Willing to pay for better diamond

[emnightingale]

My boyfriend just told me tonight that he's put a 1.28 carat H color very good cut, clean SI1 on hold. I'm so happy and we've decided I will pay for the setting because the price of the diamond is right at what he is willing to pay. He's now at peace with our unconventional decision to purchase the e-ring together.

Thanks for all the replies. I'll have to post pics after I get the ring.

-------------------------------------------------------


Fantastic!!!

Best of luck!

Em

 

[caratgirl]

Hi Sizematters,

Yahoo! That is terrific. I am so very happy that you two worked out a good compromise. I am sure it will look wonderful, and yes, we will be disappointed if you do not post the pics. Enjoy your new ring!

Caratgirl

in sunny CA

 

[Heyjud]

Hi again Sizematters...

You compromised and it all worked out
Thats what MARRIAGE is all about!

Looking forward to seeing the pictures!

 

[Lanee]

I wish I had contributed to this thread before today but I just read it today.

Congratulations Sizematters on getting what you want.

I was on your side for a few reasons but I guess there's no need to explain now. I also thought Rooks suggestion of talking him into increasing the budget was a good one. I certainly would have introduced the watch/car argument. A BMW he might have for 10 years and is willing to spend a lot more on it than a diamond ring you will wear for the rest of your life. What does that say about the symbol of his love for you? That should've done the trick.

Fortunately for me, my sister just got engaged last year and married this April 5, and her ring was @ 10K, my BF took that as a general guideline and decided that's what we would budget for me. That works out nicely for me. I have long slender size 5 fingers and can carry off a caratplus with no problem. If only I could get my e-ring vision on paper . . .

 

[Mara]

Yay..I came into this thread late but am glad to see you worked things out. Reading this I felt for you as well...because I could see myself doing that same thing...wanting to make up the difference if it would get me what I want in the end..makes rational sense doesn't it?! However men are not always rational, hee hee...esp when that old male caveman syndrome of 'taking care of the female' rears its head.

Though it sounds as though you are more 'symbolically' attached to the ring whereas I am not. Neither of us are very sentimental people, we bought the ring and stone and had alot of fun doing it, but it in no way represents our relationship. It's just very beautiful and represents our engagement to be married. So being more sentimental probably put you both in a bit of a pickle...him wanting to take care of the situ, you wanting to show some equality and pitch in...to be sure you could get something you could keep.

Congrats on working it out..I agree that's what marriage is about...you both seem to have your feet on the right path!!

 

[giftgoddess]

sizematters,

glad it all worked out. i am exactly like you. i know what i want, and as a couple- my money is his money, and his money is my money- so whatever "he" spends on the ring, it's still "our" money- and so we came up with a budget together. anyway- i also bought him an engagement gift for himself- a gorgeous rolex watch that i knew he wanted.

my point is- if your budget was, let's say 8k...and you wanted something that costs 10k...well why would you even want him to "blow" the 8k on something you sort of like- when for 2 more you could have EXACTLY what you want. i would think he would understand that- and i am compltetly on your side. anyway- sounds like it all worked out beautifully. good luck!

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 5/9/2003 1:15:54 PM giftgoddess wrote:

sizematters,

glad it all worked out. i am exactly like you. i know what i want, and as a couple- my money is his money, and his money is my money- so whatever "he" spends on the ring, it's still "our" money- and so we came up with a budget together. anyway- i also bought him an engagement gift for himself- a gorgeous rolex watch that i knew he wanted.

Nope, you got that wrong

What's mine is mine & what's his is mine

At least that's what my hubby says! That said, his anniversary gift was a Rolex Sea Dweller. He loves that thing. Besides his wedding band, it's the only piece of "jewelry" he owns.

 

[giftgoddess]

wow! we really are alike! and apparently, so are our men! anyway- congrats again- enjoy!!!!!

 

[Mara]

What's mine is mine, what's his is mine...

F&I..I hear you on that one!!! I think that's a lyric in a song or something as well. So it MUST be true. Or that is what I am trying to convince my guy anyway. Give me time...

 

[Heyjud]

What's mine is mine and what's his is mine
A sentiment felt for a long long time!

Most guys, of course, don't seem to care
Train 'em right from the start
And big diamonds you'll wear!!!

