Would you “lend out” your jewellery to a friend, work colleague?

[MamaBee]

Perhaps you could sort of “borrow” it back. Like “hey I’d really like to wear that [piece of jewellery] for when I go to [event] next week. It goes so well with….”

Then kind of forget to give it back…

Haha That’s a great idea @lonysis!

 

[Petalouda]

This thread brought to mind this huge family drama between my elderly aunt and my cousin. Let me preface this by saying my aunt adored jewelry and had plenty of it. She only had one son, but a lot of nieces. When we were young she would buy us costume jewelry to play with. When we got into our teens, we could pick out anything we wanted to wear for special occasions. She actively encouraged us to do so, much to my mom's chagrin. Mom was always worried I would lose something. Thankfully I never did. Anyway, my Aunt let my cousin borrow a special ring. My cousin didn't return it, so my aunt asked her to please give it back. My cousin said no, because she said my aunt gave it to her. Well, that pretty much started world war 3, and I was in the middle of it. I will say this though, even if my aunt "gave" it to her, she should have returned it....period. I guess there's a reason for that old saying: "Never a borrower or lender be."

T
What a generous Aunt! Unfortunately this situation gives credence to the cliche “no good deed goes unpunished”. Terrible her generosity was taken advantage of.

 

[wildcat03]

To my mom or my sister, maybe. I would probably try to add them as a wearer on my insurance policy first, though. I'd happily lend costume jewelry but I honestly don't really have any - I much prefer having a small, carefully chosen selection (I also get a rash to nickel so purchasing less expensive jewelry is always risky).

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

I have, but they are close friends. In fact, I've had a diamond bracelet in a PSer's wedding as her something borrowed! It depends on your relationships and the value of the piece I guess. I would absolutely not let someone borrow something 10k and above unless I was there at the event.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I have. Luckily, no issues?

cheers--Sharon

 

[Mreader]

This thread reminds me so much of Maupassant’s short story “La Parure” (English title is “The Necklace”.)

Short Stories: The Necklace by Guy de Maupassant

Full online text of The Necklace by Guy de Maupassant. Other short stories by Guy de Maupassant also available along with many others by classic and contemporary authors.

www.eastoftheweb.com

 

[CoffeeAndDiamonds]

I haven't let anyone borrow my jewlery and wouldn't in the future, except for my mom because I know she would take better care the jewlery than I do.

This is probably in poor form, but if a friend is borrowing something of mine that's not cheap, I'll work in a story where I can drop how much it cost. My friends are lovely wonderful people, and they are certainly more careful with something that isn't theirs when they know it's a bit pricey.

 

[asterismdispersion]

I would definitely hesitate with a precious item of value and consider it like my policy for giving out loans: I would rather gift an amount outright than enter a loan agreement. Dangling a business arrangement over a friend or family relationship is not a path that I want to go down.

In my extended family, there are family heirlooms set with diamonds and sapphires that have been lent out briefly for some ladies' high school portraits. Also, an antique sterling silver pin and earring set that originated in Europe has been lent to brides at weddings. The sterling pieces are mostly sentimental value and easier to part with though. For my niece's high school graduation we gifted her a gold and pearl suite after she had worn a diamond pendant for her portrait. If she marries I would be inclined to simply pass the sterling pieces, and any other piece(s) to wear, onto her for good.

 

[GeliL]

I'd be happy to lend to certain friends and family members but it really depends on how I think of them. Even if it's my best friend in the whole world, if I know they constantly lose, break or never return things, I wouldn't. But for anyone that I care about that I know would take good care of it, I would love to share unless I really really don't want anything to happen to it. If it gets lost or stolen, if they are genuinely apologetic about it, I will probably just forgive them and move on.

Luckily none of them wear much jewelry and I am always the jewelry wearer, so I haven't had the occasion.

 

[Bron357]

@Bron357 I‘m wondering what you said to her after she said this..

