Would you “lend out” your jewellery to a friend, work colleague?

[Bron357]

Within my immediate family ie mother and sister, we have and do on occasion borrow each other’s jewels for a special occasion. Now that I have the mostest and bestest jewels I’m more often the lender. My diamond bracelet, my sapphire and diamond ring and some of my watches are most requested. I don’t mind at all. I’m a pretty generous person and Im happy to share.
Now recently I had a friend ask if she could borrow my diamond necklace with diamond heart on it for her nieces wedding. For the niece as the bride to wear. The issue for me was that had the necklace been accidentally lost or stolen (remember it’s a stranger to me who is wearing it) I’d be out about $10,000 worth of jewellery. My jewellery isn’t insured but even if it was it still wouldn’t be insured for someone else to lose it or have it stolen. So I said to my friend “The necklace is valuable and not insured so to lend it out to you I would need you to give me $10,000 as a security deposit”. She was totally appalled and shocked by me saying that to her. Don’t I trust her? Did I think she, or her niece, would steal it?
I replied that it wasn’t about trust it was about the fact that if it got lost or stolen I would be out of pocket $10,000 worth of jewellery.
Obviously this situation has greatly stressed our friendship. Personally I think it was a little presumptuous of her to ask, she’s not a “best friend” and it’s not even her who will be wearing it and taking care of it.
I haven’t seen her or spoken to her recently, in Sydney we are in lockdown, but I’m feeling somewhat guilty and all that.

 

[eapj]

I don’t have a big or expensive collection AT ALL so that probably impacts my answer. I would let a close friend borrow anything. But an acquaintance so that her niece could wear something? No way. I think you were more than reasonable in your response. @Bron357 you are an incredibly generous person so please don’t second guess your stance on this. I think it’s 100% correct.

 

[FL_runner]

Oh goodness I think I would decline as well. But I think it’s unfortunate that she asked and put you in this situation - I feel like it’s a little inappropriate to ask if she knew it was not costume jewelry.

 

[MrsBlue]

You should not feel guilty at all. The request was more than a little presumptuous.

I did lend earrings to a dear friend so that she would have "something borrowed" for her wedding but I wouldn't lend anything from my bitty collection to anyone else.

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

I think your response was perfectly reasonable (and generous) given the circumstance. If she is a true friend, she will be able to move on and not let this get between your friendship.

 

[Matata]

I've loaned things to people only when I'm a guest at an event for which the piece is borrowed (usually weddings). The jewelry is kept with me until it's time for the start of the event and given back to me directly after the event is over.

 

[TooPatient]

No! Even the most careful person can lose something. (My necklace has been gone for 8 days now and I am the one who lost it.) It would be too easy for it to fall off or get set down and lost in the shuffle before or after the wedding. It could accidentally end up on a honeymoon somewhere. That doesn't even begin to cover the other people stealing possibilities!

I would never EVER ask even a best friend if I could borrow unless it was something we both equally enjoyed like you do with your family. If there was someone I was on jewelry borrowing terms with, it would NEVER occur to me to ask to borrow it for someone else. That is just way out of bounds.

Having loaned books, movies, jackets, and even a projector to others and very seldom had them returned (including the projector ), I am not about to let anyone handle my jewelry but me!

 

[Nevish]

My best friend is getting married soon so I mulled this over recently. It’s my same policy as loaning money—I can only feel comfortable loaning it out if I can afford to never see it again. And this only applies to actual friends, I would never loan out something to a friend of a friend (and all my pieces are quite a bit under 10k). I’m shocked she asked!

 

[PinkAndBlueBling]

That was pretty ballsy of her to ask, since it's not for her. I would never do that!

I'd lend my jewelry to close friends or my kids, depending on the piece and person. One DD loses everything! I have other family I wouldn't trust at all. Luckily, no one knows about my stash.

 

[kenny]

Never, to anyone.

 

[marymm]

No, I wouldn't and don't lend my jewelry to anyone.

FWIW I wouldn't even if they offered me a security deposit.

