Blog Who keeps the ring?

[bcmacdonald]

PriceScopeKayti published a new blog post.

This is one of those topics that is not incredibly fun to talk about because no one wants to think about relationships ending. What do you do with an engagement ring after a break-up? We’re going to look at some pros and cons in different scenarios, but it’s ultimately up to the former couple.

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Continue reading the Original Blog Post.

 

[Bron357]

I would be of the opinion that if an engagement ends, the ring goes back to the purchaser. If the marriage ends, the rings stay with recipient being a gift.
It becomes difficult if family heirloom jewellery is involved.

 

[PriceScopeKayti]

That is a great point, heirloom could cause other issues. I believe post-marriage it's still legally considered a gift, but I know that I would return it in that scenario.

So many complex feelings creates a hard situation to navigate.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

My relationship ended before we got to a formal engagement, but the ring was already ready. It was an heirloom ring (his family heirloom) with a setting designed by me. So there was no question that it would go back to his family. Honestly, it was kind of a relief knowing I didn’t have to see it anymore (even if it was tinged with a little bit of sadness because I loved that setting and I had wanted to keep it, but I also know I could never have worn it again even with a replacement stone).

If we had gotten married and divorced, I would still have returned the ring, unless he told me to keep it.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

My relationship ended before we got to a formal engagement, but the ring was already ready. It was an heirloom ring (his family heirloom) with a setting designed by me. So there was no question that it would go back to his family. Honestly, it was kind of a relief knowing I didn’t have to see it anymore (even if it was tinged with a little bit of sadness because I loved that setting and I had wanted to keep it, but I also know I could never have worn it again even with a replacement stone).

If we had gotten married and divorced, I would still have returned the ring, unless he told me to keep it.

Im.so sorry to read this
I read it the other day bit i wasn't quite sure what to say

i hope you're doing ok
And all turns out for the best

 

[RetroQT]

I’ve told my boys that I will not pass on my diamonds to their intendeds, however I will pass them to my girls. The only reason is so that they stay in the family should a break-up occur.

Maybe that’s bad. I dunno. But I love having my great-grandmother and grandmother’s pieces. I would feel bad if they went to someone who didn’t truly appreciate the connection.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Im.so sorry to read this
I read it the other day bit i wasn't quite sure what to say

i hope you're doing ok
And all turns out for the best

Hugs to you, Daisy, thank you.

I’m fine, honestly. Obviously there are times when I’m overwhelmed with sadness that things turned out this way but I’m also a bit relieved they didn’t go further? It’s a weird feeling.

 

[Lookinagain]

I've heard that in some states, if the ring is given say, on Christmas, Valentine's, Birthday etc. it's considered a gift and kept by the receiver, otherwise, it is returned to the giver. In other places, it's a conditional gift, conditioned on the marriage taking place. I would give it back one way or the other if the engagement was broken, but the law may say otherwise depending on the circumstances. I agree with @RetroQT that I would not give my diamonds to my sons to give to their intendeds or wives, but to my daughters so that it stays in the family. I am probably a pessimist about the duration of many relationships.

 

[VRBeauty]

Back when we were discussing marriage, my husband and I considered re-setting the diamond I had inherited from my mother - originally given to her by her mother-in-law, my maternal grandmother - to use in my engagement ring. We were in agreement that I would keep the ring should the relationship fail, and that it round be returned to my side of the family if anything happened to me.

(In the end we decided to go a different route but we will get that stone reset some day… and it will remain in my side of the family.)

 

[sydneyatl]

Well doh, I only have boys!

So did my MIL- and on my wedding day she gave me her ring that was passed down from her mom. I have always treasured that considering she could have saved it for the wife of her other son, and I expect to pass it onto one of my sons’ brides…I don’t know how I’ll decide who, though.

 

[dk168]

My ex-husband was very generous, and I got to keep the ring along with many other items of my choosing.

In the end, I sold it when I needed the money for relocation purposes. Had I held on to it, I would have repurpose the 3 ECs totalling about 0.75cttw into another piece of jewellery, most likely to be a band or a bangle with the stones set East-West.