I just stood there with my mouth open thinking “what”.
In my head I thought of some not nice things to say like “how dare you dispose of something I only lent you out of the kindness” and “well, I need a sewing machine now so you can buy me one to replace the one you got rid of”.
So I just said “well, ok, then”.
The “friendship” which was based on our daughters friendship became strained anyway because her daughter didn’t respect boundaries and was a bit of a bully. It was quite “one sided”, her daughter repeatedly having sleep overs at our house but my daughter not sleeping over there. Anytime we were going somewhere special (zoo, theme park, movies) we’d often ask DD to invite a friend and invariably it was her daughter. Turns out DD was bullied into always asking the girl along.
So I just let it fade away..……

 

[Austina]

I’m appalled @Bron357 that anyone would find it acceptable to give away something that didn’t belong to them You were very restrained, I’d have told her she better get it back and return it as it wasn’t hers to give away

 

[Cerulean]

There is no one I know that I would trust with jewelry, except for one very good friend. She is as much of a responsible clean freak as I am. Actually, maybe she is more neurotic than me which is saying something...I love her to bits.

The other women in my life, my mom and sister, who I love and am close to, are klutzes, never clean their jewelry, and are way more careless than I am. It honestly disgusts me how dirty they let things get.

I am happy to buy them nice pieces, in fact I am getting a pair of diamond cluster earrings made for my sister now.

Then she can muck them up as much as she want, and the next time I see her wearing them I can demand to plop them into my ultrasonic. I would never lend anything I didn't expect to get damaged. I might loan my mom or sister pearls when she's married, but I am putting them in and taking them back after the event. I would even be wary of that...

 

[MamaBee]

I just stood there with my mouth open thinking “what”.
In my head I thought of some not nice things to say like “how dare you dispose of something I only lent you out of the kindness” and “well, I need a sewing machine now so you can buy me one to replace the one you got rid of”.
So I just said “well, ok, then”.
The “friendship” which was based on our daughters friendship became strained anyway because her daughter didn’t respect boundaries and was a bit of a bully. It was quite “one sided”, her daughter repeatedly having sleep overs at our house but my daughter not sleeping over there. Anytime we were going somewhere special (zoo, theme park, movies) we’d often ask DD to invite a friend and invariably it was her daughter. Turns out DD was bullied into always asking the girl along.
So I just let it fade away..……

@Bron357 It makes me think the apple didn’t fall far from the tree…

 

[737liz]

I lend out my bling all the time. 2 friends currently have about about 5 pieces each of 2k or less per piece bling. Plus they are drop points for my stateside purchases, so occasionally have x amount in holding for me on top of their chosen borrowed pieces. 3 people here where I live have at least one piece of mine that they admired, so I suggested they borrow it for a few months. None have ever, ever asked to borrow. It has always been me who initiates the suggestion.

I lend it out knowing that there is always the possibility that it doesn't come back. These are pieces that for me are pricey (but not by ps standards), but that is a gamble I don't mind taking. The gesture is always very appreciated, and it costs me nothing unless something goes wrong, which it hasn't... yet! I don't lend sentimental pieces that would hurt my heart if they were lost. But again, I don't have pieces of high value.

Also, I have given pieces that I like but know others truly covet. One friend, after over a decade of commenting on two of my rings, now possédés both and never ever takes them off. They are filthy, stuck on her finger after weight gain, and loved and cherished more than I ever did. It was worth the financial hit.

@Bron357 i echo the call by @Mreader to read the necklace by guy de maupassant. It is an excellent story and very on point.

Anywho, I realise I overshare on this forum. I always write dissertations whenever I participate. Apologies.

 

[starbrite]

I would let my mom "borrow" anything I own. If she wanted, I'd even let her have outright (jewelry or otherwise) anything that I own: other than my wedding set and some special sentimental pieces that came from my husband.

I'm more conservative with other family members and friends. I only would let those very close to me borrow (short term) my jewelry that I have no strong emotional attachment and/or can "afford" to loose. Accidents can happen & no piece of jewelry is worth compromising a close relationship. That why I qualify "can afford to loose."

I have a lot of jewelry. So I can afford to occasionally share with extra special people in my life. The exception is my jewelry that I have a super strong emotional attachment (like the jewelry mentioned above) or if the jewelry piece has a super high price tag that would make everyone feel bad if something went wrong.

I have felt flattered when a very close friend wanted to borrow a piece of my other jewelry short term for a special occasion in her life. I also borrowed a necklace from my best friend for my wedding day. Friends this close are not commonplace. They are in a category of their own. They are special people.