 

[aljdewey]

----------------
On 4/28/2003 3:10:35 PM sizematters wrote:

I'm a little surprised by the replies to my post. I thought all the women on this board would rally behind me. I understand that this is a male ego issue but I've got plenty of ego of my own and I've known what kind of diamond I want for a long time and informed my boyfriend of it a long time ago. This isn't something I'm just now springing on him. Of course, he believes it's wasteful to spend this much money on a diamond but then I think it's wasteful to spend so much money on a BMW but I bet you he'll buy one with OUR money after we're married. I am a professional women and I work around women who wear huge and beautiful rocks. I'm not asking for a ROCK. I just want something that I can be proud of and that I won't have to give up in a few years. It's not that my boyfriend can't afford the ring I want but he's capped his willingness to pay at $6000 total for stone and setting and I think a little nudge in $$ (which I'm willing to give) will yield exactly what I want.

We are a modern couple in every way. Our careers will mean we won't even live together after we get married. I see no reason to be traditional in this one area just to spare him some ridiculous ego pain. I love him but I think he's being very pigheaded. If I wanted to buy him a watch and my cap was $2000 and the watch he wanted cost $2500, I certainly wouldn't have a problem if he paid the difference, because then he would get exactly what he wants and we would both be happy. I don't see this situation differently though many will argue that it is.

I have to say, this situation is making the entire ring buying experience painful and stressful but I don't understand why I should be the one that has to compromise. I do a lot of that in other areas but I feel relatively strongly about standing my ground on this one...----------------

Edited to add: I know I'm very late into this thread, and I'm delighted that you found a way to work it out. I wanted to share a few thoughts on this because this issue comes up occasionally.

****

I also agreed with the other feedback....not to press the issue. You feel his issue is a "ridiculous ego thing". He may feel your insistence on a diamond that *he* considers outrageously price is also *ridiculous*.

A diamond is given by a man to a woman as a expression of his love and as a promise of his intent to marry. It's great that you are willing to make up the difference, but let me tell you what that says to a man: What I can/will give you is not sufficient...my heartfelt symbol of my love and my promise to you is not good enough for you.

You may very well be a modern couple, but no matter how modern you are, if it offends him, that should be a good enough reason not to pursue it. Also, the watch scenario is not an equivalent example....there is no other purchase that carries the implications that the e-ring does. It's simply not the same thing.

I can also understand that you don't want to upgrade because the ring will have sentimental value. Two points on that: First, believe me, if you press this issue, the ring will have a lot less sentimental value than you think when you consider all the strife it caused. Second, upgrading down the line doesn't mean you have to abandon the ring he proposes with. You could have it set into a pendant or make it a side-stone in an upgraded ring. There are many possible compromises if you care to consider them. Incidentally, $6000 is a VERY healthy budget for an e-ring.

Just an observation....here's what I've heard you say: He's being pigheaded, his ridiculous ego, why do I have to be the one to compromise. Marriage is all about compromise and understanding, and the tone on the issue hasn't reflected those so far. You should consider this one of the first obstacles in your "marriage", and see if there might not be a gentler way to handle it.

 

[sizematters]

aljdewey-
From what I can tell from your other postings, you seem to be quite a traditional person. That's fine but my bf (now fiance) and I are not a traditional couple. We probably never will be and we both recognize that. I believed and still do that this was simply an ego thing for my fiance. After discussing this several times, with both of us having strong opinions about our positions, we did come to an agreement. This happened primarily because we discussed all the aspects of our relationship that aren't traditional and came to the conclusion that there was no reason we have to stick to tradition for the purchase of the engagement ring now.

I don't have to hold the same views as you about what you consider to be a healthy budget for an engagement ring. You don't know me, my fiance, or our financial situation. To some people, $500 may very well be a healthy budget for an engagement ring but you probably wouldn't agree with that amount. Everyone has different thresholds for such things.

The tone in my posting isn't suppossed to reflect compromise. I didn't post to show you my ability to compromise, I posted to find out how other modern couples have dealt with such problems. To be absolutely honest, if I wasn't willing to compromise, I most likely would have gone to 1.75 c in the ring but we finally agreed on 1.3 because it was in the realm of possibility (as far as my fiance's spending limit was concerned).

Finally, I totally disagree with your statement that men and women haven't changed that much. When I look at my parents or my boyfriend's parents, our relationship is different from their's in so many ways that I can't even count. To me, having a successful relationship is about much more than harmony. Luckily, I've found a guy who totally agrees. He is very much aware of the woman he's going to marry which is why we were both unfazed about the disagreement we had about the ring. We both laughed about all the drama after celebrating our engagement Tuesday evening with our friends.

