Would you leave your baby in a car alone...?

[lovinsparkles]

PS moms, I need a reality check here. Let's say you were downtown, and had the baby in the car (8 weeks old), and decided you needed to use the restroom. Would you park the car and run into a store to do so, leaving the baby in the car alone? Even if it were only for a few minutes? 80-ish degree day, OK but not great neighborhood.

I had a strong gut reaction when I heard this happened, but I need some perspective of other moms to know whether I overreacted.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Puppmom]

HELL NO!

 

[TravelingGal]

I would only leave her in the car if it were 70 degrees or below out.

Um...

OK, my answer is no, no, no, and NO. Any temperature outside. Any degree of quality of neighborhood (rich people are nutters too). Any degree of piss-urgency.

I don't even like to leave the baby in the car when I am right in front of her pulling out money in an ATM (so I didn't). But I know in some states, it makes more sense to do that than pull the baby out into frigid weather. In the specific situation you mention, WHY would one leave the baby in the car???? It's not hard to grab the baby and head to the loo.

 

[MustangGal]

No, I wouldn't either! I can kinda understand if you're going to the ATM where the car will be within sight, but going into a restroom? Hell no!

I have left Kyle in the car in my driveway for a second if I forgot the coupon/grocery list/etc. in the house, but that's the longest, period.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

EFF NO! Not only is it horribly unsafe (baby snatchers, heat, Co2, etc). IT'S ILLEGAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In fact, if I saw that I would call the cops.

 

[Ninna]

No

 

[TooPatient]

EFF NO! Not only is it horribly unsafe (baby snatchers, heat, Co2, etc). IT'S ILLEGAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In fact, if I saw that I would call the cops.

That was my reaction too. Regardless of heat, neighborhood, etc.

Another thought:
It only takes a second for a criminal to steal (or carjack) a car. The car can be replaced. The baby can not.

 

[fieryred33143]

Never. When it's in the 80s and I shut off my car but am still inside, the heat is too much for me-can't imagine for someone much smaller and strapped into a car seat

 

[lovinsparkles]

Thanks for the input. That was my first reaction too ("You did what?!!"). It is hard when your partner is still learning the ropes of parenting and doesn't have the same safety instincts you do. You don't want to be overly critical, but you have to stand up for the baby's safety above all else. A learning curve, I guess, but still scary for me. Thanks for the feedback and confirmation that I didn't over react in thinking this was out of line.

 

[lilyfoot]

I don't even have a baby, and I'm getting anxious just thinking about a baby being in this situation. HELL NO, I would never leave a baby in the car alone for any reason at all. I won't even do that with my dogs, so I certainly wouldn't do it to my kid!

 

[lilyfoot]

Thanks for the input. That was my first reaction too ("You did what?!!"). It is hard when your partner is still learning the ropes of parenting and doesn't have the same safety instincts you do. You don't want to be overly critical, but you have to stand up for the baby's safety above all else. A learning curve, I guess, but still scary for me. Thanks for the feedback and confirmation that I didn't over react in thinking this was out of line.

What exactly was the reasoning for not taking the baby with him?

 

[fieryred33143]

Thanks for the input. That was my first reaction too ("You did what?!!"). It is hard when your partner is still learning the ropes of parenting and doesn't have the same safety instincts you do. You don't want to be overly critical, but you have to stand up for the baby's safety above all else. A learning curve, I guess, but still scary for me. Thanks for the feedback and confirmation that I didn't over react in thinking this was out of line.

I'm guessing then that this was your husband?

You're right. Parenting is hard and there are things that come naturally to one while not so naturally to the other. I'm sure he won't do it again

 

[lovinsparkles]

Thanks for the input. That was my first reaction too ("You did what?!!"). It is hard when your partner is still learning the ropes of parenting and doesn't have the same safety instincts you do. You don't want to be overly critical, but you have to stand up for the baby's safety above all else. A learning curve, I guess, but still scary for me. Thanks for the feedback and confirmation that I didn't over react in thinking this was out of line.

What exactly was the reasoning for not taking the baby with him?

That the bathroom would likely be dirty so it was safer in the car...

 

[TravelingGal]

Well, having not been to a men's loo in a long, loooooooooong time, that just scares me.

 

[fieryred33143]

That the bathroom would likely be dirty so it was safer in the car...

LS, I actually had a longer post written out but decided not to post it. I'll write though what I was thinking.

It is really easy to justify leaving the baby in the car and your husband's reasoning doesn't surprise me.

