Why all the negativity??

[dragonfly411]

I have noticed a trend towards .... negative subjects? But I don't consider the posters to be any more negative than usual. I actually greatly appreciate those that are to the point and straightforward, and I appreciate some of the debates because they offer different perspective.
I DO notice the trend of "you don't think like me so die off" as was state earlier and I think that is a bad trend. We all aren't going to think the same, it just won't happen. Hopefully we can learn to agree to disagree or accept that others will think differently.

 

[JewelFreak]

I DO notice the trend of "you don't think like me so die off" as was state earlier

That seems to be a tone found everywhere these days, Dragonfly -- especially online, but I see it in letters in our local newspaper too. Sort of snippy & know-it-all. I think the internet's anonymity contributes to it & it's darned annoying. But it is far from limited to PS.

I haven't noticed a lot of negativity. A few posters seem to look for reasons to be righteously indignant, but you find that in any crowd. I spend a lot of time on CS, haven't seen a single thing there to bother me. In fact sometimes I admire the calmness with which posters take criticism. On Royal Jewels, where I also hang out, we got slapped upside the head for some (what seemed to me) mild disagreement; nobody was snarky but simply disagreed fairly strongly & said so. Must have bothered someone enough to report it, we're all different.

The point that most lives are full of stress right now is a good one too. Patience is in short supply; worry in one compartment of life seeps into the others. Hope we can all hang in for the long run. I've learned so much here & really enjoy a forum with intelligent folks on it who are so generous w/their knowledge, experience & time.

--- Laurie

 

[Mara]

ditto differing opinions to the general thread vibe typically aren't welcome.

ditto overly sensitive, indignant ... 'you said X so you MUST be addressing me personally even though i don't even know you so let me freak out'.

ditto PS getting further from the original purpose.

ditto 2.0 having turned a lot of old time posters off.

ditto Hangout feeling like a HS cafeteria.

i only go to FHH mostly which is actually pretty great for the most part given the stage of life i am in, but Hangout is like a catch all and reads like a forum you'd find on the US weekly website IF they had one. i often peruse the topics and think...wow, someone is actually asking that? then i think .. it used to be more intelligent, the topics were more inspiring.

i don't have time for RT as i am online only for a short time. i also don't have any interest in looking at shiny baubles anymore...crazy, right?

anyway PS is what you make it. you don't have to love all of it--take what you will and leave what you won't. i have also been here long enough to know that it will cycle through and change again but given the general degradation of some forum areas...who knows what the future will bring.

 

[lyra]

I have noticed the negativity too. It's kind of funny that those who promote it seem to not see it, or pretend not to. Not every thread is meant to be a debate on a subject. Some, like Nashville's, was a call for support. Shame on those that chose to make it about themselves and try to debate something that wasn't really up for debate. But whatever, maybe they are just really unhappy people or something. I don't know.

 

[Gypsy]

It's been quiet. And from the amount of "out of a job', 'someone is sick'. and other bad things happening I'm thinking people aren't feeling cheery. I've been avoiding hangout and sticking to RT though because of the vibes.

I can only think of one negative post I contributed and that was more of a... wake up call, than anything else.

I did get a new job but the background check company is incompetent (near as I can tell) and I'm wigged out now that they are going to screw up my hire. They've already Ooopsed! twice but telling my new company incomplete information. I find out tomorrow if everything is a go. If it is, I promise to be nice and happy.

HI Gypsy,

Will keep my fingers crossed for you on the background check!!! Good luck and I hope you enjoy your new nob!

new nob? haha my mind is IN the gutter! Good luck Gypsy!

Thank you both very much. ((HUGS))

 

[sillyberry]

I think PS has become increasingly boring in the year I've been posting (although I've always been more of a lurker than a poster, so maybe I'm part of the problem). I feel like there was more substance then, and in the boards I frequent most (LIW and BWW) there were more posters and more discussion about feelings and relationships - less cheerleading. Perhaps I just got to know certain posters and they moved on either to other areas of PS or away entirely, so I feel like the cool kids are gone. Kind of like when you're a sophomore and the seniors graduate?