 

[sizematters]

By the way, thanks for all the support everyone has given me on this subject. As you might have read, my boyfriend and I got engaged on Tuesday and it was an amazing and totally surprising proposal. The ring is SPECTACULAR. I can't stop looking at it. When I get a chance, I'll definitely post pictures. Thanks again everyone!

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 5/16/2003 3:47:50 PM sizematters wrote:

Finally, I totally disagree with your statement that men and women haven't changed that much. When I look at my parents or my boyfriend's parents, our relationship is different from their's in so many ways that I can't even count. To me, having a successful relationship is about much more than harmony. Luckily, I've found a guy who totally agrees. He is very much aware of the woman he's going to marry which is why we were both unfazed about the disagreement we had about the ring. We both laughed about all the drama after celebrating our engagement Tuesday evening with our friends.
----------------

Ahh, young grasshopper, ADlJ is correct. On the surface (and in today's society) men & women *seemed* to have changed. At a core level, this simply *is not* so.

It was only till late in life that I realized this.

Think about it. But, one must not site "my relationship is not going to be like that of your parents". We do not live in our parents world (technology, advancements, internet, etc.). We can not equate on the surface level.

Too heavy to expound tonight. Yep, traditional here - hubby cutting the grass...me relaxing...of course what you don't know....I was a wild women attacking the garden out back....Hubby knows I am spent....many a lawns I have mowed.

On a lighter note, I'm glad things worked out for you. "Harmony" was probably not the best word" ...but you did exactly ....well....give & take...viva la difference!

 

[aljdewey]

----------------
On 5/16/2003 3:47:50 PM sizematters wrote:

aljdewey-
From what I can tell from your other postings, you seem to be quite a traditional person.

Actually, not so. We are far more unconventional then we are traditional.

I believed and still do that this was simply an ego thing for my fiance. After discussing this several times, with both of us having strong opinions about our positions, we did come to an agreement. This happened primarily because we discussed all the aspects of our relationship that aren't traditional and came to the conclusion that there was no reason we have to stick to tradition for the purchase of the engagement ring now.

I personally don't think it's any more of an ego thing than wanting a honking ring is, but that's just my opinion. Glad you were able to work it out.

I don't have to hold the same views as you about what you consider to be a healthy budget for an engagement ring. You don't know me, my fiance, or our financial situation. To some people, $500 may very well be a healthy budget for an engagement ring but you probably wouldn't agree with that amount. Everyone has different thresholds for such things.

No, you don't have to hold the same views I do.....no one ever said you had to. YOU ASKED for opinions/advice, and I gave mine. If you don't like it, then you're free to disregard it...no skin off my back. Of course everyone has different thresholds for things.....I never implied there was only one right answer for budget. But not everyone else is asking for input...you were. Perhaps it would have better for me to say that MOST PEOPLE consider $6000 to be a very healthy budget for a ring, but if a $6000 ring isn't up to your standards, then you're certainly entitled to that opinion. I understood you to be asking for others' opinions, not asking us to endorse yours. Evidentally, I misunderstood.

The tone in my posting isn't suppossed to reflect compromise. I didn't post to show you my ability to compromise, I posted to find out how other modern couples have dealt with such problems. To be absolutely honest, if I wasn't willing to compromise, I most likely would have gone to 1.75 c in the ring but we finally agreed on 1.3 because it was in the realm of possibility (as far as my fiance's spending limit was concerned).

Again, take the comments for what they were and either regard or disregard them. It's of completely no consequence to me whether or not you have the ability to compromise. It was an observation....nothing more and nothing less.

Finally, I totally disagree with your statement that men and women haven't changed that much. When I look at my parents or my boyfriend's parents, our relationship is different from their's in so many ways that I can't even count. To me, having a successful relationship is about much more than harmony. Luckily, I've found a guy who totally agrees. He is very much aware of the woman he's going to marry which is why we were both unfazed about the disagreement we had about the ring. We both laughed about all the drama after celebrating our engagement Tuesday evening with our friends.

It doesn't surprise me that you disagree, and you are certainly free to do so. We have different viewpoints on that particular point, and to each his own.