Baby is in car seat, can't carry while using the urinal, don't want to put the car seat on the ground next to the urinal, bathrooms are really dirty, car is clean and safe = baby stays in car.

I don't think it makes him a bad parent, he was just not thinking of all the possible things that can occur in his 'quick' trip in and out of the restroom.

 

[Mara]

...what if it was cool out/not sunny, the kid was sleeping in the carseat, and you had to stop for something. It would be 2 min and the baby would be in front of you the whole time in a totally glass encased shop in a small non-busy plaza.

ETA and your car was off and alarmed.

 

[Rockdiamond]

Very informative thread for a dad.
NO matter what, mommies are simply more attuned to this kind of thing.

 

[lilyfoot]

Thanks for the input. That was my first reaction too ("You did what?!!"). It is hard when your partner is still learning the ropes of parenting and doesn't have the same safety instincts you do. You don't want to be overly critical, but you have to stand up for the baby's safety above all else. A learning curve, I guess, but still scary for me. Thanks for the feedback and confirmation that I didn't over react in thinking this was out of line.

What exactly was the reasoning for not taking the baby with him?

That the bathroom would likely be dirty so it was safer in the car...

Disclaimer: I am probably more paranoid/overprotective than most people....

I totally understand what fiery is saying about some things coming naturally to one parent and not another, and again I am NOT a parent yet (so I should probably just shut up, lol!), but the way I see it, leaving the baby in the car was a very deliberate, purposeful action, that he obviously didn't see anything wrong with.

I'm sure he won't do it again, because he saw how much it upset you (and hopefully he figured out that it was wrong on his own anyway?), but I guess I would just be worried about what else he would think is ok for a baby .. Maybe just suggest that when he's making a decision about the baby, to take an extra second to question his instinct?

ETA: I am in no way saying your husband is a bad parent, lovinsparkles, I think the subject is just really anxiety-inspiring, and I'm pretty astounded that people still leave their kids alone in the car with all the crazy overheating/dying/car-baby-jacking stories out there!

 

[lovinsparkles]

Very informative thread for a dad.
NO matter what, mommies are simply more attuned to this kind of thing.

Funny that you say that. In this instance, it was in fact her other mommy. Still, I do think there is something about having gone through the whole pregnancy/child birth experience, spending all that time thinking about how to best keep the baby safe, that carries over after birth. And maybe if you hadn't just had that experience and didn't have much practice with babies, for some people maybe it doesn't come as naturally. We will have to keep working on it though cause it is really really scary for me to think that something might happen to the baby.

 

[lilyfoot]

Very informative thread for a dad.
NO matter what, mommies are simply more attuned to this kind of thing.

Funny that you say that. In this instance, it was in fact her other mommy. Still, I do think there is something about having gone through the whole pregnancy/child birth experience, spending all that time thinking about how to best keep the baby safe, that carries over after birth. And maybe if you hadn't just had that experience and didn't have much practice with babies, for some people maybe it doesn't come as naturally. We will have to keep working on it though cause it is really really scary for me to think that something might happen to the baby.

Sorry, I don't usually assume things like that, but somebody mentioned a husband earlier in the thread, so I went with it. Just replace all the "he"'s in my post with "she"'s

I was Googling a bit, and this article, which is about babies being left in cars, says that in one of the situations, the high temperature of the day was 86, which means the inside of a car could reach 105 within 10 minutes. That's really scary! Sure your partner thinks it'll only take a few minutes to go to the bathroom, but what if something happens and she's not able to get back to the car within those 2-3 minutes? Eek!

ETA: link! http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=n ... 2c2NaUoACw

 

[fieryred33143]

...what if it was cool out/not sunny, the kid was sleeping in the carseat, and you had to stop for something. It would be 2 min and the baby would be in front of you the whole time in a totally glass encased shop in a small non-busy plaza.

ETA and your car was off and alarmed.

Mara, this question comes up a lot on other baby sites and the response is always mixed. I think at the end of the day you have to make the decision based on your own comfort level. I don't leave S in the car alone. It's just too hot in FL. If I were to leave her in the car, the AC would have to be on and I don't have one of those keyless remote start things so the keys would have to stay in the car which doesn't make me feel comfortable. It has to be really cool outside for the inside of my car to not get warm (I don't have tinted windows and the interior is a very dark grey/almost black).

Sorry, I don't usually assume things like that, but somebody mentioned a husband earlier in the thread, so I went with it. Just replace all the "he"'s in my post with "she"'s

Ditto this

 

[ericad]

OMG, NEVER!

