Where is the fine line of too much...?

[iheartbora]

Do any of you ladies participate in the ring decision making process? If so, how much would you say is an appropriate amount of information to feed your bf?

I''m obviously hooked on PS and is doing some crazy research but I''m hesitant to tell my bf, worried that he''ll think I''m drowning him with info or accidentally put too much pressure on him! We talked about it and he said he is totally interested and likes to hear about it, but if I don''t want to tell him he also has no problem just taking care of it himself.

I don''t know, where is the fine line of too much? Is it better to just keep it in until he probes?

 

[brooklyngirl]

I think the line depends on the couple. DH and I picked out my engagement ring together, stone and all. There is another couple I know where the husband picked the ring all by himself.

It really boils down to how particular you are about your ring, and would you be disappointed if he got you something different?

 

[PearlDahhhling]

I had decided right off the bat that I wanted to be at least somewhat involved in the ring process, after all I''m the one who''s going to be wearing it every day! We picked out the stone together before venturing on to look for the setting. FI and I went to every single jewelry store in our area looking for the right setting and couldn''t find anything so we finally decided to go custom. I was at the initial meeting with the jeweler who made my ring and so I was able to give a lot of my input as to what I wanted, but by then FI had a pretty good idea of what I liked from all the looking around we did together. He went back later by himself to finalize the ring design and then I was out of the process. I didn''t get to see it until it was finished and then he proposed, but I had a pretty good idea of what it would look like. And it''s my dream ring!

I have faith in my FI that he would''ve picked something beautiful if I would''ve just kept my mouth shut about the whole thing and let him choose something completely on his own, but it was really fun picking things out together! And I definitely like that I got exactly what I wanted in the end...

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

I would say I''m highly involved. Just this afternoon I was emailing links to "acceptable" diamonds (god, doesn''t that make me sound like a snob?). He knows I want a H&A RB in the 1.75-2.00 carat range in an Excel Tiffany replica setting. I trust that if he went to GOG, Excel or Whiteflash, they''d pick out a stunning diamond so I suppose I don''t need to know the EXACT stone.

He''s tried to surprise me with gifts before but I''m just horribly picky. He now knows to ASK what I want rather than guess. He would also hate to spend such a significant amount of money on a diamond/setting that I didn''t LOVE.

I say, ask your SO how much he wants you to be involved. Every guy is different. Some want complete control and to completely surprise, others (like mine) kinda need to have it spelled out to make their job easier. Neither type is better or worse than the other.

BEWARE: Pricescope is highly addictive. Sometimes I wish (only for a split second) that I hadn''t found this site because I''d have so much more free time if I wasn''t oggling diamonds all day!

 

[PearlDahhhling]

Date: 3/2/2009 10:19:31 PM
Author: Iowa Lizzy

BEWARE: Pricescope is highly addictive. Sometimes I wish (only for a split second) that I hadn''t found this site because I''d have so much more free time if I wasn''t oggling diamonds all day!

Oh my gosh.. Me too! But only sometimes.

 

[happydreams]

Date: 3/2/2009 10:19:31 PM
Author: Iowa Lizzy
I would say I''m highly involved. Just this afternoon I was emailing links to ''acceptable'' diamonds (god, doesn''t that make me sound like a snob?). He knows I want a H&A RB in the 1.75-2.00 carat range in an Excel Tiffany replica setting. I trust that if he went to GOG, Excel or Whiteflash, they''d pick out a stunning diamond so I suppose I don''t need to know the EXACT stone.

He''s tried to surprise me with gifts before but I''m just horribly picky. He now knows to ASK what I want rather than guess. He would also hate to spend such a significant amount of money on a diamond/setting that I didn''t LOVE.

I say, ask your SO how much he wants you to be involved. Every guy is different. Some want complete control and to completely surprise, others (like mine) kinda need to have it spelled out to make their job easier. Neither type is better or worse than the other.

BEWARE: Pricescope is highly addictive. Sometimes I wish (only for a split second) that I hadn''t found this site because I''d have so much more free time if I wasn''t oggling diamonds all day!

