Why update your ring/setting?

[Haven]

This is a great thread, Mr. Eric--and even though your phrasing did come off as a bit confrontational, don't sweat it, the best ideas come from really heated interactions.

Other people have said it, but I wanted to add that I just don't attach that much meaning to things no matter how much effort was put into finding the "right" thing, or how "special" other people may perceive this thing. I DO attach a lot of meaning to actions and memories, and I would never trade in my memories for a different ring, but I would consider trading in one ring for another.

As a relative relationship newbie (we've only been together for three years) it looks like I seem to be in the group minority opinion regarding rings and sentiment, which I find pretty interesting.

My BF and I just shopped for an ering together, and it is being made as we speak (!!!--obligatory exclamation marks!) Now, my BF and I are in a bit of a different position than most first-time engaged couples: we've been misering away money for several years, we live far below our means, and we were able to purchase my "dream ring" the first time around. I can't tell you if this ring will remain my dream ring forever, but that did not concern either one of us since we have no control over that. I love the ring now, I plan on wearing it as a symbol of our engagement to be married, and I'm hoping that even though I will have A RING, our focus will remain on the way we behave toward each other and outside of each other's company, the memories we create, and our efforts toward creating our best life together.

Rings just seem so beside the point when I think about the things that really make a relationship. Remember--a diamond ring is not an inherent, natural expression of love! It is simply a trend that we have taken to following, and then we PROJECT meaning onto the thing. (As a diamond lover, let me say THANK GOODNESS for this trend!

)

And yes, Pricescope is certainly a skewed representation of upgraders--women who do not care about upgrading or about jewelry in general are probably NOT spending their time on a jewelry forum! And I love the upgrades--where would I get my inspiration if it weren't for all these beautiful upgrades!

 

[Haven]

Sorry for the runaway italics, I can''t get the tags to work.

 

[devientdrow]

Mr. E, I get where your feelings come from. I wish my husband would of went through a lot of caring and a big to do with my first ring. We were engaged for about a year and a half before we got married. The ring was bought because it was the best of what we could afford and looking back we still got ripped off. It was a style that was "ok". A round .25ct diamond in a plat setting with .20cttw in baugettes on each side. I was happy because of what it symbolized, but niether my husband or I were happy with it totally and the proposal wasn''t anything grand eithier. We paid $500.00 for that ring and looking back we got ripped off. I could find a NICE .25ct stone online for cheaper than that! So that was mistake no. 1. Mistake no. 2 was letting the stress of the wedding cause me to view buying my wedding band as another chore to cross off the list. Instead of talking to my husband about not liking my ering and maybe going for something new, I ran out and bought the band that matched it the best. A .50cttw alternating round & baugette 5 stone from Littmans that was a joke. $1k for something that looked yellow the second I saw it outside of the store. The quality these stores sell you is reprehensible. Since my husband and I were in a different financial situation, I mentioned possibly upgrading my center stone. (Yes, BEFORE Pricescope!) and my husband seemed all for it. He was actually a little ashamed and wanted me to have something nice on my hand. So we went and purchased a gorgeous .83ct stone from James Allen. Picked it out together. Long story short, I ended up buying a very pretty and much more "my style" antique setting from Jared for about $250.00 for my original stone. It still held sentimental value to me. After a while it came out that neithier my husband or I really liked my original setting so we put the stone we picked out together into the Jared setting, and he picked out a new wedding band for me. In fact I chose the one he liked over the one I liked a little better, because I liked that he had taken an intrest this time around. Just this past weekend he planned a whole romantic day / date / dinner for me where he had painted a pirate chest (I have a thing for pirates) and gave me the rings, in kind of like a proposal type way. I thought it was really sweet of him and this set means more to me than the originals. I do wish however, they were the ones we said our vows with. I wear my original wedding band on my right hand a lot, or if I don''t feel like wearing my whole set I wear the band alone a lot , especially if i''m doing something active, on my left hand.

So some people may have situations like mine, where thier original rings left something to be desired. Not only asthetically, but perhaps emotionally. I love my set and would not change this one now. And the total cost of all those changes still came out to less than what some people I know spent on ONE ENGAGEMENT RING. However i can say that if we ever became rich I wouldn''t turn down an extremely blingy anniversary band!

I personally have two friends that I know are not happy with thier erings. One, wishes her was bigger. She has a .50ct round solitaire. She wishes it was just a little bigger, like perhaps 1ct, or close to. She''s mentioned it to her husband before but didn''t press it because it seem to hurt his feelings and that was most certainly what she was NOT after. Another friend has a .50ct marquise solitaire, and it''s just not her thing. She''s a very fashion forward girl, trendy but with her own definatly unique style. Very bold and colorful. If I were proposing to her i''d probably go with a bold, bright gemstone ring. But the marquise shaped stone was her hubby''s way of trying to look for something "different". She doesn''t like it but would NEVER say anything to him because she knows he put time and love into choosing it.