I do think that in part the reason why things are so boring is difficult to address without addressing what is and is not allowed on the boards, but it seems that we aren't allowed to do that, so c'est la vie.

I will say the most "alive" the board has felt was in the countdown to 2.0 thread where people were willing to say anything and put themselves out there. That was awesome.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I am so very tempted to start quoting to show what is meant by negativity - there are some very glaring examples. But I won't. That would just create more bad feeling, start new arguements and accusations. This isn't about people disagreeing with each other, but rather the rude, agressive way people are comfronting other posters.

I spent a long time last night thinking about this. I know I said earlier that I didn't see what we could do to change this. I was wrong. We have to change this, if we want a helpful, supportive and interesting board, that attracts interesting people to hangout, even after they have their ring or new shiny object. I know I want that.

• I am not going to react to negativity. I am going to ignore the post and just keep the thread going as usual.
  I am going to make an extra effort with my own posts to avoid negativity, rudeness and unnecessary aggression.
  If a thread has become an arguement, I will stay away.
  I will make an extra effort to start interesting new topics and to post in existing threads.

 

[Dancing Fire]

There's no denying that there are a large number of "tell it like it is" posters on PS.

why not tell it like it is?? are we suppose to lie everytime when we post?

 

[Shoopy]

There's no denying that there are a large number of "tell it like it is" posters on PS.

why not tell it like it is?? are we suppose to lie everytime when we post?

Nothing wrong with it as long as you have a purpose

 

[ksinger]

I will say one thing, I've never had such exquisitely polite concern expressed for my backside whilst having the door pointed out to me.

 

[dragonfly411]

I hope you don't use the door though I enjoy everyone here, and hope that none will leave, at least not any time soon. I still wonder where some posters are b/c I miss their input.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I will say one thing, I've never had such exquisitely polite concern expressed for my backside whilst having the door pointed out to me.

Karen
they weren't concern about your backside they just don't want you to dent the door....

 

[E B]

It's hard for me to see an Internet Tough Guy (Gal) be blatantly inconsiderate to others without saying something to him or her. I know that to some, taking the high road means ignoring and moving on, but I see nothing wrong with addressing an offensive post or poster. To me, ignoring it is passively accepting it, though I realize others may feel differently.

Thankfully, I've only come across a handful of ITGs here at PS and a couple of them no longer post.

We're all adults here. We should be able to share our opinions without offending others...

(...at least now that ATW is as good as worthless. )

 

[soocool]

The weather is driving everyone crazy. It's been so hot here all summer that even the people I run into around here are grouchy!

But seriously, I think there are some topics that just really hit a "nerve" and I think while some will get their feelings off their chests, others just feel "why bother" and disappear.

 

[princesss]

Haha, no *thud* to be heard from this corner, KSinger - the instant I read Holly's post, I thought of you. It just seemed exactly like something you would say.

I think people around here are getting antsy. Not sure with what - it does seem like PS is a little crankier than usual lately. I will say that when I've needed cheering up, PS is a great place to go, and I know I can count on posters here to make me think. I can also count on good music suggestions, food suggestions, and travel tips. Jewelry advice is obviously available by the boatload, and when I've needed advice PSers have given wonderful advice (including you, KSinger, though I wasn't able to fully understand what good advice it was at the time, though I do now and appreciate the advice and the fact that you offered your opinion even when you probably knew I wasn't going to listen). But lately I haven't needed much of that (well, except the music suggestions), and I've been kind of watching the drama unfold. Don't get me wrong, I keep my popcorn handy, but still - I kind of wish I needed a little less of it to browse PS.

 

[zhuzhu]

I say we all need psychotherapy to improve the group dynamics.
I will get the popcorn readay.

 

[Laila619]

I don't think 2.0 is any more negative than the original PS. People have always been snippy with other posters.

I do think 2.0 is more boring, with way less traffic. As we get to be a smaller and smaller group, more cliques will solidify and fewer differing viewpoints will be tolerated.

 

[starryeyed]

Hi Gang!

I had a disconnect when I read this thread. I've been gone a while - life got busy - but recently joined in again when thinking about what to do with my LM asscher ring. Everyone who chimed in was very supportive and REALLY helped me. Hence the disconnect - my experience returning to PS has been positive.