I would feel it out first. Bring it up like "hey. about that ring...I was thinking I want this and that" and if he responds, keep going. I would get all the basics in first. Like the cut and setting. If he wants details, you can offer it to him. If not, you can sort of back off.

I am just like you Iowa. I wanted to be involved b/c I didn''t like some of the stuff he got me in the past - and since i would be staring at it 24/7, I thought it would be appropriate to be involved. My line to him was "I wouldn''t buy YOU a car without asking you specifically what you want". I know he won''t be spending as much as a car - but my analogy was meant to say "hey, this is a big investment".

 

[iheartscience]

Well I picked everything about my ring out so I''m probably the wrong person to ask. If you don''t want to be surprised and your boyfriend doesn''t want to surprise you I think it''s perfectly fine to pick everything out together.

 

[LabRatPhD]

SO and I went to the store together and picked out the ring together. I stated my preferences which were in line with his, so it made things quite a bit easier. We have been together for 6.5 years and he knows it is the safest for me to give him very detailed descriptions of what I want

In general, our tastes are the same so it''s not a big deal.

I agree with the posts above that suggest that you ask your SO how much he''d like you to be involved. If my SO wouldn''t have wanted me to be involved, I would have backed off (as difficult as it would have been!) It will be good to discuss this upfront so no one''s feelings are hurt and it remains a special experience!

Good luck!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

My BF wants to surprise me, and has hinted at this long before he knew of my jewelry love. I have given him some hints and preferences, but I have no idea if he is looking, and if he is what he is doing. I thought it was going to happen in a few months, because we were going to move in together, and I wanted to be engaged before that. But now because of jobs we are moving further away from each other! So no I really have no idea when it is going to happen. I am a control freak, so I am just trying to tell myself to let it go and it will happen at the right time. Even if I don''t know when that is.

 

[jjdav]

I was fully involved in the whole process and I rather enjoyed it because we both felt like we got what we wanted. I think this really worked for us because neither of us wanted to spend a whole lot of money on something one of us did not like. I have some female coworkers who has beautiful rings, but when pressed, several of them said they might''ve picked out something different, even smaller diamonds!

My FI proposed without a ring he gave me a couple of reasons
1. He wanted to make sure he got me what I wanted since I''ll be wearing it a long time
2. He ran out of time because he underestimated how long it took to find a nice sapphire center stone

It all started with him randomly asking me one day what colored gemstones I liked and whether I had to get a diamond (he is not too keen on diamonds), I told him that I liked blue and green. Then I found this website (hooray

) after much search on the internet for different sapphire vendors, we found the right sapphire, then we got some smaller side stones and finally the ring was customer made from a picture (to this day we have no idea what the design was called). I selected a bunch of pictures and showed him and he had final approval on the ring.

I was no involved in looking at the pictures from the jeweler, and because we didn''t copy the design exactly, I actually did not have much of an idea what the ring would look like.

Like the other posters said, it would be best to just bring up the topic and see how receptive he is, and if he is a practical person, you can talk about the trade-off between cost and the different C''s; if you''re like me and don''t wear rings much, you can also talk about comfort.

 

[sba771]

I was involved in the sense that I made it clear on what I wanted, but then he made it clear he didn''t like what I ilked so then we went to lots of B&M stores to get an idea about what we mutually agreed on. After that I found PS and became well versed and made it clear to FI that I knew what I was talking about. As a result he then started doing his homework. After that I bowed out- he wanted to surprise me and I wanted a surprise. His mom later told me that the jeweler was very impressed with his knowledge so maybe your bf is feeling pressure and is actually learning about it on his own. I think certain guys are very prideful with this and it really depends on the couple.

 

[jcarlylew]

i was invlove most of the way becuase we are using the center stone from my grandma''s ring. E wound up picking out the setting, but i spied it first

 

[Winks_Elf]

I had absolutely no say in my ring. He did take into consideration that I adore old cuts, and love warmer stones, but I think I wound up with an F-G color, since that was the family stone that fit best into the ring (was his mom's setting, and either grandmother's or great-aunt's stone). It was the one thing he had complete control over, and it was very sentimental to him that he used his mom's ring. Pretty funny since I work for one of the PS jewelers, and deal with ideal cuts everyday!