As for mere close acquaintances and work peers, I'm 99% sure wouldn't loan them any of my jewelry. This is true even with my sister because "loans" with her are never returned. With less close acquaintances, I'm definitely 100% that I wouldn't loan them any of my jewelry period.

 

[Grymera]

For me, it depends on the person, the occasion, and the piece. I would likely lend my best friend just about anything she wanted, with the exception of my diamond jackets and ruby studs, which I was married in. But just about anything else? Sure.

However, there's one relative I'm thinking of who is both incredibly hard on jewelry, and somewhat scatterbrained and I'd have to think very carefully about loaning her anything of value (moissanite band, sure. My Erika Winters ring, no). I'd only give out something I was willing to part with.

 

[autumngems]

Not a friend or work colleague but I did loan out the ring in my avatar to my niece to wear on her wedding day for something blue.

 

[VRBeauty]

I have. To a young woman who was then a fellow chorister. She was in the vocal performance program at a nearby university. She sang a very campy/vampy song about a woman who loves the finer thing of life as past part of a group program. When I heard she’d also be singing it as part of her senior recital, I offered the use of my rather showy cocktail ring for that number, and she accepted. I was at the recital to collect and collected the ring at its conclusion.

 

[doberman]

Within my immediate family ie mother and sister, we have and do on occasion borrow each other’s jewels for a special occasion. Now that I have the mostest and bestest jewels I’m more often the lender. My diamond bracelet, my sapphire and diamond ring and some of my watches are most requested. I don’t mind at all. I’m a pretty generous person and Im happy to share.
Now recently I had a friend ask if she could borrow my diamond necklace with diamond heart on it for her nieces wedding. For the niece as the bride to wear. The issue for me was that had the necklace been accidentally lost or stolen (remember it’s a stranger to me who is wearing it) I’d be out about $10,000 worth of jewellery. My jewellery isn’t insured but even if it was it still wouldn’t be insured for someone else to lose it or have it stolen. So I said to my friend “The necklace is valuable and not insured so to lend it out to you I would need you to give me $10,000 as a security deposit”. She was totally appalled and shocked by me saying that to her. Don’t I trust her? Did I think she, or her niece, would steal it?
I replied that it wasn’t about trust it was about the fact that if it got lost or stolen I would be out of pocket $10,000 worth of jewellery.
Obviously this situation has greatly stressed our friendship. Personally I think it was a little presumptuous of her to ask, she’s not a “best friend” and it’s not even her who will be wearing it and taking care of it.
I haven’t seen her or spoken to her recently, in Sydney we are in lockdown, but I’m feeling somewhat guilty and all that.

How strange of her. I dont think I've ever asked to borrow anyone's jewelry, it strikes me as so rude and weird when you're not extremely close to the person. I've lent jewelry to family members, but they've been insured pieces or things that wouldn't break me if they got lost.

 

[Phoenix]

NEVER!! Never ever. If someone wanted something of mine badly, I'd consider selling or giving it to them. I absolutely adore most of my bling though, so this would be an absolute exception.

 

[Phoenix]

Within my immediate family ie mother and sister, we have and do on occasion borrow each other’s jewels for a special occasion. Now that I have the mostest and bestest jewels I’m more often the lender. My diamond bracelet, my sapphire and diamond ring and some of my watches are most requested. I don’t mind at all. I’m a pretty generous person and Im happy to share.
Now recently I had a friend ask if she could borrow my diamond necklace with diamond heart on it for her nieces wedding. For the niece as the bride to wear. The issue for me was that had the necklace been accidentally lost or stolen (remember it’s a stranger to me who is wearing it) I’d be out about $10,000 worth of jewellery. My jewellery isn’t insured but even if it was it still wouldn’t be insured for someone else to lose it or have it stolen. So I said to my friend “The necklace is valuable and not insured so to lend it out to you I would need you to give me $10,000 as a security deposit”. She was totally appalled and shocked by me saying that to her. Don’t I trust her? Did I think she, or her niece, would steal it?
I replied that it wasn’t about trust it was about the fact that if it got lost or stolen I would be out of pocket $10,000 worth of jewellery.
Obviously this situation has greatly stressed our friendship. Personally I think it was a little presumptuous of her to ask, she’s not a “best friend” and it’s not even her who will be wearing it and taking care of it.
I haven’t seen her or spoken to her recently, in Sydney we are in lockdown, but I’m feeling somewhat guilty and all that.