So, I think it''s a touchy subject. It''s ones simple preferences all muddled up with emotions and feelings. But someone did write on here one time, about how a wedding set is a womans most important peice of jewelry. It''s sometyhing she wears everyday, something she will look at constantly. NO MATTER WHAT it should be something she looks down at and loves.

 

[Kaleigh]

Mr. Kaleigh knew way before we married, I was into diamonds. He proposed with a lovely family stone that I very happily wore for many years. He knew that an upgrade would happen down the road and was fine with it. So he gave me a ring from Tiff's and even upgraded that one. Same ring just bigger. He said it was what he wanted to see on my hand, the first one he thought was too small. I loved that ring, but hey, wasn't going to argue. He loves it, I love it. Happy ending!!!

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 8/14/2007 11:26:27 PM
Author: devientdrow

So, I think it''s a touchy subject. It''s ones simple preferences all muddled up with emotions and feelings. But someone did write on here one time, about how a wedding set is a womans most important peice of jewelry. It''s sometyhing she wears everyday, something she will look at constantly. NO MATTER WHAT it should be something she looks down at and loves.

I think that D''s post sums it up very well. This is THE RING that she wears all the time.

 

[3shebabes]

I, too, am a wannabe upgrader, but it was suggested to me by other Pricescopers to refer to it (in my husband''s presence at least) as an anniversary gift I''d like, as opposed to an "upgrade" which sounds as though my original e-ring wasn''t adequate. We will celebrate our 10th anniversary in 2008 and since my husband had hinted he''d like to do "something nice" (wonder what his idea of "something nice" was??) for me for that occasion, I took it upon myself to start dropping hints about a new diamond and setting. After a few of my attempts were ignored, he finally chatted with me about it and now he seems as if he''ll consider it. He made it clear that he''d love to do it, if possible, if it makes me happy. It''s awkward because you sorta want him to think of it on his own, yet you want to pick it all out.

The thing is this: I love diamonds and it just so happens that e-rings are usually the nicest diamonds a woman owns, if she''s fortunate. I honestly can say I wear very little else in the form of jewelry, other than inexpensive costume-jewelry earrings and a watch. I agree with many of the women on this thread who have clarified that the diamond on your finger is merely a symbol of what really counts, though many of us (including me) would keep/will keep/have kept our original diamonds for sentimental reasons: to wear as a different piece of jewelry or to save for one of our children. I know some upgraders sell/trade their original diamonds when they upgrade, but usually they do that because they need to to make the upgrade financially more possible. ..not because their original diamond is meaningless to them. My guess is that many of them would probably keep it also if they felt they could afford to...

Honestly, though in most cases and certainly in mine , it also comes down to finances. It sounds so materialistic to say that, I realize. Even though we now have 3 kids to support and educate, our financial situation has improved dramatically in the years we''ve been married. Had we been in the same boat as we are now back then, since my hubby knows I love and have always loved anything sparkly, glittery or irridescent ( a leftover from my girlhood playing dress-up no doubt), I know my original diamond and setting would likely have been more elaborate, larger and more expensive.

Some of my friends, though not all, have received upgraded e-rings over the last few years. A couple of them received mammoth rings and others received less-mammoth rings, depending on circumstances and priorities, of course, but I did notice that all of them seemed thrilled with their new, more elaborate/stately/flashy/suited to their style ring/rings and were eager to show them off. Not all of my friends are "diamond" people though -- some didn''t even seem all that psyched when they originally received their e-ring. They were happy to be marrying someone they loved, and the ring was pretty and new, but it was really just jewelry and part of the whole engagement tradition. Some of them are into travel (not me), some like driving really nice cars (definitely not me) , some have incredible wardrobes (very simple, basic dresser here) -- and some love diamonds (like me). It may seem materialistic and unsentimental to replace or reset your diamond, but consider that over the years, it''s possible much more money could be spent on travel, new cars and new wardrobes each season than one would likely spend on an e-ring and later, possibly, a new set. But somehow..I think because diamonds are a symbol of wealth and glamour in our culture....to spend on them and then turn around and spend more for them later seems very materialistic and show-y to some people.

Look at it this way, too: it may sound corny - but to most, if not all, married or engaged women it was overwhelmingly romantic and exciting to have someone they love give them such a beautiful, revered, symbolic gift when they proposed such a beautiful, meaningful idea: to spend their lives together. Years later (usually but not always) - in many cases- after babies, job changes, daily stresses, good times and not-so-good-times..it seems it could also be as meaningful, if not more so, to have the one you love give you a more elaborate (or in some cases, just different) form of that gift as a way of saying they still want to spend their life with you. So there honestly is romance and sentiment and emotion involved in the excitement of a new diamond! (Admittedly, though, there is also a lot of bling-madness involved...but we''re only human!)