I can understand your friend's reaction, even though I also understand your position and why you brought up the $10K security deposit. In hindsight, it would have been better if you'd simply told her you don't loan out your jewelry no exceptions.

 

[Beagles]

No. My few pieces are very special to me. Also, I would never dream of asking to borrow someone's jewelry. If I couldn't afford the real thing, that's what costume jewelry is for.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I have/would but only for big events like weddings (and I was a guest/in the bridal party).

 

[Mreader]

No, I wouldn't and don't lend my jewelry to anyone.

FWIW I wouldn't even if they offered me a security deposit.

I can understand your friend's reaction, even though I also understand your position and why you brought up the $10K security deposit. In hindsight, it would have been better if you'd simply told her you don't loan out your jewelry no exceptions.

This is how I feel too. I wouldn’t loan my jewelry to anyone. I think that it was too forward for your friend to ask you. That said, it probably would have been better with a “no I don’t feel comfortable doing that” rather than the security deposit scenario. I’m sorry that you were put in such an awkward position!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I don’t borrow jewelry, and I wouldn’t lend it either. I just think it opens me up to a level of risk I don’t find acceptable. I think you were more than fair to ask for a security deposit, though personally I would just have said something like “I’m sorry, I don’t lend out my jewelry to anyone. I’m happy to help niece find something in her budget etc.” If she’s offended, it’s on her imo. No one has ever asked me if they can borrow my jewelry - and hopefully no one ever will!

 

[Diamond Girl 21]

I was very comfortable sharing, even swapping jewelry with my mom. Heck, she bought a good portion of my jewelry anyway. I would also lend pieces to my daughter, but I don't think I would be comfortable lending out pieces to friends. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about in my opinion.

 

[LemonMoonLex]

My mom & I are always borrowing eachothers jewelry to wear for a few days or a week or two. Usually it's me borrowing hers more often because, while I let her borrow anything, I know how hard she is on her gold & so I have conditions for mine.

Such as, no wearing it while washing hands/showering, gardening, moving boxes, or working out. Usually the conditions worry her and she ends up not borrowing the piece. She's a jewelry lover but mainly for the gold and doesn't know much about gemstones or their fragility.

She knows without a doubt that her jewelry will almost be in even better more cautious hands with me! Haha

Now that I'm done with that tangent lol - I could never see me lending my jewelry to anyone else besides my mother or perhaps daughter when she's older & more mature. I just don't trust them enough. The only time with which I could imagine doing so would be at an event with another gem lover, such as one of you PSers that I love where we'd swap similarly costly pieces and wear them for the night at the same event! That'd actually be a lot of fun!

Other than that I think that it's pretty crass of her to ask. Don't feel guilty or bad at all! You sound like someone who's just very straight forward & I think that she might be more sensitive, so the 10k remark probably made her feel like you didn't trust her when really she should understand and view it from a stance void of emotion.

That's not your burden or issue, don't feel bad love!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Within my immediate family ie mother and sister, we have and do on occasion borrow each other’s jewels for a special occasion. Now that I have the mostest and bestest jewels I’m more often the lender. My diamond bracelet, my sapphire and diamond ring and some of my watches are most requested. I don’t mind at all. I’m a pretty generous person and Im happy to share.
Now recently I had a friend ask if she could borrow my diamond necklace with diamond heart on it for her nieces wedding. For the niece as the bride to wear. The issue for me was that had the necklace been accidentally lost or stolen (remember it’s a stranger to me who is wearing it) I’d be out about $10,000 worth of jewellery. My jewellery isn’t insured but even if it was it still wouldn’t be insured for someone else to lose it or have it stolen. So I said to my friend “The necklace is valuable and not insured so to lend it out to you I would need you to give me $10,000 as a security deposit”. She was totally appalled and shocked by me saying that to her. Don’t I trust her? Did I think she, or her niece, would steal it?
I replied that it wasn’t about trust it was about the fact that if it got lost or stolen I would be out of pocket $10,000 worth of jewellery.
Obviously this situation has greatly stressed our friendship. Personally I think it was a little presumptuous of her to ask, she’s not a “best friend” and it’s not even her who will be wearing it and taking care of it.
I haven’t seen her or spoken to her recently, in Sydney we are in lockdown, but I’m feeling somewhat guilty and all that.