I picked out my own wedding band, and he'll pick out his.

 

[tlh]

I agree w/ brooklyngirl. It really depends on the couple. I think your audience here may be a little biased... as most people came here for the sparkle and stayed for the friendships.

My Dh doesn''t like diamonds. They bore him, but he''ll let me talk to him and tell him new things and show him pretty sparklies that I want next... why? because it interests me, and I think they are pretty. I fake the same enthusiasm when he is showing me triathlon bikes that are THOUSANDS of dollars... I think- dude, what a waste of money... haha... and he thinks the same thing about my sparkles... only difference.. I win.

Now the point is.. how involved DO YOU want to be, and how involved is HE comforable allowing you to be?

 

[iheartbora]

Thanks for sharing your experiences with me ladies!! So helpful!

It''s nice to know different perspectives because I wasn''t sure my involvement will make me "less romantic" since it won''t be a complete surprise... but you ladies are so right, it depends on the couple and I am the one wearing the darn thing for the rest of my life right?

I think I''ll ask SO straight up to see what kind of involvement he thinks I should be in and walk him through my mentality as well... From past experience, he is pretty easy going and usually let me have my way (spoiled alert? LOL

) But I remind myself not to take it for granted, so I just have to be really careful on what to ask for! Hopefully we can agree on something... I just can''t wait until I get to go ring shopping!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I was pretty involved every step of the way. Part of me is glad I was, and another part wishes it had been a total surprise. FI doesn''t often take chances like this though (he usually follows my Xmas list exactly), so I think it was easier for him to have me involved. To clarify, I picked the setting and we looked at stones together (I had more knowledge). FI picked the final stone for the ring.

 

[iheartbora]

Date: 3/3/2009 9:37:59 AM
Author: tlh
I agree w/ brooklyngirl. It really depends on the couple. I think your audience here may be a little biased... as most people came here for the sparkle and stayed for the friendships.


My Dh doesn''t like diamonds. They bore him, but he''ll let me talk to him and tell him new things and show him pretty sparklies that I want next... why? because it interests me, and I think they are pretty. I fake the same enthusiasm when he is showing me triathlon bikes that are THOUSANDS of dollars... I think- dude, what a waste of money... haha... and he thinks the same thing about my sparkles... only difference.. I win.

Now the point is.. how involved DO YOU want to be, and how involved is HE comforable allowing you to be?

Yes, I totally thought about that as well! The audience here came for the sparkle, just like me (that''s why PS is so great!) To be honest, I want to be really involved, especially with the setting. I know the stone is very important, but I feel the setting is half of the ring if not more... so I rather give SO some general guidance on the stone itself so he can make the decision... and I have complete control over the setting!

 

[sammyj]

I agree with others...it depends on the couple and it depends on your approach.

Here''s what we did:

I introduced my Fi to PS. He was completely overwhelmed so I condensed the most important and relevant information for him. Then, he delegated me as his ''research assistant'' and whenever he had specific questions I would do a search on PS and send him the links. We were pretty much a team in the initial stages!

The reason why I introduced him to PS in the first place was to make sure he was getting the best quality for his buck. He''s the type of guy who does a lot of research whenever he''s making a big purchase, so I didn''t feel like I was overstepping my bounds by making sure he had more diamond knowledge than the 4 Cs.

I tried to make sure that I wasn''t giving him too much information but just enough so that he had a good foundation to build upon. Guys just don''t have a natural attraction to diamonds like we do so it''s important to ease thim into the process!

 

[sammyj]

Date: 3/3/2009 9:53:47 AM
Author: iheartbora


Yes, I totally thought about that as well! The audience here came for the sparkle, just like me (that''s why PS is so great!) To be honest, I want to be really involved, especially with the setting. I know the stone is very important, but I feel the setting is half of the ring if not more... so I rather give SO some general guidance on the stone itself so he can make the decision... and I have complete control over the setting!

That''s exactly what we did! And I feel the same way as you do about the setting!