 

[lovinsparkles]

Thanks for the input. That was my first reaction too ("You did what?!!"). It is hard when your partner is still learning the ropes of parenting and doesn't have the same safety instincts you do. You don't want to be overly critical, but you have to stand up for the baby's safety above all else. A learning curve, I guess, but still scary for me. Thanks for the feedback and confirmation that I didn't over react in thinking this was out of line.

What exactly was the reasoning for not taking the baby with him?

That the bathroom would likely be dirty so it was safer in the car...

Disclaimer: I am probably more paranoid/overprotective than most people....

I totally understand what fiery is saying about some things coming naturally to one parent and not another, and again I am NOT a parent yet (so I should probably just shut up, lol!), but the way I see it, leaving the baby in the car was a very deliberate, purposeful action, that he obviously didn't see anything wrong with.

I'm sure he won't do it again, because he saw how much it upset you (and hopefully he figured out that it was wrong on his own anyway?), but I guess I would just be worried about what else he would think is ok for a baby .. Maybe just suggest that when he's making a decision about the baby, to take an extra second to question his instinct?

ETA: I am in no way saying your husband is a bad parent, lovinsparkles, I think the subject is just really anxiety-inspiring, and I'm pretty astounded that people still leave their kids alone in the car with all the crazy overheating/dying/car-baby-jacking stories out there!

You've hit the nail on the head, Lilyfoot. That is my concern too. We will have to establish some general rules of thumb since the same natural instincts don't seem to be there.

Don't worry, I know that DP is a great co-parent in many, many ways. This is just such an important area, that we can't overlook it. And it's hard to bring up because DP then feels criticized/micromanaged. But what else can I do? The baby relies on me/us to keep her safe until she's old enough to do so on her own. In fact, I may be over-cautious and may need to adjust that approach somewhere down the road...but I think in infancy, those instincts are there for a reason.

 

[Rockdiamond]

Very informative thread for a dad.
NO matter what, mommies are simply more attuned to this kind of thing.

Apologies for my incorrect assumption- but I think it still holds true if we substitute the word "mommies" with "Birth Mothers"

I have witnessed, first hand, the remarkable changes pregnancy brings to a woman's body and mind.
No matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to see things the way DW does.

(BTW she's due in less than 3 weeks!!! I really feel for her in this heat)

 

[lovinsparkles]

Very informative thread for a dad.
NO matter what, mommies are simply more attuned to this kind of thing.

Apologies for my incorrect assumption- but I think it still holds true if we substitute the word "mommies" with "Birth Mothers"

I have witnessed, first hand, the remarkable changes pregnancy brings to a woman's body and mind.
No matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to see things the way DW does.

(BTW she's due in less than 3 weeks!!! I really feel for her in this heat)

No problem, Rockdiamond. What you say does resonate with me re: birth mothers. I do feel very primal things about care and safety and staying close to the baby, that I can't imagine I would have felt before this process. On the other hand, adoptive parents might feel that this invalidates their experience and the extent of their feelings for the child (I know DP feels that to some extent when I talk about natural instincts, etc.). It's tricky.

ETA congrats to you and your wife on the upcoming new addition!!

 

[somethingshiny]

In some states it's illegal to leave a child alone in a vehicle.

DH left JT in the car when he went in to pay for gas once. I was PO'd big time.

 

[TravelingGal]

Oops, sorry I assumed it was a man too! It was the only logical conclusion upon thinking the bathroom had to be THAT bad.

 

[Puppmom]

Lovin, I just had a conversation with DH about baby care and how I'm going to try REALLY hard to not intervene unless it's a safety issue. I would def throw a fit over this one. I think it's just all personality based really - my DH is super relaxed and very sincere person and just doesn't see the possibility of awful things happening. Me? I can think of a buzzillion things to be worried about!

 

[anchor31]

No, I would not. Where I live it's illegal. I recently saw a report that stated that even at temps around 77 degrees, the temperature inside a car will rise to dangerous levels within minutes. I couple of years ago I saw someone do this and called the police. Heck, last year I saw someone do this to a dog and I called the police.

LS - I hope your DP has realized her mistake and will not do it again. I'm glad your DD is safe!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Hi,

I agree with the prior poster(s) who said they would call the police. If I saw a baby left alone in the car, regardless of the temp, I would call the police, plain and simple. I would also wait by the car for the driver to return to make sure the baby was ok during the period of time the person was away. I'd likely say something to the person too, though I really, really try to refrain from doing so in situations like this. People do not like being told they are wrong . . . basically, EVER.