----------------

 

[noles9498]

Just a suggestion....maybe you could "supplement" an expense of his over the next few months so that you're not actually putting the cash toward the ring but instead freeing up his cash toward the purchase. Maybe then it won't seem so terrible to the boys.

 

[sizematters]

Aljdewey,

I'm having a difficult time figuring out the irritation in your tone. I'm not upset, my fiance's not upset, but you definitely seem to be. I don't know why this touched such a nerve but like you said, I asked for opinions, not an attack -particularly after the fact. As you mentioned, you came late to the thread. I can appreciate your opinion on the issue but I don't need the attitude.

Thanks.

 

[sizematters]

Thanks for the suggestion Noles9498,

We were able to work it out by talking it through. I am now engaged and we are both happy with our dual roles in buying the e-ring.

 

[aljdewey]

----------------
On 5/21/2003 2:40:32 PM sizematters wrote:
Aljdewey,

I'm having a difficult time figuring out the irritation in your tone. I'm not upset, my fiance's not upset, but you definitely seem to be. I don't know why this touched such a nerve but like you said, I asked for opinions, not an attack -particularly after the fact. As you mentioned, you came late to the thread. I can appreciate your opinion on the issue but I don't need the attitude.

Thanks.----------------

Size.....there really isn't anything to figure out. You're reading into my comments where there isn't anything to read into.

I'm not upset at all, and I'm sorry that you interpret my comments to reflect irritation....they certainly weren't written with any malice, although regretfully you have taken them them way. You haven't touched a nerve at all. I would only feel emotional about something that affected me directly, and what you decide to do about your ring doesn't meet that criteria.

Finally, it's regretful that you took my comments to be an attack....they weren't offered that way, and it's clear that you took them that way.

I express what I think....matter of factly. If you agree, great....and if you don't, that's fine too. As far as "attitude", honestly there was none presented, and none intended. Frankly, I felt there was a great deal of attitude in "YOU don't know me, you don't know my boyfriend.....yada, yada." But I chose to bypass that and try to very succintly clarity my comments.

I'm glad you came to a solution that worked for both of you, and I'm sorry that you took my comments to mean much more than they were intended to.

 

[pharmerdave]

Perhaps consider a bigger wealthier boyfriend, house, yacht, and life. This is very shaky ground to begin a relationship. Selfishness is the core issue, sorry not to pull any punches. What you have told him whether you mean to or not is that he and his proposal are not good enough for you. Perhaps a few years of maturing would me in line. Marriage is hard enough without starting this way.

 

[Kaleigh]

This is a very old thread pharmerdave.

 

[portoar]

I don''t conquer with the 3ct crappy looking stone as Fire&Ice did

Did you mean to say what I think you''re saying??? It is just plain not nice to call someone else''s diamond "crappy looking," even if you''ve seen it in person and it is crappy . . . her stone is I color, not I clarity -- and if I remember from reading previous threads she says it is a beautiful cut and a lovely diamond . . .

To each his own. Some people find incredible value in going down in color (and actually prefer the lower colors) and clarity; others just can''t get their heads around anything lower than VS2 or F color. But there is no reason to snub other people''s choices.

 

[portoar]

Sorry, just read further in the thread and see the confusion is cleared up . . .

 

[portoar]

Oh, hee hee, now I see how old this thread is!

 

[devientdrow]

Sizedoesmatter,
I''m going to be upfront and say I skimmed most of this...I read your first post....I read that you had the size you like on hold and were happy...I also read that you were surprised that more people didn''t rally behind you and frankly so am I. When your with someone....living and functioning together there is no my money your money it''s now just money. Sounds like you guys are no strangers to the financial give and take a couple does. True....I can see where his pride could be a little hurt but it''s only PRACTICAL. I see no issues with upgrading, I did it myself but unless you have the money to burn there comes a point in time where you start loosing cash from continuous upgrades. You might as well get what you REALLY want first time around even if you need to toss in some cash to pay for it. Boys are dumb!

Thats a really nice size...it''s gonna look huge! Seriously I don''t know where all you PS''s are!!! Most of my girlfriends have between a half carat and 1ct. Same with my co workers!

 

[sistagrl2004]

This thread is about 3 years old. She never did post her ring pics either!! Wonder if she''s still around.

 

[sxn675]

I wonder if she''s off and happily married now... Or maybe she''s looking at her now-husband''s BMW and seething inside because she really wanted the 1.75 carat ring! LOL