 

[ckrickett]

I feel PS makes you somewhat of a diamond snob. That''s just me, but once you learn about the differences between bad, good, and amazng diamonds, well you can never go back!

I actually told my SO that I wanted to have a MAJOR hand in deciding what ring I get, and all I need is his budget and I''ll do the rest (I''m ridiculously picky with jewelry). BUT I told him I don''t need a ring when he proposes he can do it whenever he wants. I also know the economic situation is bad and I really want to be his fiance and future wife, so I don''t want him to think that he has to BUY that. We can be engaged w/out a ring for awhile, and get one when we can afford it (I mean we can afford it, but I''m just saying). That being said I did have to discuss all this with him, and I did have to bring it up very delicately. I caught him in good mood and he was feeling romantic and I just kinda asked him if it would be ok if I picked out my own ring (sticking with HIS bidget of course), and he just said it would be alright, then asked if he could propose w/out one. I was actually thrilled by this. Now I might still have to wait a long time. But The dread of him picking out something horrible, or spending way to much on something is gone. He could propose to me with a ring pop for all I care, and I;ll get my ring when I find the perfect one.

Send him here. PS is great for guys too (and I wouldn''t tell him your username). BUT alot of guys get help here finding stones settings, vendors. It''s a great place for guys. Also it would be good for him to BE overloaded with information, since this will be a big purchase, and he doesn''t want to get ripped off. Everyone here is super helpful and no one has any hidden agendas so really its the perfect place to get informed. better then walking into a mall jewelry store and having no clue because he might know as much as the sales people.

anyway with whatever happens, good luck!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Oh yeah, for my BF even though I am not directly involved I have introduced him to PS and all my favorite vendors. He also knows I am picky about cut. We actually have very similar tastes in jewelry, so that works for us.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/3/2009 8:36:37 AM
Author: Winks_Elf
I had absolutely no say in my ring. He did take into consideration that I adore old cuts, and love warmer stones, but I think I wound up with an F-G color, since that was the family stone that fit best into the ring (was his mom''s setting, and either grandmother''s or great-aunt''s stone). It was the one thing he had complete control over, and it was very sentimental to him that he used his mom''s ring. Pretty funny since I work for one of the PS jewelers, and deal with ideal cuts everyday!

I picked out my own wedding band, and he''ll pick out his.

Do you? I had no idea! I thought anyone who worked in the industry was supposed to have that as part of their sig. Or is that just for owners of jewelry stores?




AS for J and me, I''ll be involved in all aspects of the saving/researching/selecting/buying/custom setting process, and then J gets the ring to propose with (unless he opts to use my great-grandmother''s ring and we get the Torchiere later for an anni present or something). Certainly wouldn''t work for everyone, but it works for us!

 

[Pandora II]

Let''s just say that I did the whole thing (with a bit of input on the design side from DH) and then told him who he needed to call with the credit card number!

I knew I didn''t want a diamond as coloured stones are my obsession and it''s far harder for someone else to pick a coloured stone as there are more variables to consider.

I was proposed to without a ring so it was a complete and wonderful suprise. Then I got to design and plan the ring myself. All the women in my family for generations have been proposed to without rings and then picked it out themselves, so it was exactly what I would have hoped for (I''m in the UK though where proposing with a ring is a lot less common).

DH was also very relieved as jewellery is not his forte - I just get given budgets rather than presents these days if he wants to buy me bling!

 

[dec2410]

man, you should see the email i sent my SO yesterday. a few months back, i sent him a very thorough email with specifics on what i wanted. "acceptable" range for each C and links to the settings that i liked most. yesterday''s email was an UPDATE. haha. i wanna say that the update alone was probably over a page long. hahaha. i made my specifications very particular, down to a limit on how much he''s allowed to spend.

his only concern is that i''m happy with what i''ll be wearing every day for the rest of my life, but at the same time, i want the proposal to be a surprise. soooo...we decided that it would be best that i write out a list of specifications, however specific i want (i opted for down to EVERY detail), and email it to him, so that he would have that as a reference when the time comes.