I'm sad that I don't see the same names anymore and I've struggled with the new PS format, but I still get great advice here!

 

[HollyS]

I haven't noticed any negativity or drama to speak of but then again I've had the flu for two days so I've been kind of out of it.

I'm sorry you had the 'flu, Danny. I am so grateful you said what you did about the negativity. It was like the child saying that the emperor had no clothes (in the story, you know). I felt as if I was in the Twilight Zone. Everyone agreed about the negativity and was discussing it. I didn't know what anyone was talking about. I had not noticed any inordinate negativity either. (I don't read Colored Stones at the moment, however, and some of you have mentioned that as one place where there is a lot of negativity.)

I have noticed that the transition from Pricescope 1 to Pricescope 2 caused us to lose a lot of posters. Like ksinger, I find Pricescope more banal than in the days when we were having political discussions. Being more banal is negative in my eyes, but it does not mean that there is any increase in negativity! People always fought on Pricescope, and sometimes fought viciously. I was attacked far more in the past than I have been recently (AGBF knocks on wood). Posters never needed a reason to attack. There could be a full moon and they could read something I wrote and think they decoded a message from Satan in it! Then someone would come at me and refuse to let up, no matter how appeasingly I posted.

I think some of my fellow old-timers have selective memories!

Deb/AGBF

Yes. This. I could give you example after example. ksinger and I are on the same page. I'm not having a baby. I'm not buying jewelry. I'm not acquiring shoes or handbags. I'm not planning a wedding or hoping for an engagement ring. So that leaves . . . not much. Especially when people want to get fussy for no good reason. I've got a really low tolerance threshold for manufactured drama.

 

[onedrop]

Honestly, I haven't really noticed any negativity on PS lately. Perhaps because I don't stay on here long enough these days for the threads that I've either read or responded to, to take a negative slant. However, I will say that I don't think the negativity is PS-specific. Just today an another forum that I frequent a poster there was wondering why all the bickering was going on and wondering how all the negative energy cropped up. So of course I felt a pang of irony when reading this thread.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I think the forum is probably the same as it has always been. We are all revisionists in our memories. The "good old days" are rarely as good as we think they were. I think it is more likely that *we* have changed than it is that the forum has changed.

I also think there are fewer posters around these parts but perhaps the same number of people who "tell it like it is" or "don't sugar coat" (or whatever other euphemism you would like to use for "rude") ... so those "brutally honest" posters just stand out more.

I will say I am sick of people moaning about how PS sucks these days or has changed in some fundamental way that makes is oh so lame and boring If it is boring or banal, move on. It sounds really egotisitcal to me when people start talking about how they find everything in PS boooooring... because they are just so interesting and all. I find that attitude boring, personally. Like those girls who stand around the fringes at parties and yawn and look at their nails. If they are so exciting and fun, why are they at such a "boring" party to begin with?

I guess this post is kind of negative. Oh well. I don't sugar coat and I tells it like I sees it!

 

[E B]

Yes. This. I could give you example after example. ksinger and I are on the same page. I'm not having a baby. I'm not buying jewelry. I'm not acquiring shoes or handbags. I'm not planning a wedding or hoping for an engagement ring. So that leaves . . . not much. Especially when people want to get fussy for no good reason. I've got a really low tolerance threshold for manufactured drama.

You truly don't see how what you said (or how you said it) in the therapy thread was insensitive? You said earlier in this thread that you're always having to defend yourself, that you're sick of people taking your comments the wrong way, and yet despite the obvious common factor being YOU, you point fingers at others for 'getting fussy for no good reason.'

 

[E B]

Kaleigh, I apologize for bringing negativity into the anti-negativity thread. I neutralize my last comment with wrinkles.

 

[HollyS]

Yes. This. I could give you example after example. ksinger and I are on the same page. I'm not having a baby. I'm not buying jewelry. I'm not acquiring shoes or handbags. I'm not planning a wedding or hoping for an engagement ring. So that leaves . . . not much. Especially when people want to get fussy for no good reason. I've got a really low tolerance threshold for manufactured drama.