How strange and presumptuous of her!! I would NOT feel guilty, at all.

 

[Phoenix]

So we’ve got an update…..
Another friend called me. She had talked to our mutual friend X (I havent reached out to her since the last conversation) and turns out my friend X didn’t know they were “real” diamonds! Friend X thought the necklace was CZ diamonds so didn’t understand why I mentioned $10,000.
Friend X is now rather embarrassed, firstly that she had assumed they were CZ, secondly she wouldnt have asked me if she’d known they were actually “real” and thirdly she’s sorry she reacted negatively to my response.
So I called her and said it’s all ok, I’m not offended or anything and in actual fact I do have a CZ necklace and bracelet that her niece is welcome to wear. She thanked me about 50 times over.
Before she hangs up she says “Your engagement ring, that isn’t a white sapphire or something is it ?”
Ummmm …… no.
The “lendable” necklace shown ha ha

Hahaha, just saw this update. Too funny (of her), as in strange!

 

[AprilBaby]

I think the only people I would be comfortable loaning my jewelry to are fellow PSers! And I'm sure I'd get it back cleaner than when I gave it to them, with all prongs tightened, scratches buffed out, dog hair removed from various crevices, and with a slew of photos better than any I could take.

So I can borrow your emerald for a year or two?

BTW we need to book a lunch date at Lou’s!

 

[Missie1]

No way would I loan my jewelry out. If it we’re to get lost or damaged most often people can’t afford to replace and I’m going to need my coin. So to prevent total falling out everyone just wears what they buy.

 

[Made in London]

This thread reminds me so much of Maupassant’s short story “La Parure” (English title is “The Necklace”.)

Short Stories: The Necklace by Guy de Maupassant

Full online text of The Necklace by Guy de Maupassant. Other short stories by Guy de Maupassant also available along with many others by classic and contemporary authors.

www.eastoftheweb.com

I really enjoyed the story, thanks for sharing

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

I lent this to Bestie for her wedding. But Bestie is super sane, very responsible and has never been a wacko about things so I trust her.

 

[seaurchin]

I know Bron's situation turned out to just be a misunderstanding, fortunately.

That said, I'd much sooner loan money or whatever to a friend or family member who was in dire need of assistance than loan an unnecessary luxury. Convincing fakes are inexpensive so I don't see any reason for a friend to ask to borrow an expensive piece of jewelry, even if it is for a wedding (let alone asking to borrow it for someone else).

I would never ask, myself, so just doing that would put them on my radar as someone who doesn't think the same way I do. If the one who owns it offers it on their own, that would be different. But personally, I still wouldn't want the responsibility of borrowing something like that. (My parents had stunning jewelry in their safety deposit box when I got married and I didn't even ask them).

Also, the borrower being a responsible person seems to me only the required starting point. Anyone can still lose something or have it stolen from them. So imo the question is, "What would happen IF they didn't return the piece?" I would not just assume they would do whatever I thought they should do about it just because they seemed like a responsible person. They might see it differently at that point. I could see someone then deciding that you should have had it insured and the insurance should pay for it, or deciding that it was not really worth what you thought it was, for ex.

Even when I do loan something to someone who needs help, I usually just make it a gift or at least think of it that way in my mind so it doesn't destroy a relationship if I don't get it back. And I don't give more than I can stand to lose.

Requiring the borrower to put up the value of the item as collateral seems a very fair and reasonable alternative to me, though.

 

[LLJsmom]

I was going to say I wouldn't. But now that I think about I actually would, because I have friends that are more careful of their jewelry than I am with mine, and these people would be twice as careful with someone else's jewelry. But these people would have no use for my jewelry. It would be more I would want to borrow from them. And for that, I would not trust myself.

If I were to let anyone borrow my jewelry, it would be family, and it probably would be me suggesting and insisting, if it didn't insult them.