to know how bad / ok it was without seeing exactly the circumstances, but the heat thing would really worry me. ETA I live in a cool climate, so people do leave their kids in cars for a few minutes to run into a store, or pay for gas etc. It isn't the norm, but it isn't unheard of either. I don't and wouldn't.

DH kept a baby-sling in the car, so he could put A in that if he had to stop and run an errand or use the bathroom and didn't want to put her or the car-seat down. That worked ok (although I'm not excited about her being in a public restroom like that, but better than leaving her in the car). Most times when we've been out with her, the first thing we do when we get home is sprint to the bathroom because it's just easier to hang on!

Your partner did what she thought was best at the time, I'm sure she'll listen to your perspective and do it differently next time. That isn't you micromanaging, it's just shared parenting. Don't feel bad, you aren't over-reacting.

Jen

 

[junebug17]

You didn't over-react, what your partner did was very unsafe (and, as others have said, probably illegal). I understand not wanting to pick on her for every little thing, but this is a biggie and you were right to be upset with your partner and say something to her about it. I'm sure she won't do it again. I understand she had her reasons, but it was the wrong choice.

 

[kama_s]

I'm not a mother yet, but I have a question for you ladies. Personally, I bought it would be easier for someone to take the baby plus babyseat (whatever those things are called!) to the men's washroom, considering they have urinals. How on earth do women fit the baby in a small enclosed stall??

 

[steph72276]

I'm not a mother yet, but I have a question for you ladies. Personally, I bought it would be easier for someone to take the baby plus babyseat (whatever those things are called!) to the men's washroom, considering they have urinals. How on earth do women fit the baby in a small enclosed stall??

You either have to find a family restroom where there is just one big stall, wait on a handicapped restroom, or take the baby out and use a carrier or even hold them while trying to go (which is difficult, but can be done).

 

[Nashville]

Obviously not. That's the worst idea ever.

 

[lovinsparkles]

Thanks, y'all for the confirmation that this was not a safe thing to do and especially for the thoughts on how to handle these issues between parents. I know DP won't do this again -- after initially being upset with me for criticizing she agreed it was the wrong choice. I'm more concerned about similar but different situations in the future, when she again has to re-weigh the risks for scenarios we haven't rehearsed.

Puppmom, I think my DP is like your DH -- just more relaxed in general and not as attuned to potential dangers, so it's a new way of looking at things for her.

In every relationship, there's a more lax partner, so I don't think DP is an awful person or anything, but the job of the more risk averse partner is to point out the pitfalls and freak out when lax partner goes too far.

Thanks, Phoenixgirl -- I felt like it was my duty but it's nice to hear others agree that it doesn't make me a harpy, and that it's really what I should be doing.

In your case, even if your DP thinks that it is ok to leave your daughter in the car when she runs to the bathroom, YOU do not think it is ok and so I think she should comply with your wishes. She should do it not because she is a horrible mother for leaving your daughter, necessarily, and not because you micromanage, but because it is important to you. One day she will want you to do something *she* wants that you think is silly, and then you will comply because it is important to her.

Dreamer_D, Thanks for this, too. I think I will try this approach. It seems fair and reasonable.

 

[MustangGal]

To make you feel a bit better, my DH did something worse yesterday. He locked his keys in the car with the baby still inside. Strapped into his car seat. At the babysitter's house. At least the car was running with the A/C on (it was 112 degrees outside). He called me and sheepishly asked if I could go home and get his spare keys. He did manage to get it open with a coat hanger before I got home, and supposedly DS was smiling and laughing at him from the backseat the entire time.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Thank god the car was running! That must have been really scary for him. I think if I were in a situation where I locked the keys AND the baby in the car (if the car was off) I wouldn't wait for the extra set of keys (it gets so hot so fast in cars, especially with the temps you had). I'd break a window and deal with the cost to replace it.

 

[MustangGal]

Thank god the car was running! That must have been really scary for him. I think if I were in a situation where I locked the keys AND the baby in the car (if the car was off) I wouldn't wait for the extra set of keys (it gets so hot so fast in cars, especially with the temps you had). I'd break a window and deal with the cost to replace it.

He did say the only reason he tried the coat hanger first was becasue the AC was on. No way would he have waited in the Phoenix heat!