As for the broader question, I believe if the ring has historical significance, like it is a family heirloom passed down through the generations, then it should go back to the family.

My personal view is that an ER is a gift to celebrate an union of two people. If that union is to dissolve for whatever reason, then the recipient should keep the gift.

In this day and age of pre-nuptial agreement, it should be included as part of the agreement in the event of a relationship breakup.

Personal opinion and all that.

DK

 

[daisygrl]

The way I understand and would proceed with the engagement ring as a gift (does not apply to me since I am married) is that when the engagement dissolves due to a party who gifted the ring cheating on the other person, the recipient should be allowed to keep the ring as they were not the ones who broke the "agreement to marry." If the ring were a heirloom and the "cheater" was the giver of the ring, and you have a moral obligation to return the ring, just throw it at them. Lol. In all seriousness, I would keep the ring as long as I was not the one initiating dissolvent of an agreement upon which I was gifted the ring (marriage or engagement).

 

[RetroQT]

The way I understand and would proceed with the engagement ring as a gift (does not apply to me since I am married) is that when the engagement dissolves due to a party who gifted the ring cheating on the other person, the recipient should be allowed to keep the ring as they were not the ones who broke the "agreement to marry." If the ring were a heirloom and the "cheater" was the giver of the ring, and you have a moral obligation to return the ring, just throw it at them. Lol. In all seriousness, I would keep the ring as long as I was not the one initiating dissolvent of an agreement upon which I was gifted the ring (marriage or engagement).

That’s how I always understood it, too.

If the giver breaks off the engagement, the recipient may choose to keep the ring*.

If the recipient breaks off the engagement, the ring is returned to the giver.

If the couple marry but split, then it’s the recipient’s choice*

*(Giver’s heirloom not included as that is a different issue).

 

[TXwidow]

My Mom's engagement ring (and also wedding ring) came to me (I am the oldest daughter) and I have passed them on to my oldest daughter, who has already passed them on to the oldest (and only) grand-daughter (mine) and the hope/thought is that it will be passed on the the oldest female of the next generation (my oldest great-grand daughter). I did let all of them know that it was OK to change the mounting to whatever they wanted.

Of my grand kids there were 3 boys and one girl; of the great-grands there are 4 boys and 2 girls. The 'other' (youngest) girl will get a diamond directly from me (possibly!) Really weird situation as the parents lived together for ten years, never married, no longer together. I will need to think long and hard about what piece of jewelry this kid will get. Perhaps it will just go to my daughter (the kiddos grandmother) and let her worry about where it will eventually go.

 

[PriceScopeKayti]

Im.so sorry to read this
I read it the other day bit i wasn't quite sure what to say

i hope you're doing ok
And all turns out for the best

Agreed <3 I wish you the best.

 

[PriceScopeKayti]

I love this thread and all of this discussion, thank you for your input. Your points of view are appreciated!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Agreed <3 I wish you the best.

I think this is for @AllAboardTheBlingTrain

 

[PriceScopeKayti]

I think this is for @AllAboardTheBlingTrain

Yes, I was agreeing with your good wishes. I apologize for the confusion.

 

[seaurchin]

Oh I don't know. If I was engaged but not married, I'd probably give the ring back if he paid for it. Unless I hated him. Then I'd drop it in the toilet or make him sue me for it ha!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Many years ago i worked with a lady (of sorts) who funded her big OE by selling not one but three ER's from her broken engagements

 

[WillyDiamond]

I think it depends on the scenario.

18 years ago I got divorced after 21 years of marriage. My mother loved my x, during the marriage she gave my x her engagement ring. My x had it reset, hardly ever wore it.

I never asked for it back nor would I. My mother gave it to my x, no strings attached. It was a gift. the stone/ring means nothing to me. It still sits in a jewelry box. I hope she will sell it and give the money to my kids, that is up to her.

 

[holeydonut]

Lol this thread reminds me of this article:

This D.C. lawyer is suing his former girlfriend for the return of a $100,000 engagement ring

Ryan Strasser says he only wanted to spend $40,000 and insists the ring belongs to him, but who really owns it?

www.marketwatch.com

Guy even took out a $30,000 loan to pay for the $100,000 ring. Nutty.