You truly don't see how what you said (or how you said it) in the therapy thread was insensitive? You said earlier in this thread that you're always having to defend yourself, that you're sick of people taking your comments the wrong way, and yet despite the obvious common factor being YOU, you point fingers at others for 'getting fussy for no good reason.'

No. Perfect example of manufactured drama. People WANT to find something to hang someone else with. NOTHING I SAID IN MY POST HAD ANYTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THE OP. It was a response to the original question of "would you go". Choosing to take anything I said personally as a condemnation or snark is the CHOICE of that person, and has nada to do with what I said in its proper context. So, no. But since you've always held me in the lowest regard, post after post, go ahead and think the worst of me now. It's not like I expect a different reaction from you. But I would say you give me a lovely example to point to for my contention that there is a great deal of negativity here on PS. Thanks for obliging.

 

[decodelighted]

My hunch is that the negativity stands out because it is the only remotely INTERESTING thing going on around here lately Oh please, stop throwing things at me. Can you honestly say that if we hadn't had a vendor so spectacularly crack up & stop shipping merchandise to customers - there would have been a SINGLE memorable thing happening this ... um ... month? Or last month?

Maybe its fatigue on my part. The same old same old. I can even stand to read about cliched mid-twenties problems any more -- much less type out thoughtful advice. My heart can't take the pet sickness & health problems threads. Painted girdle discussions make my eyes roll back into my head and I wake up on the floor. And NO ONE seems to be around here ... much or as much or anymore at all.

Abandoned Myspace Bling Graveyard. Which is a shame. Because I have to find some new hobbies!

 

[Nashville]

Yes. This. I could give you example after example. ksinger and I are on the same page. I'm not having a baby. I'm not buying jewelry. I'm not acquiring shoes or handbags. I'm not planning a wedding or hoping for an engagement ring. So that leaves . . . not much. Especially when people want to get fussy for no good reason. I've got a really low tolerance threshold for manufactured drama.

You truly don't see how what you said (or how you said it) in the therapy thread was insensitive? You said earlier in this thread that you're always having to defend yourself, that you're sick of people taking your comments the wrong way, and yet despite the obvious common factor being YOU, you point fingers at others for 'getting fussy for no good reason.'

No. Perfect example of manufactured drama. People WANT to find something to hang someone else with. NOTHING I SAID IN MY POST HAD ANYTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THE OP. It was a response to the original question of "would you go". Choosing to take anything I said personally as a condemnation or snark is the CHOICE of that person, and has nada to do with what I said in its proper context. So, no. But since you've always held me in the lowest regard, post after post, go ahead and think the worst of me now. It's not like I expect a different reaction from you. But I would say you give me a lovely example to point to for my contention that there is a great deal of negativity here on PS. Thanks for obliging.

You really need to let it go, HollyS. It's bordering on creepy now.

 

[E B]

No. Perfect example of manufactured drama. People WANT to find something to hang someone else with. NOTHING I SAID IN MY POST HAD ANYTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THE OP. It was a response to the original question of "would you go". Choosing to take anything I said personally as a condemnation or snark is the CHOICE of that person, and has nada to do with what I said in its proper context. So, no. But since you've always held me in the lowest regard, post after post, go ahead and think the worst of me now. It's not like I expect a different reaction from you. But I would say you give me a lovely example to point to for my contention that there is a great deal of negativity here on PS. Thanks for obliging.

I see. You find yourself having to defend your comments again and again not because of their harsh undertones, but because the other person enjoys manufactured drama. It all makes sense now.

How hard would an "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone" have been, given the sensitive nature of the thread?

Deco: I must have missed some serious drama, because I have no idea who you're referring to!

 

[Autumnovember]

I left the last forum I frequented because any comment I made, I never knew what kind of reaction I would get. It was like walking on eggshells. I'm still 'new' here but it is noticeable that it has become this way, here too.

 

[Dancing Fire]

nothing bothers me. go ahead and "sock it to me"

 

[Kaleigh]

I didn't start this thread to complain. I just wanted to ask the question why..?

Obviously from the many responses, people see it plain as day.

And those that don't , well I understand that too.

Thank you for your thoughtful reponses.

I love PS. And am not going anywhere....