 

[enfianced]

I was very involved. We looked at shapes together (I decided I wanted a step cut: asscher or emerald cut). I looked at a bunch of settings and we ultimately decided to get the asscher he chose and put it in a temp setting. About 6 mos after we got engaged I worked with our jeweler to redo the setting (switch to platinum and add sidestones).

We both knew that I would need to be involved in order to get what I truly want. That said, I''m highly indecisive and still wonder "what if..." but I love my set and am so happy my now hubby was cool enough to let me be involved.

It was very stressful though for the couple of weeks between starting to look and him proposing (once he had his mind set, he didn''t wait long) b/c I was always telling him/showing him new things, changing my mind, etc. I''d say get a pretty clear idea of what you want and give him as much detail as possible.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/2/2009 10:00:52 PM
Author: brooklyngirl
I think the line depends on the couple. DH and I picked out my engagement ring together, stone and all. There is another couple I know where the husband picked the ring all by himself.

It really boils down to how particular you are about your ring, and would you be disappointed if he got you something different?

Ditto!

On top of how strongly you feel about the ring, it can be a really wonderful process to experience together. We had SO much fun picking things out together, and I look back on that time very fondly. It''s also a great metaphor for your future as a couple... making important decisions together.

 

[iheartbora]

Date: 3/3/2009 3:12:35 PM
Author: musey

Date: 3/2/2009 10:00:52 PM

Author: brooklyngirl

I think the line depends on the couple. DH and I picked out my engagement ring together, stone and all. There is another couple I know where the husband picked the ring all by himself.


It really boils down to how particular you are about your ring, and would you be disappointed if he got you something different?

Ditto!


On top of how strongly you feel about the ring, it can be a really wonderful process to experience together. We had SO much fun picking things out together, and I look back on that time very fondly. It''s also a great metaphor for your future as a couple... making important decisions together.

You know what... I think I would be disappointed if SO got me something different, that''s why I want to get involved, but I don''t know if that''s the "right mentality"!! When it comes to gift giving, SO seems to think it''s the thought that counts and he tends to think less of the actual object. Having said that, he often takes into consideration what I like/need before purchasing. I also agree that ring shopping together will be so much fun (just like many of you had indicated). I am very tempted to just do a whole powerpoint presentation to specify all my preference...haha, afterall, we both work with powerpoints day in and day out

 

[Pandora II]

You could always try asking your SO how he would feel if a decision had to be made once and for all about the car that he would probably be driving for the rest of his life.

Would he be happy for you to pick it out all on your own - or would he want to have some input?

That normally makes a man see an e-ring the way a woman would (if you''re not an upgrade kind of person)....

 

[Miscka]

Date: 3/3/2009 12:35:43 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 3/3/2009 8:36:37 AM

Author: Winks_Elf

I had absolutely no say in my ring. He did take into consideration that I adore old cuts, and love warmer stones, but I think I wound up with an F-G color, since that was the family stone that fit best into the ring (was his mom''s setting, and either grandmother''s or great-aunt''s stone). It was the one thing he had complete control over, and it was very sentimental to him that he used his mom''s ring. Pretty funny since I work for one of the PS jewelers, and deal with ideal cuts everyday!

I picked out my own wedding band, and he''ll pick out his.

Do you? I had no idea! I thought anyone who worked in the industry was supposed to have that as part of their sig. Or is that just for owners of jewelry stores?





AS for J and me, I''ll be involved in all aspects of the saving/researching/selecting/buying/custom setting process, and then J gets the ring to propose with (unless he opts to use my great-grandmother''s ring and we get the Torchiere later for an anni present or something). Certainly wouldn''t work for everyone, but it works for us!

LOL I think her screen name is pretty identifying...

 

[sunnyd]

I pretty much did everything. He paid when I told him to.

Really though, he did start off wanting to do everything himself. Then I found PS and started drowning him in info (oopsie!

) and he got overwhelmed and let me take over. He didn''t think ring shopping would be difficult...his plan was also to walk into a store and walk out with a ring. Ummm no thanks!!

So basically it''s up to you guys and how you want to handle it. Have fun!