As someone who has been on the receiving end of your generosity, this is definatly a case of its her, not you that is the problem here!
Its a pity this has strained a relationship but you don't know the niece from Adam
I had a mamager once say to me (when we were both on the receiving end of office cattiness) - who are these people we work with ? Would we even be freinds with them if it wasn't for work?
This can be unfortunate because we spend more of our awake time with our work mates than most others and i am at my most happiest with nice workmates around be to befriend

You did the right thing

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Hmmmm i can kind of see now why the Queen doesn't loan out much and shear the bling around, even to within her own family
10K is a significant amount of money to loose

 

[Dee*Jay]

I think the only people I would be comfortable loaning my jewelry to are fellow PSers! And I'm sure I'd get it back cleaner than when I gave it to them, with all prongs tightened, scratches buffed out, dog hair removed from various crevices, and with a slew of photos better than any I could take.

 

[lambskin]

Not my most precious or sentimental pieces.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I haven’t read all the responses, but IMO a true friend upon hearing how valuable the necklace is would completely understand you not wanting to lend the piece of jewelry. Nothing to feel guilty about on your end.

ETA- To answer your question, I would not loan out anything, maybe that makes me greedy, but blingy and greedy

 

[jaysonsmom]

I have a friend who jokingly asked if she could borrow my OEC and other rings for a niece’s wedding that is in Texas because her family in Texas will all be blinged out in 3+ carat rocks, and she still wears her original wedding set .75tcw. I don’t think she was serious about her request though…we shall see.

 

[icy_jade]

I think it depends on the situation but most people I know won’t ask for a jewelry loan I think.

For example, even in office in the past when my colleagues occasionally tried on my new rings, they were very quick to return them as (in their words) they felt nervous in case they drop or damage my ring. I would think that most people would think the same way and hence not ask for a loan (not to mention it’s not even for themselves it’s for their relative??). Those that don’t think like that… I’ll definitely worry about a loan to them.

I guess I would have just said I’m not comfortable and left it as that without asking for a security deposit. Anyway, I don’t think I have anything so wow that someone would ask to borrow to wear at their wedding.

 

[Dancing Fire]

No way Jose!

 

[pearlsngems]

I would not lend my jewelry to anyone but my daughter.

I also can't imagine asking anyone if I could borrow their jewelry! I think your friend didn't think this request through very well.

 

[Bonfire]

The nerve of some people. I think that’s extremely rude and entitled. Your practical response was perfect. She should feel embarrassed.

 

[lissyflo]

The nerve of some people. I think that’s extremely rude and entitled. Your practical response was perfect. She should feel embarrassed.

Exactly this.

Your friend was rude to ask in the first place if that’s not how your relationship ‘works’ and especially as it wasn’t even her who’d be using it. She was ruder still to react the way she did when it was obvious you weren’t comfortable with the idea.

You’ve done nothing wrong - your stuff, your rules, your comfort level - so don’t feel badly. You’re known on ps for your generosity, but loaning an expensive piece to someone you don’t know would have been foolish, not generous, in my opinion.

 

[MollyMalone]

I have a friend who jokingly asked if she could borrow my OEC and other rings for a niece’s wedding that is in Texas because her family in Texas will all be blinged out in 3+ carat rocks, and she still wears her original wedding set .75tcw. I don’t think she was serious about her request though…we shall see.

Jewelry rental! E.g.,

Adorn.com - Domain Name and Jewelry for Sale

 

[MillieLou]

Hasn't she read Guy de Maupassant's The Necklace?! Google it and send her a link...

No way would I lend anyone (other than perhaps my mother) any jewellery item of value.

She was rude to react in the way she did. "Oh gosh! I had no idea it was worth so much - I would never have asked if I'd known" would have been the correct response.

I guess the only thing I might do differently if someone asks again is simply say "I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable with that." You don't need to explain yourself.